letting go.
So as most of you probably know I believe in God and I consider myself a Christian although I tend to avoid labeling myself as one, not because I'm ashamed of Jesus Christ or God or my Faith but simply because I am ashamed of the religious group that carries the title Christian. My problem is that it seems to me that from a Christian's perspective your not really a Christian unless you surround yourself with them 24/7 and spend you entire life in Church or at least as far away from the "heathens" as you possibly can so that you A. won't look bad to your other Christian friends and/or B. the "heathens" won't rub off on you.
So my problem with that is well I can't stand the Church establishment anymore and unless people demand a new system I will probably try and avoid it as long as I possibly can. See when I walk in to a Church I don't see starving people being fed, I don't see sick people being taken care off, I don't see lonely people being hugged, all I can see is selfish lead corruption, power struggles for leadership positions, competition , fakeness, friends walking all over other friends so they can climb to the top of the Church ladder and if I want that kind of an atmosphere I can just go to work.
Secondly, I don't tend to enjoy being around Christians. There are a few people who have the same beliefs and faith that I do that I still associate with and I respect them and have grown so much as a person by being around them especially my family and I'm so thankful to have them in my life but there's a good portion of people that also share the same faith as me that I hope to never see again because they are such horrible people. I don't know I just feel like there's something wrong with that. And the thing that's more disturbing then anything else is that only a small group of people that are on the out-side can see this. I just don't understand why God would save such a disgusting group of people including myself, and I never will.
The only problem is as always this leaves me in the middle not ever really fitting in with anyone, which is nothing really new for me it just get's depressing sometimes. But any other option would not be true to who I am and what I stand for so here I am alone in my principles. Although I think there are a few people that agree with me and probably even more that are just to afraid to admit it for whatever reason.