Well, New Year's sucked. I went to Scott's lame party and listened to that whiny bitch Jessica whine about how her life is so bad and bla bla bla ohh please pity me. Then she went and made Scott listen to it but he was more than happy to cuz she's his world even though she dumped him and yeah. I got fed up and left with Dara. I can't stand Jess ( Read more... )

I don't want 2005 to come. 2004 was so horrible, worse than 2003, which I never thought could be possible. Remembering how I spent New Years last year... watching Scott who'd just broken up with me flirt with Jess. Fun. Tonight I am either going to go to Scott's party where no one will talk to me, go to Megan's if she isn't busy, or stay home alone ( Read more... )

Having a lot of issues with self-esteem again. It's weird, for a few months I obsess about it, then I become somewhat okay with my appearance, and then I obsess again. Part of that may be because I have more time to watch movies such as The Beach with gorgeous skinny, long-haired, big-boobed, girls who are so perfectly flawless they can get any ( Read more... )

Do you ever feel like breaking down ( Read more... )

Well, Christmas has come and gone as well as Boxing Day. It turned out alright, except for my parents' fighting and having to see my mom's side of the family, of course. My parents were screaming at each other on Boxing Day night in front of my uncle Kenny and my dad made some harsh comments about me so I went upstairs crying. I can't wait to get ( Read more... )

Merry Christmas!!!

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I got my hair cut today! She took a lot off (my hair was getting really long) but it looks pretty good I think. I also went shopping yesterday and spent $200 on myself for clothes lol but I needed them and they're all really nice and now I have stuff to wear for Christmas. My life for the last week has been hanging out with Holly and others, job ( Read more... )

I haven't stopped crying for three days straight

No amount of razor blades can get rid of this horrible pain inside... no amount of bleeding, no amount of crimson red soaking through everything... nothing.

And with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible

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Someone tell me I can't die the week before Christmas. Please, someone.
Why do I feel like I'm screaming and no one can hear me?
I don't even have words right now... I'm just shaking.
I need love, I need someone to notice me, I need someone to care.
I need blades. I think I'll re-carve "invisible" tonight.
Maybe that will distract me for a while.

I ( Read more... )