everyday is a parody of another
this is the story i wrote for a portfolio in process skills. if anyone wants to take the time to read the very funny story in my opinion. here it is:
She slowly began to run her hands up the front of my chest underneath my shirt. Her delicate touch was sending shivers up my spine. Her face loomed in front of mine as she leaned in to give me a passionate kiss. I could see the lust in her eyes as she gazed dreamily at me. “Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked her.
“Of course I am, I love y-”
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! “Oh my god! Shut the-” BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! “-Up already, you-” BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! “-Alarm clock!” I yelled my morning obscenities at my alarm clock, which was punctuating through the silence and annoyingly waking me up from my some five hours of sleep. Now I was extremely pissed off that my alarm clock signaled for school, interrupting my magnificent dream. “Why must school even exist?” This being a common question from any student, anywhere. I finally slap my hand down on the damn clock to shut it up. I sluggishly roll out of bed and drag myself to the bathroom to begin my morning routine.
The first thing I do is put in my contacts. This way, I can actually see what I am doing the rest of the day. Then I brush my teeth so my teeth sparkle and my breath is, “Oh so minty fresh!” Next I do my business on the toilet, (no one needs to hear details about that), and then into the shower I go. After drying off, I put on my individualist clothing and “punk” junk. Yet still more, I gel my hair. All the while after getting out of the shower, I listen to the local radio station. Of course, this does tend to make a person slow down, so I usually end up rushing the last ten minutes. However, I finally finish, and so off to school I go.
The bus is late. WOW! There is a major surprise. NOT! I get to school and trudge to my locker, get my binders, and drop them off in homeroom. Then I head to the cafeteria for my morning caffeine injection. Now the bell has not yet rung, so I diligently head toward the library to meet up with some friends. Of course, I also get to go hang out with my wonderful, caring, and most importantly, loving girlfriend, Casey. Not that she isn’t incredibly hot and sexy as well.
I walk to the back where the computers are; its my M.O. to be playing online video games. I say hello to my other friends then walk over to where I usually sit. I play my usual pointless games. Casey makes fun of them, though occasionally she plays them herself. A pointless game such as the spear toss game is one of the many that I play. It is the completely idiotic game of seeing how far a person can throw a spear. Yes, I know it does not take a rocket scientist to throw a spear, but when playing on the computer, it becomes somewhat more difficult. We make “kissy faces’ until the bell rings, signaling that we must report to homeroom.
Between periods, most students congregate in large groups throughout the school. Though it may sound as it these groups are planning to take over the school, (some may be doing just that), for the most part, they are destroying their lives with their hurtful rumors and gossip. There is an exception though. This exception is the silly cliché of the puppy love of high school sweethearts. Anyone can pick them out. They are the ones against the lockers looking endlessly into their love’s eyes. On the other hand, sometimes they just make-out. Talk about public displays of affection! I am part of this exceptional group. This may be found comical that I would rather be in love than to conspire to take over the school. All I have to say to that is, “Sucks to be you!”
Homeroom is now over, and first period has begun. Mr. Whitmore is the teacher and damn! He defiantly knows how to wake us up after coming back from the weekend. His secret technique: taking notes and forcing us to do work that requires an actual thought process! The entire class groans and I roll my eyes in agreement. After the usual forty-five minute period, the bell suddenly rings. BING! BING! BING! And just like that, first period is over.
BING! BING! BING! Second period starts as Ms. Caraway shuffles in with her little cart. Her dry and sarcastic sense of humor is usually appreciated, as it is usually perfectly valid and truthful. However, other than that, her class is rather bland and I spend most of her class doing something completely inane instead of doing something productive. This usually consists of daydreaming of the latest porno movie I watched. That is of course the porno that I have mentally inserted Casey and myself. HA! Like that will be happening any time soon. In my daydreams maybe...
Ms. Reilly’s class is what I can say is my most favorable class of the day, second only to lunch and physical education. Why lunch and physical education you ask? That has an easy and obvious answer. Brain neurons are not needed to pass either of them. Now, back to Ms. Reilly. She is the epiphany of the wacky, cool, older, teacher that you always hear about and always hope to have. Now although her class is actually an English class, we tend to end up learning something completely unrelated to the curriculum everyday. There isn’t a day that you don’t end up laughing hysterically at the topics that pop up during class. When her class ends, my day of thinking intellectual thoughts begins. This doesn’t leave thoughts for much else, unfortunately.
