I wouldn’t go as far as saying your input was “patriarchal”, but maybe closer to being INFORMED BY patriarchy. With that, it’s not even so much WHAT you said, but rather how you presented it in your OP. I don’t know how the dynamics of your conversation played out, but the way you described the scenario, it seems like you simply told her how things were going to be, not just “offering a different set of options”. Not to mention, even YOU don’t know how it will be with a child, but you presented it to her in a way that sounds like it’s going to be undesireable, Which may or may not be true. Ultimately, I think the “Non-patriarchal”, “non-domineering” way to go about that situation would be to first ask her if she wants to hear your opinion on the subject at all (especially considering its sensitive nature)...though that might take a number of formalities and humbleness you personally are not comfortable with….and of which I’m guilty of doing right now by responding to your post without asking you if you give a shit about my 2 cents.
( ... )
1. she brought it up to me and we were talking about what she was going to do and how it was a hard, fucked up decision, or i wouldn't have said anything. i wouldn't have even known about it at all
( ... )
Fair enough, and I understand and share most of your concerns. It was just that your post conveyed a different sort of interaction than what probably happened.
yeah i realized that the post came off as more of a rant than an actual depiction of what the conversation was like. probably because i get frustrated when people keep wanting advice but never really act on it, which has been the case here, just in the "dating DBs" area of her life in the past.
Comments 18
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment