Be my light; Hardycest [One shot]
Title: Be my light.
Author: xdreamthextreme
Pairing: Matt Hardy/Jeff Hardy
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Don't own, sadly.
Author's Notes: Yay! Done! Finally! This is my first sex scene ever, be gentle please! D: But yea. Hardycest! Whoot! Don't click if you don't like it. Goddamn flammers. :P
Indifferent.
He was fully aware that he would never be able to hold her close to him, kiss her deeply, and tell her that he was madly in love with her; that she was the only one for him. Jeff knew that he’d never get to call Beth is own ever again, but he didn’t flinch. Maybe it was because it hadn’t quite sunk in yet. No he was sure of his future. He knew that she had walked out of his life forever…so why are the damp trails on his face made by tears of happiness?
The wet grass dampened his pants and shirt as he lay in the night with his thoughts keeping him company. He propped himself on his elbows as eyes stared off into the infinite dark sky, hoping that there might be an answer engraved in the stars in which he admired so. The stars seemed so far, he raised and arm as if trying to run his fingers along the sprinkled sky. He wanted to feel the stars that burned on for years, just like his love had burned for Beth. But like the life of a star is bright and powerful, eventually...it burns out. Perhaps it's for the best though, Jeff thought. If the stars never burned out, there would be an over population of life engulfing the night. The stars would take over the sky and there would be no significant difference between night and day. If there were too many stars, too many emotions and feelings, there would be nothing to savor, nothing new in which you can appreciate. Instead of learning how to feel and acknowledge other beauties in the world, we'd be blinded by the brightness of the same stars over and over again. So maybe Beth's star has burned out, it can always be replaced with something else...someone.
"It's beautiful, huh Jeffro?" a familiar voice pulled Jeff away from the stars, back to the damp grass again. Jeff indentified the voice and smiled.
"Yea. I always love coming back home. You can never see the stars in the city." Jeff looked up to see his older brother hovering over him, looking at the stars just as Jeff was moments ago. He noticed the worry that was plastered on his face and sighed. Jeff hated when his brother worried about him. He never liked being the cause of any unhappiness or discomfort to his brother emotions, but he knew it was simply out of love. This always excited Jeff...he never knew why.
"Let’s go get a closer look," their eyes met and locked. He held out his hand for his little brother. "C'mon Jeff...for old time's sake."
Jeff smiled again and took his hand. "Alright Matty. I'll race you though." Matt nodded and returned the smile.
"Three...tw--Hey! No Fair!" Matt called out as Jeff got a head start. He let his feet lead the way as he chased after his older brother. Jeff's laughter filled the vacant backyard into the forest, and flooded Matt's ears. His heart started to beat out of his chest, not from the race with his little brother, but because of his little brother. He couldn't make much of his exotic features in the darkness, but the mere silhouette of his brother almost caused his knees to buckle.
Jeff turned his head to see his brother's house fading behind the trees and his brother gaining closer to him. He let out one last cackle before he felt a surprising force knock him backwards onto the unforgiving ground. Matt gasped as he reached his brother and knelt down to him.
"Jeffro, you okay?" He chuckled a bit but worry was still obvious in his voice. He put his hand under his younger brother's head and brought it up to reveal a hideous bump forming on his gentle forehead. Jeff stirred and gently touched the bump.
"Yea...But uh...what happened?"
"You ran into a tree..."
"I did?"
"You did."
Jeff looked at the culprit who shoved him into the ground as he got up then he looked at his brother who stood there stifling extreme laughter. "Laugh and I'll kick you ass, Matthew." he warned. Matt just shook his head and looked up at the tree. "I guess we could go up this one." Jeff continued.
"Alright. Ladies first." Matt laughed.
"Asshole." Jeff whispered as he began to climb the tree, Matt following his lead.
