Sorry if it seems a little half-assed. I had writer's block through some of this and just had to get through it. Tell me what you think, though. It would be greatly appreciated. :D
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"Ho shit. she" Is this supposed to be "Oh shit"? Well I suppose there could be a Ho covered in shit d=
The beginning was a little slow but its kind of hard to avoid that since you are setting up the standard background information.
I liked the flow. It was not long sentence after long sentence but at the same time it wasn't subject verb, subject verb. Also, I am a fan of the short one/two word sentences that emphasizes.
There were no moments where I thought the dialogue was outrageous or unlikely.
If the Binding Bill was passed why would Dom let someone have it mentally? Wouldn't that be dangerous for him?
Yeah, that's the point with Dom. The Binding Bill may have been passed, but he is just one of the first we see showing defiance against it in a subtle way, which you'll see in the next chapter. He knew what would happen to him if he did what he did, but he did it anyway for Jackie's sake.
And the ho shit is supposed to be like that haha. Just how she talks lol
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The beginning was a little slow but its kind of hard to avoid that since you are setting up the standard background information.
I liked the flow. It was not long sentence after long sentence but at the same time it wasn't subject verb, subject verb. Also, I am a fan of the short one/two word sentences that emphasizes.
There were no moments where I thought the dialogue was outrageous or unlikely.
If the Binding Bill was passed why would Dom let someone have it mentally? Wouldn't that be dangerous for him?
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And the ho shit is supposed to be like that haha. Just how she talks lol
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