Episode VIII: The Complete and Absolute Turn of Fortune

[x_boyfriend]

And for the first time - in a long time - I can honestly say, I’m okay.

It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve written anything down, and for the purposes of this journal, that’s probably a good thing. I guess, in more ways than one, writing has succeeded in proving itself to be effective therapy. And for once, I can say without malice - being

Comments

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[diedat18]

alam mo, i feel different. i feel like ive gone through so much okayness na ngayon bumabalik ako sa pagiging not-so-okay. nakakainis lang kase i can't determine if i choose to be not-so-ok or if im not really ok to begin with and just pretending to be.

anyways, glad to hear that you are.

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[x_boyfriend]

i can't determine if i choose to be not-so-ok or if im not really ok to begin with and just pretending to be.

baka nga, the old saying is right. you never get over someone. i don't claim to be completely over everything. then again, i'm not even sure if i had the right to post what I just did. pero, in a way, i know what you mean.

pero, sana okay na talaga ako. sana.

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[diedat18]

you never get over someone?! nakakatakot yata yun. but u know, parang totoo nga yun. kase sa kasuluksulukan, may space pa para sa mga taong minahal natin eh. (read:MINAHAL) d sila nawawala.

uulitin ko lang, SANA.

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[nineteen69]

You never really get over someone. I guess because no one can ever erase memories, you can't erase the feeling of love you've felt at one moment in your life.

[hastyteenflick]

good for you. honestly saying to yourself that you're going to be okay is my favorite part of the pain.

[x_boyfriend]

it is the denial that is the drama, my dear.

[frostgunk]

glad to hear that dude.
INUMAN NA!

[x_boyfriend]

oo nga! I gotta see you mix pa!

[frostgunk]

hehehe. surely. soon!

[frostgunk]

hehehe. surely. soon!

[theminordetail]

are you seriously maintaining this lj for these purposes? :)
your LJ name, i admit, is kind of restrictive..
but it wouldn't hurt to share more about yourself, despite the label you've created
you are an interesting person, still, drama or no drama.

[x_boyfriend]

honestly speaking, i never saw my journal as a journal in the most literal sense of the word.

i guess my love for writing has, in a sense, grown into an almost obsessive form of narcissism. would it be so wrong to make your journal thematic? in both aesthetic and content? there are times, yes, when i feel compelled to talk about other things --

-- movies, music, the color of the shirt I wore today.

but I would be dismissing the very reason (as self-serving, and bizarre as it may be) for putting up this space of the internet. but I'll elaborate on that sometime else. though I feel you know a lot more about me than one cares to admit. :)

[theminordetail]

of course i wasn't implying how it's inappropriate to be thematic..i was just curious. but yeah after reading my comment again, i guess it sounded too critical. i don't want to mess with you, i promise :D

though I feel you know a lot more about me than one cares to admit. :)

likewise. :D

[x_boyfriend]

ah, don't worry about messing with me, i'm too lanky to be considered a threat. even by women's standards ;).

[nineteen69]

in the future I am still susceptible to some form of relapse, withdrawal or mistake.

I think you will still fall into little cycles of sadness and okayness, but I guess in time you will realize the cycles will become shorter until you can say you're fine.

I do miss who I thought she was.

Yeah, I think after some time you realize that you miss that certain someone for who she was when you were still together, pero after some time you realize you don't know who she is now.

[x_boyfriend]

pero after some time you realize you don't know who she is now.

it's crazy no? It's sad and frustrating at the same fucking time. I actually wanted to post something about what you said but couldn't find the skill (or energy) to put it into words.

I loved her so much it didn't seem possible. And now, I feel like she was never a part of my life at all. Damn me. May this okayness at least last me the week.

[nineteen69]

May this okayness at least last me the week.

I hope it does, too.

Sometimes I feel stupid whenever I go into the "heartbroken trance" because the person I'm mourning for now isn't the same person who hurt me a couple of years ago. But I just let myself feel the feeling, I guess it's healthy to do it sometimes.Ü

[x_boyfriend]

I hope whoever he is, he's changed for the better. as for my case, i don't know if she's changed at all.

But I just let myself feel the feeling, I guess it's healthy to do it sometimes.

From a writer's point of view, it's great material ;).