CHRONIC i n s o m n i a; FULL DIRU. Short version. PART 2.

Dec 23, 2011 23:26

Chronic insomnia complete.
Synopsis: The story of five young teens whom have all been diagnosed different disorders. Will they be able to win over these horrible attitudes or will it get the best of them?

CHAPTER FIVE-This is when it gets fucked up.

I sat in the classroom, staring blankly at my laptop. I was sitting in the music department again, alone. There was a ruckus the other day when I was absent, some students created havoc and ruined the whole room. So right now, I’m sitting in the store room, partly hiding, maybe from Kyo. And from the constant knocking on the door from angry students, another reason to hide, they’re probably getting ready to bash the head of whomever is in here. Thank god they don’t know it’s me, thought secretly I feel they do.

Well, I guess there’s not much I can do now. Besides hide from everyone, again. And I don’t feel like seeing Kyo today, even though he’s probably hiding in the other store room. Maybe I should lock the door. Yes, that would be a wonderful idea.

“You should really lock the door, Shinya.”

“EH!?!”

I dropped from my seat, clinging to the side of the one desk that happened to be in this overly small store room. Kyo, I knew he was here, or had to be here. I really wish I had of locked the door earlier now.

“W-Why are you here?”

“Session.”

“How many is there?”

“As many as I think is necessary.”

I rolled my eyes, pushing myself up from the floor, restraining myself from making eye contact with the man. Before I could make a break for it, I felt a hand touch my shoulder. Turning round I shrugged my shoulder, wiping whatever germs he could have attached to my clothes, looking him up and down without saying a word.

“I couldn’t find you yesterday, Shinya.”

“I was ill.”

“In what way?”

That’s when I looked at his face. He knew fine rightly how I was sick and maybe that’s why he’s using it as if I am to make it an excuse. Which is fair to say I am, sort of. Then again, was I ill? Or was it….

“ Anyway, let’s get started.”

Watching his retreating back, I followed with the least interested expression possible to man. Kyo sat at one of the tables in the classroom, gesturing for my to join him. I felt like a rebel, I leaned against the counter top, arms folded against my chest, staring at the smaller man whom was at the other side of the room. A faint sigh was heard then a screeching of a stool being forced to move. I felt his presence in front of me, crossing his legs as he sat on the table.

“You hate human contact.”

“Huh?”

“Correct or not?”

“I-”

“Answer the fact.”

“Correct.”

“Good, now I got that out of the way, here.”

He walked back into the store room, coming back with a small box in his hands, setting it on the table. He took out a tag from his pocket, placing it in my hand and going towards the door. Turning slightly as he twisted the door handle he raised his hand with a grin, door closing after.

“What on earth…”

I stepped towards the box, lifting the lid cautiously I peeked within the dark depths of the square shape, having something wet lather my nose. I twitched, flipping the lid up, jumping back as a small animal popped up, a dog, clinging onto the rim of the box. Blinking I rendered closer, touched the small dog’s head slowly. It was so soft….cute.

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I sat on the edge of my bed, glancing back to the window every so often. Die has been out for an awfully long time. I don’t think he came back last night at all. I’m not worried, of course not, should I be?

“Argh, he’s an adult anyways.”

I stood beside the window, watching over all the people strolling by, minding their own business or so it seemed but really, they weren’t. All parasites. Walking deceivers, such disgusting things they are. I’ll never understand how they can live with themselves, no guilt or sorrow. A bunch of bugs, that’s all they are.

Leaning against the ledge, someone stood out amongst the crowd, a blue haired boy with a crutch. For some reason my heart ached. Did I know him….or do I? In a way, I want to know him but for what reasons, even I’m unsure. There’s just something about him, that I can relate with.

“Don’t run off by yourself!”

“Hm?”

That voice….

Looking behind the blue haired boy there was Die. Was he yelling to me , Or…that boy? Interested I leaned forward, trying to understand the situation even though there was a sense of anger growing over me, wanting myself to run down there, take Die back and find out about the boy at the same time. However, I was not going to do that. I would observe.

Looks like they’re having an argument. They obviously know each other in some way.

“Was this boy the reason Die didn’t come home last night?”

If that’s so then this would change everything.

Watching for the past 5 minutes of bickering, I was about to walk away, fed up with the dramatic scene, going to bring Die back whenever the noise stopped. I looked back to see the boy in Dies’ arms, lips locked.

Crack.

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“Ugh…where am I?”

I woke up, on the floor of somewhere I’m not used to. Basically I don’t know where the fuck I ended up. I hope I wasn’t drugged. I patted myself, underwear still on. Was not raped or fondled. Good so far. I stood up, examining my surroundings. Normal bedroom, just not mine. No Kaoru in sight, and a blue haired boy beside me-

“WHAT.”

I looked at his face, resting of my side. I moved his blue locks from his eyes. He was in a deep sleep. I hope this is his room or I don’t know what to make of this.