As Jeff climbed, he could feel a new star coming to life. Though, he could not distinguish whether it was a new star being born in the night sky, or if it was a new star in the night of his mind. He also could not distinguish why he was feeling this. Jeff shook off the thought and stopped climbing as soon as he spotted two large sturdy branches that were parallel to each other. "Matt," he called out. "I found a spot!" Jeff reached for a branch and straddled it between his legs, balancing himself before he leaned back on the bark. Matt did the same as graceful as he could, but failed. The space between them was very limited.
Jeff looked over as his brother who was in the similar position as Jeff, straddling the branch, leaned up against the bark with his head back. The light of the stars reflected off his face, and shone on his closed eyelids, his full lips, pointed nose, glistening black locks. Everything about Matt was especially radiant tonight; he wanted to feel his strong arms engulf his body. Feel his hot breath on his neck and his eye lashes brush up against his cheek. Jeff wanted him near, and he convinced himself it was only for sheer comfort...nothing more. Matt's eyes fluttered open and he focused his attention on Jeff. He noticed that he was staring at him but merely shrugged it off.
"You okay, Jeff? With...you know..." He started.
"Beth, you mean?" Jeff picked up where Matt left off. "Yea, man. I'm fine." He turned to Matt and sighed. "It was bound to happen sooner or later, right?" Matt nodded and looked into his brother's eyes.
"She wasn't in love with you...was she?" Jeff's eyes widened as he heard these words. He didn't know how to act really, so he thought the socially proper reaction was to look hurt, he sank lower in the branch and but continued to look at Matt. Matt sighed and stretched his arms out. "Come."
Jeff swung his leg over the branch and climbed over to Matt's seat. He straddled that branch just as he did the other one, except he was now facing Matt. He looked into his brothers eyes, trying to hide the passion that built up in the pit of his stomach. Jeff began to feel disgusted with himself for feeling this. He hesitated a moment, but Matt still his arms stretched out.
"I'm fine, Matt. It's okay..." his voice trailed off, Matt didn't buy it. He brought Jeff into a tight embrace. Jeff sat there, frozen in time, hugging his brother under the starlit sky. His eyes widened more as he felt his pants become tighter. The disgust began to grow causing him to let out a small growl. Matt just held him tighter; he knew what Jeff was feeling...because he felt the same. Jeff hid his discomfort as much as he physically could. He clawed at Matt's back as tears flowed down his cheeks.
"Jeff..." Matt whispered into his brother's ear. "...it's okay." Jeff whimpered as he felt his breath tickle his ear. "I won't tell anyone."
Jeff pulled back suddenly ready to attack his brother for making such a disgusting offer, but somewhere in that thought, he got lost in the sight of his brother. His eyes, that look of passion pierce right through Jeff's bones. They were aching. He was aching...aching for Matt.
Jeff pulled back suddenly ready to attack his brother for making such a disgusting offer, but somewhere in that thought, he got lost in the sight of his brother. His eyes, that look of passion pierce right through Jeff's bones. They were aching. He was aching...aching for Matt. But he didn't want this feeling. Knots formed in his stomach as he raised his hand to Matt's face. Jeff gently ran his thumb over his brother's lips. They were soft and pouty, just waiting for Jeff to engulf them with his own lips. Jeff moved closer to Matt and looked deep into his eyes. All of this, the passion, the lust, the want, the need, all of this was vile and wrong...but it felt just so right.
"No one...will know?" Jeff breathed out in a husky voice. The corners of Matt's lips curled into a devious grin that intensely affected the tightness of Jeff's pants.
"Not a soul."
Their lips crashed and the impact made them both jump out of their seats almost falling out of the tree. Jeff savored Matt's flavor. Oohhh, he tastes so sweet, the youngest brother thought. He felt Matt's tongue brush against his lips, begging for entrance, and Jeff accepted. His tongue violated the inside of Jeff's mouth. A loud grunt escaped Jeff's lips that increased the intensity of the kiss. The sound of metal clinking flooded Matt's ears; he broke the kiss and looked down to identify the noise. His eyes met Jeff's hands undoing his belt. A shiver ran up his spine as Jeff pulled his cock out of his pants exposing it to the cold air.
