Spiritual Emergence Story
I'm currently taking a class called "Spirituality and Social Work". In this class I had to write an autobiography on how I became the spiritual person I am today. Since Livejournal is all about talking about yourself, I figured this would be a good place to put it. It's a little long so you really don't need to read it, but you are welcome to.
The first ten years of my life were uneventful spiritually. My father never showed an interest in spirituality, and actually avoided discussing any form of it. My mother considers herself catholic, but she was locked in a closet by a priest when she was a little girl. As a result, she avoided church whenever she got the opportunity. Due to this, I had limited spiritual interactions with my parents.
My extended family had minimal influence spiritually also. I believe the only time I have seen my father’s family in a church was at weddings. I would consider them non-practicing Christians. Most of the people on my mother’s side were practicing Christians. They actively went to church, but I was not really aware they did this until my teenage years. I had little interaction with any of my extended family, mostly Christmas and Easter.
Around the age of ten my mother decided my brother and I needed some religion. It did not matter where. I think she just wanted my brother and I out of the house, but she said we needed to develop a spiritual background. So we ended up at a nearby church called Temple Baptist.
Temple Baptist was an interesting place. They taught some fascinating stories, they gave me a Bible which I read often, and I loved the singing. It continued like that for about six months, but after that I started to lose interest.
I enjoyed learning about the morals and the underlining meanings of what they were teaching me, but the concept of God and Jesus was lost to me. It was like when a teacher talks about Athens in history class. It might have some far off importance, but there was no observable effect on my current life. I put them along next to George Washington and Martin Luther King Jr., as interesting dead people.
After the six months mark, I did not find any more reasons to attend church. I discussed it with my brother and we decided not to go to church anymore. We told our parents and they agreed we did not have to go back.
The church had other ideas. They came to our house every Sunday for about two months. I remember hiding in my room whenever their bus pulled up to our house. I wondered why they were being so persistent. They were nice before, but now they were mean. How could their teachings permit this? Maybe what they taught me was not true.
At age eleven I decided it did not matter. I liked the Bible, and I liked the stories in it. I kept the Bible they gave me and read it every once and awhile. I decided that no matter what those Baptists wanted, I would figure out God for myself and continue to be a good person.
Around age thirteen my parents bought ten acres of forest with a trailer on it. It was here that I developed my connection with nature. Sometimes I would venture out into the woods by myself. I just walked a direction and after some time I felt at one with the forest. The wind blowing the trees, the smell of the soil, and the sound of small animals moving endowed me with a connection to all things.
This closeness has stayed with me throughout my life. I could call it up at will and experience connection with the things surrounding me. I use this in times of stress and happiness, but it is never as strong as when I am in nature. Unfortunately, I forgot this skill during my teenage years.
My teenage years were turbulent times. I began to doubt everything. The Bible became a book of contradictions and inaccuracies. I began seeing the negative in everything. Nothing made sense. I saw no purpose for anything. No reason to continue. No reason to make a difference.
I progressed along this path until I saw no other option than to commit suicide. I planned to overdose on sleep pills and die in the branches my favorite tree. On the day of my planned suicide I got caught. As a result, I was placed in the psychiatric ward at Sacred Heart.
I was in Sacred Heart for about a month. During my time there I developed an aversion to suicide. Contemplating it make me feel ill. I’m not certain why this is, but I’m thankful I have this reaction.
After my time in Sacred Heart, I still had no spiritual support. I reverted back to doubting everything. Suicide was no longer an option, and so I did not know where to turn. My mind kept going in loops and I could find no answers to my many questions. I felt like I was going mad.
When I thought I could not stand any more torment, a miracle happened. I had a vision. In my spirituality class, this vision would be defined as the breakthrough. It was a mystical experience that awakened a new life and perspective within me.
In this vision, I was standing before God. I asked him what the purpose of our existence was, and this is what he showed me: In the beginning was God. God was all by himself and had no idea why he was there or who he was. He discovered he had the knowledge and ability to create anything he wished. God really wanted to know how he got there and who he was, and so he created the universe. He gave the inhabitants of his universe the same desire as himself. As a result, the people of his universe are exploring all the possible reasons for existence. As these people develop, they will understand more and more about the reason for their existence, and as a result, become closer to God. As people die, God places them in a new factor of his great machine, which creates even more insight and growth.
As a result of this vision, I realized the reason for existence is to experience and learn about life. The concept for good and evil is just a tool to facilitate this learning. Suffering, strife, conflicts, and diseases are undesirable. As humans we inherently strive to overcome these issues. This makes you, as a person, stronger and more knowledgeable of the world in which you interact with. An “evil” person can also be a facilitator for others to learn and grow.