“Mhm…he’s pretty.”

With that his eyes shot open and I felt myself being flung to the floor. I looked up at the younger boy pinning me to the ground with wide eyes. He’s nuts!

“What did you say about me?! Pretty, PRETTY? I’LL GIVE YOU PRETTY!”

“WOAH.”

I rolled over, putting the boys’ arms above his head, kneeling on his legs, making him cry out in pain. I didn’t do Kendo for nothing.

“Okay, I’ll let you go when you answer me.”

“…….Go.”

“What’s your name?”

“Toshiya.”

“Okay, where are we?”

“My room.”

“Why?”

“You tell me.”

“What?”

“You asked me where I lived then dragged us here. Then…you kind of knocked yourself out and I didn’t know what to do with you.”

“Woah… I knocked myself out. How exactly?”

“You tripped over one of my boots and hit your head.”

“….So it was your fault.”

“You didn’t have to come into my house. That was your choice, Die.”

“That’s absurd and-”

I moved back.”

“How’d you know my name?”

“……Wow, you must be full of yourself.”

“Huh?”

“You told me if in the park earlier yesterday. You know, when I fell?”

“…………..Uh.”

He shrugged, jumping up and hopping towards his dresser. His bandaged leg was now red. Shit, I must have caused the wound to open again.

“Oh shit, let me mend your leg.”

“Stay away! You don’t even know me anyway.”

“But still…”

He turned back, cleaning his face of smudged make-up. He’s still pretty without the slap. He has issues, sort of reminds me of Kaoru…..

“Kaoru!”

“What?”

Now he was looking at me, oh, actually interested, Toshiya? He’s a strange boy.

“My room mate. I was trying to find him when-”

He looked up at me, placing the wipe in the bin as he watched me sit down on his bed. Crossing his leg, he leaned forward, awaiting for me to continue my sentence. It feels good…. To have someone want to listen to what you have to say.

“When I met you… the second time. I was trying to contact my friend, Kaoru but you were crying. Why?”

His whole expression changed. I must have hit a nerve in his brain or something. This does not look good.

He jumped up, well wobbled slight from his injury. I sat back, watching as he huffed flinging his hands and grabbing a coat. For some reason this felt like De ja vu , it’s happened before.

“Calm down, Toshiya!”

“I will NOT Calm down, I don’t have to explain anything to the likes of YOU!”

“WOAH, What’s that supposed to mean!?”

“YOU TELL ME.”

He ran out of room, more like a limp gone horribly wrong. And for some reason… I ran after him. Like a scene out of sickly done romance film. Man runs after….man? Whatever, I’m gay anyway.

I chased him all the way into the city centre. Damn, for a guy with a fucked up leg, he sure can run.

“Toshiya! STOP.”

“NO, WHY SHOULD I?”

Again… why should I? And why the hell was I chasing him? I was concerned but for what reasons and why. Maybe it’s cause he’s younger or he shouldn’t be allowed out on his own. That’s it.

“Please, stop running, Toshiya! Your leg will get worse!”

“STOP ACTING LIKE YOU CARE!”

“I DO CARE!”

Wait, what? Did I just say, no, scream that?

He stopped, turning to me, continuing his earlier antics but in a lower tone and much close to my person. I have to be honest, I was a bit unsure of myself and a little frightened. I started to bicker back, not even knowing what was coming out of my mouth at this point. I was just staring at his face. His features, he was defiantly a beaut. He must be at least a year or so younger than myself.

“Are you even listening!?”

He was on the bridge of tears once again, this time I had no idea what to do or why he was so emotional! He’s like half man, half woman! And that’s when my body took over.

“DIE-”

My arms pulled him into my chest, taking his lips with my own. I felt his arms wrap round my neck, his muscles easing into the embrace, tears flowing down his cheeks.

He just needed a little cry and someone to be there.

But what did I need?

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It started to rain, strange, it was so bright a minute ago. I heard a small cry, looking down I see the small dog shivering behind my leg. My heart jumped, that was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. To think I just got enjoyment from a small thing being scared shitless.

I bent down, cradling the puppy in my arms, covering it with my coat. I must be mad. I’ll be soaked by the time I get home. Not like it matters anyway, mother’s probably away out again with his posh friends and Father… work.

I closed the front door, putting the dog down to view the smaller world down there I hung my coat on the radiator just as the doorbell rang.

“We’re only in the door, who could that be?”

I open the door to reveal a man, soaked right down to the soles of his shoes. It was when I looked up that I realised why he was at my door.

“K-Kaoru!”

He gave me a smile, as he walked into the hallway., slipping his drenched shoes into the corner, his hand and coat on a neglected hanger.

“W-Why are you here? Does Die know you’re here-”

“Shhh, Die doesn’t care where I am. And is it wrong I want to see you, Shinya?”