Jeff bent his upper body forward to become at least somewhat eye leveled with his cock, but no avail. Matt's cock throbbed for attention. Jeff noticed and stopped trying; he wrapped his fingers around his shaft. Matt threw his head back and shivered at Jeff's touch. Jeff started to gently massage the head with his thumb, feeling the precum secrete out. Matt moaned loudly as he grabbed on to the branches around him to keep him balance. Jeff started to stroke Matt's cock ever so lightly.
"Oooh Jeff, harder..." Matt breathed. Jeff started to pump faster and in tune. Matt grabbed a handful of Jeff's colorful hair and jerked his head backwards exposing his neck, that pale unmarked flesh. Matt needed to mark it.
He dove in and devoured this neck. Biting, kissing, licking, sucking, anything that his lips guided him to do, until he settled with one and started gnawing like a starving animal. Jeff's strokes got harder and faster as Matt bit down harder, tasting the copper liquid that trickled out of the wound he had made. Jeff abruptly stopped masturbating his brother. The lack of touch made Matt whimper into Jeff's neck and he pulled away.
The boys leaned in, their forehead's touching, both gazing into each other's eye intensely. Their eyes flickered with a fire that needed to be put out. The heat between them was almost enough to send them both over the edge.
"I need you in me..." Jeff breathed out almost incoherently as he licked the remaining blood on Matt's lips. The fire inside Matt sparked throughout his whole body as he turned his brother over so his back was to him. He pulled down the back of his pants, now exposing his pale ass to the night. Matt brought his fingers to his lips and took them in, coating them with as much saliva as he could, then they penetrated Jeff's entrance. Jeff arched his back, raising his ass off the branch and into Matt's fingers. Matt moved his fingers in and out, scissoring them to loosen Jeff up. As soon as he knew Jeff was ready, he brought his hand up to his mouth once again, and coated his hand with saliva. Matt stroked his cock, covering them with the saliva. He watched Jeff lift his ass higher. Whimpers from his older brother flooded his ears.
"Matt...fuck me now." he squeaked. Matt smirked and dug himself deep inside of Jeff. His younger brother's scream echo's throughout the whole forest. The warmth that engulfed Matt's cock caused him to throw him self forward, digging under the fabric of the shirt that Jeff still wore, clawing his little brother's back. Jeff moaned as Matt started to pump into him, ignoring the crimson trails forming on his pale back.
"Oh god, Matty, harder!" He cried. Matt's thrusts started picking up, and so did Jeff's disgust with himself. He wanted to throw himself off the branch and let his body hit the cold floor as it did before, but with more impact. He never felt so dirty...but then he never felt so pleasured.
Jeff screamed out in ecstasy when Matt struck his prostate. He felt himself reaching his climax. Jeff grabbed his own cock that was hidden beneath the fabric of his boxers and began to pump furiously, in complete sync with Matt's thrust. One more hit to his spot, and Matt filled Jeff to the brim with his cum. Soon after, Jeff followed and let the branch of the tree drip with his and his brother's substance.
Jeff brought himself up and laid his back on Matt. Matt's strong arms wrapped around Jeff's torso, Jeff buried his face in his hands. He felt Matt's rapid heartbeat on his back. He knew that Matt was feeling guilty, for violating him, taking advantage of him, for fucking his own flesh and blood.
Matt placed a soft sorry kiss on the back of Jeff's head, and then buried his own face in his neck. Jeff didn't move. He was stuck holding back sobs and stricken by the realization of what he'd done.
"You weren't in love with her either...” Matt voice broke the heavy tension between the two. Jeff lifted his head away from his face. Tears threatened to break free from his grasp. He turned to glance at his older brother. A hint of happiness was hidden in his eyes. "Then stop crying. It makes no sense." The happiness changed to apathy.
"She wasn't what I wanted," he choked. "She pretended to come into my world, and fully grasp the meaning of my mind. She never knew. Nothing I said, nothing I did, nothing I created...nothing...nothing made sense to her. I knew it though. She didn't enter my world...she didn't...shine," Jeff sighed as he finally poured out to his brother. "She was an evanescent light; she didn't brighten up my world as much as she should have. She wasn't my sun. She wasn't my moon. She wasn't my stars. She wasn't my everything."
