well I must say "blah blah blah"
Well… this is gonna be a summary of past week up to today and will have some serious stuff in it, so if u don’t wanna read all of it and don’t wanna look at the bitch load of pics *because I got my cam back =)* I have behind the cut then don’t it’s your choice.
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yesterday… we got to wear blue jeans because it was school spirit for the basketball team. The cheerleaders left about 1 o clock!!! And well… it started off with Sam writing me a little letter, talking about how someone told her I was bi and she wanted to know if it was true, so I told her I was. I took a couple of pics…
Sami in the van... and in the backround is Sheridan crawling into her seat:
the backs of Sam, Aaron, and Ali:
Michelle and Katie:
I was trying to write something and got really angry because the road was so freaking bumpy!:
Then we stopped at chilis for some grub… more pics
Sami and Me:
Michelle behind a menu, and Ali:
Ali and Lianna with ice cream *there was Mc Donald's right next store and she went there*:
Katie hiding from the camera and Michelle:
Sami being her goofy little self, while Sam feels awkward:
Coach Aaron and his girlfriend and our co-coach Terra:
Michelle's mom and Aaron:
Terra and Katie:
Katie and Michelle, and the two ketchup bottles:
Aaron picking his nose, and yes he is actually doing it!:
Katie and Michelle:
Katie:
Katie and Michelle:
Again... Katie and Michelle:
When we got back in the car, me and Ali's favorite song came on and we started dancing:
Then… this I hated the most. We started debating on what our opinions are on Homosexuality. And I was really hurt about what Lianna said because she knew I was bi and I seriously thought she was trying to tell me something. Sami was talking about how she thought there was nothing wrong with it… and then Lianna goes, it says in the bible its wrong and all homosexuals are going to hell. And I’m like, so I’m going to hell? And she said yes, and I was offended by this very much. I told Sami about this girl who said she would disown her child if they were homosexual but they didn’t have a problem with homosexual people. And then Lianna buts in and says “I wouldn’t disown my child but I would send them to a lot of therapy to help them” and then she says “I know a therapist you can go to Tina” and then I was about to slap her. Sami tried to prove her point to Lianna that she can’t change her child’s mind, she could help change it but it’s all up to her child, but Lianna being the little obsessive compulsive bitch she is wouldn’t let her. And Lianna goes “Sami your not bi or lesbian, why are u so for homosexuality” and Sami goes, because I’m defending Tina because she’s my friend and I know she’s happy the way she is and that’s all that matters, because God wants us to be happy. Grrr then Lianna says “the bible says its wrong to be homo-“and then I just lost it and said FUCK THE BIBLE!!! WHY ARE SAYING THIS KIND OF STUFF!!! And I still feel bad for saying it. And she goes “why don’t u think we allow gay marriages here… because its against the bible and this country was built on the bible” and Sami was like “not even in America is Christian or Jewish or Muslim and not everyone is religious either” and then Lianna was quiet for like 2 seconds. And I said well maybe ill go to Germany or some other country that allows gay marriages and liana yells out… “Go back to Germany you homo!!” and then… I just said fuck it and turned around and started to cry. I have never been so insulted in my life… it’s my sexuality, it’s who I am and I just got completely humiliated because of it. Lianna tried to apologize but I told her if she talked to me id smack her.
Then I just started talking to Sami and Sam and Katie… and then Chelsea starts singing that song… Jesse’s girl!!! And I was like… omg!!! JESSE!!! So I called up Jesse *a friend of mine in Dallas* and told him to come to the game and he said he would.
I don’t really wanna talk about the game. It was pretty boring, we lost by 10 points. Jesse was there… it was pretty cool. I hadn’t seen him since Krause springs back right before school started in August. When we got to the hotel, Lianna had to stay in the room with me Sami and Sam >=/ Nothing special happened that night. Umm… my stomach became really upset and Lianna stayed up with me. And she wanted to have a little talk. She told me that she used to be bi and that her mom sent her to therapy and she changed and she was just trying to defend her mom’s actions. So I told her it was cool but that she should watch her mouth because she can offend people greatly saying that kind of stuff. I called my mom about 3 times and she comforted me while my tummy was hurting. Then my body finally crashed and just fell asleep.
The next morning we got up… and I did my make up hair and blah blah blah, you know. And Sami and Lianna went to breakfast and I straightened Sam’s hair and then we packed our stuff and went to breakfast… yes you guessed it! More pics!
Part of Aaron, Lianna, Michelle, and part of Ali:
Michelle's Mom, Sami, and Ali:
Part of Ali, Aaron, and Lianna:
After breakfast we went to the Galleria. And ok, I’m sooo stupid!!! I thought the Galleria was a museum, so I didn’t bring any money because I didn’t know it was a mall!!! Blah!!! Agrjhaghgw. I had about $30 that my dad gave me, but I really wish I brought my Christmas money that I haven’t spent yet. But we got there and Aaron said that we only had 2 ½ hours to be here because we had to leave at 1, and that no one could walk around by themselves and that our little groups had to stay together and then we set off... we did stop at the starbucks and I had my first starbucks experience… Sami got me a mocha frappachino and it was sooo good!!! But anyways… more pics!
We saw this guy and just had to take pics with him:
Me in this bag store:
Sami saw this sing thing, and because she just loves this guy she had to get some pics:
Then we hit this store…
And Lianna being the stupid person she is, spent an hour in the freaking store and remember, we only has 2 ½ hours to begin with!!! And we couldn’t leave her because know one was allowed to be alone so I called Aaron on his phone and told her what she was doing and he said that we could go do what we wanted
And yes… I made Jesse come because I didn’t get to talk to him like at all at the game… more pics!!