“Ah..I, I don’t know…”

I felt him push me up against the wall, hands planted on my hips like chains. Kaoru is strong, always had been for as long as I can remember. When we played games in the garden as kids, he’d always knock me out. Not that it mattered, for when I woke up he was there, caring for me. Or shitting himself that his mum would nag him. One or the other.

“Kaoru, what are you talking about?”

“Nothing, just you.”

“Me?”

“You, I want only you.”

He slid his tongue into my mouth, I wasn’t sure whether to shove him off or wrap my arms round his neck. Pulling me closer to his torso, I chose to places my hands on his face, making the kiss more intimate. I could hear the puppy coming closer, the tiny steps clicking against the wooden floor.

Kaoru descended onto my neck, licking and nipping, I looked to the other side, seeing the small dog sitting in amusement. Should such a young thing be seeing this? Is it wrong?
Something inside me gave me a sickly feeling and I lowered my head. Kaoru stopped and leaned down, putting his hands against the wall.

“What’s wrong?”

I shook my head, his gaze turned to the dog.

Kaoru wasn’t sure what to do. To lift it or kick it. However, if Shinya let it inside then he must like the thing. The question was, where did he get it?

“Mayo”

“Hm?”

“I named her Miyu.”

“Ah……”

Kaoru removed his hands from the wall, stepping closer to the dog who seemed to shiver in fright. He carefully lifted the small creature, setting it into the kitchen and closing the door.

“What are you doing?”

“Shssh.”

The door clicked. Kaoru headed towards me, his hands returned to venture down my torso. Some people might disagree with this, not just the sexuality but the age difference. Sure I was 17, almost 18 but Kaoru was 19 going on 20.

“K-Kaoru…..”

I know he didn’t truly want me. He want’s Die, always has. Even though I’ve never met the guy, you can just tell that he cares greatly for him. He sounds like such a nice guy this Die. I wish to meet him one day to understand Kaoru’s feelings.

“Shinya.”

“Hm…-”

Kaoru pulled me up, flinging me over his shoulder. The shock took me first before I realised he was taking down to my bedroom. I wasn’t ready for that! No, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t.

Could he?

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CHAPTER SIX- What do we call this?

“Kaoru, I’m home-”

I stood in the doorway, staring at the floor in shock. Glass covered the floor with masses of blood to go along with it. What worried Die was, whose blood was shed across their wooden floorboards.

“K-Kaoru? Are you here?”

I kicked a piece of glass from under the bed, stepping around the room with caution. There were no marks or signs that Kaoru was here. He must have taken a fit…again. But what for this time?

I know he has his issues but this is different. Something must have sparked him off. Something painful or horrible.

“Kaoru? Kao-Kao? …………..Where is he? Where could he even go!?”

I sighed, kneeling down to throw the broken shards of glass into the waste bin by the bed, my bin basically. Why must things not last in my lovely apartment, it sickens my happiness. Fuming to myself I hear the door screech open, revealing a small dog.

“……What?”

“Oh, you’re back, Die.”

I look up to see Kaoru with a boy, one who seems so familiar but I’m not sure how. Watching from the corner of my eye I see the puppy standing aside the boy, he must be the owner but why is he with Kaoru and since WHEN has Kaoru known anyone else?

“Yes, didn’t I tell you I was out?”

“No.”

“I think I did.”

“Lies.”

I quirked my brow, pushing myself off the ground to empty the bin into a trash bag in the sink out of the small dogs way.

“Why is there blood on the floor?”

I washed my hands, pausing quietly to think of something to say to the boy who I haven’t been quite introduced to yet. Wait, I don’t even know why there’s blood on the floor…Should I remain quiet or speak for Kaoru.

“I was trying to move the mirror earlier but it broke and hurt my hand.”

“That explains the injury on your hand I had to tend to.”

“When did this happen?”

I leaned against the sink, crossing my arms as Kaoru moved towards the table, motioning for the young boy to also sit down.

“I thought it would be nice to move things around but I didn’t have the patience as you would know so afterwards I went to Shinya’s.”

Okay, I have a name; Shinya. Right, so to learn more about this one….
Looking him up and down he doesn’t seem to be weird or strange in any way, well except that he is Extremely feminine, I did mistake him for a woman but that’s just me I hope but not gonna lie, I’d give him one.

“So, Shinya, what do you do?”

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I felt my body shake as I heard my name being spoken. Oh god, I did NOT want to screw this up, I can see why Kaoru cares so much for Die, he is quite….the looker. Okay, he’s god damn Hot.

“So, Shinya, what do you do?”

“Gah! Um, I-I’m still in High school…..”

He tilted his head to the side, his head hair falling over his eye, eyebrow raised in question. Great, more things to answer. Pushing his hips forward to be more comfortable, the red head spoke once more.

“So like, what year are you then?”

“This is my last year then I apply for University.”

“Oh, you look a little younger.”

