KU 6
A/N:
Trying to finish this puppy up at super speed
Continuation of “Meeting the Classmates” This is a conversation between two pregnant people with a touch of dementia.
The moment China and England waddled into the men’s bathroom with their round stomachs, some men ran screaming out.
“What’s their problem?” England asked.
“It’s not often that a pregnant man walks into a men’s bathroom, let alone two aru….”
The two ‘pregnant’ nations just gazed at each other in silence- assessing.
China folded his hands in front of him and waited.
His patience was rewarded when England finally sighed, running his hand through his short blond hair. “Look, Yao, we’re both not stupid so let’s be honest with each other.”
“Of course aru. I wouldn’t want it otherwise.”
England crossed his arms right above his protruding belly. “First things first, you’re not really pregnant right? I mean if you were, it actually wouldn’t be that surprising considering how girly-“
“No aru, I’m not damn it!” China yelled.
“Easy there, old fella, I was just making sure.” England scratched his head. “You’d think after 5 millenniums of people mistaking him for a girl, China would be use to it by now,” England thought before clearing his throat. “Ah…well…as you can guess, I’m not either….”
“Well, of course aru.” China jerked a thumb back behind him. “Only Ivan and Alfred would be stupid enough to believe men could get pregnant.”
“Alfred is one thing. A little story about alien encounter of the 4th kind and he instantly believed me, but how’d you get Ivan to believe you?” England asked, intensely curious, “Ivan didn’t strike me as a type to fall for something like this….”
China shrugged his shoulders. “Something about being an immortal and looking like a girl aru.”
“No way!” England gasped, “And he fell for it?”
“I paid a doctor too aru,” China smirked.
England whistled at the devious plot but then pursed his lips. “You know, you could’ve just told him you had a kid before. Like Hong Kong. He’d be definitely believe you if you said that!”
“Ew! That’s disgusting aru! Reducing my brother to my son?” China said scandalized, “Plus, that’d mean I had him with you!” China raised an eyebrow. “You do know how jealous Ivan can get don’t you aru? Don’t even think about walking outside of your London townhouse without getting hospitalized….”
“Good point. Didn’t think of that.”
“You know,” China suddenly said, putting a finger on his lips, “I’ve noticed this earlier but what are you using as you’re stomach aru? It looks so realistic!”
“Oh this?” England unbuttoned his shirt, revealing a cotton vest with a gelatinous pouch. “I got this customized from a Hollywood special effects company. Touch it! It feels real too!”
China poked it. “I hate to admit it, but I’m slightly jealous aru.”
“What are you using?”
“The standard pillow tied around with ropes around your stomach aru.”
“Doesn’t he notice? You two still share a bed right?”
“Sometimes aru,” China sighed, “but it’s been a bother recently since I have to sleep on my back instead of my stomach aru and still be conscious enough just in case Ivan tries to hug me at night. Must be on guard at all times or else he’ll find out.”
“Oh I know exactly what you mean! Never knew pregnant women had it this tough until I pretended to be one. I think it’s actually harder to pretend, really.”
China tilt his head and gave England an inquisitive look. “So…why are you pretending to be pregnant aru?”
“To get the stupid idiot to finally propose marriage,” England replied as he re-buttoned his shirt. “What about you?”
“I needed a break from our constant bed-breaking love making. It gave me diarrhea and was leaving me hunched back.”
“Wow, must’ve been tough. How far along are you?”
China touched his pillowed-stomach, “I think I can pull this off for another 2-3 weeks aru.”
England watched his bulging reflection in the mirror. “I’m about to have a ‘miscarriage’ in another month or so.”
“Right before or after the wedding aru?” China asked.
“Hm, I’m not sure yet. Before so it wouldn’t be a shotgun wedding but then it’ll entirely ruin the mood though.”
China gave England a concern look. “Just make sure it’s before the honeymoon….”
“Oh, of course!” England rolled his eyes at the obvious. “Anyway, make sure to come console me when I’m lying on the hospital bed.”
“Alright, call me aru.”
“Remember to look sad!”
“…er…I’ll try aru….” China said hesitantly.
England smiled, “Shall we get back before Ivan or Alfred declares a nuclear war?”
“Yes, that sounds like a great idea.” China returned the smile.
As the walked along side by side, each had an inner thought about the other:
Arthur’s way too desperate for Alfred’s love. How embarrassing….
Ivan’s gonna fucking rape China’s ass later when he finds out….
And they just kept smiling to one another.
A/N:
I tried to keep the tone of conversation ‘normal’ while what they’re talking about is anything BUT normal. Hope that came through.
This is the last comedic piece of “Knocked Up”. I know people are reading this because of the humor but as “Knocked Up” is coming to a close, I must address the issue of Yao getting busted and Ivan finding out. The next 2 chapters are more serious and deal with the emotional aspect of their relationship. If you want to keep the comedic aspect of this story, I suggest you skip “Regrets” and “Baby Shower”.