One Shot Song Fic - "Song About Me"
Title: Song About Me
Author: Xanfan
Rating: PG
Pairing: none
Summary: Sometimes, we can’t always say what we mean, but we don’t always need a song and dance demon to make a long due apology in song.
Spoilers: All of Buffy
Warnings: Songfic
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
_____________________________________
I first heard the song on that blasted country music station Xander insisted on listening to. That first time, I didn’t really listen to the words, just the music, admiring the guitar solo in my head, but not out loud for fear of encouraging Xander. The second time I heard it, I listened to the words… and my heart broke. Because the song seemed to be about me, not because of any romantic failures, but rather in reference to my biggest failure, or rather the person I seemed to have failed most. I had no one but myself to blame because time and time again, I had listened to a group of old men instead of my own conscience. The only difference between my folly and the song was that she forgave me.
So I learned the song, and at her 25th birthday party, a party held despite her protest of ‘birthdays bad’, I pulled out his guitar and sang it to her in tribute.
“She was precious, like a flower.
She grew wild, wild but innocent.
A perfect prayer in a desperate hour
She was everything beautiful and different”
And she was so innocent at the beginning, fresh and wholesome, in the first bloom of youth and womanhood. And we were desperate for a warrior to fight in an unwinnable war. But she wasn’t like her predecessors; she hadn’t grown up knowing what she was destined to become and she had no preconceived notions about how to do her job.
“Stupid boy, you can’t fence that in,
Stupid boy, it’s like holding back the wind.”
It’s what the Watcher’s Council did from practically the beginning of time, try to control and tame the wild thing that was a Slayer.
“She laid her heart and soul right in your hands.
You stole her every dream and you crushed her plans.
She never even knew she had a choice,
but that’s what happens when the only voice
she hears is telling her she can’t.”
Every Slayer is taught to trust her Watcher implicitly, not to question or doubt, and in return they got… nothing. No future, no happy ending, nothing to look forward to but a painful death at the hands of a monster. It’s drilled into them that this is their inescapable destiny, that they were Chosen, but they didn’t have any choices.
“Stupid Boy, Stupid Boy
What made you think you could take a life
And just push it, push it around?
I guess to build yourself up so high,
You had to take her and break her down.”
Hundreds of thousands of years of hubris and stupidity, so sure that the Council’s way was the best way, the only way. But in order to control them, to control their power, we had to strip away their personalities, their uniqueness, we took away everything that was precious and special about them and turned them into weapons, puppets to be manipulated.
“She laid her heart and soul right in your hands.
You stole her every dream and you crushed her plans.
She never even knew had a choice,
but that’s what happens when you only voice
she hears is telling her she can’t.”
For so long, Slayers were kept from family and friends, from having lives, so that they could concentrate on fighting the evil they were called to slay.
“You stupid boy, oh, you always had to be right,
Now you’ve lost the only thing that ever made you feel alive.
She laid her heart and soul right in your hands.
You stole her every dream and you crushed her plans.
She never even knew had a choice,
but that’s what happens when you only voice
she hears is telling her she can’t.”
It was the Watcher’s Council’s own history and self-righteousness that kept them from realizing that their policies that kept the Slayers from connecting with the world and finding someone or something to fight for, kept them from knowing what they were fighting for in the first place.
“You stupid boy, I’m the same old, same old stupid boy.
It took awhile for her to figure out that she could run,
But when she did, she was long gone, long gone.”
But she was different; she had friends and family who reminded her who and what she was fighting to protect. She had people willing to fight by her side, because it was the right thing to do, instead of just one old man watching her fight and critiquing her form. So when those stuffy old men let her down, betrayed her, she walked away. Not from the fight, but from them and their manipulations.
And when I betrayed her, she forgave me and welcomed me back. And I love her like my own child. And when I finished the song, she had tears in her eyes and she understood that I was apologizing as best I could. I was also vowing to dedicate my life to making sure the New Watcher’s Council was not just a bunch of old men who were really stupid boys with no idea what a Slayer needs to be successful.