“Thanks…I guess.”

He smirked. Wow….just, Woah.

“So what are you interested in?”

“Um, w-well, I’m hoping to d-do Psychology…”

“Ooh, smart one are ye?”

My face flushed a bright pink, my bangs brushing against my nose. I heard Kaoru cough, catching both of our attentions. He looked a bit peeved.

“Well, that was a nice induction quiz so how would Shinya feel about asking you some questions, Die?”

“I don’t mind at all.”

“Ah, I d-don’t think that’s necessary…”

“Awk, go ahead, anything!”

I went quiet, what could I possibly ask him….That wouldn’t offend him.

“A-Are you in university?”

“Yup, same one as Kaoru in fact.”

“R-Really?…”

“Mhm, I’m doing sports studied and whatnot.”

“That explains a lot…”

“Hm?”

“Oh, um, because you’re quite fit. I MEAN, Muscular, NO, Well built.!”

I covered my face with my hands, face burning furiously, knowing fully well that Die was grinning madly. I can’t believe that led to THAT.

“Well, you know, anytime you wanna see my FIT Body, just come down to the gym, haha, you’ll love it.”

I heard Kaoru grunt, obviously disagreeing but with what statement. I know fully well he would love and probably already has and does Love seeing Die’s…you know.

“Funny. I’m going to have a shower.”

I looked up, watching Kaoru slam the hallway door shut. I cringed, not knowing what to do now. Nervously I looked up at the older man who was also looking at the previously closed door, muttering under his breath.

“Ah-um..”

“Hm…Oh, Well, how about I bring you home or..-”

“K-Kaoru was going to make me something to eat…”

His face dropped, he clearly did not like the thought of Kaoru doing that…or was there something else…

“Oh, well, I could bring you out! It’s better than sitting here with the sound of Kaoru washing himself!”

I smiled slightly, removing myself from the chair.

“But-Miyu.”

“Who?”

I pointed towards the small dog whom has planted herself neatly in the corner of the kitchen beside the fridge.

“Oh, yes…she seems fine here and besides, she’s not alone!”

“I suppose…”

“That’s the spirit!”

He grabbed a clean shirt from a stack of folded clothes that had been neatly set on the table. Pulling his dirty shirt over his head I blushed deeply, my face becoming hot.

Oh dear.

“Let’s go then!”

That smile….Oh god, this is bad.
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I sat at a little table by a window in the café, it was starting to rain, I like the rain, but not when I’ve freshly dyed my hair, blue tends to run down my face and sting my eyes. Twirling the metal spoon inside my hot mug of coffee I couldn’t help but sigh. Die…What are you doing now?

I know the red head is probably annoyed about what I did, or maybe he’s happy…I don’t know!! God, this is so messed up! Why did this have to happen! But- I don’t regret it.

I squeezed the piece of paper I held in my left hand, his number scribbled on it. I haven’t even looked at it yet, I don’t want to in case it magically runs off. Yes, I’m insane.

“So, that’s how you met Kaoru then!”

That voice.

I turned round, eyes meeting with his once more today. He came to a halt, gulping as he stared. There with him was a young boy, a very pretty one at that….oh I see. I get up to make my leave, throwing the piece of paper on the ground, pushing past the red haired man who grips onto my sleeve, giving me a look that makes everything clear. I sigh and walk off, not wanting to make a scene in a public place, not again.

“Who was that?”

“A friend just.”

“Ah….”

Walking over to were Toshiya had previously been sitting, Die took his spot, feeling the warmth from the coffee just being moved to the side. Shinya sat across from him, not knowing where to look.

“You okay?”

“A-Ah, yes…”

“You don’t need to feel uncomfortable around me, Shin, it’s fine.”

“Shin…”

“Not like that? I’m sorry-”

“N-No! When you say it…It’s nice.”

Die smirked, there was something about this boy that made his heart tighten and this has happened before but when?

Shinya made a small hand gesture, shifting his long hair behind his ear. He looked so perfect in the light, a glare coming through the window to adorn his face, features shining bright. Die realised, he was perfect, too perfect to be exact.

What must he think of me? Oh wow, it never hit me until now, how could I have been so oblivious, so childish and idiotic! God, I’m a fool, my own stupidity. I bet he knows how lovely he is, laughing inside, mocking my every movement. He makes me sick to my stomach-

“I’ll be right back.”

Die hastily pushed his chair back on it’s heels, making his way towards the restroom area. Calmly opening the door and sliding into one of the unoccupied cubicals, locking it behind him, he urged the contents of his basically empty stomach to hack up, leaving his body and entering the crisp, clean toilet bowel.

Wiping his mouth roughly with his arm he flushed the toilet and began to rinse his hands, glancing up at his reflection in the mirror, This did not please, Die. So much that for once, his anger kicked in and he smashed his fist against the sink, snapping the tap in the process.