Sam sitting in a chair on the phone:
I was trying to take a natural pic of Sami but she made a stupid face:
Jesse!!! he's such a good friend!:
Jesse took a pic of me tieing my shoe:
Jesse and Me:
Jesse and Me again:
Aaron sitting down:
Then we left the mall and got in the van and started playing around with all the stuff we bought! Yuppers, more pics!
My shoes that i got:
Sorry for it being so small but it was so blurry when it was big… my necklace, it’s a dolphin with a blue ball thing:
some glasses Sam found on the ground in the parking lot and gave to me lol:
The little container my necklace came in *photos get brighter as they go*:
Sami and Sam sporting their Corona Caps:
We stopped at a gas station and while Lianna was inside I put my hair in a really high ponytail and started making fun of her *mean I know but it had to be done* everyone started laughing at we got some pics of it… everyone said my hair looked really good in the ponytail I put it in…
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Then we played a little truth game and me Sami and Sam became really close at that time. Then Sam asked the question, how would u want to die? And I said just like my grandpa, with all my family around me, my husband and children holding my hands. And then I turned around and stared out into the clouds and started thinking about my grandpa. I started to cry a little bit and then Sami gave me a hug from behind and said that he’s sitting on my shoulder hugging my ear, whispering he loves me =) then we stopped at Mc Donald’s and I went to the bathroom and got a mc flurry with the last $3 I had. I got back into the car and stared out the window again and just thought if your could read my mind right now this is what I would say…
“I miss you so much grandpa, I feel so empty without u at grandmas, and I’m so used to saying grandpas house, its weird now knowing you aren’t there sitting in your chair. I’m glad I got to say goodbye and stuff, but I wish I could have been there like everyone else when you passed. I’m glad you’re not suffering anymore and that you’re in a better place. I wish I could have just said I love you one more time and hear u say it back, and tell you how much of a great grandfather you were!!!”
Well it goes way on but this entry is already long enough, but I must keep going on. Then Sam hugged me from behind and told me that it’s all going to be ok. And I told her that I was so upset because I was the only one who wasn’t in the room when he died, and that the last time he saw me I looked like a complete slut and I just wish I could have been there. She kept hugging me and stuff, then Sami told me to listen to this song and it made me ball… it really did
Shania Twain : Forever and For Always
Mmmmm....
Oooh, in your arms
I can feel your heart beat now
I can really feel your love
In your arms,
I can still feel the way you want me
when you hold me
I can still hear the words you whispered
when you told me
I can stay right here forever in your arms
And there ain't no way
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....
Chorus:
'Cause I'm keeping you
forever and for always
We will be together all of our days
Wanna wake up every morning
to your sweet face
Always-----
oooh baby
In your heart
I can still hear a beat
for every time you kiss me
And when we're apart,
I know how much you miss me
I can still feel your love for me
in your heart
And there ain't no way
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't now way
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....
Repeat Chorus
(I wanna wake up every morning... with you )
In your eyes
(I can still see the look of the one)
I can still see the look
of the one who really loves me
(I can still feel the way that you want)
The one who wouldn't put anything
else in the world above me
(I can still see your love for me)
I can still see your love for me in your eyes
(I still see the love)
And there ain't no way
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....
Repeat Chorus (2x)
I'm keeping you forever and for always...
That's a keeper, baby
Oooh always and forever
I'm in your arms
and I know that it doesn’t really match with the situation I was in, but I could see the message in the song that she was trying to give me. After I calmed down a bit, Sami gave me a back massage and then Aaron told us that we were getting close to St. Michaels. Lianna started to French braid my hair and when she was done Sami took a picture of the back of it… and I wasn’t gonna put this pic in here but I thought it was really cool how my hair came out… with dark brown and then the braided part looking red =)
Hair:
We stopped at a Taco Cabana because that’s where Sami and Sam’s parents were to pick them up and I took a quick potty break and then we went back to St. Michaels. Me and my mom went to Starbucks and I got anther mocha frappachino… again, please excuse my awful spelling. Then we went home.
I took a shower because I was just so cold in my house. Me and my mom went across the street for dinner and Angie and Stanley and Nicole were there. After dinner, Angie did this Chinese ritual thing, where u take all this stuff *like this special type of money and all these items made out of paper and u burn it all… and then smoke that comes from the burning ashes rises up to heaven to grandpa and gives him everything else he would need up there. We put in this special money, a paper hat, paper shoes, and this wrapping paper that had a paper phone, paper food… just a lot of stuff. My grandma said I could keep the ashes of all the stuff because I was crying when we were doing all this. After we were done I started reading all the sympathy card that grandma received and I found this one poem in the one of the cards I really like, here it is
I’m Free
Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free.
I’m following the path God laid for me.
I took God’s hand when I heard the call;
I turned my back and left it all
I could not stay another day.
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way,
I found that place at the close of the day.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss.
Ah yes, these things, I too, will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life’s been full, I savored much,
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me-
God wanted me now, God set me free.
I went into the bathroom and started to cry, I didn’t want my grandma to see me cry even more.
When I was able to go outside I said goodbye to my grandma and well… now I’m home.
I was really scared to type this all in the live journal thing so I did on Microsoft word and I went into 7 pages, without pictures!!! I mean damn! But anyways, I still want to get some homework done so bye bye for now…
R.I.P. John J. Jasinski (Grandpa)
11.4.21 - 2.14.05
I love You =)
Grandpa around 1945:
if you read all this... well damn I love You!
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