(no subject)

Oct 23, 2004 18:50

wow. ive come to the realization thet i have major problems.

im sick of being another fucking statistic. if 5 to 10 million girls and women have eating disorders, why do i feel so alone with this?? im sick of looking at myself in complete disgust. i feel like my wight is getting out of controle, but everyone is telling me that im geting really skinny. maybe the positive feedback is fuelling all of this. i hate the fact that my eating dissorders are now my security blankets. when im sad i eat, when i eat i..puke (ew, i know) and its all tuning into this viciouse circle, and its starting to scare me. ive never been one of those people to openly talk about being anorexic or bulimic, i think that the poeple who use it to get attention are annoying, like its cool to have these problems. i am ashamed of it. i mean its been about 2 and a half years of the bulimia, and about 6 months of the anorexia. im sick of it, but at the same time, its all become a part of me. i mean when my mom sits there staring at my rolls and says "oh wow, you always balloon up durring the off season" what do you think is going to happen!?! i mean..come on. but now shes telling me im too thin to even play soccer. WHAT THE FUCK!! whatever. im sick of. and im done. i dont want any pitty, i just needed to get this out.

oh yess..i fucking dig john.
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