Saints on fire - Chapter one

[xaquax]

SAINTS ON FIRE - CHAPTER ONE
There is only one cold feeling that makes him feel good. That’s what he had been telling himself for the past months. But he had thought it since he left Australia. After all it’s the metallic feeling of the shark Zippo that gives him power. It’s the representation of the hell he left behind. The one thing that released

Comments

[hazy_crazy]

Ohhh I do love this. A LOT. And you write very well for someone whose second language is English! :) I did notice a couple of things that could be written differently, for example:

After all it’s the metallic feeling of the shark Zippo what gives him the power.
After all, it’s the metallic feeling of the shark Zippo that gives him the power.

He’s awake since half an hour but can’t still start thinking how to get out.
He’s been awake for half an hour but still can't think how to escape.

But apart from those little things, it's a great start! :D You have a way of writing that helps me picture the scene, the tiny details, like blood stained fingers, a room that's terribly bright, a Kitty that has eyes that have no life left in them. Love the similes/metaphors you used.

I would offer to beta for you, but I don't have the time :( That, and we're not going to have internet for a while since we're moving house. But please don't be discouraged, with or without a beta. I just want to read more! :D

And aww, thank you for the dedication :3

[xaquax]

Thank you for all your support and the corrections!

I’m glad you like the way I write. In Spanish I'm better, but here I’m a little restrained with the vocabulary. The last time I wrote something in english was two years ago, but I’m sure this is like riding a bike. I’ll get better soon.

And don't worry, I’m sure someone will show up and offer to be my beta, if not people will correct me while reading what I do.

Too bad you’re moving.

But, hey! I promise you’ll have a lot to read of this ship when you came back.

[hazy_crazy]

Not a problem!! :)

Yes, I can understand that. I still think you're doing wonderfully. Oh wow! That's a while! And that's right, it'll get easier the longer it goes on :D

Yeah that's true :)

I know! But it can't be helped!

Haha, I'll still be able to access the internet at work and at my boyfriend's place, so I'll be able to catch up on fic no probs :D