My Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates - Yup, It Looks Like Shit

[xappyxtrailsx]

I’m very depressed right now, and I mean VERY depressed. No, I’m not feeling suicidal or anything but, damn! My life is so fucking fucked up! I fucking suck! I love horses, I really do, and I can do all sorts of groundwork with them but as soon as my foot touches that stirrup I’m a nervous wreck and can’t do diddily dick! Spot’s going to waste and

Comments

[kriskabelle]

Truthfully, Char, I don't think it'd be such a bad thing if you sold Spot. Though it would be very depressing... not only for you, but for me too. You do know that one of the main reasons I go out to your place is to ride with you? Yea sure, I've got Ainzli Alix and Moe, but they can only go so far. They're great friends, but they're not you. Riding with you is oh so much better. It'd be scary if there was no horse for you in the pasture

*hugs and cries*

[xappyxtrailsx]

I'd love to go riding just you and me Kris but that's near impossible because even if the A's aren't there, Molly will be and I don't even feel comfortable riding with her. I wish I could ride like all you guys, whenever I'm out riding with all of you all I can do is sit there and envy all you guys and wish I could ride like you guys. For fuck's sakes, even SARA rides better than I do! I don't want to sell Spot but DAMN IT it looks like the right course of action. But would I do any better in the cattle industry? Or would I only be able to go so far with cattle before I chicken out? My mum seems to think I should try riding lessons but I just don't have the time for them! And I've taken tons of lessons and look where I fucking ended up! I don't know what I need in my life, I don't know where I want my life to go. I want to keep Spot and go to horse shows with her, win some ribbons, kick some ass, in both halter and riding but I can hardly even win ribbons in halter! It took being in a class of two for me to win a first place ribbon

Re: *hugs and cries*

[kriskabelle]

I've had those days... truly. It's just so annoying when you get into those types of grooves... and believe me, I've been in one for a while. Though it's not with the horse world like yours is, it's still very real. It feels like there's no possible way that you can get out of it. But I just want you to know that whatever you decide, I'll always be there for you. And for your information: you're not a hinderance (sp?). You're one of my best friends, a person who I can share anything with and not worry about being bashed around. Yea sure, you can get annoying, but who doesn't? And even though you're lost in life right now, everyone is at some point in their life. You've just got to find the right groove... though it may not be horses, you might just find something that can make you happier

*sniffs*

[xappyxtrailsx]

I know we weren't making feel bad intentionally, but how can I not envy you? You can go out there and enjoy yourself and you're never scared. Annie will rear, and buck, and be a general asshole and all you do is yell at her and if you fall off you laugh. Me? First little crow hop and I'm out of that saddle and leading the horse home. Above all else I want your courage. If I had your courage I wouldn't doubt my abilites to grow as a rider but I've got less courage as a fucking squirrel. What the Hell am I gunna do when I have to teach those juniors and pee-wees in 4-H? How can I teach these kids when I don't deserve to be looked upon as a scholar? I don't even think I'm a good teacher, I just wanted to be a junior leader because it would give me something to do. And what the Hell can I do for my creative horsemanship when I can't even ride

[xdarkxseraphx]

Oh, Char! *huggles* I'm so sorry you feel so bad and that you might sell Spot. I know how much you love her and she's a great horse. I can halfway identify with you, since after I fell off Chance (even though it was my own damn blonde fault) I'd freak out if I had to ride a difficult horse, especially when I was alone. Maybe you should go way back to the beginning and take baby steps? Like do a lot of simple walking round pen work with her or go riding with a friend and a more experienced horse? That way maybe both you and her will feel more at ease. Nerves can totally fuck up your riding and maybe being with someone else or doing itsy bitsy little round pen things will help settle you. Or maybe even have someone work her on the end of a lounge line while you sit on her. Itsy bitsy little things like that could help you get your groove back. Maybe wearing a riding helmet would make you feel more secure in the saddle? I know there's lots of bias against them, especially in Western, but I wear mine when ever I'm riding one of the

*hugs half-heartedly*

[xappyxtrailsx]

*smiles* I'm glad I have at least two people who care and will listen. It's weird, but you've gotta be one of my best friends Cass even though we've never met face to face. People always say not to trust others online, but I think most of my best, and closest, friends are online and live at the other side of the continent. Maybe that's why I feel more secure, it's harder for you to hurt me, but whatever the reason I always used to rely on all my online pals for support and comfort, especially you Cass. You were always such a good listener...er, reader. And it's not that Spot's difficult, per say, but she is young and unpredictable. I love her to death and I really want to ride her, but I just don't have the courage in me. I really thought I did at first, but I guess I don't. And when I first brought her home that was all I did was ride in the round pen, I'd even lunge her out somewhat before getting up. As for helmets, they don't help my confidence, they just annoy the Hell out of me. And I really don't like lunge lines in combination

*snugs*

[xdarkxseraphx]

You mean a lot to me too, Charli. I agree: even though we've never met face to face, I still consider you one of my best friends. You're really the only friend I have, real or online, that I can actually talk to about horses and it doesn't just end there. I can't recall one time when I ever didn't want to talk to you, no matter the subject. (Though I have to say you are a little obsessed with that Treize Gundam Wing dude) I consider myself fortunate to have met you. And it's nice that I know someone up in Canada for when I get my rebel ass booted out of the US, lol

Cont: *snugs*

[xdarkxseraphx]

PART II of this comment. Because LJ blows and I don't feel like waiting 'till it's unscreened. Read this one second, dearie