“Dirty, vile, lowlife bastard. Why can’t I just look…normal.”

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Chapter 7: Is this, Confidence?

Kyo wandered the streets, clicking his heels against the rocky pavement in a repetitive pattern, almost annoying himself. He hadn’t intended to do some travelling today however his memory had been refreshed by an angry lecturer that he is doing a degree course and will finish it! He just had to gather the courage to actually find Shinya again and get down to some brutal work.

“Right, where would I be if I was a young, girly looking teenage boy?”

Laughing softly, Kyo paced down the street, clicking ignored easily as his mind was set on better things with a smirk spread across his face.

The noise of water dropping came to a halt, Kaoru descended from the bathroom, a towel rubbing at his wet locks vigorously. Walking through the kitchen it had only hit him.

“Shinya?”

He gazed round the area where the young blonde had earlier been placed but now was nowhere to be seen. Almost in a sudden panic, Kaoru ran over the window, darting his eyes in a desperate attempt to spot the beauty but to no prevail. Grinding his teeth he hopped over the bed, grabbing some clothes, pulling them over his now dap torso and heading out the door, slamming with such a force, Die’s lovely picture frame smashed.

“That bastard, who does he think he is! He can easily have anyone, why take what I HAVE? I hardly have anything.”

Stomping down the streets of the university, Kaoru made his way down to the centre. Die was bound to be there some where, he only goes there, nowhere else. Die was a populite, he embraced the finer things in life to benefit his appearance, not for himself but for others thus he went to the popular places in town, unlike Kaoru. Whom might I add didn’t take interest in such childish labels.

“Now where is that Red haired twit so I can crack his spine back in place!”

Many people jumped out of Kaoru’s way, all that knew him or heard of him could tell he was pissed off by a mile away and that’s not exactly the nicest thing to experience. Kaoru always had a temper but this seemed to be the worst in a long time, however he wasn’t even sure himself why he was angry. Was it really because of Die, or Shinya?

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Die brushed a hand through his long hair, sighing after his little episode he had earlier. It was as if Kaoru’s horrible anger was rubbing off on him. He did not want to go through that again, it actually made him feel pathetic and in a way he wanted to apologise to Shinya, though that would be somewhat awkward as the younger man had no clue that anything went on. Come to think of it, Shinya’s awfully quiet.

Turning round, Die found the answer to this, Shinya had left. Basically he was ditched but for what reason he did not know however, Die wanted to know. He needs to know.

“Where-”

“Die Ando!”

“Eh, Kaoru?”

Die felt his body being forced against the nearest city building wall, his bones crackling in the process from the impact of the other. Darting his eyes to glare at the older man he grinded his teeth together.

“What is with you, Kaoru? You‘re making a scene!”

Kaoru let out a small laugh.

“Worried about your followers spotting this, Die?”

“N-no! Why would I give a crap!?”

“Oh don’t give me that shit! You always do and you know it!”

“What about you?!”

“What about ME?!”

“Like you don’t know! You frighten people, you MAKE them be afraid of you but for what reason, Kaoru!? Do you like having no friends? Being close to no-one!?”

At that moment all Die could hear was a ringing noise going through his ears. He couldn’t believe, no he didn’t want to even think about the possibility. Kaoru, actually hit him, he pounded his fist into his gut.

“I could say the same to you!”

Dropping to the ground in a heap, Die gazed up at the older man, gripping his ribs that were most definitely broken. There was no way he’d be able to punch Kaoru back, not with such force as he received himself. Die could taste the bitterness of iron leaving his mouth, he only has a significant amount of time before he would pass out, enough time to put Kaoru in his place.

“Then why do you have Me, Kaoru?”

Kaoru stepped back, dropping his hands to his sides, gripping at the rough material of his jeans. He chewed on his lip, trying his best to not meet the eyes of the red head with great restrain. How could he have hit the only person who cared for him? He was a monster, no wonder he’s always alone, no-one wants to be near him.

‘I’m a horrific creature, not even a person.’

Without another thought Kaoru sprinted in the other direction, leaving his injured friend to wallow in pain.

“ That eejt..”

The tall man strutted down the street, huffing as he folded his arms across his chest, the cold was obvious but he ignored the fact that his body was clenching itself in a desperate attempt to gather some heat. Minding his own business, well technically he didn’t care about anyone else so he was just thinking for himself until he had almost been trampled over by a group of people.

“Okay, don’t apologize, rude much?!”

Before he could start a rant he realized there was a huge commotion going on, people gathering round one area of the street, an ambulance pulling up on the curb in a rush.

“Something serious must have happened.”

Being interested, Toshiya wandered over to see what was going on, reaching the opening the crowd had opened for the paramedics his eye grew wide.

“Die!?”

One of the paramedics turned to him, pulling him by the arm, pushing him into the back of the ambulance next to the injured red head, who was now unconscious on a stretcher.