Jeff looked down as if ashamed of what he was admitting. His hands placed over Matt's arms, sat on his lap. Matt grabbed his hand placed his head on Jeff's shoulder.
"If she wasn't your everything...who is?"
Jeff froze at these words. He knew the answer deep in the pit of his stomach. He kept is head down though and shrugged as if dumbfounded by the question. Matt saw right through him, and he always had. Matt cupped Jeff's chin and turned it toward his face. This time he has looked at his brother, he felt something different.
Those brown eyes sent a wave of heat throughout Jeff's body, but he contained his convulsion. His tanned skin didn't seem so tanned, it glowed in the night. Matt seemed radiant. The radiance wasn't coming from the moon, or the stars. He gave off his own light. Jeff needed this life. In the darkness of his life, his mind, his soul, he needed Matt.
"Isn't...isn't it obvious..." Jeff started, "You're all the light I need."
Matt's heart began to swell as a smile played across his lips. Jeff returned that smile, that smile that sparked his soul. He wanted that spark to stay alive as much as possible. He wanted to be Jeff's light. He wanted to be his sun, his moon, his stars, his warmth. He brought his hand down from his face and back around his torso. He leaned in and whispered.
"You'll never fall into the darkness again, my lover."
Matt crashed his lips onto Jeff's...
Except, Jeff wasn't there.
His eyes fluttered open as found himself sprawled across his bed, clutching his pillow. Matt tried to savor the imaginary taste, warmth, feel, smell, anything that was conjured up in his dream...but nothing. Matt sat on his bed and looked out the window. The sun had risen, replacing the cold and darkness of the night with luminance and heat. Sunlight danced across Matt's face, giving him a warm surface...but a frozen core. The sunlight wasn't enough to diminish the darkness in his soul. The only light, the only warmth that he needed to feel was down the hall sleeping with his someone other than Matt in his arms.
Author: xdreamthextreme
Pairing: Matt Hardy/Jeff Hardy
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Don't own, sadly.
Author's Notes: Yay! Done! Finally! This is my first sex scene ever, be gentle please! D: But yea. Hardycest! Whoot! Don't click if you don't like it. Goddamn flammers. :P
Indifferent.
He was fully aware that he would never be able to hold her close to him, kiss her deeply, and tell her that he was madly in love with her; that she was the only one for him. Jeff knew that he’d never get to call Beth is own ever again, but he didn’t flinch. Maybe it was because it hadn’t quite sunk in yet. No he was sure of his future. He knew that she had walked out of his life forever…so why are the damp trails on his face made by tears of happiness?
The wet grass dampened his pants and shirt as he lay in the night with his thoughts keeping him company. He propped himself on his elbows as eyes stared off into the infinite dark sky, hoping that there might be an answer engraved in the stars in which he admired so. The stars seemed so far, he raised and arm as if trying to run his fingers along the sprinkled sky. He wanted to feel the stars that burned on for years, just like his love had burned for Beth. But like the life of a star is bright and powerful, eventually...it burns out. Perhaps it's for the best though, Jeff thought. If the stars never burned out, there would be an over population of life engulfing the night. The stars would take over the sky and there would be no significant difference between night and day. If there were too many stars, too many emotions and feelings, there would be nothing to savor, nothing new in which you can appreciate. Instead of learning how to feel and acknowledge other beauties in the world, we'd be blinded by the brightness of the same stars over and over again. So maybe Beth's star has burned out, it can always be replaced with something else...someone.
"It's beautiful, huh Jeffro?" a familiar voice pulled Jeff away from the stars, back to the damp grass again. Jeff indentified the voice and smiled.
"Yea. I always love coming back home. You can never see the stars in the city." Jeff looked up to see his older brother hovering over him, looking at the stars just as Jeff was moments ago. He noticed the worry that was plastered on his face and sighed. Jeff hated when his brother worried about him. He never liked being the cause of any unhappiness or discomfort to his brother emotions, but he knew it was simply out of love. This always excited Jeff...he never knew why.
