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ok i guess im gunna update lol just cuz i figured i'd put some entries when i was sad in here lol its pretty depressing to look back..the thing thats worse is that i still feel the same at times...most of the time i can be happy though. [25 Jan 2005|04:15pm a few lyrics to explain how i feel abt "certian people"
"well if ur just gonna sit their forgetting to call me on the phone,
im wating for ur call sitting at home
well if your gonna be a jerk and ditch me for your friends,
well I ll be home crying till the end
well if your gonna say things that aren’t true,
ill sit there and ill still say that I love you
well if your gonna ignore me, and say your not
ill be thinking of ways to get in to ur thoughts,
well you know ill always be there"
theyre by placebo...i never listened to them...but i took the lyrics from my friedns pro.
[the song above i can still relate to... not shure what day this was..] im offically sick of everything, and im soo sick of keeping stuff inside because im afraid im gunna get back stabbed like i usually do,and i wish i could hate angelo sooooo much, but for some reason my mind or heart wont let me which sucks big....ugh....im soo sick of this crap....i wanna let go sooooo bad but i cant....i hate this. and i hate my mind.....why do i do this to myself, why do i always let myself get hurt,i thot i could trust him, and i still do, but i dont know why...i swear to him im nothing...but to me, he's my everything and i wish he noticed that...but it will never happen....i still wanna know what i did wrong, but i guess ill never know....oh and angelo "supposibly" has a girlfriend, but thats just what i was told, i dont know for a fact...who knows, katie, i know exactally where you stand now...god damn this sucks!....alright, im out...leave one if you want [its not like anyone does anymore] [not much to say here. except i still hide emotions. and i always will..and yes i do put myself down alot which i dont intentionally do...but im still hurt. so im just used to hurting myself. im shure you guys can relate]
[11 Jan 2005|03:25pm , i offially wanna die, i heard from a bird that talked to angelo that he really was just playing me,god,i should of never went to his house, i knew i was gunna screw things up. i always do, and he the only person i wanna be with,ugh,things were just fine, and then i went and fucked it all up, im a fuck up, ugh, now i wanna die, i never fucking cried this hard over a guy,well there goes my fucking heart after i stitched it up and felt happy for like the first time in a while...lets face it...im never gunna be happy again but i guess i can deal with it...so im out...leave one...if you want .[... okay well i guess i am happy again..but still i wasnt for a long time..and i still have days when im sad. so yeah. it sucks.]
well you can comment on this if you want but lol i dont think you want to.. im so emo lmao