Of Mothmen and Militant Nationalists (1/2)
Of Mothmen and Militant Nationalists
by 19
RATING: R for language
CATEGORIES: MSR (hinted at)
ARCHIVE: Sure, just let me know where please and thank you.
DISCLAIMER: Don't own, never will.
SUMMARY: Another attempt at a partnership seminar.
This was my first fic ever and was posted awhile ago at ephem and goss but maybe some of you missed it. It's seminarfic and was a bit of a lark really.
****
"Okay, Agents. Agents. It looks like everyone is here now so I'd like to get started."
The speaker looked around the room at the twenty or so people seated on uncomfortable government-issue chairs in a large circle. The room itself was drab and uninspiring but there was a strange mental buzz in the air, likely the combined electrical impulses of so much nervous energy bundled in an small confined space.
It wasn't hard to get the attention of most of the agents in the room - in fact, it had been fairly quiet already, with only a few agents making awkward small talk.
"My name is Dr. Allan Benton and I'm here today to lead this debriefing on the events that occurred during the Partnership Seminar last week. I am a clinical psychologist specializing in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and I lead the Bureau's Critical Incident Stress Management team. I have led many agents through this debriefing process throughout my years with the Bureau and, believe me, what we do here today will help you process what happened. If you have any doubts about that, I'm confident that, by the end of the session, you will have changed your mind."
Dr. Benton looked around again with an experienced eye. As expected, most of the agents seemed to be buying into what he was saying. In fact, they appeared to be eager to talk about their experience - for most of them it was their first shooting incident and hostage incident rolled into one event. A few of them looked rather uncomfortable and he made a mental note to keep an eye on those agents. Then there were the two in the corner who had been talking quietly through his introduction. They both clearly hadn't heard anything he had just said and wore slightly pained expressions on their faces. Well, at least the woman's expression might have been due to a physical condition - her arm was in a sling and her shoulder was clearly bandaged under her suit jacket. However, he suspected that both their expressions were due to heavy feelings regarding what happened. As the two most affected by the incident, they were his biggest concern. He hoped that, in due time, they could come to terms with what had happened.
"So let's start by setting some guidelines for today's session. Does anyone have any suggestions?"
"I think what's said in here should stay in here," a young male agent suggested. He looked to be straight out of the academy and was eager to participate in the discussion.
"Good idea. Do anyone disagree with that?"
Of course no one did. A few other agents laid down more basic ground rules; speaking one at a time, respecting differences in opinion, being open to new ideas.
"Okay, that's good. We have some established guidelines to work within now as we start to explore our feelings about what happened at the seminar. But to start with, lets try to establish, as a group, a narrative of the events that took place. Who would like to start?"
Dr. Benton looked around to room as to open the floor to the participants. There was a brief uncomfortable moment of everyone glancing furtively at each other before someone began to speak. Benton noted that it was a slim man who looked slightly out of place sitting next to a broad shouldered man who was older but clearly fitter. Benton recalled that they weren't part of the agents pairings - the younger man, Mitch Kearns had been the facilitator of the seminar and the older was an Assistant Director who was sitting in on the session to hear a first hand account of what had happened to two of his agents.
"Well, I guess I can start as I was the facilitator of the partnership seminar. It was supposed to be a two-day condensed course at Quantico for agents who couldn't make to any of the regular four-day weekend getaway courses. There were twenty agents signed up - ten sets of partners and, ironically, we started just like this, with all the agents sitting in a circle."
A couple of knowing murmurs around the room indicated that he wasn't the only one experiencing a slight case of deja vu.
"We started with a common icebreaker, the one in which you tell two truths and a lie about yourself and the group tries to guess which is the lie."
As Mitch began his narrative, Mulder glanced over at his partner. She sensed his eyes drift over her and tried to not twinge in pain as she shifted positions, settling in for what was bound to be a long day. Dr. Benton looked like he was going to be pretty thorough and the other agents in the room looked eager to participate. Scully sighed inwardly and looked up at her partner's eyes as she thought back to the events of the partnership seminar.
****
Mulder sat in his seat with his arm slung behind the back of the chair, fingers idly drumming a tune. He turned towards his partner, rolling his eyes. At the same instant, she turned towards him, eyebrow characteristically raised and with a slight knowing twitch on her lips. Even if she hadn't already known his feelings regarding teamwork seminars, she could have read his expression easily. He looked every bit the smart-ass he was - cocky, bored, and slightly mischievous all at the same time. Suddenly, Scully's amusement at his distress was joined by a slight feeling of dread as she spied the twinkle in his eye. If he was going to have to do this, he was at least going to toy with some heads.
Scully sat and thought about what Mulder was going to say for his two truths and a lie. So far agents had been throwing out some pretty boring stuff about numbers of siblings or family members, places they'd worked, where they'd gone to school. A few agents had elicited a laugh or two with amusing anecdotes involving high school pranks or personally embarrassing incidents but nobody had really offered up anything too interesting. Now it was almost Mulder's turn and she was pretty sure that he was going to up the ante on the game. She had to think quick if she was going to ready to compete with his little game.
"Okay, Rob, was the group right? You were never a professional golfer?"
Agent Rob Jones of computer crimes nodded with a slight look of chagrin.
"Okay, then next is..."
"Mulder."
"Mulder - we're trying to go by a first name basis here. To get to know each other better and feel more comfortable with each other."
"Sure. No problem. I'm just more comfortable with everyone if they call me Mulder."
"Okay, fine then, Mulder, what are your two truths and a lie."
Back came the sparkle in his eye. Scully silently prayed that he wouldn't say anything supremely mortifying - she was resigned to suffering moderate embarrassment but if he brought up that Cops thing on Fox or that goddam travesty of a movie 'loosely-based on them', she was going to have to hurt him.
"Okay, well, let's see..."
"I was attacked by a giant mushroom."
"I've been trapped in a bomb-rigged train car with an alien."
"I've never been shot by another agent"
Mulder sat back, looking rather self-satisfied as the murmurs began. He had long ago come to terms with the idea that pretty much everyone thought he was crazy. There was no longer any harm in perpetuating the 'spooky' rumours and it was always fun to see how people reacted to the stories.