After years of examining my vision, I realized it could be fake. The vision could be truthful, but I believe the main purpose of it was to place me on the correct path. I do not know how my life would have progressed without my vision, but I know the ideology that I have developed because of it has made me a happy, knowledgeable, and resilient person. The vision could have been created within my mind as a means of self-preservation, or God could have sent it to me. Either way, I’m thankful for receiving it.
When I was seventeen I stumbled upon the New Age section at a bookstore. Before this time I had never heard of anything like what was shown in these books. My mother saw me in the section and was pleased. She told me she had an interest in similar things when she was my age. She encouraged me to choose a book, and then she bought it for me. Later she even bought be some tarot cards.
I became enthralled in the history of the Pagan religions. I read any book I could get my hands on that discussed the subject. I also preformed many of the rituals and spells within these books alone and with others.
The most influential book I read on Paganism was Modern Magick, which was written by a Jewish man named Don Kraig. This book helped bridge the gap between my Christian beliefs and my newly formed Pagan ones. I am certain that was not the purpose of the book, but that is what I got out of it.
As time passed through the remaining eleven years that lead to my current age of twenty-nine, I continued to learn and grow from my experiences, but the core of my belief system originated from my vision. All events that I experience are placed into the concepts of growth, knowledge, and discovery.
Currently, my wife and I talk about our spirituality often. We both believe it is important to discuss our personal views of spirituality so that we can both grow as individuals as well as a couple. Plus, it’s interesting to talk about.
Outside of my wife I do others things to maintain my current spirituality. I commune with nature at least once a month. I often research concepts of spirituality on the internet and books. I also meditate every night. I feel it washes away the day, and it prepares me to rest at night.
I would label my current spiritual belief as Agnostic. I believe there is a possibility of a greater power, but I do not have any evidence to support his existence or lack there of. Regardless of whether there is a God or not, I am happy about the path I am currently taking, and if there is a God he must have had some influence on the direction I am traveling.
In the future, I plan to continue to experience and discover new aspects of life. I wish to travel to different parts of the work to experience their culture and customs. I wish I examine other religions and learn aspects of their beliefs that will grow and influence my own beliefs. I am also considering placing my vision into a work of fiction. Whether it is true or not, I think it is an interesting story, and people may benefit from its perspective.
The first ten years of my life were uneventful spiritually. My father never showed an interest in spirituality, and actually avoided discussing any form of it. My mother considers herself catholic, but she was locked in a closet by a priest when she was a little girl. As a result, she avoided church whenever she got the opportunity. Due to this, I had limited spiritual interactions with my parents.
My extended family had minimal influence spiritually also. I believe the only time I have seen my father’s family in a church was at weddings. I would consider them non-practicing Christians. Most of the people on my mother’s side were practicing Christians. They actively went to church, but I was not really aware they did this until my teenage years. I had little interaction with any of my extended family, mostly Christmas and Easter.
Around the age of ten my mother decided my brother and I needed some religion. It did not matter where. I think she just wanted my brother and I out of the house, but she said we needed to develop a spiritual background. So we ended up at a nearby church called Temple Baptist.
Temple Baptist was an interesting place. They taught some fascinating stories, they gave me a Bible which I read often, and I loved the singing. It continued like that for about six months, but after that I started to lose interest.
I enjoyed learning about the morals and the underlining meanings of what they were teaching me, but the concept of God and Jesus was lost to me. It was like when a teacher talks about Athens in history class. It might have some far off importance, but there was no observable effect on my current life. I put them along next to George Washington and Martin Luther King Jr., as interesting dead people.
After the six months mark, I did not find any more reasons to attend church. I discussed it with my brother and we decided not to go to church anymore. We told our parents and they agreed we did not have to go back.
The church had other ideas. They came to our house every Sunday for about two months. I remember hiding in my room whenever their bus pulled up to our house. I wondered why they were being so persistent. They were nice before, but now they were mean. How could their teachings permit this? Maybe what they taught me was not true.
At age eleven I decided it did not matter. I liked the Bible, and I liked the stories in it. I kept the Bible they gave me and read it every once and awhile. I decided that no matter what those Baptists wanted, I would figure out God for myself and continue to be a good person.
Around age thirteen my parents bought ten acres of forest with a trailer on it. It was here that I developed my connection with nature. Sometimes I would venture out into the woods by myself. I just walked a direction and after some time I felt at one with the forest. The wind blowing the trees, the smell of the soil, and the sound of small animals moving endowed me with a connection to all things.
