causality
causality; the relation between a cause and an event.
~17,960K, kyuhae, sj-reel entry for pride and prejudice.
a/n: did you know there's a huge possibility that there might be a sequel to this ugh i don't even but here you go part two enjoy!
<- part I
"So what you're saying," Zhou Mi starts out slowly, "is that he just came, had a glass of fancy water, stayed for hours, and left."
Kyuhyun hums, taking a long sip of his orange juice. No alcohol for him. "Basically."
Zhou Mi sighs tragically. "Man is head over heels."
"Not his type."
At this, Zhou Mi clicks his teeth in disapproval. "Like I said, Guixian. You're everyone's type."
Kyuhyun eyes him from the rim of his cup, doe eyes perfectly steady, sharp eyebrow raised. "Even yours?"
Zhou Mi gives a little grin in response, but Kyuhyun can't help but think there's something so defeated in there, in that husk of a man.
/
Donghae doesn't come back for three days.
Thank god.
Kyuhyun doesn't know exactly why he's counted them.
A familiar face he isn't really expecting to see is Lee Hyukjae's, however. The man seems more tired than before, and comes to order a drink just to place his hands around the cold cup and feel the coolness of it. It gets Kyuhyun a little annoyed. He doesn't make these drinks so people can feel them, for god's sake, he makes them so they'll get drunk and order more.
All things considering though, he supposed seven was a bit too early to get shit-faced.
Once again, Kyuhyun sees Hyukjae sitting at his bar, which really wasn't a bar at the moment - more like an ordering station. The only action that was going on there was the passing of waiters into the kitchen from the not yet opened club.
"Enjoying yourself?" he asks wryly, unable to take the man's constant silence any longer. He's always looking down at the table's surface, like he's trying to memorize it, and his stance is like a kicked puppy. Sorta irritating.
Hyukjae looks up a bit. His drink isn't even alcoholic, but he's only taken a bit of it. "Not really," he answers honestly. "In fact, I feel all sorts of awful."
It isn't in Kyuhyun's nature to be pushy or even curious about other people's lives, but Hyukjae's sordid little faces make him feel bad. God knows why. Maybe he still has a heart somewhere.
He twists the side of his waiter's apron, the same he uses during night hours. He should be out back, sleeping right now. "Wanna talk about it?"
Hyukjae looks up at him, and Kyuhyun's suddenly hit with the feeling of wanting to slap himself.
He prepares to turn away when the man silently says, "He's always been so out there."
Pausing, Kyuhyun gives Hyukjae an awkward glance, saying something along the lines of oh-god-I'm-so-sorry-I-offered-to-listen-but-you'd- be-nicer-if-you-let-me-go but it doesn't quite sink in. Hyukjae's still staring at the drops of condensation on his glass, after all. What a waste of effort on a good face, Kyuhyun sulks.
"I know I'm not the only guy he's had a relationship - and I'm saying relationship really lightly - with before, but I thought I meant a lot to him, as much as he does to me. And he does. He always says he does, so I'm just feeling shitty and insecure for no good reason, right? But Sungmin's just so out there and - and confident - and honestly, I'm not sure if I should be the guy he's spending his life with."
Oh jesus, Kyuhyun moans in his head. The pangs are gone. He's definitely not guilty. Fuck any obligations that came with that 2,000 yuan.
But it is, in fact, Kyuhyun's fault that he offered to talk, so he's not gonna back out of this so easily. Despite relationships not being his number one forte. Fuck that, who the hell talks to people anyway?
He clears his throat. "Then break up with him."
Hyukjae's head snaps up, eyes wide. "W-what?"
"You're second-guessing yourself, right?" Kyuhyun shrugs. "I mean, if you don't give that much faith into this thing you've got, then just cut it off. Not like it's worth it if you're always telling yourself that kind of crap."
"But - " the other's face is ashen. "But I don't want to - "
"So you're fine with marrying him, yeah?"