"Let’s go get a closer look," their eyes met and locked. He held out his hand for his little brother. "C'mon Jeff...for old time's sake."
Jeff smiled again and took his hand. "Alright Matty. I'll race you though." Matt nodded and returned the smile.
"Three...tw--Hey! No Fair!" Matt called out as Jeff got a head start. He let his feet lead the way as he chased after his older brother. Jeff's laughter filled the vacant backyard into the forest, and flooded Matt's ears. His heart started to beat out of his chest, not from the race with his little brother, but because of his little brother. He couldn't make much of his exotic features in the darkness, but the mere silhouette of his brother almost caused his knees to buckle.
Jeff turned his head to see his brother's house fading behind the trees and his brother gaining closer to him. He let out one last cackle before he felt a surprising force knock him backwards onto the unforgiving ground. Matt gasped as he reached his brother and knelt down to him.
"Jeffro, you okay?" He chuckled a bit but worry was still obvious in his voice. He put his hand under his younger brother's head and brought it up to reveal a hideous bump forming on his gentle forehead. Jeff stirred and gently touched the bump.
"Yea...But uh...what happened?"
"You ran into a tree..."
"I did?"
"You did."
Jeff looked at the culprit who shoved him into the ground as he got up then he looked at his brother who stood there stifling extreme laughter. "Laugh and I'll kick you ass, Matthew." he warned. Matt just shook his head and looked up at the tree. "I guess we could go up this one." Jeff continued.
"Alright. Ladies first." Matt laughed.
"Asshole." Jeff whispered as he began to climb the tree, Matt following his lead.
As Jeff climbed, he could feel a new star coming to life. Though, he could not distinguish whether it was a new star being born in the night sky, or if it was a new star in the night of his mind. He also could not distinguish why he was feeling this. Jeff shook off the thought and stopped climbing as soon as he spotted two large sturdy branches that were parallel to each other. "Matt," he called out. "I found a spot!" Jeff reached for a branch and straddled it between his legs, balancing himself before he leaned back on the bark. Matt did the same as graceful as he could, but failed. The space between them was very limited.
Jeff looked over as his brother who was in the similar position as Jeff, straddling the branch, leaned up against the bark with his head back. The light of the stars reflected off his face, and shone on his closed eyelids, his full lips, pointed nose, glistening black locks. Everything about Matt was especially radiant tonight; he wanted to feel his strong arms engulf his body. Feel his hot breath on his neck and his eye lashes brush up against his cheek. Jeff wanted him near, and he convinced himself it was only for sheer comfort...nothing more. Matt's eyes fluttered open and he focused his attention on Jeff. He noticed that he was staring at him but merely shrugged it off.
"You okay, Jeff? With...you know..." He started.
"Beth, you mean?" Jeff picked up where Matt left off. "Yea, man. I'm fine." He turned to Matt and sighed. "It was bound to happen sooner or later, right?" Matt nodded and looked into his brother's eyes.
"She wasn't in love with you...was she?" Jeff's eyes widened as he heard these words. He didn't know how to act really, so he thought the socially proper reaction was to look hurt, he sank lower in the branch and but continued to look at Matt. Matt sighed and stretched his arms out. "Come."
Jeff swung his leg over the branch and climbed over to Matt's seat. He straddled that branch just as he did the other one, except he was now facing Matt. He looked into his brothers eyes, trying to hide the passion that built up in the pit of his stomach. Jeff began to feel disgusted with himself for feeling this. He hesitated a moment, but Matt still his arms stretched out.
"I'm fine, Matt. It's okay..." his voice trailed off, Matt didn't buy it. He brought Jeff into a tight embrace. Jeff sat there, frozen in time, hugging his brother under the starlit sky. His eyes widened more as he felt his pants become tighter. The disgust began to grow causing him to let out a small growl. Matt just held him tighter; he knew what Jeff was feeling...because he felt the same. Jeff hid his discomfort as much as he physically could. He clawed at Matt's back as tears flowed down his cheeks.
