i hate homework ( Read more... )

i hate how when i am alone and very tired i become irrational in an angry way. not like my crazy irrationalities, but angry for no reason. when i talk to someone, im usually fine, but when im alone, i dont know, my brain makes me turn really angry at the stupidest things.

so my mom's family officially hates us.
i just wish i had a family that cared.
like aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents.
either side would be nice.
i only have my grandpa.

its just ridiculous. i thought things were getting better between all of us but evidently not.
thanks to my great aunt virginia.

i have a ton of things i want to say. or shout.
but they are all weird. and sound stupid aloud.
and they're the kind of things no one really cares about, ya know?

i really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY want chicago to go well.
you have no idea how nervous i am that i will be disappointed that i spent $500 to go on this trip.
i will try my hardest to make the best of everything.
but i am sooooooooooooooooo nervous. more nervous than excited. which is odd ( Read more... )

 shit!
that can't be good for me.

yesterday was nice. i think it was mostly because it started out so nice ( Read more... )

 most of the time when i post i here, it's about shit that's hard for me to talk about.
and sometime i just get sick of most people ignoring it.
sorry i don't have some profound statement for you to comment about.
or some dumb thing where i answer questions about you.
but every once and a while itd be nice to know someone at least read the god damn ( Read more... )

i feel awkward. and i have for a few months now. 
i can't focus on anything other than this overpowering feeling inside of me whose meaning i can't interpret.
its not happiness, saddness, anger, impulse, or relief. its this odd feeling that is so strong in me all the time yet when i try to discover what it is, i found it has all of those feelings ( Read more... )

 sometimes it's really nice to be alone in the dark.
and other times it's really scary.

why?