Knocked Up 3
Damn bastard came in me again….
Does he know how many times I’ve had diarrhea because of that?!?
Just making him scared isn’t enough to atone for his sins and my medical bills….
3 hours ago
“Excuse me, sir?”
China handed him some money. “I said, tell that big guy over there, ‘Congratulations, you’re wife is 3 weeks pregnant,” he jerked his head towards where Russia was sitting in a chair, twiddling his thumbs, his eyes darting back and forth frantically as he waited for him to finish his ‘check-up’.
“But sir! You-you’re a man! Men can’t have children! Who would be dumb enough to believe such an outrageous lie! Where would the baby come out?!”
China placed his hands on the bewildered physician’s shoulders, “Believe me…there are a lot of idiots out there in the world; most of them are running your countries.”
Present
“…and then we should buy a crib, baby walkie talkies. Oh and Ivan~” China smiled, placing his hand affectionately on Russia’s forearm.
Russia made a quick glance to the other nation, keeping his eyes on the road as he drove. He smiled tightly, “Yes, Yao?”
“What shall we name our kids?”
“…what do you mean kids? As in more than one?!” Russia had nothing but a cool, calm demeanor and never, ever behaved with anything less than manliness. At that moment though, his face turned pale and his voice became high pitched as he squeaked out his fear to China.
China grabbed onto the wheel when Russia buried his head in his hands, sobbing, “No…I-I can’t….I’m too young to have kids….”
The Chinese nation pulled on the emergency breaks and the car skidded to an abrupt stop, almost spinning out of control. Throughout it all, Russia just kept murmuring “How he wasn’t ready to be a father yet,” and “If I had known, I would’ve used protection.”
China grabbed onto his sleeve, tugging until a violet eye peeked at him warily through gloved fingers. He beamed up at the Russian, “No worries, Ivan! Raising a child, is almost like raising a sibling. You took care of Belarus when she was a kid right? Look at how she turned out!”
For once, China made Russia cry.