Healing
Title: Healing
Author: x_tired_crazy_x
Sumary: Joel's finally taken a step outside. The sun is bright, the birds are chirping. It's absolutely beautiful. So how come he still feels broken?
Sequel to Sedated.
Disclaimer: This is fiction.
Sedated
1
2
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11
He didn't lie. He just didn't tell me the whole truth. Really, that's not that bad… Not when I base our relationship on love and trust. Right?
Benji starts taking cautious steps forward, but I need to get away. I don't want to look at him right now because he never told me and I'm sorry to say, but joining a band, even if it is with our best friends, is something he should tell me right? And maybe even in an over-joyous bliss of finding out. But no, Benji hid something from me and lied to me. I'm not upset that he's going to be the new guitarist, no... that's great! But he never told me and that disappoints me and saddens me beyond belief. I'm angry too, which is weird because I haven't felt like this in weeks.
Why wouldn’t he tell me? What did he think I was going to do? It’s not like I was going to hold him back… Does he think I would hold him back? Am I holding him back?
Haven’t I always held him back…
Benji takes yet another step towards me, but I turn around and leave. I walk passed all the busy bodies and pompous jerks that call themselves famous and do all I can to get out of the place. Nobody even notices me as they move on autopilot. Kissing ass and taking names. Heh. I walk outside and breathe in the fresh air and the sunlight and look around. Fuck…
My brain starts going crazy... I feel like the universe is spinning around me at warp speed and my mind can't handle it. I take shaky steps down the sidewalk, trying to stay on my feet, but it's not working out. My stomach suddenly lurches and I feel the burn of stomach acid chasing bile up my throat. Before I know it, I'm next to the studio building in a small alley, puking my guts onto the pavement. I lean my head on the wall in front of me and hold my stomach with one hand as vomit spews from my mouth. I know all too well that the contents of my stomach will soon empty, but I'll be left dry heaving for god knows how long. God, this is embarrassing...
I hear a sharp intake of breath and feel a cautious hand on my back rubbing soothing circles. I close my eyes and try to breathe without upsetting my stomach even more.
"Shit Joel. I'm sorry," my brother apologizes and he sounds genuine enough.
Still, I've never felt so guilty in my life. I thought I was passed this... I thought he was passed it, but obviously not.
My abs finally start to relax and I keep my eyes closed and concentrate on getting my breathing back under control. I hate puking, but I’m so used to it.
"I thought if I told you..." he starts, but trails off. I stand up and my eyes scan over him and his baggy oversized shorts that come down halfway down his shins. His no-top chucks and favorite Rancid T-shirt. I wait for him to continue, but he says nothing. There's a moment of unfilled silence as the smell of vomit hangs in the air. When I realize he’s not going to continue, I step in and say what I know he’s thinking.
"You thought if you told me I could possibly freak out and hold you back..." I stand up and look him in the eye. He stands in front of me and his eyes dart to the ground.
"Yeah..." he whispers sheepishly. I nod my head.
“And this probably isn’t the first time they asked you to join the band…” I speculate. Benji won’t dare look me in the eyes.
“No, its not,” he replies, voice barely there.
I bite my lip and watch him. I don’t know what to do. I can barely describe how I feel, I just know that I’ve never felt this way before. Never had a reason to… never thought that Benji would be the reason either.
“I’m so sorry, Joel,” he starts to break down, there’s tears forming in his eyes and then his capture mine only for a moment before he can’t stand it anymore and lets the tears go. “I’m sorry,” he repeats burying his hands, wiping at tears with his fingers.
I can’t stand to watch my brother cry… The fact that he’s crying right now in front of me makes me want to vomit again. Benji… Benji’s my knight in shining armor. He can’t cry…
But Benji also betrayed me…
My love for my brother outweighs the betrayal I’m experiencing and I can’t help but wrap my arms around him.
The act catches him off guard, but he manages to get his arms around me the best he can and he squeezes me to his body like if he lets go I might run away and he’ll never see me again… and he can’t let that happen. The act almost brings tears to my eyes.
“I need you, Joel. I’m so sorry,” he says and repeats it over the next 10 minutes incoherently until he relaxes. I hold him and carry his weight back to the car where we slip into the backseat of our own vehicle and decide it a good enough place to catch some sleep. No words need to be said, because were twins and already know what the other needs. He needs rest and refuge and I’ll give that to him… Emotionally exhausted and physically drained, I sit up and lean my head on the rest as Benji lies across the seats and puts his head on my lap.
For some reason I feel like the tables suddenly turned- but when the fuck did that happen?
