Fic - Anew
The two of you always find a reason to meet this time of year. It's between your birthdays, you might as well celebrate. The weather outside is cold - but that’s expected of late January. The both of you come in with flushed cheeks - well actually, only you do because Jaejoong still has an inability to blush. An awkward moment takes place when the waitress comes over to take your 'anniversary picture'.
The hotel sends invitations out before your anniversary, dragging you into another free meal, another dinner with Jaejoong. Another picture with a ghost of your past.
"How's the little one?"
"Says she wants to be a latté artist - crazy idea." Almost as crazy as you leaving school to become a singer - but oh wait, you've already done that.
"Tell her to own a supermarket."
"She says maybe a restaurant."
"Even better, she can feed her father - maybe."
You introduced him to the mother. He said she sounds perfect for you. Perfect.
"Another year, another hit single."
"I always knew Junsu-hyung could do it."
"Yeah, he always knew it too. Why do you think we were so hard on him?"
"But he loved it - being in a group."
"That baby gets lonely easily."
He looks at you and you pretend not to notice. Another year.
Junsu had gone solo after you all went your separate ways. As expected, his talent and charisma got him far. If there's ever an awkward silence, you bring him up. Maybe it’s the memory of his smile calms both you and Jaejoong. Maybe that’s why you still hold onto the picture of the five of you in your wallet; it’s always there to remind you of another time. The young, teenage excitement is captured in the picture, a candid shot. That’s something you find to be really rare: Jaejoong’s eyes are small, Yoochun’s nostrils are flared, Junsu’s mouth is big, Yunho’s mouth is even bigger, and you - oh, you don’t even want to start.
"Changmin, I found this while cleaning the other day. It's one of your favorite bookmarks - I remember when you thought you lost it."
"Thanks, hyung."
Sometimes he brings things you've left behind. You've brought his stuff too. It's like you can't return it any other day. Not seeing each other on this day might mean never getting your stuff back, right? That could be a reason you keep seeing him every year. But with each meeting there's that chance.
You can't handle either.
And his lips are as soft as you remember. The taste of kitchen spice doesn't linger on them anymore. Doesn't he cook anymore? Your lips are still pressed against his when you exhale.
The elevator dings and you step away from him. "Sorry I - "
The elevator door opens. He nods. He understands. He looks away. You leave before you can regret anything.
Especially pulling away.
And there are those awkward times when yesteryears seemed like yesterday. And you want to taste and feel him to see if anything's changed. But you can’t, and they have. Sometimes you think that that's what made you pull away. The menu changed last year, but you still find yourself looking at the same section. The couple at the next table has already finished their meal.
"Ow. Don't pull that hard."
"There's no other way to get this gum out."
"Ah! I can't believe that kid."
"Me either, now I have through this thick bush."
"No talk of bushes, please."
"Ha-ha-ha! You and your thick hair."
"Jaejoong, please."
"Please and thank you."
"Sir, may I ask how long you want to wait?" It's another waiter. And you don't know how long you'll have to wait. Or how long you want to wait - and pretend.
Your hands were so warm in his. And unconsciously, you squeeze them; he pushes away the warm metal band on one of your fingers.
He turns to leave, "Tell me your answer next year, okay?"
What if I can't, you want to say - but don't.
And you look the waiter in the eye. You recognize him, the same one from 2 years ago; he’s aged, but so have you. "I don't think he's going to make it."
Of course he can't.
And you make your way to the elevator you guys used to ride, together, every year. You speak like he's there next to you and not six feet deep.
"Yeah, I think we can start over."