Author: Xanfan
Rating: PG
Pairing: none
Summary: Sometimes, we can’t always say what we mean, but we don’t always need a song and dance demon to make a long due apology in song.
Spoilers: All of Buffy
Warnings: Songfic
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
_____________________________________
I first heard the song on that blasted country music station Xander insisted on listening to. That first time, I didn’t really listen to the words, just the music, admiring the guitar solo in my head, but not out loud for fear of encouraging Xander. The second time I heard it, I listened to the words… and my heart broke. Because the song seemed to be about me, not because of any romantic failures, but rather in reference to my biggest failure, or rather the person I seemed to have failed most. I had no one but myself to blame because time and time again, I had listened to a group of old men instead of my own conscience. The only difference between my folly and the song was that she forgave me.
So I learned the song, and at her 25th birthday party, a party held despite her protest of ‘birthdays bad’, I pulled out his guitar and sang it to her in tribute.
“She was precious, like a flower.
She grew wild, wild but innocent.
A perfect prayer in a desperate hour
She was everything beautiful and different”
And she was so innocent at the beginning, fresh and wholesome, in the first bloom of youth and womanhood. And we were desperate for a warrior to fight in an unwinnable war. But she wasn’t like her predecessors; she hadn’t grown up knowing what she was destined to become and she had no preconceived notions about how to do her job.
“Stupid boy, you can’t fence that in,
Stupid boy, it’s like holding back the wind.”
It’s what the Watcher’s Council did from practically the beginning of time, try to control and tame the wild thing that was a Slayer.
“She laid her heart and soul right in your hands.
You stole her every dream and you crushed her plans.
She never even knew she had a choice,
but that’s what happens when the only voice
she hears is telling her she can’t.”
Every Slayer is taught to trust her Watcher implicitly, not to question or doubt, and in return they got… nothing. No future, no happy ending, nothing to look forward to but a painful death at the hands of a monster. It’s drilled into them that this is their inescapable destiny, that they were Chosen, but they didn’t have any choices.
“Stupid Boy, Stupid Boy
What made you think you could take a life
And just push it, push it around?
I guess to build yourself up so high,
You had to take her and break her down.”
Hundreds of thousands of years of hubris and stupidity, so sure that the Council’s way was the best way, the only way. But in order to control them, to control their power, we had to strip away their personalities, their uniqueness, we took away everything that was precious and special about them and turned them into weapons, puppets to be manipulated.
“She laid her heart and soul right in your hands.
You stole her every dream and you crushed her plans.
She never even knew had a choice,
but that’s what happens when you only voice
she hears is telling her she can’t.”
For so long, Slayers were kept from family and friends, from having lives, so that they could concentrate on fighting the evil they were called to slay.
“You stupid boy, oh, you always had to be right,
Now you’ve lost the only thing that ever made you feel alive.
She laid her heart and soul right in your hands.
You stole her every dream and you crushed her plans.
She never even knew had a choice,
but that’s what happens when you only voice
she hears is telling her she can’t.”
It was the Watcher’s Council’s own history and self-righteousness that kept them from realizing that their policies that kept the Slayers from connecting with the world and finding someone or something to fight for, kept them from knowing what they were fighting for in the first place.
“You stupid boy, I’m the same old, same old stupid boy.
It took awhile for her to figure out that she could run,
But when she did, she was long gone, long gone.”
But she was different; she had friends and family who reminded her who and what she was fighting to protect. She had people willing to fight by her side, because it was the right thing to do, instead of just one old man watching her fight and critiquing her form. So when those stuffy old men let her down, betrayed her, she walked away. Not from the fight, but from them and their manipulations.
And when I betrayed her, she forgave me and welcomed me back. And I love her like my own child. And when I finished the song, she had tears in her eyes and she understood that I was apologizing as best I could. I was also vowing to dedicate my life to making sure the New Watcher’s Council was not just a bunch of old men who were really stupid boys with no idea what a Slayer needs to be successful.