yeeee

[xdespondence]

title: epinephrine
pairing: sasuke/sakura, shikamaru/ino
summary: you wish this were just a game.
chapter: 5/5
notes: LAST CHAPTER YES IT IS DONE \O/  it's awful but i hope you'll forgive me!

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Comments

[wind_hover]

I like this. I like how you brought out the relationships between the characters, especially between Sakura and Sasuke. But I felt there could have been more development on the other characters: Naruto was kind of useless, and Ino and Shikamaru didn't have as much character development, especially with their relationship.

I liked the chapter titles too:
and if you’re fast enough, vicious enough, strong enough-then you’re real.

It's curious that Orochimaru cast himself as a bad guy and the target to be eliminated, though. (And that Jiraiya was dead - does that mean he has no way into the game like Orochimaru and Tsunade to at all?) And that they had to travel so long - was there a gaming point to them travelling that much?

You write well, although I feel that plot-wise, this could need more work.

[xdespondence]

you, my friend, are completely right in all aspects. this fic is seriously lacking in any sort of development and it wasn't thought out very well, which is why i posted it here instead of ff.net and a looong time after i finished writing it. which isn't an excuse at all, and you pointed out several flaws that had me running around in circles when i was proof-reading it recently. thank you, though, because i haven't received any criticism in a long time since i haven't been writing as often, and i really do appreciate it.

theoretically, jiraiya could enter the game through someone else's character (i guess, for example, orochimaru), but again, that was something i didn't think through very well. thank you though, for reading this entire thing and going out of your way to comment :)