Memories 2
Few Months Later
Russia leaned against China's desk, staring into a photo of him and China. It was the only photo of them alone. They were clad in their military uniform, standing stiffly side-by-side. A commemorate photo of their alliance. It wasn't a photo of a happy couple.
He placed the picture back down on the desk and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. This was starting to become a headache. Did he love China? He couldn't deny the fluttering feeling in his heart when he remembers the soft smile of the other nation, but that was core of the problem. They weren't his memories. Bits and pieces came to him- of China lightly calling his name, of gentle hands stroking his head. How can he call it love when the feelings he held were built from a past he doesn't remember?
"Ivan, look, fireflies." China called out to him a few days after they reconciled.
"I can see that, China." China flinched slightly at being called so formerly and Russia silently swore at his mistake. It was only recently he began seeing his southern neighbor as a 'lover' rather than a business partner. Intermingled with his affection and tender feelings was doubt and foreignness. "Ah, I'm sorry Ch-"
China shook his head, smiling tightly. "It doesn't matter. As long as you're still here, nothing else matters."
Russia's throat tightened at the memory. The smile China gave him spoke of utter despair. It must be painful for him to smile when all he could feel was sadness. Which was why Russia was here today. They tried. They honestly tried to fully regain the memories of his past life, of rebuilding what they once shared. But it was no use. The Russia of the USSR and the Russia of Russian Federation were two different people, two different nations. He can't go back to who he once was, to who China gave his heart.
The person China loved was dead.
And so, he came to end it between them to save them both further heartache. They can still be allies without being lovers. Being lovers actually complicated matters. Yes, ending what they had would be for the best.
If only it didn't hurt so much.
"Sorry for the wait, Ivan" China burst through the double doors, "The meeting ran longer than I thought. I hope you're not mad."
Russia mutely shook his head, his entire body tense.
Confused at the silence, China placed a concerned hand on the larger nation's shoulder. "Ivan, is something wrong?"
"Ch...Yao," Russia finally began, looking everywhere but China's eyes. "I...I think we should just be allies. We shouldn't see one another unless it's at a meeting...."
"You want to break up?" China's quiet voice rang loud in Russia's ears.
Russia felt as if he couldn't breathe. Still, though, he managed to say one word: "Yes"
Silence. The ticking of the grandfather clock deafening.
"I see...." Slowly, China pulled himself away from Russia and Russia closed his eyes against the agonizing pain he felt at the lost of that heat.
Did he always feel this cold? Ahh...it is only when you experience tender warmth do you know what extreme coldness is huh? Russia buried deeper into his scarf. It's fine. He'll feel warm again one day.
Unexpectedly, soft fingertips touched his cheeks. Startled, Russia looked at China's surprised. China gave him a bitter smile before resting his forehead against the larger nation, his hands cupping the other's face.
"I knew it was coming," China whispered.
Unable to stop himself, Russia held onto China's waist for what might be for the last time. "How did you know?"
"Because every time someone mentions the past, you had an anguish look on your face." His small hands caressed Russia's cheeks. "It was hurting you. The memories you could and couldn't remember."
Russia held onto the delicate hands- hands he remembered even beyond death. "I'm sorry, Yao. I'm sorry I can't remember everything."
"Why are you sorry? It was a miracle you remembered me at all...." the smaller nation chuckled. It was now China's turn to close his eyes and contemplate the past. "What we had was not all happy. There were moments of tears, blood, and war. There was more hate than there was love." He brushed a strand of hair away from the lovely sapphire eyes. "But for the short moment we were happy, it overshadowed everything else."
"But it's all in the past now." China stepped out of Russia's embrace and smiled sweetly. "What I had with Soviet Russia- both the bad and good- ended in 1991. I should have known that."
Russia slowly got up from the desk, his limbs feeling unbearably heavy. "Yes...it did."
"Goodbye, Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. Goodbye to our past and all that we shared," China said quietly.
Russia nodded stiffly, pulling his scarf even tighter around himself. Just as he was about to take his first heavy step away, China stuck out his hand. "Hello, Russian Federation. I'm People's Republic of China."
The blond nation tentatively placed his hand into the other's. "Yao, what are you-"
"If we can't start from where we left off, then we can start all over." China tightened his hold on Russia's. "From now on, we'll forge our own memories."
"Is that alright with you, Russian Federation?" China asked.
Russia was stunned for a moment, but a soon a small smile played on his lips. "Are you asking me out?"
China blushed slightly. "N-not, exactly. We can start off drinking tea a-and then-"
"The sunflowers are nice this time of year," Russia interrupted China's stuttering, "You should come to my house and see them." He steadily returned the Chinese gaze. "They're very beautiful."
China said nothing for a moment before smiling. "I would like that."
A/N: I was asked to do a sequel to this before but I didn't until now because 1) There is already a planned fanfic where Ivan loses his memories and 2) I just couldn't think of an appropriate sequel. However re-reading "Memories" today, this idea came to me. My brain died at the end which is why it's all sappy bleeeeh.
Btw, I have no intention of continuing this. As of now this story is "complete"