"Yeah, but - "
"And he said yes to you, right?"
"Well, yes - "
"Then I don't see your problem." Kyuhyun yawns slightly. "I mean, okay, do you have bachelor jitters or something? Not gonna be on the market is making you itch badly? No? If not, I don't really see the problem. Seems to me you're just overcomplicating the whole damn thing."
Hyukjae's mouth stays open for a while, and then he closes it. He opens it again to say something, but the words seem to lose him.
"He loves you, you love him, all that sappy shit and whatever. That's all. Jesus, people these days."
A flush takes up Hyukjae's face, but his eyes are wide like he's had some epiphany. It makes Kyuhyun sort of - sort of uncomfortable. Sort of. Doesn't mean to say he doesn't like that amazed look on other people's face. A guy's ego needs stroking once in awhile.
"Thanks," the other man finally breathes out. "I guess - I guess I needed that." Tension floods out of his shoulders. He takes a quiet sip of his drink. "I really am stupid sometimes."
"Aren't we all," Kyuhyun drawls, and completely misses the growingly fond smile on Hyukjae's face.
/
That night, while Hyukjae is leaving, Donghae passes by him through the door. Something passes between them in a short, unsaid moment. Donghae turns his head and Hyukjae continues out the door, his eyes deep in concentration.
Donghae doesn't frequent bars.
He turns around on a whim and enters the almost empty nightclub, just in time to see the lights dim for it's nightly customers and to see Donghae claim a seat in the same bar he had sat in before.
Huh.
/
"You don't talk a lot," Donghae comments, playing around with a napkin.
"You talk too much," Kyuhyun snipes back in return. He shakes a few bottles of what he's come to think of as the regular - the drinks that everyone wants, the basic go-to's when one's unsure of how to start the drinking descent. It's not a pretty picture.
Donghae hums.
It's sort of nice, if it wasn't out of tune. Finally, Kyuhyun snaps and says, "You're doing it all wrong."
A blonde eyebrow is raised. "What, folding napkins? Didn't know this was a five-star place I needed to - "
"Not the fucking napkins," Kyuhyun all but screeches. "The tone."
At Donghae's confused blink, he continues, "Your singing, humming, whatever. You're doing it all wrong."
"How do you even know what song I'm singing? For all you know, it can be some random little thing that I decided to make up on the spot."
"Is not," the brunette grumbles, running a hand through his hair. "It's Tears of Polaris. I know that song by heart. It's an amazing song and you're not doing yourself - or me - any favors by ruining it."
Donghae's eyes are amused. He's not taking this seriously. "I doubt humming a little out of tune can ruin a song."
"Doubt?" Scoffing, Kyuhyun points a slender finger at him. "You don't know songs, do you? Songs have a beat, a melody, and a tone. A certain key to be sung in. A sheet to follow. Everything is meticulous and it's fucking rude to just - just ruin all that hard work that's put into a song by humming it a little differently. Like it's suddenly not good enough for you, is it?"
"I don't recall ever saying that," At this time, Donghae crosses his arms and leans forward. He looks interested, but a little insulted too. Kyuhyun focuses on the insulting. "All I said is that humming it out of tune can't ruin a song. And besides, shouldn't music be all about free spirit? Not being mindless followers of notes on a paper?"
"It's refined," Kyuhyun stresses. "Music is equal parts spirit and emotion, but too much of it can overwhelm and too little of it can leave a lot to be desired. It's hard to find that balance of emotion when you're singing or composing, and that's what the music notes are for, they're for compacting all those highs and lows into a single composition. And yes, that takes effort and skill and pure talent that a lot of people just skip over, like you. Humming out of tune can ruin a song."
For a long time, Donghae just stares at him, and Kyuhyun shifts uncomfortably. He lowers his eyes to the glossy bar table, and silently curses himself for cleaning it so well. If only it was dirty, he can press his mouth close and pretend to wipe away his troubles. And the table. Of course.