Everyone, including the facilitator, Mitch, but excluding Scully was looking around, slightly bewildered at this new turn in the game. Many of the agents were whispering to each other with the typical 'what a nut' looks on their faces. Finally, Mitch composed himself.
"Okay, so who thinks Mulder is lying about the giant mushroom - you did say giant mushroom right?"
Mulder nodded, his usual deadpan blank look on his face.
Quite a few agents raised their hands to vote for the giant mushroom tale.
"Okay, and the alien train bomb thing?"
Almost all the agents that hadn't already voted raised their hands.
"How bout never being shot by another agent?"
There was only one hand raised.
"So which one was the lie Mulder?" Mitch asked, ready to move on but managing to keep upbeat.
"Scully wins, of course," Mulder answered, looking over at his partner who wore a grudgingly bemused expression on her face.
Mitch nodded a bit nervously. "Right, good, good. It's good when your partner can guess which one's the lie. Okay, so, next, it's..."
"Dana Scully."
"I've been attacked by a liver-eating mutant"
"I was rescued from an alien spaceship in Antarctica"
"My favourite memory of my work is examining a giant flukeman"
Mitch looked at her, mouth slightly agape. The murmurs began again as she looked smugly over at her partner. Mulder grinned at her, excited that she had chosen to participate in his little game. The Mrs. Spooky myths were going to get a big boost if Scully was going to act the part.
"Okay, well who thinks Dana was not attacked by a, um, liver-eating mutant?"
A few hands went up.
"And who thinks she was not rescued from a space ship in Antarctica?"
The rest of the agents raised their hands. However, Mitch sighed inwardly as he noticed Mulder had yet to cast his vote. Either Mulder wasn't going to vote or he was obviously not playing the game properly. Really - not only a spaceship? But in Antarctica? They were supposed to be being realistic.
"How about the giant fluke..man?"
Mulder raised his arm and silently laughed. They were two for two but, of course, they had insider knowledge. He supposed that he couldn't blame the others for their incredulity - in fact, he almost couldn't believe she had just admitted, in front of him, though in a surreptitious way, that it was a spaceship.
"I suppose Mulder is right Dana?" Mitch asked with evident annoyance, though valiantly trying to keep up his happy facilitator act.
Scully nodded stoically. "Yes. That was the lie," she said evenly, as if she had not just basically admitted to seeing both a spaceship and a liver-eating mutant.
Mitch nodded and continued on to the last couple of agents who had not gone yet. It had taken some time to get around the whole group and he was anxious to get onto the next activity. They finished the game with another two mundane 'lies' and then he started to introduce their first teamwork activity.
"Alright, now that we know each other a little better, let's get started with our first activity. For this one, you'll get a chance to stretch your legs and get some fresh air. In the first part you're all going to go out on your own and find one item that represents your partnership. You have twenty minutes to find this item - it can be anything - a rock, a leaf, a newspaper, whatever just as long as you can explain why it is representative of your partnership. Does anyone have any questions? Ok, perfect, then we'll meet back here in twenty minutes."
****
Scully walked out of the building onto the general Quantico campus and took a long breath of fresh air. It had been awhile since she had been at the FBI Academy but it still felt familiar and she smiled to herself at some of the memories it brought back. She glanced over in the direction of the Forensic research training centre where she had once taught classes. It felt like a long time ago, a lifetime ago really and she reminisced somewhat fondly at her innocence in those days. Even in her second stint there, after her first year with Mulder and the X files, she had been so young and naive. In a way she wished she could go back to the easiness of being in the dark, not knowing about the vast government conspiracies that perpetuated evil doings in the world. But she knew that, given the chance to go back she wouldn't hesitate for a second, she would still make the same choices that had led her to this moment, walking around aimlessly trying to find something that represented her and Mulder's partnership. Ignorance might be bliss in some cases but not when it came to Mulder. To think of the things she would have missed had she never been partnered with him made her somewhat queasy to her stomach. Sure, he was infuriating at times but he was also, somehow, endlessly endearing at the same time, she thought.
Take the previous night for instance. He had invited her over for dinner and a movie, a regular Friday night for them. After dinner, during the movie, she had fallen asleep snuggled up against him, also a routine occurrence. Normally, he would wake her up after the movie with his signature gentle touch and they would eventually make it into the bedroom but last night she had planned to go back to her own place as she needed to change her clothes and put on her professional face before they went out to Quantico in the morning. Also, his place was on the way to Quantico so it only made sense for her to pick him up in the morning. Knowing her plan, Mulder hadn't woken her up or tried to get her to the bedroom at all. Instead, he had taken advantage of her sleepiness and had settled into the couch with her, pulling her tight against him until she melted into his arms and sighed contentedly. They slept like that for a few hours, entangled on his couch which was definitely not big enough to sleep two, even when one of the two was as small as Scully. She had woken in the middle of the night and attempted to extract herself from his grasp but he was clearly not willing to let her go without a battle. He had mumbled some incoherent arguments about her being too tired to drive and finally resorted to rubbing her back gently while pleading with her to stay. She didn't know what happened to her usually strong willpower when Mulder was involved - somehow, he could convince her to do pretty much anything and that was when he wasn't massaging her sensuously. She had finally given in and let him drag her into the bedroom, definitely not regretting her decision as she settled back into the warmth of his body. He had pulled her close and murmured a promise that they would get up early and go over to her place so she could get ready for the seminar.
Scully sighed to herself, knowing that it wasn't entirely his fault that they had been late getting to Quantico in the morning. It was easy to blame things on him though - he was completely incorrigible and impossible to resist, especially when he insisted on waking her up with the most gentle of caresses. By the time they had finally gotten to her place they were basically late already and by the time they got to Quantico they had missed the morning coffee and pastry session and disrupted the introduction of the icebreaker activity as they took their seats. So here she was, trying to think of an object that would represent her and Mulder's partnership while all she wanted was an extremely large cup of coffee and a bagel. 'Seriously, what the hell am I going to find here that represents me and Mulder?" she thought to herself as a glance down at her watch informed her that she only had fifteen more minutes to find something and get back.
