(no subject)
I had such a horrible day.
I'm crying my eyes out.
It's so pathetic, but I can't help it.
They gave me my review today at Hanna.
Basically, they made feel like absolute shit.
They say,I'm not meeting up to their standards. That it was okay,if I had three months with them but it's not acceptable for someone who's been working for 6 .
Everything was "Needs improvement".
"We're tired of always telling you what to do. And everytime we try to give you advice, you get defensive and gives us mean facial expressions. The OPS system tells us that you're the one who makes the most mistakes and you never seem to ask for help if needed"
What?!
Everytime I get stuck with something, I ask! But everytime I ask just to even make sure if something is done correctly, they roll their eyes and go "You should know". How do they expect me to improve if they're not willing to help!. And I don't give mean expressions! I don't understand.
I swear I've been trying my BEST at helping costumers and even trying to get along with them. I'm the one who goes up to multiple costumers at a time while all they do is stay at the cashwrap and babble about meaningless things.It hurts when you finally think you're getting better and all they do is point out all your mistakes.
Now they say, they're gonna "re-train me". Basically, they're gonna be watching everything I do and telling me what to do. And if I don't improve, they have to "let me go". I feel like they're treating like a baby.
And to make matters worse...
After everyone left around 7 pm, only I and Diane stayed till closing time.
I like Diane, I really do but she intimidates me. So I barely talk to her. She's the main manager and I always feels like she wants to strangle me when I ask something.
Today, however, I proposed myself to prove to her that I can do better. I was doing great. And for the first time, Diane was being very nice and talking to me about how after today she's taking a month vacation and planning to go with her husband to CA.
Then after a while she tells me she has to go to the back and do some shipment. "I'm gonna leave the store in your hands. I know you're responsible enough"
I was relieved there were no costumers, so I was just there hanging stuff when these two black guys came in the store and stayed in the front. I went up to them and ask if they needed help,they said they would call me if they did.
I'm not a racist. But I couldn't shake the feeling of finding them suspicious. They kept looking at me and it made me very uncomfortable. Some lady comes in and heads to the back. I kept by the registers, keeping an eye at the two men when the lady in the back asked me for help. I tried looking at them while helping her but it's hard when you're a good 25 ft away and being a midget doesn't help either. When I went to ring the lady up, I noticed two men were gone.
Diane comes in later and says she gonna fix and checks the sales floor.
When all of a sudden;
"Uh,Fiorella, did you by any chance take vests and shirts from this area? (front right)
"No,something missing?"
"Yeah...everything"
I ran to the front and find a whole stack of vests,polo shirts and stripped t-shirts gone. My heart nearly dropped. She asked me to remember who was in the area and I said the two black men so she went to the back and called security.
I felt so useless,stupid and worthless.Here is Diane finally warming up to me and giving me a chance to prove myself and I fuck it up. I couldn't stop shaking.
I was by myself when the two black men returned to the store!
I froze and they go "This dress is niii... *looks at back*....maybe we'll come back later"
I looked to the back and Diane was going up to them. She didn't catch them so she closed one door, looked at me and says "That's them, right?"
I told her yes so she ran to call security again and told me to watch the store while she goes to confront them.I was praying and hoping she would get the clothes back and la la a happy ending. She came back, empty-handed.
A security guard came and said that they can't really arrest them or anything if we didn't see them putting stuff in their bags. But he knows who they are because many stores have called in and said to have found them suspicious.
So there we were, closed down the store and didn't speak another word until she told me to not blame myself for it and that she wasn't mad at me. I know it wasn't but I can't help myself to think it was.
I came to the conclusion that I don't have the energy or pleasure of working there anymore. I'm gonna quit next week. Better do it while Diane is on vacation. This event didn't pushed me to make my decision but it was the last straw. I still feel like crap.