“He has 4 broken ribs and his health is poorly, he needs extreme treatment done, as soon as we get to the closet hospital he’s going through the ER.”

‘There’s something wrong with him?’

Toshiya sighed slowly, staring at the man lying down. He looked so lifeless, he did not like this one bit, it felt, abnormal but funny enough, since when did Toshiya start caring for anyone even a stranger.

Just as he felt the van move, Toshiya spotted a wave of long blonde hair passing the window, he knew who it was and for some reason he felt a burst of anger take over him but it was too late to jump out now and start another fight that could end up in another ambulance taking him away.

‘Pretty boy needs to be out in his place.’

Running through the crowd of people, Shinya brought a hand to his mouth, hurriedly making his way to a closed off area where he could calm down and maybe empty his stomach. He made it into the nearest alleyway, leaning against the cold stonewall, trying to inhale air into his crushed lungs. Thinking he had made it he felt a warm substance move up his throat. He hunched forward, kneeling down as he threw up.

“ I actually liked that meal too…”

“Knew I would find you eventually.”

Panicking at the familiar voice, Shinya tried to run away, catching his ankle between a pipe and gutter. Letting out a sharp cry, he turned to face the blonde man with tears filling his eyes.

“Almost every time I see you, you’re about to cry.”

Ignoring the comment, Shinya tried to release his bruised ankle from the man made trap, wanting to just disappear or at least be away from the older man.

“I’m not that bad am I?”

Then again, was he? Shinya admitted he was afraid of the man at times but he also enjoyed his company. Maybe he was just insane, yes, that’s more likely. How can you like someone who is bad? Someone who is using you for an experiment, their own benefit and greed.

“Shinya, calm down…”

“Don’t use me….”

“Eh?”

“AGAIN!”

With that, Shinya briskly pulled his ankle out of the gutter, peeling off a chunk of skin, still attempting to run or more so limp now that he had injured himself. Funny enough, he did not yell nor cry out in excruciating pain though you could tell; That gotta’ hurt.

“Shinya…..”

Shaking his head in defeat, Kyo didn’t understand the concept of this ‘emotional’ thing. He had never met or even came close to anyone who as so sensitive or tender in this situation. He, himself has his moments but not this intense. Shinya, to him, is basically a girl. Is that wrong?

Kaoru pounded his fists against the solid brick wall, bruising his knuckles repeatedly. Since when did get become so low, so angry, not his usual temper but worse. What caused him to lash out at his one and only friend, whom turned into his fiend. He knew he was out of line but how would he go back? He couldn’t face die again, not after bating him to a pulp, who does that? Kaoru does.

“I can’t face him, I can’t see him ever again. He won’t want to see me.”

All but positive thoughts flooded Kaoru’s mind. The possibilities, the no-go’s and the unthinkable. Some things Kaoru would say to Die would make him slap him alone, without die there, who could prevent such ideas. Kaoru was alone, on his own but how long could he bask in this silence.

How would this end.

Sliding down the wall, Kaoru rested his head against the cold stone, his rough hands crossing over his high knees. He bit his lip, concentrating on the only matter that is on his mind at this point and time. Would he do it or reconsider. Could he just apologise or will he be drastic?

Pushing himself up from the ground, Kaoru headed out of the town, into the suburbs.

He was going to be drastic.

Toshiya rested his head in his hand, watching the sleeping figure on the hospital bed. Tapping his fingers with his free hand in a slow pattern, almost matching the wall clock. Die has been passed out for six hours with no signs of movement. It worried Toshiya, though he still didn’t understand why he was even there for the stranger, well now acquaintance to be precise.

“I wonder if he’ll wake up any time soon..”

As if by prayer, Die started to murmur but not anything good. Toshiya leaned downed, tilting his head to hear better or make sense of what the red head was spouting.

“K-Kaoru….don’t, please…”

“Kaoru? Who is that….That blonde boy?”

Grinding his teeth, Toshiya dug his nails into his palms, inflicting pain on himself. Blood started to drip down the chair handle as he ignored the pain shooting through his arms. Die began to shift in the bed, the covers falling down to reveal the many bandages and tubes helping him breathe.

“T-Toshiya?”

Turning his head, Toshiya put a soft smile on his face, beginning to speak in a light tone.

“How are you feeling?”

Die rested his head back, letting out a gasp of air as he spoke with faint contentment.

“You, know, pretty damn good.”

Toshiya chuckled, stroking his long red hair in a motherly motion. Sighing softly, he gazed at Die’s face, taking in the newly found bruises and marks spread across his face. Die hasn’t seen himself yet so he has no idea what to expect.

“Excuse, Mr Ando?”

Die lazily looked up, meeting eyes with the doctor whom had earlier treated him. He held a notepad with many scribbles dotted across the blank pages. His face did not read well, and Die was particularly good with reading expressions.

“Will I speak with you in private or..?”

“Here, is good.”

