(no subject)
I have always said I did not care what she thinks of me. Did not care that she just did not understand. Did not care about getting close with her because even though it would be nice to be as close as she wants there would always be some things she just would not get.
Well, for someone who does not know a damn thing about me she sure as hell nailed my personality.
I guess I just never looked at it from that point of view. Maybe because the things she is willing to write to her teacher are not exactly things she is willing to tell me face to face.
No. That is not right, and I know it. It is because when she told me face to face I was not willing to listen.
I guess the things she had been saying to me never really hit me until I saw them there, written down, a million and twenty miles away from her, wanting her next to me to watch me nod and smile at everything she had said about me.
What is weird? She tells me everything. I tell her everything, but I do it half assed. Only when we are already in the middle of a heart-to-heart do I tell her. She stays up to start the conversations. In short, I never considered us that close, at all. But whenever someone asked me who my best friend was, "Natalya" was always the first name to come out of my mouth.
I have always felt like life is a movie. And I hate that. How my life is so cliche. It is one of the reasons I have such a 'disregard for authority'. I do not want to listen to the crap they say because it sounds like a script. I do not want a movie life. I want to be spontaneous. I do not want to feel like things are written down for me.
I think I am done with that phase. The one where everyone says they are not understood and everyone is cliche. Lately it just does not seem right. Especially for me to say I am misunderstood, and say it to her. If she can nail what I am thinking from the other side of the world, then it is not fair to say she cannot read my mind sitting next to me when we are staying up late because she cannot sleep.
It is not fair to say I am as unpredictable as I think I am, if she knows what I want every time I look at her with my stupid smirk, even though it is different from what I wanted last time. Not fair to say she cant predict what I am doing, since she knows I will be on the computer waiting for her the second she walks in the door.
So since I have established I am extremely predictable, and I am now willing to admit it, you all know me. I HATE cliches. I hate to use them, and say them, everything. I hate them. So now I will do something unpredictable, (how predictable), and use one.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
Wow. Never knew the meaning.
I miss you.