(Untitled)

[xbrokengroundx]

and in the darkness,
she cries alone,
and her tears collect,
in the corner,
and she drowns,
in privacy.
for the first time(no, make that the last time)

Comments

[extra_exit_aid]

not bad, not bad. i have an alternative idea spawning from that, it incorporates a rain metaphor:

and in the darkness,
she rains alone,
and her tears collect,
on the floor,
and she drowns,
in privacy.

just a thought. its a nice poem, im assuming you wrote it.

[xbrokengroundx]

i did write it

[polarthebear]

ur a pretty deep kid jake, i like the poem too!

[xbrokengroundx]

thanks. more to come. heh