"Jeff..." Matt whispered into his brother's ear. "...it's okay." Jeff whimpered as he felt his breath tickle his ear. "I won't tell anyone."
Jeff pulled back suddenly ready to attack his brother for making such a disgusting offer, but somewhere in that thought, he got lost in the sight of his brother. His eyes, that look of passion pierce right through Jeff's bones. They were aching. He was aching...aching for Matt.
Jeff pulled back suddenly ready to attack his brother for making such a disgusting offer, but somewhere in that thought, he got lost in the sight of his brother. His eyes, that look of passion pierce right through Jeff's bones. They were aching. He was aching...aching for Matt. But he didn't want this feeling. Knots formed in his stomach as he raised his hand to Matt's face. Jeff gently ran his thumb over his brother's lips. They were soft and pouty, just waiting for Jeff to engulf them with his own lips. Jeff moved closer to Matt and looked deep into his eyes. All of this, the passion, the lust, the want, the need, all of this was vile and wrong...but it felt just so right.
"No one...will know?" Jeff breathed out in a husky voice. The corners of Matt's lips curled into a devious grin that intensely affected the tightness of Jeff's pants.
"Not a soul."
Their lips crashed and the impact made them both jump out of their seats almost falling out of the tree. Jeff savored Matt's flavor. Oohhh, he tastes so sweet, the youngest brother thought. He felt Matt's tongue brush against his lips, begging for entrance, and Jeff accepted. His tongue violated the inside of Jeff's mouth. A loud grunt escaped Jeff's lips that increased the intensity of the kiss. The sound of metal clinking flooded Matt's ears; he broke the kiss and looked down to identify the noise. His eyes met Jeff's hands undoing his belt. A shiver ran up his spine as Jeff pulled his cock out of his pants exposing it to the cold air.
Jeff bent his upper body forward to become at least somewhat eye leveled with his cock, but no avail. Matt's cock throbbed for attention. Jeff noticed and stopped trying; he wrapped his fingers around his shaft. Matt threw his head back and shivered at Jeff's touch. Jeff started to gently massage the head with his thumb, feeling the precum secrete out. Matt moaned loudly as he grabbed on to the branches around him to keep him balance. Jeff started to stroke Matt's cock ever so lightly.
"Oooh Jeff, harder..." Matt breathed. Jeff started to pump faster and in tune. Matt grabbed a handful of Jeff's colorful hair and jerked his head backwards exposing his neck, that pale unmarked flesh. Matt needed to mark it.
He dove in and devoured this neck. Biting, kissing, licking, sucking, anything that his lips guided him to do, until he settled with one and started gnawing like a starving animal. Jeff's strokes got harder and faster as Matt bit down harder, tasting the copper liquid that trickled out of the wound he had made. Jeff abruptly stopped masturbating his brother. The lack of touch made Matt whimper into Jeff's neck and he pulled away.
The boys leaned in, their forehead's touching, both gazing into each other's eye intensely. Their eyes flickered with a fire that needed to be put out. The heat between them was almost enough to send them both over the edge.
"I need you in me..." Jeff breathed out almost incoherently as he licked the remaining blood on Matt's lips. The fire inside Matt sparked throughout his whole body as he turned his brother over so his back was to him. He pulled down the back of his pants, now exposing his pale ass to the night. Matt brought his fingers to his lips and took them in, coating them with as much saliva as he could, then they penetrated Jeff's entrance. Jeff arched his back, raising his ass off the branch and into Matt's fingers. Matt moved his fingers in and out, scissoring them to loosen Jeff up. As soon as he knew Jeff was ready, he brought his hand up to his mouth once again, and coated his hand with saliva. Matt stroked his cock, covering them with the saliva. He watched Jeff lift his ass higher. Whimpers from his older brother flooded his ears.
