I'm infatuated with the way you move and how you sway.
So I’m finally breaking down and posting a little something about Kendall Schmidt. God damn it. >=|
Over the past two or three weeks, Holly has gotten me insanely hooked on Big Time Rush. It all started with her spamming me with some of their songs, most notably one called Boyfriend WHICH gets stuck in my head so fucking easily, my God. Then the next day, she had me watch their new movie, Big Time Movie, with her on Nickelodean. Which by the way is fucking hysterical and I swear I’ve seen it five or six times by now. Then she started showing me episodes and pictures of them and more of their songs and such, and we’ve watched their television show every day that it’s been on since then. We’ve watched Big Time Movie almost every time that it’s been on for both of us as well. I never get tired of it. I’ve had so much Big Time Rush exposure in the month of March that oddly enough I’ve been happier than I have been in a while. I’ve also already decided that I’m going to definitely buy a ticket to Big Time Rush’s Summer Tour when they come to Iowa in August! I am so hooked on t his band, dude.
Mostly because of Kendall, the first person in like forever that I’ve been attracted to and liked this much who looks like a human male. I’ve finally admitted that David Desrosiers is not even remotely the most attractive person in the world; he actually looks really bad to me lately. I still find younger David adorable, but I’ve finally lost that bias or whatever I had for him and admitted that I really would hardly even want to kiss him, given the opportunity. Holly’s ecstatic that I’ve finally noticed and that I’m even making fun of David willingly; I do still love him but it’s not that love where every time I see a picture of him my heart hurts. It’s that…respect love, if that makes sense at all. Kind of what seemed to happen with Billie Joe Armstrong, in a way.
But now, this stupid boy named Kendall is who I would do anything in the world to hug and kiss and just be the best of friends with, and to cuddle with when I’m sad or can’t sleep at night. I’ve looked at SO many pictures of him and listened to him so often that it’s crazy. Even right now, I’m listening to his other band, called Heffron Drive. They’re actually pretty good, and it’s different than Big Time Rush, which I love. They seem to do a lot of love songs, and that makes it even worse - hearing Kendall sing love songs in that sweet voice of his. I can’t get enough of them and I’ve listened to the same four or five songs for literally the past hour or so. My heart is melting while I listen to him and eventually I’m just going to die, I swear. x’D
He’s basically replaced David and has raised my expectations and standards in men so much that it’s pathetic. When I look at a picture of him now, or see him on the TV, my chest just gets all warm and I can’t get the fucking smile off of my face. I feel so calm and at peace and everything. I can’t even deny how much I love him anymore it’s that bad. This has all developed over the last not even a month, mind you. See how terrible this is?! March has literally been Big Time Rush month for me, in a sense. I love it so much and I’m so glad Holly showed me them for so many reasons. It gave us something that we can connect over a lot, and James Maslow makes her so happy that it’s adorable. I spam her with pictures of him all the time, and she’ll spam me with Kendall as well. The lovely icon here was made by her, by the way, from the episode Green Time Rush. They’re on her site which you can find the link to on my profile page bio. ;D But anyway, we also do this rp kind of thing where we’re dating our guys, hahaha. It gets crazy sometimes and I’m sure she’d admit that too, but I’m sure she loves it just as much as I do. :)
I’m always worried when I get into things she shows me, especially Big Time Rush and South Park and things like that like we’ve watched together lately. I know that it might be a little hard for her to watch them, and I don’t want to hurt her or something, or feel like I’m just getting into something because I want to replace the past or solely because she likes it. I look into it because of her, sure; but if I really hated BTR or South Park or something, I could have just told her that, right? But I didn’t; I love them both and I hope somehow it helps to have me to watch those things with. I’m just here to help as much as I can, and if it means getting me hooked on something like Big Time Rush then I hope she doesn’t mind. As long as I’m being helpful and a good friend, that’s all I honestly care about.
….so this went from a post that was supposed to be completely about Kendall Schmidt, to a seriously scatterbrained post. I guess that’s what I get for staying up when I’ve been falling asleep literally since I was able to come up to my room today. X’D I’ve seriously been so tired and my stomach still isn’t agreeing with me. Hopefully it goes better in the morning, because I have driver’s ed in the morning and afterwards I may be going bowling with some people for an hour or so. Then I’ll go home and maybe write a little bit of the James Maslow story I started for Holly a while ago. Gotta make sure I’m constantly writing or I’m gonna fall back into my rut, you know?
Anyways, to get back to the main topic of this post. Kendall. Ugh this boy just…sometimes pictures of him actually fog up my head with how strong my feelings have already become for him. Everything about him is literally perfect to me. His eyes are such a gorgeous green, his hair is pretty, his dimples when he smiles kill everything in me, his lips are the most perfect shape ever, he has a banging body, he plays guitar, he sings, he has a FUCKING PET PIG, he looks perfect in plaid and red, and he just seems like the absolute sweetest boy ever. He’s twenty-one years old, and he seems so approachable to me, even though I’m one of the most awkward and shy people you’ll ever meet. I would literally give anything to meet him and to like, get a chance with him. I feel so STUPID saying that, hell I feel like a dumbass just thinking it, mostly because I know somebody like him probably wouldn’t go for somebody like me. I can’t even describe what he’s done to me though; in the beginning it was merely the strongest sexual attraction I’ve ever felt to somebody and all I wanted from him was sex, sex, and more sex. But the more I find out about him and the more I’m exposed to who he is and what he does, the further I fall for him. This whole thing is about a billion times worse than how I used to feel about David and it almost scares me. X’D But I don’t know. I feel like as awkward and stupid and fucking talentless as I am, maybe Kendall and I would be adorable together. And for the love of all that is holy and wonderful in this world, I would love to get even one chance to find out. I already love him more than I can express in any words, and all I wanna do is be with him lately. And how beautiful his voice sounds in this song is not helping me to figure out my feelings; if anything it’s making my brain more and more jumbled. So, here’s a spam of pictures of this beautiful, perfect boy that I want to cuddle more than anything in the world at this very moment.
Time for sleep, where hopefully I'll dream about this perfect boy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZR8_q7pr5ok&feature=fvwp&NR=1
EDIT: I was just about to go to bed, but stumbled upon the above video and I'm literally crying at how beautiful his voice is and everything. His high notes, holy fucking hell. Kendall Schmidt you seriously are special and perfect, can I have you?<3