Your Sorrow for Another Coin - Chapter Five

[x_strangeangels]

Your Sorrow for Another Coin
Chapter Five: Barely enough time to sing

Word Count:  ~8600
Overall Pairing(s):  John/OFC, Dean/OFC (Het)
Overall Rating:  NC-17 (This chapter: R - Language, Sex)
Feedback: Absolutely. Concrit is always welcome.
Disclaimer:  The Winchester boys aren't mine but I'd make Dean wear his boots all of the time if they were.

Comments

[dyoselin]

I'm half way through I think, but can't read it properly as I am at work so I will come back later.

I'm loving it a lot btw.

[elanurel]

*is blushing*

I was hoping the extra time I spent on the chapter would pay off... ;-P

Woooooooooooooot!

[katelennon]

Ah, Alice; I'm sort of getting sweet on you. Mind, I belong to Penny, but a girl can look fondly at another from time to time without any great fuss.

I am so intrigued how this story is going to play out, I really, really want to know about THAT WOMAN. Was it darlin' Lil??

Re: Woooooooooooooot!

[elanurel]

Ah, Alice; I'm sort of getting sweet on you. Mind, I belong to Penny, but a girl can look fondly at another from time to time without any great fuss.

You're a horrible tease. How is poor little pregnant!Penny supposed to feel now that you're chatting up teen!Alice. ;-P

I am so intrigued how this story is going to play out, I really, really want to know about THAT WOMAN. Was it darlin' Lil??

Events in Chapters Four and Five have deviated a bit from my initial plot, so I'm spending the next couple of days looking at my master document and figuring out a way to go. Poor quirkies was online with me when I initially changed the last half of the plot...

[saberivojo]

I just started reading this today at chapter one and I have not stopped all morning. I love Alice. The mixture of child and innocence and not. Her voice feels so real and her actions so perfect in the context of the story. I love that she and her mama are waiting for Winchesters, that is true, but it feels more than that, because the Winchesters need them as much if not more. The need and want are reciprocal. I love the relationship of Dean and Alice. Initially, almost brother and sister with the undercurrent of sex. I love that all the Winchesters find comfort in this home. In these women.

Your story is lovely and wonderful, but the language is just as wonderful. I find myself reading bits and pieces out loud, just to hear them trip off my tongue.

I am friending and can't wait for more. The bad part of this is now having to wait! I thinking I will go back and re-read except that I need to do more today than just read!

[elanurel]

*is blushing*

Seriously. When I write a story with an OFC in it, the most I hope for is that she won't get my ass kicked. I was fortunate with Alice; she just popped into my head back in February - down to her bare feet and the way she viewed the world. So I am thrilled that you love the character, her relationship with Dean and the way that the Meeks interact with the Winchesters. I wanted to give them something that approximated a home, at least for a couple of days at a time.

You know I could go on about this for awhile. Probably will in the extended author's notes. ;-P

Your story is lovely and wonderful, but the language is just as wonderful. I find myself reading bits and pieces out loud, just to hear them trip off my tongue.

*heh*

My confession here is that the way I normally write is skewed by Alice's voice. She actually drives me a little crazy... She thinks in poems more than prose and it's a hard thing to capture.

I am friending and can't wait for more.And I've friended you back! With any luck, the next chapter

[alexandra_08]

Another wonderful chapter. I find myself going through Alice's emotions, feeling the joy and the knot in the stomach. At the beginning of the story, I found a bittersweet flavour to it, but as it progesses, I sense more and more the coming of something ominous. Like shadows always moving in in Alice's bright moments.

That look of his was the real gift, so full of devotion that her throat swelled when his voice cracked. It was the look that made him press one hand to his bleeding belly and roar out a challenge to the night sky while fur and teeth charged from the side; the same look that kicked down a wooden door, yelling his defiance into a face of darkness that slithered through the world in the shape of a woman. And it was the look that his calling would stamp on his face when the last howl brought him down.
You really had me here. It is so right and perfect.

And I love the gift of the ring, especially with the runes inside!

[elanurel]

Thank you so much! I think part of the fun in writing this story is the foreshadowing that I get to play with, the omens she sees in things that most people wouldn't, so I am always happy when people catch up on that.

And you picked out my favorite paragraph in the whole story. ;-P

And I love the gift of the ring, especially with the runes inside!

*whew*

I was so worried that people would balk at that, given that it's "the ring" he wears on the show.

[pheebs1]

What a lovely chapter. I like alice being tricked into working the kissing booth - and Dean's 20 - and also the gifts .Aw!. Lovely.

[elanurel]

Thank you, my lovely! I actually wrote that entire kissing booth scene simply for the payoff of Dean asking Alice how much she would charge for tongue.

*face palms*

And the gifts were difficult. Well, Dean's gift to Alice was difficult. I decided a long time ago that Alice was going to be the one to give Dean his silver ring. Thanks to discordia_intus, I was able to brainstorm something for Alice that was unique. So I'm thrilled that you liked them. ;-P