(no subject)
i dont get it. why do people do this. i'm not poisoning anyone. they're smart people, if i was, they'd have told me to get the heck out of their lives and mean it. so far no one has. not even now. she's sitting there, trying to be the great saver. i swear to God. i could kill her. i honestly could. shes turning everyone against me. however, if they're turning against me, they wernt my friends to begin with. shes talkign about how all these people have her back, when i thought all along they had myne. i can deal with her taking them. i can deal with it. what i cant deal with is her turning the one person i would die for, the one person i would give up everything in the world to be with, the one person i couldnt live without in my life, against me. it's not fair. it wont happen. i'll be damned if i let it. i know i'm a horrible friend. i needn't hear it anymore. but again it brings me back to the point, if i'm such a horrible friend, what makes them stick around? i dont understand. please PLEASE make that one clear for me. i'm dying to know.
i never asked for sympathy. i had my problems, i needed help from friends. it's what friends do. we also focused on joel and deanna's problems. so i dont know where you get off saying i steal all the attention or sumthing like that. i fight fire with fire and i dont want to lose any friends but as jessca, brent, and courtney told me, if you all abandon me and conform to what she says, you were never my friend to begin with. at least, not my true friend.
"Jesus, some people should just die. you've infected everybody i love with you toxic mouth. get away from my friends you heartless demon, go back to hell where you came from. i don't want you here, infecting my friends, stop spreading your awful disease. somehow or another you gotten them to believe you and feel sorry for you. the lies you're telling are pure bullshit, and they're poison to the ears of my friends. stop saying such dumb things, and stop getting my friends to care for you. you don't deserve their kindness & generosity & caring. you don't even deserve the air they breathe. i'm telling you, just go back to hell. my friends need to breathe pure air, air that you haven't fucked up with your vicious, hurtful words. you're suffocating each of them, one by one. they believe the lies you tell them, the lies you say to draw them into you, and then, as they get nearer to you and begin to worry about you, you use it against them by killing them with words that slit the throat. one by one i've had to stand by and watch as my friends are sucked into your lair and mercilessly slaughtered. you don't deserve them, and i hate being the only one who sees right through you. i hate you. i hate you with a passion. leave my nice friends alone, let me nurse them back to health, and go rule hell again like you were before this happened"
wow. all i can say is wow.
i dont get it. honestly i dont. what the crap. i lied about nothing. and if i remember correctly klaire, you frickin hacked up your wrist too. WITH A SAFETY PIN. just... like... me...
reality sucks. deal with it.
i'm dealing with it. it's not worth it. shes not worth it. nothing is worth it.