Comments | x9: prologue.

prologue.

Feb 02, 2007 14:23

PROLOGUE.If asked to point out the precise moment at which everything spun completely out of control, I would say it was when I inadvertently killed an innocent fifty-eight-year-old man by showing him a short film ( Read more... )

Comments 15

work_and_play February 2 2007, 19:51:59 UTC

You. You are a great writer. Write more.

x9 February 2 2007, 19:54:19 UTC

Thank you! Chapter one is being written now.

It's good to hear from you again, by the way - I'm sorry you're feeling homesick. I happen to think Dutch is a pretty language for reasons I am unable to convey.

work_and_play February 2 2007, 20:03:21 UTC

Thanks. I still need to send you that story I promised. But at the time I promised it I didn't realize that the nurse in question would react to my breaking up with her by relapsing into a former heroin addiction, which kind of pushed the story in a direction that would require me to be a far better writer than I am in order to do justice to it. But she's okay now, so I should really send you that story.

I have also given up on the idea of resisting alcohol for the sake of savoring my homesickness in purity, so if nothing I just wrote made sense then you know why.

x9 February 2 2007, 20:05:47 UTC

Yow. I personally think you'd be entirely up to it but who am I. But either way, I'm looking forward to it, and God bless you, Miss K.

krysalist February 2 2007, 20:14:11 UTC

Reading it, I thought of the prologue to someone's memoirs, like the memoirs of a Monica Lewinsky who had 15 minutes of fame and immediately sold the book rights. Such is your narrator, it seems.

To know what is coming here is terrifying.

x9 February 2 2007, 20:19:16 UTC

I'm thinking of including a faux-wraparound foreword indicating that this text was mailed to someone at a paper somewhere by the narrator from a mailbox several states over, just so the world would know what happened. Or something? I'll figure that out later. Ultimately I am pleased with the notion that the only thing about it all that still bothers him is that there was one guy he didn't mean to die.

townleybomb February 2 2007, 20:18:21 UTC

Some excellently crafted prose here. Can't wait for more.

(Unless you actually did kill a guy with a film in which case sorry/it's not your fault/can I see the film etc.)

x9 February 2 2007, 20:21:25 UTC

Many thanks, sir. I hope I can live up to its promise.

jspeed February 3 2007, 00:23:24 UTC

It strikes me as overwritten, adjectives and repetition everywhere. Maybe the guy is like that, but then you end up with a book written like that.

Quick point - how does a moral stand "shamble"? The point of a "stand" is that it doesn't move. It doesn't work as a metaphor; shambling is not a failure to stand, it's a failure to walk steadily.

x9 February 3 2007, 04:19:54 UTC

The first point will take a while to fix but you're right. You're also right about the second, and I am going to fix that. Thank you, I probably wouldn't have noticed that.

jspeed February 3 2007, 21:59:21 UTC

First person is weird, especially when it's presented as an actual document by the narrator. Whenever I notice anything about the prose, I'm left wondering whether it was intended by the narrator or the author ( ... )

auntiec February 5 2007, 17:02:55 UTC

Brother Speed is right on several of his points here. I am inclined to add that a truly great writer can accomplish more with less words. Florid prose can be difficult (and sometimes annoying) to read and really comprehend.

That being said, I think you're headed in a good direction here - it's a nice start and I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing, and do it every single day. You will continue to improve.

p.s. why don't you ever talk to me on the computer machine anymore

melly_gloworm February 3 2007, 00:55:25 UTC

too long, didn't read