****
Mulder breathed a sigh of relief as he was allowed out of the conference room to find an object to represent his and Scully's partnership. He wasn't sure he knew quite what to bring back but was confident that he would find something appropriate. As he wandered about the Quantico grounds, he thought back to the previous night and morning. Sure, it had mostly been his fault that they had been late but, as he had reminded a slightly cranky Scully that morning while en route to the seminar, it takes two to tango. Still, he had felt a twinge of guilt when they had to interrupt the first activity - Scully hated being late and she really hated missing out on her morning coffee. Now he wanted to do something to make it up to her but he had to find an item for the stupid teamwork activity too. God, he hated these teamwork games - he and Scully weren't going to learn anything about their partnership by saying how they were like a rock or a leaf or a bagel with cream cheese.
****
EIghteen agents milled back into the conference room at the end of the twenty minutes. Mitch looked around and saw that they carried various items with them, flowers, sports equipment, rocks, books. He noticed that many looked around nervously, not sure if they had picked the right thing. Where were the two nuts though? he asked himself - neither had made it back yet. He sensed that they would be troublesome for the whole weekend - they had looked alternately bored and mischievous during the first exercise, not making eye contact with anyone else in the room except each other. However, he also noticed that they seemed completely at ease with each other.in a way that he didn't often see and he had run training seminars for a lot of law enforcement and military agencies. He had watched them closely from the minute they had walked in late, Mulder with a subdued smirk on his lips, Scully with a barely hidden look of annoyance in her eyebrows. Now, he watched as Scully walked in to the room, late again and this time carrying two coffees and a paper bag. She looked around the room, noting that everyone except for Mulder seemed to be back already and walked around to her seat. Just as she was sitting down, Mulder walked into the room, also bearing two coffees and a paper bag. He looked across at his partner and grinned stupidly. Scully couldn't help but to offer a small twitch of the corner of her mouth in return. It didn't always happen, but sometimes they really were on the same page.
"Hey Scully, what's in the bag?" he asked as he sat down in her seat.
"What's in your bag Mulder?" she asked back.
"No fair - I asked you first."
Scully considered the validity of his argument and acquiesced. "Bagels and cream cheese and lox," she said. " How bout you?"
Mulder grinned slyly. "Bagels, cream cheese, lox and a danish."
"Well, Mulder. then what does coffee, bagels, cream cheese, and lox have to do with our partnership?"
Mulder's mouth was too stuffed with food to answer before Mitch started speaking again.
"Okay, now that we're all back, we're going to take some time in pairs to look at and discuss what we each brought back. You can choose to stay in this room or find a more private spot to discuss your..."
Mitch's instructions were interrupted by the arrival of two men dressed in black commando uniforms, one of whom strode up to him and calmly placed a large gun to his head.
"Everyone hands over your heads and lie down on your stomachs or this piece of shit is dead," said the one pointing his gun at Mitch.
There was a moment of stunned silence. What the hell had just happened? Many of the agents thought that it was part of the teamwork games but, even so, it was probably best to play the situation realistically and, realistically, when someone threatens to kill the seminar leader, you obey. All of the agents, one by one, held their hands up and lay down on their stomachs.
Quickly, his partner ran around the room and collected all the agents' weapons, putting them in a bag in the far corner of the room.
****
"Okay, thank you, let's stop there," Dr. Benton said, interrupting Mitch's account of what had happened. "I want to give everyone a chance to talk about how they felt at that point in the events. Mitch, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to start with you."
Mitch looked a bit green by this point and took a deep breath before starting.
"Um, okay. How did I feel? I was terrified - it's not like I've ever had a gun pushed up against my head before. I mean, it still makes me a bit jumpy just thinking about it. I've had nightmares ever since. I guess I'm still trying to get over that feeling of pure fear but I can't stop thinking about it and reliving that moment. Every time, it's just as intense too - I can't help it."
"Okay, that's good. Thanks for being honest with the group, Mitch. It's really helpful when everyone is up front with their experiences. So what I heard is that you felt fear like you've never experienced before when your life was threatened. I think that everyone in this room can relate to that. Would anyone else like to share their feelings from this moment?" Dr. Benton asked while making a mental note to check in with Mitch later as he was exhibiting signs of both ASD and, potentially, PTSD.
"Well, at first, I thought that it was just part of the seminar, you know, like a scenario to test how we would react so I wasn't really that scared at the start," a young female agent, Watts, answered.
Many of the agents around the room nodded in agreement and a few 'yeahs' were heard.
Dr. Benton looked deliberately over at the two he was keeping tabs on - they looked to be deep in whispered conversation, most likely discussing how things had gone so wrong at the seminar. He wandered closer to listen in on their conversation.
"Mulder..." Scully said, her whisper low, like a warning.
"C'mon, Scully, do it - I double dog dare ya," Mulder replied, with a glint in his eyes that belied his serious expression.
"Mulder, I am not going to fake anything, ice cream or not," she replied.
'What the hell were they talking about?' Dr. Benton asked himself. It didn't seem like they had heard anything that was being said by the other agents. In fact, they seemed to be off in their own little world. He figured they were repressing their emotions regarding the event, pushing their feelings aside in order to avoid dealing with the experience. Benton decided to stay close to try and get a better idea of what they were thinking as he continued on with his standard debriefing strategies.
"Okay, so most of you weren't very scared at the start - when and how did that change?"
"Well, one of the guys started yelling something about snakes and that confused me a bit but then it was obvious that something was wrong when the shooting started." Watts continued.
At the word shooting, most of the agents minutely flinched and Dr. Benton looked sideways at the two whisperers. They were still at it and had barely bothered to listen to the ongoing debriefing session.
"When it rains sleeping bags Mulder, when it rains sleeping bags," Scully was saying, her mouth exhibiting the slightest twinge of a grin, which was only noticeable to her partner.
Mulder was giving her a pretty good orphaned baby-animal look, his lower lip displaying a perfect, but fake, pout. "Fine, then I get to choose next pizza and none of that half and half crap - you have to eat what I pick."
Scully looked dismayed, like he had finally found something she truly dreaded. Dr. Benton, on the other hand, looked confused as he had absolutely no understanding of what was going on. He was used to dealing with trauma survivors and victims. He couldn't remember anyone ever talking about food in the midst of discussing the shooting of a fellow agent. He couldn't even figure out if Mulder and Scully were having a conversation. They seemed to understand each other but for him it was like listening to a conversation with most of the lines removed. Dr. Benton sighed and turned his attention back to the rest of the group - whatever Mulder and Scully were talking about could wait - he had to get through the rest of the debriefing.