This closeness has stayed with me throughout my life. I could call it up at will and experience connection with the things surrounding me. I use this in times of stress and happiness, but it is never as strong as when I am in nature. Unfortunately, I forgot this skill during my teenage years.
My teenage years were turbulent times. I began to doubt everything. The Bible became a book of contradictions and inaccuracies. I began seeing the negative in everything. Nothing made sense. I saw no purpose for anything. No reason to continue. No reason to make a difference.
I progressed along this path until I saw no other option than to commit suicide. I planned to overdose on sleep pills and die in the branches my favorite tree. On the day of my planned suicide I got caught. As a result, I was placed in the psychiatric ward at Sacred Heart.
I was in Sacred Heart for about a month. During my time there I developed an aversion to suicide. Contemplating it make me feel ill. I’m not certain why this is, but I’m thankful I have this reaction.
After my time in Sacred Heart, I still had no spiritual support. I reverted back to doubting everything. Suicide was no longer an option, and so I did not know where to turn. My mind kept going in loops and I could find no answers to my many questions. I felt like I was going mad.
When I thought I could not stand any more torment, a miracle happened. I had a vision. In my spirituality class, this vision would be defined as the breakthrough. It was a mystical experience that awakened a new life and perspective within me.
In this vision, I was standing before God. I asked him what the purpose of our existence was, and this is what he showed me: In the beginning was God. God was all by himself and had no idea why he was there or who he was. He discovered he had the knowledge and ability to create anything he wished. God really wanted to know how he got there and who he was, and so he created the universe. He gave the inhabitants of his universe the same desire as himself. As a result, the people of his universe are exploring all the possible reasons for existence. As these people develop, they will understand more and more about the reason for their existence, and as a result, become closer to God. As people die, God places them in a new factor of his great machine, which creates even more insight and growth.
As a result of this vision, I realized the reason for existence is to experience and learn about life. The concept for good and evil is just a tool to facilitate this learning. Suffering, strife, conflicts, and diseases are undesirable. As humans we inherently strive to overcome these issues. This makes you, as a person, stronger and more knowledgeable of the world in which you interact with. An “evil” person can also be a facilitator for others to learn and grow.
After years of examining my vision, I realized it could be fake. The vision could be truthful, but I believe the main purpose of it was to place me on the correct path. I do not know how my life would have progressed without my vision, but I know the ideology that I have developed because of it has made me a happy, knowledgeable, and resilient person. The vision could have been created within my mind as a means of self-preservation, or God could have sent it to me. Either way, I’m thankful for receiving it.
When I was seventeen I stumbled upon the New Age section at a bookstore. Before this time I had never heard of anything like what was shown in these books. My mother saw me in the section and was pleased. She told me she had an interest in similar things when she was my age. She encouraged me to choose a book, and then she bought it for me. Later she even bought be some tarot cards.
I became enthralled in the history of the Pagan religions. I read any book I could get my hands on that discussed the subject. I also preformed many of the rituals and spells within these books alone and with others.
The most influential book I read on Paganism was Modern Magick, which was written by a Jewish man named Don Kraig. This book helped bridge the gap between my Christian beliefs and my newly formed Pagan ones. I am certain that was not the purpose of the book, but that is what I got out of it.
As time passed through the remaining eleven years that lead to my current age of twenty-nine, I continued to learn and grow from my experiences, but the core of my belief system originated from my vision. All events that I experience are placed into the concepts of growth, knowledge, and discovery.
Currently, my wife and I talk about our spirituality often. We both believe it is important to discuss our personal views of spirituality so that we can both grow as individuals as well as a couple. Plus, it’s interesting to talk about.
Outside of my wife I do others things to maintain my current spirituality. I commune with nature at least once a month. I often research concepts of spirituality on the internet and books. I also meditate every night. I feel it washes away the day, and it prepares me to rest at night.
I would label my current spiritual belief as Agnostic. I believe there is a possibility of a greater power, but I do not have any evidence to support his existence or lack there of. Regardless of whether there is a God or not, I am happy about the path I am currently taking, and if there is a God he must have had some influence on the direction I am traveling.
In the future, I plan to continue to experience and discover new aspects of life. I wish to travel to different parts of the work to experience their culture and customs. I wish I examine other religions and learn aspects of their beliefs that will grow and influence my own beliefs. I am also considering placing my vision into a work of fiction. Whether it is true or not, I think it is an interesting story, and people may benefit from its perspective.