Don't forget to let your life rot you inside out.
As of late, I've been realizing the Pros and Cons of my life. I've been thinking of all the aspects of my life and analyzing them. I've realized a lot....
This is basically me organizing and checking my life.
But you can all read and comment, maybe even help.
Lyra has to be the best thing to ever happen to me. EVER. I mean sure, during my life I've said that things are "the best thing to ever happen to me". But I should have stated it correctly. I should have said, "the best fantasy thing to ever happen to me". What me and Lyra have is the best REAL thing to ever happen to me. Reality beats out a dream anytime. Cuz when it comes down to the truth, dreams fade and might even turn into nightmares, but reality is always there and reality is the fucking truth.
I love Lyra so much, and for the first time in my life, I feel emotionally complete without a doubt. For the first time in my life, I'm getting just as more, hell even more, than im giving. But don't get the wrong idea. I put a lot into what we have. And I am more than pleased to do so. I would do ANYTHING for Lyra. Her well being and happiness comes first compared to anything and everything.
Lyra makes me the happiest I have EVER been before.
And I love her with all my heart, soul, and being. <33333333
And I will always be by her side to help, support, + love her.
I'm very, very pround and happy with how things are going with BCH. We have a lot of songs done and many more in progress. We have all the parts of a band and we get done what needs to be done. We have support and we have fans. And most importantly, we go and play shows and have fun with it.
I'm just so happy to know that my plan to make a great band is finally a reality. What BCH is to me, is my greatest accomplishment. And without Marty, Moshe, Andrew, Mario, and now Rob, none of it would be possible. No one knows how happy being in BCH makes me. It was a dream made real by the efforts of many and the support of many as well.
Thank you, to all that helped us, supported us, and made this what it is now. And to my band mates, you guys have made my dream come true and I am forever in your debt. Thank you. :)
Since the beginning of 2004, I've lost many friends. I think about everyone I used to be good friends with and I see that we all changed. Many for the worse than for the better. But those that stuck by me are the real friends. People like Marty, Danny K., Moshe, Todd, Lyra, Andrew, and maybe a few select others.
I look back to the way things were and how people were, and all I see is how fake some people were and how much certain people changed. I feel sad knowing that such good friendships were wasted or throw away over such things as drugs, drinking, girls, cars, selfishness, stupidity, and other senseless things. I miss the old times. The times where friendships meant something. The times where we all had each other. But I know, those times will never be brought back because of how drastically and negatively many people have changed.
I'm just glad that I have people that really do care about me and appreciate our friendship. I'm glad I still know people who care more about the friendship than the superficial aspects of life. Thank you guys.
To those that have changed and drifted away.....
I'm sorry we will never regain what we all had. But I want you to know, I never turn my back on you, but rather, you became blinded to what was truely something great. I may have changed over time, but the meaning of friends never did.
It basically runs like this:
My mom hates me for all I am and all I do. I do nothing wrong but I still am treated as though I am the worst child in existance. There is no such thing as trust, and I can tell you there is no such thing as love. My mom hates me, but I can't say the feelign isn't mutual. There isn't a single second where I do something without playing 100 questions. There isn't a single second where I am not critisized or made out to be fucked up in the head. There isn't a single second where I'm not put under an examination light for doing something. No matter what I do, it isn't something good in her mind. I just can't win with her and I will never be what she always wanted as a son.
My dad is the complete opposite and he is truely a good man and a good father. But because of my mom, he is starting to become the same as her.
The point is, I just can't wait to get the fuck out of this house. Once I turn 18, I'm out. And I know that deep inside BOTH my parents, they can't wait either. My life has been hell because of how they treat me (mainly my mother).
I'm unaccepted. I'm misunderstand. I am nothing but bad news.
Fuck that....
When I'm gone, I'll be happier. And when I'm gone I hope they will be too. I gain my own life, and they gain a life without me. Everybody wins.
I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT TO GET OUT OF THIS HELL....
2 months and I'm out of highschool. Then it's a header into REAL LIFE. I can't fucking wait. In 2 months, I will finally be a college student and I will finally be independent. I will finally make my life into what I want it to be. I will finally have control and be able to listen to no one else but my heart. I won't have to go through the same thing day in and day out. No more routines, no more guidlines. I make the calls, I make my OWN guidelines.
NYIT for Architecture. I'm so glad I found a major that will allow me to gain a happy and well payed living. College will be the start of my OWN life. One where I am totally in control. No one but me will make the rules. I can't fucking wait.
2 months and I'm out of that fucking prison....
2 months till can finally start to make my own true happiness.
I need a job. All I need is a job, and I can finally be at rest. A job is the last thing I need to make my life complete right now. I need $$, and I am DETERMINED to find a job. And with that job, I will save and save and save, until I can get all I want for myself. And along with that money, I will further step into independence. I will prove to everyone and to myself that I can support myself, and I will make myself happy and free.
By the end of this school year, I WILL have a job.
As long as I keep saying that, I know my drive will go on till I accomplish my goal. Anywhere for any amount. Money is money.
BCH - Got that covered.
Sk8ing - I will drive myself to become better. I will go out and sk8 my heart and soul out. I WANT to become better. I WANT to be able to be skilled at something like sk8ing. I WILL become a true sk8r. I WILL do what love, and do it well.
Drawing - I want to get better at that too. I want to train myself in different styles of art so that I can have a palette of variety with my artwork. I want to be able to create real art from the depths of my mind. And so, I will work hard to gain yet another skill.
I wanna also do some small things, like learn how to do a front hand spring. That would be nice to learn. And maybe I will develop some other small things that interest me.
I am determined to expand and adopt different interests. Hopefully making my life more interesting and happier.
Well that's about it....