"Alright then, why don't you continue the story for us then," Benton suggested, nodding towards Agent Watts.
****
All of the agents were lying face down on the ground, still roughly arranged in a circle. Most were craning their necks to see what would happen next, trying to figure out what they were supposed to do next in the exercise.
Suddenly though, the second gunman, having put the agents' weapons in the corner, started yelling.
"Okay, so who's the snake? Which one of you is a real man?" he shouted into their ears.
The agents all looked completely baffled. What was he talking about?
"Who's the snake? You bullshittin' us man? You a chickenshit? Be a man!" the gunman yelled, pacing and staring at the agents, working himself into a frenzy.
He waved his gun around maniacally and pointed it at the agents, one a time. "I'm going to start shooting soon snaky - who's gonna be the first one to die?"
Still no one moved. The air was pulled tight with confusion and tension. Was it a game? An exercise? It was getting harder to tell what the hell was going on.
The gunshot was excruciatingly loud and cut through the stiff air of the room with a concussive force. It was followed by an equally excruciating scream that emanated from one of the older male agents, Bob something or another.
Everyone turned to look as he grabbed his knee in pain. Blood spurted everywhere, it seeped and ran through his fingers, soaking into the carpet around him as he moaned in pain.
****
"Okay, thank you, you can stop there," Dr. Benton interrupted, bringing the agents back to the present. He could see that many of them had been vividly reliving the experience as Agent Watts described what had happened. It had been less than a week since the incident and many of the agents had reported experiencing flashbacks in that time. Although the agent that had been shot was still in the hospital, he was going to be fine. Even so, just hearing it described again and being in a room with all the other agents made it just that much more intense for a lot of the agents.
He glanced over at Mulder and Scully, to gage their reactions to the retelling of the events. As per normal, they were turned towards each other. Mulder was smirking and Scully was pretending to scowl. Dr. Benton looked closer and caught a glimpse of Scully trying to pry something out of Mulder's hand. She was being very discrete about it and he wouldn't have noticed had he not been so focused on their behaviour, but even he couldn't see what she was after. Again, he had no idea what was going on - it was like they were living in a different existance than the rest of the agents in the room.
"So, how did you feel then, after Bob was shot?" he asked, trying to tear his eyes off of the two disinterested agents.
This question brought out an on slot of answers. Even some of the older male agents who disliked all the newfangled ideas such as Critical Incident Debriefing were contributing their thoughts. They talked about feeling powerless and the shame that went along with being unable to help their fellow agents. A lot of the younger agents admitted to a feeling akin to panic - they had undergone so much training but, when faced with a real life-or-death situation, they had no idea what to do.
Finally, Dr. Benton couldn't stand it anymore. He was only listening with one ear to the many agents eagerly contributing to the discussion because he was still trying to eavesdrop on Mulder and Scully's conversation. He had to get them talking to the group, other wise the whole debrief was going to be pointless. Sure some of the agents were talking about their feelings but no one, with Mulder and Scully being the possible exceptions, really even understood what had happened!
"Uh agents?" Dr. Benton said, trying to make eye contact with either agent.
Both were still facing each other and seemed to be deliberately ignoring him.
"Ahem, Agents Mulder and Scully?" he tried again.
Finally, they couldn't decently pretend to not hear him anymore and turned their attention back to the group. Scully, who had been close to a full-fledged smile, immediately put on her game face, and instantly became someone that was clearly not to be trifled with. Mulder, on the other hand, looked both irritated that he had to look at someone other than his partner and bemused by the attention they were getting.
"As you two were key participants in the ensuing events, can we get your view on what happened that day?" Dr. Benton asked, trying to ease them into what could be a difficult conversation.
They looked at each other and shared a moment of silent conversation that Benton could not decipher before, finally, Mulder sighed and started talking.
"Well, as I explained to Assistant Director Skinner, Agent Scully and I were just not meant to attend partnership seminars," he said with a small shrug. "You know, if it's not mothmen then it's militant nationalists."
Benton glanced over at the Assistant Director to help interpret Mulder's obscure comment. Skinner looked a bit pained, as if he wanted to both agree with and punch his agent at the same time. Looking over at Scully, Benton noticed that she was rolling her eyes while also giving her partner a tiny grin.
Benton, however, was not surprised by the agent's glib comment - he was sure that Mulder harboured hidden feelings and was just using humour as a crutch.
"But how did you feel when Bob got shot and it became obvious that the situation was real?
There was another indecipherable glance between the two agents before Scully answered the question patiently.
"Dr. Benton, I think I am speaking for both Agent Mulder and myself when I say that we both felt relatively fine. The situation was problematic but, with proper communication, it was going to be under control. The bullet wound that Agent Debakker sustained was not life-threatening in the short term so we had time to deal with the gunmen."
Dr. Benton suspected that she was lying but Skinner knew differently. He had seen Scully lie before and, if there was one thing she was terrible at, that was it.
"Agents, we're really doing our best to keep an open mind about our emotions here and it only really works if everyone is being honest. Now I don't want to accuse you of lying but maybe you are not being honest with yourselves. I, for one, don't see how anyone could have felt 'fine' in a life-threatening situation."
The look on their faces was priceless. They looked at each other, irony lost on neither of them. In fact, Skinner himself had to hold back a minor guffaw.
Now Dr. Benton was really confused. Something he had said had set them off again and they were no closer to the deep emotions he was looking for.
"Okay, agents, we don't have to discuss emotional reactions right now. Maybe, though, you can help the group flesh out what happened after the first gunshot was fired."
They eyed each other warily, each waiting for the other to suck it up and begin. Finally, Mulder took pity on his injured partner and started to tell the story.
"Fine. I'll start. We were lying on our stomachs and goon number 2 had just shot Agent Debakker. Agent Scully had a weapon but was originally facing away from the gunmen. I was...
"Wait, " interrupted Dr. Benton. "I thought the gunmen disarmed everyone. How did Agent Scully still have a weapon?"