After Ms. Reilly, I do a cross-country of the school for my Latin class. I have to say this about my teacher, and I mean this in the most semi-good way possible. Mrs. Wooley is absolutely f***ing nuts! She is one of those crazy, young, trying to be hip teachers who can be completely clueless at times. But that is partially why her class is great; she forgets what she is doing half the time! Another plus is that the work is never hard. A fairly good class if you ask me. It isn't a bad class to daydream in either, especially when the teacher herself reminds me of a dreamer.
My sixth period of the day is the almighty period of lunch. This is yet another time similar to the time between periods. This is because both share many similarities. For instance, both have students congregating in large groups planning to take over the school, or the cliché high school sweetheart couples, and of course the right to eat food. Although, I guess that in the halls it’s a privilege and in the cafeteria it’s a right… During lunch, I started to eat my cheeseburger. (It needed more cheese, but oh well) While munching on a mechanically made meat patty between fake cheese and a carbohydrate packed bun, I talk about the latest atrocities of school life with my friends. This usually consists of the dreadful things that teachers do to us innocent students. When this is over, I head on to my next class. This being the dreaded class of, dum dum dum, GEOMETRY!
Mrs. Lighthorn is the evil teacher of geometry. Now I have never particularly loved geometry, but because of her, evil geometry teachers will always have an even worse stereotype because of her. I would take advantage of this period and make up some lost sleep from the night before, except that having your head on desk makes yourself an automatic target to be called on. Knowing this, I have no interest in being humiliated in front of a bunch of ugly ass people I don’t even like for the most part. So instead, I read my Tom Clancy novel, Red Rabbit, instead. I have a secret love for Tom Clancy novels, ergo, why Casey bought me the book when we were in a bookstore. (I had said it was one of his books I didn’t own.) See how much she loves me? The key to reading during class is to make it look like you are reading your textbook instead of pleasure reading. If you are caught, oh well, just put it down for a few minutes and pick it up again later. She doesn’t do anything to me when I do get caught reading in class anyway. So who cares? I know I certainly don’t give a shit. The reason I read is that I am convinced that time passes more slowly in her classroom then in any other place in the world. Therefore, I use this time to try to do something productive. Five, four, three, two, one, RING! RING! RING! The worst period of the day is finally over. The rest of day will be a breeze.
Now this next period is somewhat controversial as to whether it is a “good period” or not to have. The period in question: health class. There are some positive aspects, as well as negative aspects. If you dislike physical education, then you may like health class because then changing becomes a non-issue. On the other hand, it removes you from the major portion of the students who have physical education during that period. I personally find it quite comical that teenagers are expected to be able to talk about penises and vaginas and say it with a straight face. For some reason, using the technical terms for these body parts just makes the situation seem even more humorous to me. How this stunt is even accomplished by me is a mystery. The best part of the entire semester was the dildo lady. She really comes in to tell us about the different birth control methods and how they are used. And of course, about different STD’s. She is called the dildo lady though because she brings this black dildo with her. Everyone in the class is now thinking; for what reason does she have a dildo? Does she use it on herself? For us she simply uses it to demonstrate how the male condom is used. That includes the regular ones, the flavored ones, the ribbed ones, the studded ones, the ones that glow, and any number of those combined. Who knew that sexual pleasure and conception methods could be combined?
It is now the last period of the day, and that clock is just begging to move quicker so it can release us from this is education hell hole. Last period is laboratory biology. None other than Mr. Schwartz teaches this scientific class. His period is something to look forward too, because not only it is last period, and it moves quickly, but also because it is a subject I actually enjoy. (Doesn’t that sound so wholesome?) In Mr. Schwartz’s class, we learn the different theories of how earth and its life began, along with heredity and the building blocks of life; otherwise known as cells. At 2:00, the bell rings for the final time, and all the students begin to flood the halls with their putrid corpses.
I yet again head to my locker and chuck my binder into my locker. I start shoveling in all the books, binders, and other crap that I need to complete the night’s assignments. Right before I finish packing, Casey rounds the corner and leans against the locker adjacent to mine, waiting for so we can walk to the buses. I finally cease packing and begin to walk down the hall to where the buses are lined up. I don’t usually go home on the bus because I have track practice. So instead of walking all the way to the buses with Casey I tend to throw her against some lockers and kiss her for a few minutes. However, today that is not that case. It is heavily raining outside, which is what cause track to be cancelled. I kiss Casey once hard and full on the lips and then I rush off to my bus before becoming completely drenched from head to toe. This commences my day at school. What is horrible is that tomorrow will end up being a complete parody of today. Moreover, the day after that will be a parody of the day before that. So it becomes that everyday is a parody of another.
