I think I move on when I've become a new person...I think it's best to think of myself as someone new when I've moved on. For example, when I was with Glen, I was punkrockred, then when I was single and moving to CA I was xfotophreakx, now who knows...if you get the invite it's because I trust you. If not, it's because I don't...so it goes.

I absolutely hate Loren. I never thought I could despise someone so much, but I guess that's what happens when you try to change fate. We broke up so duh! We should have went our seperate ways and not tried living together. I knew it was bad news but I guess a part of me wanted to hold onto whatever it was that he made me believe...I still loved ( Read more... )

So this is my first post in a month and it's crazy. I finished the school semester at LBCC and I passed all my classes with over a C. SUPER!! Now I get to chill out for the summer. I met a new friend named Kellie. We had 2 classes together and now we hang out all the time. She's fun! I also live with a boy! His name is Loren and he's the guy I was ( Read more... )

some days things are so positive but today I feel immense pain. I feel alone like always, but I want to be wanted so bad...I'm tired of crying all the time. My tear ducts wont stop leaking. my heart hurts and it wont stop. i miss being missed and wanted. i hate having no friends. i'm guilty...guilty of caring too much about nothing. I cut myself ( Read more... )

and of course right as I type that, he calls and gets all cute...I hate males. they're so lame.

Well, things are pretty much insane as usual. I've been staying at Loren's (it's the guy who handed me my broken heart on a silver platter) for the past couple of weeks. Things are pretty fucking boring and we haven't had sex in 2 weeks...yes, that's my doing, but I don't see a reason to have sex with someone anymore. Yeah it feels great, but it ( Read more... )

sometimes I'm just amazed at how my perceptions of reality become warped. I think things are fantastic and then I wake up to nothingness. What goes on ( Read more... )

...but that's what good sex will do to you ( Read more... )

THE LETTER A ( Read more... )

Friday: Had the poopiest day ever! Work sucked ass but I got my bonus check. I hate taxes!! The check was for $7700 but after taxes I got $4400!! Ugh fuck Social Security!! Anyways, after my shittiest day ever, I ate 3 breadsticks and went to Loren's house to get super drunk. So I get there, start drinking and watching a movie..all of a sudden i ( Read more... )