****
continued in part 2
by 19
RATING: R for language
CATEGORIES: MSR (hinted at)
ARCHIVE: Sure, just let me know where please and thank you.
DISCLAIMER: Don't own, never will.
SUMMARY: Another attempt at a partnership seminar.
This was my first fic ever and was posted awhile ago at ephem and goss but maybe some of you missed it. It's seminarfic and was a bit of a lark really.
****
"Okay, Agents. Agents. It looks like everyone is here now so I'd like to get started."
The speaker looked around the room at the twenty or so people seated on uncomfortable government-issue chairs in a large circle. The room itself was drab and uninspiring but there was a strange mental buzz in the air, likely the combined electrical impulses of so much nervous energy bundled in an small confined space.
It wasn't hard to get the attention of most of the agents in the room - in fact, it had been fairly quiet already, with only a few agents making awkward small talk.
"My name is Dr. Allan Benton and I'm here today to lead this debriefing on the events that occurred during the Partnership Seminar last week. I am a clinical psychologist specializing in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and I lead the Bureau's Critical Incident Stress Management team. I have led many agents through this debriefing process throughout my years with the Bureau and, believe me, what we do here today will help you process what happened. If you have any doubts about that, I'm confident that, by the end of the session, you will have changed your mind."
Dr. Benton looked around again with an experienced eye. As expected, most of the agents seemed to be buying into what he was saying. In fact, they appeared to be eager to talk about their experience - for most of them it was their first shooting incident and hostage incident rolled into one event. A few of them looked rather uncomfortable and he made a mental note to keep an eye on those agents. Then there were the two in the corner who had been talking quietly through his introduction. They both clearly hadn't heard anything he had just said and wore slightly pained expressions on their faces. Well, at least the woman's expression might have been due to a physical condition - her arm was in a sling and her shoulder was clearly bandaged under her suit jacket. However, he suspected that both their expressions were due to heavy feelings regarding what happened. As the two most affected by the incident, they were his biggest concern. He hoped that, in due time, they could come to terms with what had happened.
"So let's start by setting some guidelines for today's session. Does anyone have any suggestions?"
"I think what's said in here should stay in here," a young male agent suggested. He looked to be straight out of the academy and was eager to participate in the discussion.
"Good idea. Do anyone disagree with that?"
Of course no one did. A few other agents laid down more basic ground rules; speaking one at a time, respecting differences in opinion, being open to new ideas.
"Okay, that's good. We have some established guidelines to work within now as we start to explore our feelings about what happened at the seminar. But to start with, lets try to establish, as a group, a narrative of the events that took place. Who would like to start?"
Dr. Benton looked around to room as to open the floor to the participants. There was a brief uncomfortable moment of everyone glancing furtively at each other before someone began to speak. Benton noted that it was a slim man who looked slightly out of place sitting next to a broad shouldered man who was older but clearly fitter. Benton recalled that they weren't part of the agents pairings - the younger man, Mitch Kearns had been the facilitator of the seminar and the older was an Assistant Director who was sitting in on the session to hear a first hand account of what had happened to two of his agents.
"Well, I guess I can start as I was the facilitator of the partnership seminar. It was supposed to be a two-day condensed course at Quantico for agents who couldn't make to any of the regular four-day weekend getaway courses. There were twenty agents signed up - ten sets of partners and, ironically, we started just like this, with all the agents sitting in a circle."
A couple of knowing murmurs around the room indicated that he wasn't the only one experiencing a slight case of deja vu.
"We started with a common icebreaker, the one in which you tell two truths and a lie about yourself and the group tries to guess which is the lie."
As Mitch began his narrative, Mulder glanced over at his partner. She sensed his eyes drift over her and tried to not twinge in pain as she shifted positions, settling in for what was bound to be a long day. Dr. Benton looked like he was going to be pretty thorough and the other agents in the room looked eager to participate. Scully sighed inwardly and looked up at her partner's eyes as she thought back to the events of the partnership seminar.
****
Mulder sat in his seat with his arm slung behind the back of the chair, fingers idly drumming a tune. He turned towards his partner, rolling his eyes. At the same instant, she turned towards him, eyebrow characteristically raised and with a slight knowing twitch on her lips. Even if she hadn't already known his feelings regarding teamwork seminars, she could have read his expression easily. He looked every bit the smart-ass he was - cocky, bored, and slightly mischievous all at the same time. Suddenly, Scully's amusement at his distress was joined by a slight feeling of dread as she spied the twinkle in his eye. If he was going to have to do this, he was at least going to toy with some heads.
Scully sat and thought about what Mulder was going to say for his two truths and a lie. So far agents had been throwing out some pretty boring stuff about numbers of siblings or family members, places they'd worked, where they'd gone to school. A few agents had elicited a laugh or two with amusing anecdotes involving high school pranks or personally embarrassing incidents but nobody had really offered up anything too interesting. Now it was almost Mulder's turn and she was pretty sure that he was going to up the ante on the game. She had to think quick if she was going to ready to compete with his little game.
"Okay, Rob, was the group right? You were never a professional golfer?"
Agent Rob Jones of computer crimes nodded with a slight look of chagrin.
"Okay, then next is..."
"Mulder."
"Mulder - we're trying to go by a first name basis here. To get to know each other better and feel more comfortable with each other."
"Sure. No problem. I'm just more comfortable with everyone if they call me Mulder."
"Okay, fine then, Mulder, what are your two truths and a lie."
Back came the sparkle in his eye. Scully silently prayed that he wouldn't say anything supremely mortifying - she was resigned to suffering moderate embarrassment but if he brought up that Cops thing on Fox or that goddam travesty of a movie 'loosely-based on them', she was going to have to hurt him.
"Okay, well, let's see..."
"I was attacked by a giant mushroom."
"I've been trapped in a bomb-rigged train car with an alien."
"I've never been shot by another agent"
Mulder sat back, looking rather self-satisfied as the murmurs began. He had long ago come to terms with the idea that pretty much everyone thought he was crazy. There was no longer any harm in perpetuating the 'spooky' rumours and it was always fun to see how people reacted to the stories.