She slowly began to run her hands up the front of my chest underneath my shirt. Her delicate touch was sending shivers up my spine. Her face loomed in front of mine as she leaned in to give me a passionate kiss. I could see the lust in her eyes as she gazed dreamily at me. “Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked her.
“Of course I am, I love y-”
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! “Oh my god! Shut the-” BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! “-Up already, you-” BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! “-Alarm clock!” I yelled my morning obscenities at my alarm clock, which was punctuating through the silence and annoyingly waking me up from my some five hours of sleep. Now I was extremely pissed off that my alarm clock signaled for school, interrupting my magnificent dream. “Why must school even exist?” This being a common question from any student, anywhere. I finally slap my hand down on the damn clock to shut it up. I sluggishly roll out of bed and drag myself to the bathroom to begin my morning routine.
The first thing I do is put in my contacts. This way, I can actually see what I am doing the rest of the day. Then I brush my teeth so my teeth sparkle and my breath is, “Oh so minty fresh!” Next I do my business on the toilet, (no one needs to hear details about that), and then into the shower I go. After drying off, I put on my individualist clothing and “punk” junk. Yet still more, I gel my hair. All the while after getting out of the shower, I listen to the local radio station. Of course, this does tend to make a person slow down, so I usually end up rushing the last ten minutes. However, I finally finish, and so off to school I go.
The bus is late. WOW! There is a major surprise. NOT! I get to school and trudge to my locker, get my binders, and drop them off in homeroom. Then I head to the cafeteria for my morning caffeine injection. Now the bell has not yet rung, so I diligently head toward the library to meet up with some friends. Of course, I also get to go hang out with my wonderful, caring, and most importantly, loving girlfriend, Casey. Not that she isn’t incredibly hot and sexy as well.
I walk to the back where the computers are; its my M.O. to be playing online video games. I say hello to my other friends then walk over to where I usually sit. I play my usual pointless games. Casey makes fun of them, though occasionally she plays them herself. A pointless game such as the spear toss game is one of the many that I play. It is the completely idiotic game of seeing how far a person can throw a spear. Yes, I know it does not take a rocket scientist to throw a spear, but when playing on the computer, it becomes somewhat more difficult. We make “kissy faces’ until the bell rings, signaling that we must report to homeroom.
Between periods, most students congregate in large groups throughout the school. Though it may sound as it these groups are planning to take over the school, (some may be doing just that), for the most part, they are destroying their lives with their hurtful rumors and gossip. There is an exception though. This exception is the silly cliché of the puppy love of high school sweethearts. Anyone can pick them out. They are the ones against the lockers looking endlessly into their love’s eyes. On the other hand, sometimes they just make-out. Talk about public displays of affection! I am part of this exceptional group. This may be found comical that I would rather be in love than to conspire to take over the school. All I have to say to that is, “Sucks to be you!”
Homeroom is now over, and first period has begun. Mr. Whitmore is the teacher and damn! He defiantly knows how to wake us up after coming back from the weekend. His secret technique: taking notes and forcing us to do work that requires an actual thought process! The entire class groans and I roll my eyes in agreement. After the usual forty-five minute period, the bell suddenly rings. BING! BING! BING! And just like that, first period is over.
BING! BING! BING! Second period starts as Ms. Caraway shuffles in with her little cart. Her dry and sarcastic sense of humor is usually appreciated, as it is usually perfectly valid and truthful. However, other than that, her class is rather bland and I spend most of her class doing something completely inane instead of doing something productive. This usually consists of daydreaming of the latest porno movie I watched. That is of course the porno that I have mentally inserted Casey and myself. HA! Like that will be happening any time soon. In my daydreams maybe...
Ms. Reilly’s class is what I can say is my most favorable class of the day, second only to lunch and physical education. Why lunch and physical education you ask? That has an easy and obvious answer. Brain neurons are not needed to pass either of them. Now, back to Ms. Reilly. She is the epiphany of the wacky, cool, older, teacher that you always hear about and always hope to have. Now although her class is actually an English class, we tend to end up learning something completely unrelated to the curriculum everyday. There isn’t a day that you don’t end up laughing hysterically at the topics that pop up during class. When her class ends, my day of thinking intellectual thoughts begins. This doesn’t leave thoughts for much else, unfortunately.
