I don't understand. I look in the mirror and am content with what I see. I find the curves soft and comfotable. They suit me. They are me. So why do I impose this torture, this self-destruction upon myself? Shoveling, chewing, hating, kneeling ( Read more... )

I keep havng these dreams about dying, being raped, being mutilated ... and they feel wonderful. Everything feels so right in them ... and I wake up smiling. My old phychiatrist said I feel that I deserve pain because I couldn't protect my brother from my father. Because I tried so hard and he still got hurt. She said that wasn't my fault. She said ( Read more... )

Life's been hectic .... I thought I had it all worked out, and then life sodomized me once more. I think I'm in love with hate. I mean, all I seem to want to do is say a big fat FUCK YOU to everything. I don't even care if I have a place to live anymore, because I actually prefer it this way .... and I prefer not having anyone to rely on because in ( Read more... )

I think I am on the verge of a mental breakdown ( Read more... )

So I went shopping today at Value Village .. and got a sweet leather jacket for ten bucks. And spiderweb fishnets. And a plaid skirt. And *dun dun dun dun* a clash hat!!! And *another drumroll* a pair of blue fairy wings!!! It's awesome .. and I only paid thirty-two bucks grand total. *thumbs up ( Read more... )

I don't even really know what the hell happened last night. I was hanging out at Joey's house, and we were drinking, and kidding around, and I thought playfighting in good fun, but then he exploded on me. He said that I had hit him all day, and then I couldn't take it when he did the same to me. I don't mind violence, but I would rather not get a ( Read more... )

Fucking computer….the damn internet is down so I gotta type this on Microsoft Word and then transfer it later. ::grumble grumble:: Oh well, I do believe I’ll live ( Read more... )

So I got drunk tonight. And now I'm sober and regreting something I did. That was nothing new. But the thing was, I decided to respond to an e-mail that my mother sent me saying how I was essentially a disgrace to the family and that of course she did nothing to cause that. but that problem was ... I was honest in the e-mail. I explained everything ( Read more... )

I hate this. I'm sitting in the basement, avoiding upstairs because Leana's family is over. I just feel stupid sitting in a room where I'm the only person who's not related. It's just a nice, stinging little reminder of the fact that my family doesn't appear to care enough to have anything to do with me. And that my mother has now made it ( Read more... )