"Matt...fuck me now." he squeaked. Matt smirked and dug himself deep inside of Jeff. His younger brother's scream echo's throughout the whole forest. The warmth that engulfed Matt's cock caused him to throw him self forward, digging under the fabric of the shirt that Jeff still wore, clawing his little brother's back. Jeff moaned as Matt started to pump into him, ignoring the crimson trails forming on his pale back.
"Oh god, Matty, harder!" He cried. Matt's thrusts started picking up, and so did Jeff's disgust with himself. He wanted to throw himself off the branch and let his body hit the cold floor as it did before, but with more impact. He never felt so dirty...but then he never felt so pleasured.
Jeff screamed out in ecstasy when Matt struck his prostate. He felt himself reaching his climax. Jeff grabbed his own cock that was hidden beneath the fabric of his boxers and began to pump furiously, in complete sync with Matt's thrust. One more hit to his spot, and Matt filled Jeff to the brim with his cum. Soon after, Jeff followed and let the branch of the tree drip with his and his brother's substance.
Jeff brought himself up and laid his back on Matt. Matt's strong arms wrapped around Jeff's torso, Jeff buried his face in his hands. He felt Matt's rapid heartbeat on his back. He knew that Matt was feeling guilty, for violating him, taking advantage of him, for fucking his own flesh and blood.
Matt placed a soft sorry kiss on the back of Jeff's head, and then buried his own face in his neck. Jeff didn't move. He was stuck holding back sobs and stricken by the realization of what he'd done.
"You weren't in love with her either...” Matt voice broke the heavy tension between the two. Jeff lifted his head away from his face. Tears threatened to break free from his grasp. He turned to glance at his older brother. A hint of happiness was hidden in his eyes. "Then stop crying. It makes no sense." The happiness changed to apathy.
"She wasn't what I wanted," he choked. "She pretended to come into my world, and fully grasp the meaning of my mind. She never knew. Nothing I said, nothing I did, nothing I created...nothing...nothing made sense to her. I knew it though. She didn't enter my world...she didn't...shine," Jeff sighed as he finally poured out to his brother. "She was an evanescent light; she didn't brighten up my world as much as she should have. She wasn't my sun. She wasn't my moon. She wasn't my stars. She wasn't my everything."
Jeff looked down as if ashamed of what he was admitting. His hands placed over Matt's arms, sat on his lap. Matt grabbed his hand placed his head on Jeff's shoulder.
"If she wasn't your everything...who is?"
Jeff froze at these words. He knew the answer deep in the pit of his stomach. He kept is head down though and shrugged as if dumbfounded by the question. Matt saw right through him, and he always had. Matt cupped Jeff's chin and turned it toward his face. This time he has looked at his brother, he felt something different.
Those brown eyes sent a wave of heat throughout Jeff's body, but he contained his convulsion. His tanned skin didn't seem so tanned, it glowed in the night. Matt seemed radiant. The radiance wasn't coming from the moon, or the stars. He gave off his own light. Jeff needed this life. In the darkness of his life, his mind, his soul, he needed Matt.
"Isn't...isn't it obvious..." Jeff started, "You're all the light I need."
Matt's heart began to swell as a smile played across his lips. Jeff returned that smile, that smile that sparked his soul. He wanted that spark to stay alive as much as possible. He wanted to be Jeff's light. He wanted to be his sun, his moon, his stars, his warmth. He brought his hand down from his face and back around his torso. He leaned in and whispered.
"You'll never fall into the darkness again, my lover."
Matt crashed his lips onto Jeff's...
Except, Jeff wasn't there.
His eyes fluttered open as found himself sprawled across his bed, clutching his pillow. Matt tried to savor the imaginary taste, warmth, feel, smell, anything that was conjured up in his dream...but nothing. Matt sat on his bed and looked out the window. The sun had risen, replacing the cold and darkness of the night with luminance and heat. Sunlight danced across Matt's face, giving him a warm surface...but a frozen core. The sunlight wasn't enough to diminish the darkness in his soul. The only light, the only warmth that he needed to feel was down the hall sleeping with his someone other than Matt in his arms.