"For your birthday, I'm going to buy you a male."
"I won't let him do anything to me. I'm a little... (insert laugh) ... drunk ( Read more... )

Plastic pirate swords and angels feathers are all over the floor. Broken costumes signify a good night, right? Even though Devil's Night is long gone, someone has still toilet papered the bathroom walls and ceiling upstairs. Someone has opened a can of chunky beef soup and released an awful smell in the bathroom downstairs. Three Chrises, a Curtis ( Read more... )

It always seems as though the cigarettes are never long enough. The meals are never filling enough. The romance is never close enough. All I have to do is look at the spotlights on the clouds and count the number of orange dots from my balcony view. All unfulfilling, unchanging acts. In a city of temptations, there is a surprising lack of things to ( Read more... )

are you proud of me yet? am i upholding whatever is left of the family name? for some reason, i think that is all that needs to be said. i will stop. right after this bump. there you go baby, those will be my last words. can you choose that ( Read more... )

"Yet every time the hyena paused at the stern bench, my heart jumped. And as much as I wanted to direct my attention to the horizon, to where my salvation lay, i kept straying back to the maniacal beast."

I hope you don't mind that I'm doing this ( Read more... )

Look at it like camp. At first, you beg and beg to leave, but when the time comes you aren't ready to leave. Let's make some major similarities and differences. I guess a major difference is the planes flying overhead. And my height five stories above the earth. And him not being here to cuddle me. I don't feel the need for any similarities. Maybe ( Read more... )

I'm sitting (alone) on a parking garage, writing you letters that I will never ever send. Maybe someday, somehow, we will meet again, and I will tell you what I never wrote to you. I can put my pride and stupidity and turn-ons aside, but to never see you again is fictional. I can write about it, but I won't let it come true. This is not who you ( Read more... )

Take it easy, Amanda. Its time to clean the raccoon off your face, get some sleep, and get your sanity back. Maybe I dropped it somewhere in the forest along with my hot dog/bun combination. Maybe it's under the sofa bed, at the bottom of the empty rum bottle you threw away, somewhere in the 11 minute phone conversation that made a worse than worse ( Read more... )

"...So as I was coming home from work, I pulled up to my house to find it fully engulfed in flames, my wife sitting casually by the curb. I parked the car on the street, walked up to her and said, 'I told you your cooking is terrible ( Read more... )