"I think that's the most you've ever said to me," Donghae says, amused. "Okay then, how is Tears of Polaris supposed to sound?"
Kyuhyun looks at him for barely a second, dark eyes lit by the lights taking in, and opens his mouth as soon as the speakers blare out a skippy note of pop music.
Shaking slightly for no apparent reason, Kyuhyun closes his mouth. The song bubbling in the back of his throat slowly dies, withering, until he can't feel it rising like a crescendo in him.
"Pity," Donghae murmurs, and then fixes his cuffs. To Kyuhyun, he says, "What do you say to dinner on Friday?"
/
Kyuhyun refuses. Obviously.
He's sort of rattled and it's completely unfair that Donghae asks him when he's most shaken. He wants to believe that it's planned, that it was meant to happen this way, that Donghae had always - always meant to catch him off guard but - how did he know about the music there's no way - and so Kyuhyun stutters out flimsy excuses to why he can't go.
He hates the man. Kyuhyun thinks he really does.
Afterward, Donghae orders a quick drink - dry, strong - downs it one go, and leaves without looking slightly ruffled or rejected in the slightest.
Oh yeah. Kyuhyun hates him.
/
He doesn't tell Zhou Mi what's happened for obvious reasons. He thinks Zhou Mi knows anyway, or at least suspects something, because when Kyuhyun looks over his shoulder Zhou Mi is always a few steps away, eyebrows raised. It causes a miserable scowl to place itself on Kyuhyun's face.
Donghae doesn't come back for two more days. On the second, Hyukjae comes in again. He looks around the place fondly, and then sits on the bar stool that he had a few days ago.
Kyuhyun lets out a puff of air. "If I'm not mistaken, I'd say that you're ignoring your own wedding, Mr. Lee."
"Hyukjae," the man prods, smiling ruefully. "Mr. Lee is for my business associates. And, well, can you blame me? This was where I met Sungmin for the first time. It holds a dear place in my heart."
Kyuhyun glances up at him through his eyelashes. Curious. "Oh?"
"Yeah," Hyukjae's mouth pulls up into a little smile, and Kyuhyun thinks about how this man looks so different - so out of place here. He's the type to be a college professor or a CEO in fancy dinner parties at four star restaurants, holding a room in a five star building - brief flashes of a forehead gleaming with sweat and warmth in a cold place - than here in a shabby pub. Diner. Thing. "Sungmin used to work here. I think he was an entertainer."
Which is, suffice to say, code word for stripper.
Okay, Kyuhyun thinks, he shouldn't be that mean. Zhou Mi dances too.
"Hmm," Kyuhyun mumbles, not particularly interested, and not really satisfied with the answer either. "Heard he used to get around."
Hyukjae visibly freezes before relaxing. Well. It was nice to see that he knew, at least.
"You've met Sungmin before?"
"I've met the people who've worked with Sungmin before," Kyuhyun comments, and suddenly a defiant idea begins to bloom at the edge of his mind. A completely stupid idea. His heart begins thudding loudly in his chest.
"Sungmin and I," begins Hyukjae, shuffling uncomfortably, "Didn't meet in your atypical manner. In fact, I know for sure that when he was with me, he was going behind someone's back. And it was - it was completely wrong of me to do so but - but..."
A silence covers them both, and Kyuhyun is glad for the bounding bass above.
"It's alright," he shrugs. "I don't judge." Heechul, his mind supplies helpfully, darkly, and Kyuhyun barely manages to hold back a frown. "Besides, he chose you, didn't he?"
For a while, Hyukjae doesn't say anything. Kyuhyun thinks he's done something wrong or said something out of line, but he reminds himself that Hyukjae was the one to give up all this information. It wasn't his fault that he listened. Finally, the man says with a quiet exhale and a smile, "Yeah. Yeah, he did."
Kyuhyun begins humming a song underneath his breath.
