(no subject)
its that time again.. i just wanna say a few things to ryan. ryan.. i love you, youre the best person i have ever met and i dont now where i would be without you.. i cant even count how many hard times you have helped me through. i can relate to you more than anyone ive ever met.. and ive never even met you.. youre the brother i never had, the only i always wished to have and i wanna thank you for always being there to make me laugh.. or help me see what im doin is wrong or not worth it. i know we joke about bein twins but i really think that we were MEANT to meet. which yea.. makes me sound like a cheese ball but im serious. i dont always take your advice at first, but in the end you know you always turn out to be right.. lol thats why youre my guardian angel. its a weird way of lookin at it but in a way it really is like youre my guardian angel. i remember when i thought i belonged in the nut house because i was htinkin all those things that clearly werent 'normal' and you didnt make me feel odd at all, you told me it was ok and told me a way to get through it. i remember when i was hurting myself, i hated myself and everyone else and it just wasnt healthy.. but youve inspired me in so many ways to do or attempt so many wonderful things and because of you im growing to be a beautiful person who loves themself. im on a totally different road now and i know you may be thinkin "how did i have anything to do with any of that?" but eventhough we didnt talk for a while because my mom is a nut.. i thought of you when i made decisions.. it was like a what would ryan do thing. lol whats weird is when i started talkin to you that night.. i was just lookin for some attention from a guy to make me feel better about myself.. and for a while thats how it went.. and now lookin back its crazy to think we've gorwn to be so close in a totally different way.. i remember the awkward foolin around times, the cry on my shoulder times, the crazy 'let me step on her' times, the 'julie thats not such a good idea' times and the times when i was so mad at you i never wanted to talk to you.. and the times when you got just as mad as me.. those times hurt the most but we always made it through them because our relationship is stronger than that.. i dont know what we are.. friends.. family.. neither of them seem good enough to call you.. youre much more that to me.. much much more.. so thank you ryan.. thank you so much. youre a wonderful person thats been through too many bad times.. but all those bad times made you who you are and im so happy that i got the chance to know you. youre gunna go so many places and do so many awesome things, and i hope you never forget me.. i know ill never forget you.. thess than three... lol thank you.. from the bottom of my heart.. thank you..