moan blah ramble ramble
BAAAAAAAAAAAH!
sorry. life's been up and down.
thanksgiving is almost here, yay!!! i'm going home, THANK GOD. i need to get out of here. work sort of fucked me over, but in a way it's not that bad. i've reconciled that and in the end, i think it's probably for the better. they basically forced me to be the 'permanent' (as in for as long as i have this job/until i start taking classes, etc.) closer, so i work from 9-6 pm which means i hit traffic going into work AND coming out. i hit rush hour right at it's peak. everyone hits traffic yeah, but gas out here is almost $3.50/gallon and i don't get paid enough to not worry about how much i have to spend on gas a week, y'know? plus, i don't usually get enough sleep so getting stuck in traffic means higher chances of me falling asleep on my way to work and from home. suuuuuuuucks. to combat this, i joined a gym that's close to my work. after work i try to hit whatever exercise class they have going on and then i run for half an hour on the treadmill. my ankle and knees are still giving me problems, but whatever. the only thing that really sucks about this is that it completely screws with my chances of taking an evening art class. >_< craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap.
soccer wise, i feel like i've hit a dead point. i dunno... like i've gotten cocky or just it a point where i've stopped improving. and, my playing has been really shitty these last couple of games. ugh. meh. i think i'm going to shell out some more money and join another indoor place and see if playing with new people and a new team helps me shake out of my doldrums. i need something.
friends wise, i still dunno. i miss all my college friends. i'm starting to feel like some of those friendships are starting to slip away, and as much as i grasp at the strands, maybe we're all changing so much we're hitting that point where we're starting to disconnect? it really worries me, since those were the friendships i felt like would really keep, y'know? i expected them to, but of course not without effort. hm. part of it is my fault too though, not calling people enough and stuff. sometimes when i call though, i feel like all i'm doing is bothering people because they're either doing something or too tired or with people or whatever. meh.
guy wise, i'm fending someone off. he's a really nice guy, totally cool and hilarious but... i'm just not attracted to him. he's not unattractive, but he's asian for starters, and as bad as it sounds i'm really just not attracted to asian guys. i was trying to give it a chance and stuff, but i think it's better just to let it go and try to establish the friendship boundaries instead. i can't force it if it's not there, and i don't want to lead him on either. sometimes i get momentary whims, but i think that's because i'm more into the idea of having someone than the specific idea of it being him...
roommate wise... blah. i think most of my possible depressedness stems from this. things are still sort of weird with the 'new' roommate, and i'm feeling even more distant from the other two. sort of like... my living here/my existence isn't of any consequence beyond helping lower the rent and making sure it gets paid every month. no one asks how my day was, says hi/acknowledges my presence/makes any effort to continue a conversation i start/etc.. sounds whiny when i think about it, but honesty, a bit of acknowledgment would go a long way. sometimes i wonder if it seems like i'm distant or something, which might be part of why they don't talk to me, but if i do it's because i don't feel like i should be where they are since i'll just end up taking space instead of actually... being there... if that makes sense. i spend a lot of time at the gym/playing soccer/whatever because i don't always feel comfortable being home. >_<
part of it is probably me being way too sensitive as well though, hahaha. i need to just get over it, but at the same time, that doesn't always work either. meh. i think thanksgiving break will be good for me. excellent even. if things still bother me that much when i get back, then i'll just have to talk to people and tell them. take the mature route, blah blah blah, hahaha.
ah well, enough. new week! and THANKSGIVING! FREAKING FINALLY!!! :)
sorry. life's been up and down.
thanksgiving is almost here, yay!!! i'm going home, THANK GOD. i need to get out of here. work sort of fucked me over, but in a way it's not that bad. i've reconciled that and in the end, i think it's probably for the better. they basically forced me to be the 'permanent' (as in for as long as i have this job/until i start taking classes, etc.) closer, so i work from 9-6 pm which means i hit traffic going into work AND coming out. i hit rush hour right at it's peak. everyone hits traffic yeah, but gas out here is almost $3.50/gallon and i don't get paid enough to not worry about how much i have to spend on gas a week, y'know? plus, i don't usually get enough sleep so getting stuck in traffic means higher chances of me falling asleep on my way to work and from home. suuuuuuuucks. to combat this, i joined a gym that's close to my work. after work i try to hit whatever exercise class they have going on and then i run for half an hour on the treadmill. my ankle and knees are still giving me problems, but whatever. the only thing that really sucks about this is that it completely screws with my chances of taking an evening art class. >_< craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap.
soccer wise, i feel like i've hit a dead point. i dunno... like i've gotten cocky or just it a point where i've stopped improving. and, my playing has been really shitty these last couple of games. ugh. meh. i think i'm going to shell out some more money and join another indoor place and see if playing with new people and a new team helps me shake out of my doldrums. i need something.
friends wise, i still dunno. i miss all my college friends. i'm starting to feel like some of those friendships are starting to slip away, and as much as i grasp at the strands, maybe we're all changing so much we're hitting that point where we're starting to disconnect? it really worries me, since those were the friendships i felt like would really keep, y'know? i expected them to, but of course not without effort. hm. part of it is my fault too though, not calling people enough and stuff. sometimes when i call though, i feel like all i'm doing is bothering people because they're either doing something or too tired or with people or whatever. meh.
guy wise, i'm fending someone off. he's a really nice guy, totally cool and hilarious but... i'm just not attracted to him. he's not unattractive, but he's asian for starters, and as bad as it sounds i'm really just not attracted to asian guys. i was trying to give it a chance and stuff, but i think it's better just to let it go and try to establish the friendship boundaries instead. i can't force it if it's not there, and i don't want to lead him on either. sometimes i get momentary whims, but i think that's because i'm more into the idea of having someone than the specific idea of it being him...
roommate wise... blah. i think most of my possible depressedness stems from this. things are still sort of weird with the 'new' roommate, and i'm feeling even more distant from the other two. sort of like... my living here/my existence isn't of any consequence beyond helping lower the rent and making sure it gets paid every month. no one asks how my day was, says hi/acknowledges my presence/makes any effort to continue a conversation i start/etc.. sounds whiny when i think about it, but honesty, a bit of acknowledgment would go a long way. sometimes i wonder if it seems like i'm distant or something, which might be part of why they don't talk to me, but if i do it's because i don't feel like i should be where they are since i'll just end up taking space instead of actually... being there... if that makes sense. i spend a lot of time at the gym/playing soccer/whatever because i don't always feel comfortable being home. >_<
part of it is probably me being way too sensitive as well though, hahaha. i need to just get over it, but at the same time, that doesn't always work either. meh. i think thanksgiving break will be good for me. excellent even. if things still bother me that much when i get back, then i'll just have to talk to people and tell them. take the mature route, blah blah blah, hahaha.
ah well, enough. new week! and THANKSGIVING! FREAKING FINALLY!!! :)