Everyone, including the facilitator, Mitch, but excluding Scully was looking around, slightly bewildered at this new turn in the game. Many of the agents were whispering to each other with the typical 'what a nut' looks on their faces. Finally, Mitch composed himself.
"Okay, so who thinks Mulder is lying about the giant mushroom - you did say giant mushroom right?"
Mulder nodded, his usual deadpan blank look on his face.
Quite a few agents raised their hands to vote for the giant mushroom tale.
"Okay, and the alien train bomb thing?"
Almost all the agents that hadn't already voted raised their hands.
"How bout never being shot by another agent?"
There was only one hand raised.
"So which one was the lie Mulder?" Mitch asked, ready to move on but managing to keep upbeat.
"Scully wins, of course," Mulder answered, looking over at his partner who wore a grudgingly bemused expression on her face.
Mitch nodded a bit nervously. "Right, good, good. It's good when your partner can guess which one's the lie. Okay, so, next, it's..."
"Dana Scully."
"I've been attacked by a liver-eating mutant"
"I was rescued from an alien spaceship in Antarctica"
"My favourite memory of my work is examining a giant flukeman"
Mitch looked at her, mouth slightly agape. The murmurs began again as she looked smugly over at her partner. Mulder grinned at her, excited that she had chosen to participate in his little game. The Mrs. Spooky myths were going to get a big boost if Scully was going to act the part.
"Okay, well who thinks Dana was not attacked by a, um, liver-eating mutant?"
A few hands went up.
"And who thinks she was not rescued from a space ship in Antarctica?"
The rest of the agents raised their hands. However, Mitch sighed inwardly as he noticed Mulder had yet to cast his vote. Either Mulder wasn't going to vote or he was obviously not playing the game properly. Really - not only a spaceship? But in Antarctica? They were supposed to be being realistic.
"How about the giant fluke..man?"
Mulder raised his arm and silently laughed. They were two for two but, of course, they had insider knowledge. He supposed that he couldn't blame the others for their incredulity - in fact, he almost couldn't believe she had just admitted, in front of him, though in a surreptitious way, that it was a spaceship.
"I suppose Mulder is right Dana?" Mitch asked with evident annoyance, though valiantly trying to keep up his happy facilitator act.
Scully nodded stoically. "Yes. That was the lie," she said evenly, as if she had not just basically admitted to seeing both a spaceship and a liver-eating mutant.
Mitch nodded and continued on to the last couple of agents who had not gone yet. It had taken some time to get around the whole group and he was anxious to get onto the next activity. They finished the game with another two mundane 'lies' and then he started to introduce their first teamwork activity.
"Alright, now that we know each other a little better, let's get started with our first activity. For this one, you'll get a chance to stretch your legs and get some fresh air. In the first part you're all going to go out on your own and find one item that represents your partnership. You have twenty minutes to find this item - it can be anything - a rock, a leaf, a newspaper, whatever just as long as you can explain why it is representative of your partnership. Does anyone have any questions? Ok, perfect, then we'll meet back here in twenty minutes."
****
Scully walked out of the building onto the general Quantico campus and took a long breath of fresh air. It had been awhile since she had been at the FBI Academy but it still felt familiar and she smiled to herself at some of the memories it brought back. She glanced over in the direction of the Forensic research training centre where she had once taught classes. It felt like a long time ago, a lifetime ago really and she reminisced somewhat fondly at her innocence in those days. Even in her second stint there, after her first year with Mulder and the X files, she had been so young and naive. In a way she wished she could go back to the easiness of being in the dark, not knowing about the vast government conspiracies that perpetuated evil doings in the world. But she knew that, given the chance to go back she wouldn't hesitate for a second, she would still make the same choices that had led her to this moment, walking around aimlessly trying to find something that represented her and Mulder's partnership. Ignorance might be bliss in some cases but not when it came to Mulder. To think of the things she would have missed had she never been partnered with him made her somewhat queasy to her stomach. Sure, he was infuriating at times but he was also, somehow, endlessly endearing at the same time, she thought.
Take the previous night for instance. He had invited her over for dinner and a movie, a regular Friday night for them. After dinner, during the movie, she had fallen asleep snuggled up against him, also a routine occurrence. Normally, he would wake her up after the movie with his signature gentle touch and they would eventually make it into the bedroom but last night she had planned to go back to her own place as she needed to change her clothes and put on her professional face before they went out to Quantico in the morning. Also, his place was on the way to Quantico so it only made sense for her to pick him up in the morning. Knowing her plan, Mulder hadn't woken her up or tried to get her to the bedroom at all. Instead, he had taken advantage of her sleepiness and had settled into the couch with her, pulling her tight against him until she melted into his arms and sighed contentedly. They slept like that for a few hours, entangled on his couch which was definitely not big enough to sleep two, even when one of the two was as small as Scully. She had woken in the middle of the night and attempted to extract herself from his grasp but he was clearly not willing to let her go without a battle. He had mumbled some incoherent arguments about her being too tired to drive and finally resorted to rubbing her back gently while pleading with her to stay. She didn't know what happened to her usually strong willpower when Mulder was involved - somehow, he could convince her to do pretty much anything and that was when he wasn't massaging her sensuously. She had finally given in and let him drag her into the bedroom, definitely not regretting her decision as she settled back into the warmth of his body. He had pulled her close and murmured a promise that they would get up early and go over to her place so she could get ready for the seminar.
Scully sighed to herself, knowing that it wasn't entirely his fault that they had been late getting to Quantico in the morning. It was easy to blame things on him though - he was completely incorrigible and impossible to resist, especially when he insisted on waking her up with the most gentle of caresses. By the time they had finally gotten to her place they were basically late already and by the time they got to Quantico they had missed the morning coffee and pastry session and disrupted the introduction of the icebreaker activity as they took their seats. So here she was, trying to think of an object that would represent her and Mulder's partnership while all she wanted was an extremely large cup of coffee and a bagel. 'Seriously, what the hell am I going to find here that represents me and Mulder?" she thought to herself as a glance down at her watch informed her that she only had fifteen more minutes to find something and get back.