----
Review please?
Author: x_tired_crazy_x
Sumary: Joel's finally taken a step outside. The sun is bright, the birds are chirping. It's absolutely beautiful. So how come he still feels broken?
Sequel to Sedated.
Disclaimer: This is fiction.
Sedated
1
2
3-10
11
He didn't lie. He just didn't tell me the whole truth. Really, that's not that bad… Not when I base our relationship on love and trust. Right?
Benji starts taking cautious steps forward, but I need to get away. I don't want to look at him right now because he never told me and I'm sorry to say, but joining a band, even if it is with our best friends, is something he should tell me right? And maybe even in an over-joyous bliss of finding out. But no, Benji hid something from me and lied to me. I'm not upset that he's going to be the new guitarist, no... that's great! But he never told me and that disappoints me and saddens me beyond belief. I'm angry too, which is weird because I haven't felt like this in weeks.
Why wouldn’t he tell me? What did he think I was going to do? It’s not like I was going to hold him back… Does he think I would hold him back? Am I holding him back?
Haven’t I always held him back…
Benji takes yet another step towards me, but I turn around and leave. I walk passed all the busy bodies and pompous jerks that call themselves famous and do all I can to get out of the place. Nobody even notices me as they move on autopilot. Kissing ass and taking names. Heh. I walk outside and breathe in the fresh air and the sunlight and look around. Fuck…
My brain starts going crazy... I feel like the universe is spinning around me at warp speed and my mind can't handle it. I take shaky steps down the sidewalk, trying to stay on my feet, but it's not working out. My stomach suddenly lurches and I feel the burn of stomach acid chasing bile up my throat. Before I know it, I'm next to the studio building in a small alley, puking my guts onto the pavement. I lean my head on the wall in front of me and hold my stomach with one hand as vomit spews from my mouth. I know all too well that the contents of my stomach will soon empty, but I'll be left dry heaving for god knows how long. God, this is embarrassing...
I hear a sharp intake of breath and feel a cautious hand on my back rubbing soothing circles. I close my eyes and try to breathe without upsetting my stomach even more.
"Shit Joel. I'm sorry," my brother apologizes and he sounds genuine enough.
Still, I've never felt so guilty in my life. I thought I was passed this... I thought he was passed it, but obviously not.
My abs finally start to relax and I keep my eyes closed and concentrate on getting my breathing back under control. I hate puking, but I’m so used to it.
"I thought if I told you..." he starts, but trails off. I stand up and my eyes scan over him and his baggy oversized shorts that come down halfway down his shins. His no-top chucks and favorite Rancid T-shirt. I wait for him to continue, but he says nothing. There's a moment of unfilled silence as the smell of vomit hangs in the air. When I realize he’s not going to continue, I step in and say what I know he’s thinking.
"You thought if you told me I could possibly freak out and hold you back..." I stand up and look him in the eye. He stands in front of me and his eyes dart to the ground.
"Yeah..." he whispers sheepishly. I nod my head.
“And this probably isn’t the first time they asked you to join the band…” I speculate. Benji won’t dare look me in the eyes.
“No, its not,” he replies, voice barely there.
I bite my lip and watch him. I don’t know what to do. I can barely describe how I feel, I just know that I’ve never felt this way before. Never had a reason to… never thought that Benji would be the reason either.
“I’m so sorry, Joel,” he starts to break down, there’s tears forming in his eyes and then his capture mine only for a moment before he can’t stand it anymore and lets the tears go. “I’m sorry,” he repeats burying his hands, wiping at tears with his fingers.
I can’t stand to watch my brother cry… The fact that he’s crying right now in front of me makes me want to vomit again. Benji… Benji’s my knight in shining armor. He can’t cry…
But Benji also betrayed me…
My love for my brother outweighs the betrayal I’m experiencing and I can’t help but wrap my arms around him.
The act catches him off guard, but he manages to get his arms around me the best he can and he squeezes me to his body like if he lets go I might run away and he’ll never see me again… and he can’t let that happen. The act almost brings tears to my eyes.
“I need you, Joel. I’m so sorry,” he says and repeats it over the next 10 minutes incoherently until he relaxes. I hold him and carry his weight back to the car where we slip into the backseat of our own vehicle and decide it a good enough place to catch some sleep. No words need to be said, because were twins and already know what the other needs. He needs rest and refuge and I’ll give that to him… Emotionally exhausted and physically drained, I sit up and lean my head on the rest as Benji lies across the seats and puts his head on my lap.
For some reason I feel like the tables suddenly turned- but when the fuck did that happen?
----
Review please?