After Ms. Reilly, I do a cross-country of the school for my Latin class. I have to say this about my teacher, and I mean this in the most semi-good way possible. Mrs. Wooley is absolutely f***ing nuts! She is one of those crazy, young, trying to be hip teachers who can be completely clueless at times. But that is partially why her class is great; she forgets what she is doing half the time! Another plus is that the work is never hard. A fairly good class if you ask me. It isn't a bad class to daydream in either, especially when the teacher herself reminds me of a dreamer.
My sixth period of the day is the almighty period of lunch. This is yet another time similar to the time between periods. This is because both share many similarities. For instance, both have students congregating in large groups planning to take over the school, or the cliché high school sweetheart couples, and of course the right to eat food. Although, I guess that in the halls it’s a privilege and in the cafeteria it’s a right… During lunch, I started to eat my cheeseburger. (It needed more cheese, but oh well) While munching on a mechanically made meat patty between fake cheese and a carbohydrate packed bun, I talk about the latest atrocities of school life with my friends. This usually consists of the dreadful things that teachers do to us innocent students. When this is over, I head on to my next class. This being the dreaded class of, dum dum dum, GEOMETRY!
Mrs. Lighthorn is the evil teacher of geometry. Now I have never particularly loved geometry, but because of her, evil geometry teachers will always have an even worse stereotype because of her. I would take advantage of this period and make up some lost sleep from the night before, except that having your head on desk makes yourself an automatic target to be called on. Knowing this, I have no interest in being humiliated in front of a bunch of ugly ass people I don’t even like for the most part. So instead, I read my Tom Clancy novel, Red Rabbit, instead. I have a secret love for Tom Clancy novels, ergo, why Casey bought me the book when we were in a bookstore. (I had said it was one of his books I didn’t own.) See how much she loves me? The key to reading during class is to make it look like you are reading your textbook instead of pleasure reading. If you are caught, oh well, just put it down for a few minutes and pick it up again later. She doesn’t do anything to me when I do get caught reading in class anyway. So who cares? I know I certainly don’t give a shit. The reason I read is that I am convinced that time passes more slowly in her classroom then in any other place in the world. Therefore, I use this time to try to do something productive. Five, four, three, two, one, RING! RING! RING! The worst period of the day is finally over. The rest of day will be a breeze.
Now this next period is somewhat controversial as to whether it is a “good period” or not to have. The period in question: health class. There are some positive aspects, as well as negative aspects. If you dislike physical education, then you may like health class because then changing becomes a non-issue. On the other hand, it removes you from the major portion of the students who have physical education during that period. I personally find it quite comical that teenagers are expected to be able to talk about penises and vaginas and say it with a straight face. For some reason, using the technical terms for these body parts just makes the situation seem even more humorous to me. How this stunt is even accomplished by me is a mystery. The best part of the entire semester was the dildo lady. She really comes in to tell us about the different birth control methods and how they are used. And of course, about different STD’s. She is called the dildo lady though because she brings this black dildo with her. Everyone in the class is now thinking; for what reason does she have a dildo? Does she use it on herself? For us she simply uses it to demonstrate how the male condom is used. That includes the regular ones, the flavored ones, the ribbed ones, the studded ones, the ones that glow, and any number of those combined. Who knew that sexual pleasure and conception methods could be combined?
It is now the last period of the day, and that clock is just begging to move quicker so it can release us from this is education hell hole. Last period is laboratory biology. None other than Mr. Schwartz teaches this scientific class. His period is something to look forward too, because not only it is last period, and it moves quickly, but also because it is a subject I actually enjoy. (Doesn’t that sound so wholesome?) In Mr. Schwartz’s class, we learn the different theories of how earth and its life began, along with heredity and the building blocks of life; otherwise known as cells. At 2:00, the bell rings for the final time, and all the students begin to flood the halls with their putrid corpses.
I yet again head to my locker and chuck my binder into my locker. I start shoveling in all the books, binders, and other crap that I need to complete the night’s assignments. Right before I finish packing, Casey rounds the corner and leans against the locker adjacent to mine, waiting for so we can walk to the buses. I finally cease packing and begin to walk down the hall to where the buses are lined up. I don’t usually go home on the bus because I have track practice. So instead of walking all the way to the buses with Casey I tend to throw her against some lockers and kiss her for a few minutes. However, today that is not that case. It is heavily raining outside, which is what cause track to be cancelled. I kiss Casey once hard and full on the lips and then I rush off to my bus before becoming completely drenched from head to toe. This commences my day at school. What is horrible is that tomorrow will end up being a complete parody of today. Moreover, the day after that will be a parody of the day before that. So it becomes that everyday is a parody of another.