Now I can use this as a reference as to what I want and need to do with my life to make it complete. :)
Till next time, payce out. :)
This is basically me organizing and checking my life.
But you can all read and comment, maybe even help.
Lyra has to be the best thing to ever happen to me. EVER. I mean sure, during my life I've said that things are "the best thing to ever happen to me". But I should have stated it correctly. I should have said, "the best fantasy thing to ever happen to me". What me and Lyra have is the best REAL thing to ever happen to me. Reality beats out a dream anytime. Cuz when it comes down to the truth, dreams fade and might even turn into nightmares, but reality is always there and reality is the fucking truth.
I love Lyra so much, and for the first time in my life, I feel emotionally complete without a doubt. For the first time in my life, I'm getting just as more, hell even more, than im giving. But don't get the wrong idea. I put a lot into what we have. And I am more than pleased to do so. I would do ANYTHING for Lyra. Her well being and happiness comes first compared to anything and everything.
Lyra makes me the happiest I have EVER been before.
And I love her with all my heart, soul, and being. <33333333
And I will always be by her side to help, support, + love her.
I'm very, very pround and happy with how things are going with BCH. We have a lot of songs done and many more in progress. We have all the parts of a band and we get done what needs to be done. We have support and we have fans. And most importantly, we go and play shows and have fun with it.
I'm just so happy to know that my plan to make a great band is finally a reality. What BCH is to me, is my greatest accomplishment. And without Marty, Moshe, Andrew, Mario, and now Rob, none of it would be possible. No one knows how happy being in BCH makes me. It was a dream made real by the efforts of many and the support of many as well.
Thank you, to all that helped us, supported us, and made this what it is now. And to my band mates, you guys have made my dream come true and I am forever in your debt. Thank you. :)
Since the beginning of 2004, I've lost many friends. I think about everyone I used to be good friends with and I see that we all changed. Many for the worse than for the better. But those that stuck by me are the real friends. People like Marty, Danny K., Moshe, Todd, Lyra, Andrew, and maybe a few select others.
I look back to the way things were and how people were, and all I see is how fake some people were and how much certain people changed. I feel sad knowing that such good friendships were wasted or throw away over such things as drugs, drinking, girls, cars, selfishness, stupidity, and other senseless things. I miss the old times. The times where friendships meant something. The times where we all had each other. But I know, those times will never be brought back because of how drastically and negatively many people have changed.
I'm just glad that I have people that really do care about me and appreciate our friendship. I'm glad I still know people who care more about the friendship than the superficial aspects of life. Thank you guys.
To those that have changed and drifted away.....
I'm sorry we will never regain what we all had. But I want you to know, I never turn my back on you, but rather, you became blinded to what was truely something great. I may have changed over time, but the meaning of friends never did.
It basically runs like this:
My mom hates me for all I am and all I do. I do nothing wrong but I still am treated as though I am the worst child in existance. There is no such thing as trust, and I can tell you there is no such thing as love. My mom hates me, but I can't say the feelign isn't mutual. There isn't a single second where I do something without playing 100 questions. There isn't a single second where I am not critisized or made out to be fucked up in the head. There isn't a single second where I'm not put under an examination light for doing something. No matter what I do, it isn't something good in her mind. I just can't win with her and I will never be what she always wanted as a son.
My dad is the complete opposite and he is truely a good man and a good father. But because of my mom, he is starting to become the same as her.
The point is, I just can't wait to get the fuck out of this house. Once I turn 18, I'm out. And I know that deep inside BOTH my parents, they can't wait either. My life has been hell because of how they treat me (mainly my mother).
I'm unaccepted. I'm misunderstand. I am nothing but bad news.
Fuck that....
When I'm gone, I'll be happier. And when I'm gone I hope they will be too. I gain my own life, and they gain a life without me. Everybody wins.
I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT TO GET OUT OF THIS HELL....
2 months and I'm out of highschool. Then it's a header into REAL LIFE. I can't fucking wait. In 2 months, I will finally be a college student and I will finally be independent. I will finally make my life into what I want it to be. I will finally have control and be able to listen to no one else but my heart. I won't have to go through the same thing day in and day out. No more routines, no more guidlines. I make the calls, I make my OWN guidelines.
NYIT for Architecture. I'm so glad I found a major that will allow me to gain a happy and well payed living. College will be the start of my OWN life. One where I am totally in control. No one but me will make the rules. I can't fucking wait.
2 months and I'm out of that fucking prison....
2 months till can finally start to make my own true happiness.
I need a job. All I need is a job, and I can finally be at rest. A job is the last thing I need to make my life complete right now. I need $$, and I am DETERMINED to find a job. And with that job, I will save and save and save, until I can get all I want for myself. And along with that money, I will further step into independence. I will prove to everyone and to myself that I can support myself, and I will make myself happy and free.
By the end of this school year, I WILL have a job.
As long as I keep saying that, I know my drive will go on till I accomplish my goal. Anywhere for any amount. Money is money.
BCH - Got that covered.
Sk8ing - I will drive myself to become better. I will go out and sk8 my heart and soul out. I WANT to become better. I WANT to be able to be skilled at something like sk8ing. I WILL become a true sk8r. I WILL do what love, and do it well.
Drawing - I want to get better at that too. I want to train myself in different styles of art so that I can have a palette of variety with my artwork. I want to be able to create real art from the depths of my mind. And so, I will work hard to gain yet another skill.
I wanna also do some small things, like learn how to do a front hand spring. That would be nice to learn. And maybe I will develop some other small things that interest me.
I am determined to expand and adopt different interests. Hopefully making my life more interesting and happier.
Well that's about it....
Now I can use this as a reference as to what I want and need to do with my life to make it complete. :)
Till next time, payce out. :)