****
Mulder breathed a sigh of relief as he was allowed out of the conference room to find an object to represent his and Scully's partnership. He wasn't sure he knew quite what to bring back but was confident that he would find something appropriate. As he wandered about the Quantico grounds, he thought back to the previous night and morning. Sure, it had mostly been his fault that they had been late but, as he had reminded a slightly cranky Scully that morning while en route to the seminar, it takes two to tango. Still, he had felt a twinge of guilt when they had to interrupt the first activity - Scully hated being late and she really hated missing out on her morning coffee. Now he wanted to do something to make it up to her but he had to find an item for the stupid teamwork activity too. God, he hated these teamwork games - he and Scully weren't going to learn anything about their partnership by saying how they were like a rock or a leaf or a bagel with cream cheese.
****
EIghteen agents milled back into the conference room at the end of the twenty minutes. Mitch looked around and saw that they carried various items with them, flowers, sports equipment, rocks, books. He noticed that many looked around nervously, not sure if they had picked the right thing. Where were the two nuts though? he asked himself - neither had made it back yet. He sensed that they would be troublesome for the whole weekend - they had looked alternately bored and mischievous during the first exercise, not making eye contact with anyone else in the room except each other. However, he also noticed that they seemed completely at ease with each other.in a way that he didn't often see and he had run training seminars for a lot of law enforcement and military agencies. He had watched them closely from the minute they had walked in late, Mulder with a subdued smirk on his lips, Scully with a barely hidden look of annoyance in her eyebrows. Now, he watched as Scully walked in to the room, late again and this time carrying two coffees and a paper bag. She looked around the room, noting that everyone except for Mulder seemed to be back already and walked around to her seat. Just as she was sitting down, Mulder walked into the room, also bearing two coffees and a paper bag. He looked across at his partner and grinned stupidly. Scully couldn't help but to offer a small twitch of the corner of her mouth in return. It didn't always happen, but sometimes they really were on the same page.
"Hey Scully, what's in the bag?" he asked as he sat down in her seat.
"What's in your bag Mulder?" she asked back.
"No fair - I asked you first."
Scully considered the validity of his argument and acquiesced. "Bagels and cream cheese and lox," she said. " How bout you?"
Mulder grinned slyly. "Bagels, cream cheese, lox and a danish."
"Well, Mulder. then what does coffee, bagels, cream cheese, and lox have to do with our partnership?"
Mulder's mouth was too stuffed with food to answer before Mitch started speaking again.
"Okay, now that we're all back, we're going to take some time in pairs to look at and discuss what we each brought back. You can choose to stay in this room or find a more private spot to discuss your..."
Mitch's instructions were interrupted by the arrival of two men dressed in black commando uniforms, one of whom strode up to him and calmly placed a large gun to his head.
"Everyone hands over your heads and lie down on your stomachs or this piece of shit is dead," said the one pointing his gun at Mitch.
There was a moment of stunned silence. What the hell had just happened? Many of the agents thought that it was part of the teamwork games but, even so, it was probably best to play the situation realistically and, realistically, when someone threatens to kill the seminar leader, you obey. All of the agents, one by one, held their hands up and lay down on their stomachs.
Quickly, his partner ran around the room and collected all the agents' weapons, putting them in a bag in the far corner of the room.
****
"Okay, thank you, let's stop there," Dr. Benton said, interrupting Mitch's account of what had happened. "I want to give everyone a chance to talk about how they felt at that point in the events. Mitch, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to start with you."
Mitch looked a bit green by this point and took a deep breath before starting.
"Um, okay. How did I feel? I was terrified - it's not like I've ever had a gun pushed up against my head before. I mean, it still makes me a bit jumpy just thinking about it. I've had nightmares ever since. I guess I'm still trying to get over that feeling of pure fear but I can't stop thinking about it and reliving that moment. Every time, it's just as intense too - I can't help it."
"Okay, that's good. Thanks for being honest with the group, Mitch. It's really helpful when everyone is up front with their experiences. So what I heard is that you felt fear like you've never experienced before when your life was threatened. I think that everyone in this room can relate to that. Would anyone else like to share their feelings from this moment?" Dr. Benton asked while making a mental note to check in with Mitch later as he was exhibiting signs of both ASD and, potentially, PTSD.
"Well, at first, I thought that it was just part of the seminar, you know, like a scenario to test how we would react so I wasn't really that scared at the start," a young female agent, Watts, answered.
Many of the agents around the room nodded in agreement and a few 'yeahs' were heard.
Dr. Benton looked deliberately over at the two he was keeping tabs on - they looked to be deep in whispered conversation, most likely discussing how things had gone so wrong at the seminar. He wandered closer to listen in on their conversation.
"Mulder..." Scully said, her whisper low, like a warning.
"C'mon, Scully, do it - I double dog dare ya," Mulder replied, with a glint in his eyes that belied his serious expression.
"Mulder, I am not going to fake anything, ice cream or not," she replied.
'What the hell were they talking about?' Dr. Benton asked himself. It didn't seem like they had heard anything that was being said by the other agents. In fact, they seemed to be off in their own little world. He figured they were repressing their emotions regarding the event, pushing their feelings aside in order to avoid dealing with the experience. Benton decided to stay close to try and get a better idea of what they were thinking as he continued on with his standard debriefing strategies.
"Okay, so most of you weren't very scared at the start - when and how did that change?"
"Well, one of the guys started yelling something about snakes and that confused me a bit but then it was obvious that something was wrong when the shooting started." Watts continued.
At the word shooting, most of the agents minutely flinched and Dr. Benton looked sideways at the two whisperers. They were still at it and had barely bothered to listen to the ongoing debriefing session.
"When it rains sleeping bags Mulder, when it rains sleeping bags," Scully was saying, her mouth exhibiting the slightest twinge of a grin, which was only noticeable to her partner.
Mulder was giving her a pretty good orphaned baby-animal look, his lower lip displaying a perfect, but fake, pout. "Fine, then I get to choose next pizza and none of that half and half crap - you have to eat what I pick."
Scully looked dismayed, like he had finally found something she truly dreaded. Dr. Benton, on the other hand, looked confused as he had absolutely no understanding of what was going on. He was used to dealing with trauma survivors and victims. He couldn't remember anyone ever talking about food in the midst of discussing the shooting of a fellow agent. He couldn't even figure out if Mulder and Scully were having a conversation. They seemed to understand each other but for him it was like listening to a conversation with most of the lines removed. Dr. Benton sighed and turned his attention back to the rest of the group - whatever Mulder and Scully were talking about could wait - he had to get through the rest of the debriefing.