The doctor nodded, speaking in the same tone throughout his whole speech.

“Mr Ando, it is very concerning to the health centre from your results. You have a harshly damaged body with brittle bones that couldn’t even go through a bump or a push to side without breaking into pieces.”

“You’re saying?”

“To last any longer,.. You’ll need to change your lifestyle. Now.”

Die was taken back, yes he knew he had his issues but he didn’t realise how badly they were affecting him. He did things with impulse, not consideration. Then again, maybe he this was an opportunity to figure out why he turned out like this, why he treated himself so terribly.

‘Mother…’

He reminded himself of his childhood past, the fond memories and not so lovely ones. Weirdly enough, the ones you hate are the ones you remember the most. His friends mocking him for his weight; he was a chubby child but it wasn’t his friends words that stung him, it was his mothers. To Die and his family she had problems, as a child he did not notice but his older sisters knew and left the house as soon as they aged 16 years. She lost her capacity to communicate verbally, she would just nod or shake her head or just smile. She shunned eating with the family, and more so attending social functions. It cost her, her job. That caused many problems for the family, or more so, Die and herself. However, he still loved her. Her little quirks and awkward smiles, ones that would make you just want to chew your lip until it bleed. Not only that, she would tease him continuously, asking him why he was so fat, bigger than the other kids. He then refused to eat because he believed his was trying to poison him. It killed Die, tortured him. These things, a young boy must go through just wasn’t fair, but he did not understand. He never did.

“D-Die? Can you hear me?”

He blinked, taking in his surroundings, the Doctor had left and it was only him and Toshiya. He breathed slowly, clearing his mind of unwanted memories. He couldn’t remember what even happened to his mother in the end or when he changed himself. His mind must not want him to know, blank it all out.

“Can I leave?”

“You have to stay, I think or at least stay with someone..”

“I have a roommate-”

‘Kaoru…..’

A bolt of fear shot through his spine. Could he confront, Kaoru, or even live with him again without fearing his life? No, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t risk it for now.

“You...could always stay with me, Die.”

‘That’s a idea.’
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Chapter 8; Remembrance.

His clothes torn, the smell of sweat and dirt clings onto his body as he stands by the riverbed. He quietly contemplates on his plan, leaning his palms on the cold grass, flicking between his fingers. A solemn figure, his lean back was no more straight nor proud. Kaoru breathed heavily, eyelids pressed tightly together as he thought about his past and what he was about to do.

He hated himself.

‘Why?’

He always wanted to be close to his family but sadly there was always a part of him who could not let himself trust them. Kaoru had been brought to the best doctors and been given treatments in his teen years to deal with this ‘Depression’ but none of this helped. No one could pin down what triggered this off but true to fact, there was no cause. It was a problem with the brain, he did not bring this on himself but his family didn’t help in anyway. They made him worse.

Kaoru never felt like a human being, a person. He was an object, being used repeatedly. What really made Kaoru go insane was when his brother left him. He was diagnosed with cancer and passed away the following year. He was the only one who could stand Kaoru, play with him, care for him and love him. Kaoru never spoke to anyone after that but if he did it was with rage or violence. He would harm himself daily, blaming his family for their misunderstandings, not caring if they were hurt in the process. It was only on one day that he accompanied his parents to a friends gathering. He met Shinya. He liked him, he reminded him of his brother.

He was the replacement.

Kaoru opened his eyes, letting his body roll down the mud slicked hill. He didn’t even flinch once, letting the icy cold water attack his skin like tiny prickles of needles. His heart started to beat faster, becoming numb he felt his lips turn blue, breath seen in a cloud of smoke; his last imaginary cigarette.

‘I apologise, Daisuke.’

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Shinya winced as he poured the medical alcohol on his would, killing the bacteria left from the gutter. He didn’t quite understand why he was dramatic, he never is but for that one time he felt it was necessary with Kyo. He felt bad but not for Kyo, but for himself. He just wanted to live properly, not having to worry about others or their judgements.
He wanted to be himself.

He hadn’t always been that way, when he was a young child he was very popular then suddenly in his teen years he changed. He stopped talking, never went outside because people were ‘Threatening’ him. His parents assumed it was sudden low self esteem or depression because he was an only child but that was not it. They even believed that a shot of whiskey could help him therefore every night he would knock himself out, waking up with a pain in his head. That also could have been the amygdala, causing this whole disorder. Shinya may have just has an overactive amygdala.

He just didn’t know how to deal with himself or the public without having an episode, trembling, throwing up and being with others. It worried him so, actually it concerned him. How would he be able to grow up and interact with other people who obviously won’t understand him.

Blaming himself or his family was never an option , however was there anyone to even blame for his behaviour? He hated himself, loathed his personality and attitude. Even if he cured himself, he would never forget. It would be a long shot for him to even recover, he could always meet someone who fits his description but there’s either no chance or he might regret it.

