"It's been a bad day, another bad day and I cross my heart and hope to die."
I don't see the point of anything anymore. I'm just miserable.
I can't do anything without someone getting mad at me and starting an argument.
I'm fed up of crying every single day. It's pathetic really. I guess I should just get used to the fact that no one likes me anymore.
The thing is, I don't get what I've done wrong. Apparently they're waiting for me to figure it out myself.
I'm just so tired. I can't take anymore. My concentration is shot. So my schoolwork is suffering. I haven't done geography homework in months. I'm constantly missing the deadlines for Theatre Studies - I'm supposed to be doing that now...but since I'm in floods of tears, I can't really focus on that at the moment. I got a terrible mark for my Philosophy essay I did last week. And I haven't finished my Film Studies coursework. And I love Film Studies.
I just wish everything would stop. But it just doesn't want to.
Everyone is just turning against me and it hurts. It also appears to be over the stupidest things. Arguments break out because of the things that I enjoy; the music, the people and the shows that I love. But then it always seems to turn around to focus on my faults. Seems that I'm a shit friend who's violent and selfish. How wonderful. I can't help it that I don't like to talk about my feelings or the things that are bothering me. That shouldn't be something to have a go at me about, right? And yes, I know that I become obsessed with certain things easily. But that's just because I'm passionate about it. Why can't people just let me enjoy it. I turn to my obsessions when I'm upset because they're the only thing that can't hurt me. They cheer me up and I don't have to discuss my feelings with them. They're just there. Why don't people understand that I don't like discussing my feelings? I'm terrible with words when it comes to myself. I can write ok, but that's all my imagination. When I write, I'm in my own little world. It makes me forget all the horrible stuff going on around me, and I just focus on these characters. I apologise if I get carried away talking about the things that I love, but really, my life is so boring that there really is nothing else for me to say. I've never had a boyfriend, I have very little friends (getting less and less by the day) and those friends never want to hang out with me. So I can't help that I have nothing else to talk about.
Tbh, it all just feels as if it was better if I just wasn't here. I seem to be such a fucking problem for everyone, and so much effort that they just can't be bothered with me anymore. What point is there in me being here if I have no one? And I doubt any of them would miss me...or if they did, they'd soon get over me.
Crying every day isn't fun and I can only see it getting worse over these next few weeks. It's that time of the year again.
I wonder if I can make it through the week.