"Alright then, why don't you continue the story for us then," Benton suggested, nodding towards Agent Watts.
****
All of the agents were lying face down on the ground, still roughly arranged in a circle. Most were craning their necks to see what would happen next, trying to figure out what they were supposed to do next in the exercise.
Suddenly though, the second gunman, having put the agents' weapons in the corner, started yelling.
"Okay, so who's the snake? Which one of you is a real man?" he shouted into their ears.
The agents all looked completely baffled. What was he talking about?
"Who's the snake? You bullshittin' us man? You a chickenshit? Be a man!" the gunman yelled, pacing and staring at the agents, working himself into a frenzy.
He waved his gun around maniacally and pointed it at the agents, one a time. "I'm going to start shooting soon snaky - who's gonna be the first one to die?"
Still no one moved. The air was pulled tight with confusion and tension. Was it a game? An exercise? It was getting harder to tell what the hell was going on.
The gunshot was excruciatingly loud and cut through the stiff air of the room with a concussive force. It was followed by an equally excruciating scream that emanated from one of the older male agents, Bob something or another.
Everyone turned to look as he grabbed his knee in pain. Blood spurted everywhere, it seeped and ran through his fingers, soaking into the carpet around him as he moaned in pain.
****
"Okay, thank you, you can stop there," Dr. Benton interrupted, bringing the agents back to the present. He could see that many of them had been vividly reliving the experience as Agent Watts described what had happened. It had been less than a week since the incident and many of the agents had reported experiencing flashbacks in that time. Although the agent that had been shot was still in the hospital, he was going to be fine. Even so, just hearing it described again and being in a room with all the other agents made it just that much more intense for a lot of the agents.
He glanced over at Mulder and Scully, to gage their reactions to the retelling of the events. As per normal, they were turned towards each other. Mulder was smirking and Scully was pretending to scowl. Dr. Benton looked closer and caught a glimpse of Scully trying to pry something out of Mulder's hand. She was being very discrete about it and he wouldn't have noticed had he not been so focused on their behaviour, but even he couldn't see what she was after. Again, he had no idea what was going on - it was like they were living in a different existance than the rest of the agents in the room.
"So, how did you feel then, after Bob was shot?" he asked, trying to tear his eyes off of the two disinterested agents.
This question brought out an on slot of answers. Even some of the older male agents who disliked all the newfangled ideas such as Critical Incident Debriefing were contributing their thoughts. They talked about feeling powerless and the shame that went along with being unable to help their fellow agents. A lot of the younger agents admitted to a feeling akin to panic - they had undergone so much training but, when faced with a real life-or-death situation, they had no idea what to do.
Finally, Dr. Benton couldn't stand it anymore. He was only listening with one ear to the many agents eagerly contributing to the discussion because he was still trying to eavesdrop on Mulder and Scully's conversation. He had to get them talking to the group, other wise the whole debrief was going to be pointless. Sure some of the agents were talking about their feelings but no one, with Mulder and Scully being the possible exceptions, really even understood what had happened!
"Uh agents?" Dr. Benton said, trying to make eye contact with either agent.
Both were still facing each other and seemed to be deliberately ignoring him.
"Ahem, Agents Mulder and Scully?" he tried again.
Finally, they couldn't decently pretend to not hear him anymore and turned their attention back to the group. Scully, who had been close to a full-fledged smile, immediately put on her game face, and instantly became someone that was clearly not to be trifled with. Mulder, on the other hand, looked both irritated that he had to look at someone other than his partner and bemused by the attention they were getting.
"As you two were key participants in the ensuing events, can we get your view on what happened that day?" Dr. Benton asked, trying to ease them into what could be a difficult conversation.
They looked at each other and shared a moment of silent conversation that Benton could not decipher before, finally, Mulder sighed and started talking.
"Well, as I explained to Assistant Director Skinner, Agent Scully and I were just not meant to attend partnership seminars," he said with a small shrug. "You know, if it's not mothmen then it's militant nationalists."
Benton glanced over at the Assistant Director to help interpret Mulder's obscure comment. Skinner looked a bit pained, as if he wanted to both agree with and punch his agent at the same time. Looking over at Scully, Benton noticed that she was rolling her eyes while also giving her partner a tiny grin.
Benton, however, was not surprised by the agent's glib comment - he was sure that Mulder harboured hidden feelings and was just using humour as a crutch.
"But how did you feel when Bob got shot and it became obvious that the situation was real?
There was another indecipherable glance between the two agents before Scully answered the question patiently.
"Dr. Benton, I think I am speaking for both Agent Mulder and myself when I say that we both felt relatively fine. The situation was problematic but, with proper communication, it was going to be under control. The bullet wound that Agent Debakker sustained was not life-threatening in the short term so we had time to deal with the gunmen."
Dr. Benton suspected that she was lying but Skinner knew differently. He had seen Scully lie before and, if there was one thing she was terrible at, that was it.
"Agents, we're really doing our best to keep an open mind about our emotions here and it only really works if everyone is being honest. Now I don't want to accuse you of lying but maybe you are not being honest with yourselves. I, for one, don't see how anyone could have felt 'fine' in a life-threatening situation."
The look on their faces was priceless. They looked at each other, irony lost on neither of them. In fact, Skinner himself had to hold back a minor guffaw.
Now Dr. Benton was really confused. Something he had said had set them off again and they were no closer to the deep emotions he was looking for.
"Okay, agents, we don't have to discuss emotional reactions right now. Maybe, though, you can help the group flesh out what happened after the first gunshot was fired."
They eyed each other warily, each waiting for the other to suck it up and begin. Finally, Mulder took pity on his injured partner and started to tell the story.
"Fine. I'll start. We were lying on our stomachs and goon number 2 had just shot Agent Debakker. Agent Scully had a weapon but was originally facing away from the gunmen. I was...
"Wait, " interrupted Dr. Benton. "I thought the gunmen disarmed everyone. How did Agent Scully still have a weapon?"
****
continued in part 2