Sighing Shinya placed the blood soaked cloth on the side of his sink, dragging his leg as he motioned towards his bed. Collapsing against the soft mattress he closed his eyes, the pain subsiding into a faint throb. That face appeared into his mind, he was wrong, he need to see him again.

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Toshiya cleaned down the old bed, helping Die move over to sit upon it, taking his crutches and putting them at the side of the bed if he was to need them. Patting Dies sweat covered forehead he gave a soft smile, descending from the bed and closing the door behind him. Sighing, Toshiya entered the kitchen area, looking through his empty cupboards, his eyes catching a glimpse of a have drunk vodka bottle. The memories were a little clear. They reminded him of his years when he lived with his father.

He would look at his phone, the caller ID; Dad. He flung his phone over his shoulder continuing to drink with his so called ‘friends’ in an unknown place. There would be nights his father wouldn’t even know where he was sleeping, who he was with or when he was coming back. There was a time he didn’t hear from him for 2 weeks straight. The worst thing was that Toshiya alienated his father, growing further and further apart. It tore his father apart, maybe even drove him insane. It was so bad that his father began to follow Toshiya, lurking behind him in bars and watching him sleep in the street. Their relationship was over, the family had died out and more so, his father had also died, not physically but mentally. His brain was being eaten away which resulted in him staying in an asylum. Toshiya knew his father was there, he didn’t care. He hated everyone. He never had a mother figure, nor sisters. Was this some sort on impact on him feeling the need to have a woman in his life? Wearing feminine attire and make up to substitute for the loss of what he needed most. He wanted freedom from his protective father but he also wanted others to know him, want to know him and see him as someone whom he was not. He could not trust anyone for he did not even trust himself.

Smashing the bottle in the sink and turning the tap on to flush the contents down the drain, Toshiya rubbed his face, smearing his make up as he bit his lip, trying his best not to let a cry out as he heard the man in the bedroom shift off the bed.

He was going to change, even if it killed him.

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Kyo walked down the steps of his lecture room, holding his project papers tightly in his right hand, a smug smile across his face. He couldn’t believe how short of time he had to do such a task and yet he could have done more, he wanted to. From his whole experience he didn’t just learn about Shinya but actually he learnt about himself more than anything. He was a monster, yes but what kind was he.

His parents neglected him, banished him from their home, even told relatives he have passed on. He would fight, fight and fight with himself every day of his life. Paranoia crept up on him more and more every day as he was alone. He would make up people, have his own conversations to give himself relief from the silence of his apartment. At one time he lived in a park just outside his hometown, sitting on the rusty swing for hours on end, never acknowledging anyone nor would he give them a chance one the swing. It was all he had, his territory. He needed to be there for himself, no one else. Being able to make a home for himself, a life. If only he could have seen beyond the ‘here and now’. All the promises he made to himself and telling himself all the things he would succeed in that turned into failures. He never did anything properly on his mental list, he just wanted to belong somewhere, even if it was cold, dangerous and terrible. Just knowing that you were welcomed to stay with others would have been enough for him. He wants someone who cares to find him and save him from his pressures and loneliness. He didn’t know how much longer he had or could wait until his time was up.

Most people from where Kyo had lived didn’t know of mental illness, no one knew he was though. They labelled him as a child ‘gone wrong’, something he could never erase from his mind. There was only ever one person he had suspicion of being ill and that was a local from his town, he would talk tom himself as he scratched him arms until he bleed. The kids would run from his side of the pavement onto the one across from him then snicker and make jokes of him. That was cruel but did he know any better or so, did the kids even know?

Reaching the professors table, Kyo placed the papers on his desk. The Professor squinted, a grim look on his face as he gazed up at Kyo, licking his dry lips.

“This is blank, Kyo.”

Kyo nodded, retreating from the desk, leaving the room, grinning to himself as he spoke to himself.

‘I haven’t quite felt like finishing learning yet.’

Facing the front doors, Kyo pushed the metal bar, revealing the last person he’d expect to see but even though he was surprised, he enjoyed the shocking feeling going through his body. The tall, thin figure moved closer, his long hair swishing in the wind, a small stutter escaping his plump lips.

“Hey…K-Kyo…”

He smiled, pacing towards the other. Kyo had never felt so content in his whole life. He reached other boy, tapping his foot in a joking way while looking at his watch.

“Well, about time, Shinya!”

His face flushed a pink colour and Kyo smirked, shaking his head. At their first encounter Kyo had felt like they were a thousand miles apart but now they couldn’t have been any more closer. Kyo felt wanted, someone wanted him, to know him and to be his friend.

“Need t-to finish your work?”

He smiled.

“Why would I even want it to end?”

Shinya looked confused, tilting his head to the side as he ruffled a hand through his long locks. Kyo walked past him, whispering under his breath.

“I’ve only started.”

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The end.

dir en grey complete 2011

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