"I've noticed that," Pushing away a lock of his hair, Hyukjae gives him a trying quirk of the lips. "I've noticed - that ah, Donghae comes here often. To your bar."
Flickering his eyes up toward the man at the mention of Donghae's name, Kyuhyun stops humming. "Oh. Yes, he does come over often. Why?"
Hyukjae doesn't reply right away, and Kyuhyun is beginning to think that the man has a serious delaying problem. As Kyuhyun stares at him with a decidedly blank look, Hyukjae laughs, hands curling around a half-finished glass. "No reason," he says with a pressed grin, knowing something that Kyuhyun does not. "No reason at all."
/
Donghae returns the night right after.
He doesn't give enough to blink, or breathe before bounding up steps at a time to get to Kyuhyun. His fists are clenched, like he's angry, but underneath the lines of his leather jacket Kyuhyun can tell he's tense.
He doesn't know that he's tense either, until the blond smiles at him again, that shark toothed smile. He opens his palm in front of Kyuhyun and raises an eyebrow. "Would'ja mind goin' out to dinner?"
Definitely not Seoul accent. Somewhere south. Warm. He doesn't expect it, but he supposed Donghae could've been from a small village, with his crookedly ruined smile and tanned skin. There's a golden key in his hand.
"Dinner," Kyuhyun repeats. "No."
Donghae tilts his head to the side, as if confused, but Kyuhyun can see royal fury building. "Why not?"
"Why?"
A shrug is all he receives in response.
"Well if you're not sure why you want to take me out," Kyuhyun starts, twisting the end of his towel in the way he only does when he's unnerved, "Then I guess you don't deserve to."
Donghae's eyes follow him for a while, and Kyuhyun can imagine a trail of fire beneath his steps, waiting to engulf him whole.
/
"You should give him a chance," Zhou Mi says, frowning prettily, "He's going through all this rejection for you, Guixian."
"They're not worth the time," Heechul grumbles out hoarsely, his eyes turning more and more tired with each stifling second.
"You need sleep and a clear mind," Han Geng says as he pushes Kyuhyun's bangs back, soothing his cooling forehead. "Who knows what you want, Guixian?"
Who knows what I want? Kyuhyun thinks to himself. Who knows?
/
Donghae sends flowers the next day. They're firetruck red roses, and Kyuhyun describes them as 'firetruck' because saying 'blood red' makes him feel a bit silly and that's the shade of his face when Han Geng raises a questioning eyebrow at the awfully large bouquet in his hands.
Day after that, it's a box of gourmet chocolates, handed over by a professional looking man in a suit with slicked back gray hair and flint gray eyes. He bows to Kyuhyun, who stands in distress, and doesn't leave - even when Kyuhyun shrieks - yes shrieks - at him.
Day after that, There's a note taped to his front door, with a golden key swinging at him tauntingly. Kyuhyun sees red.
He grabs the key straight off his door, and takes a taxi all the way to the hotel, stewing quietly in his fury enough for the taxicab driver to squeak away with a quarter less of the actual payment.
Kyuhyun stomps past the doorman - who throws him quite the scared look - and to the receptionist, barely snarling, "May I know Lee Donghae's room number?"
"Uh - uh - we were t-told not to - "
"His room number, madam. Please."
The darkened tint of Kyuhyun's words do not go unheeded, and the woman squeaks. She handed points to the elevator and stutters out, "319, sir." Kyuhyun gives her a stiff nod and smile, feeling it stretch the corners of his mouth artificially, and practically stomps the way to the elevator. The man that stood waiting beforehand seems to almost sweat. The dark-haired man beside him doesn't look like much of a threat - in fact, he looks almost sweet, like a flirty college student, but the aura off him is murderous, and his eyes are enough to convince someone of his less-than-innocent thoughts.
The elevator opens a few moments after, but the man chooses to go use the stairs instead when he sees the empty metal room.
Kyuhyun punches in the third floor, and waits, crossing his arms and tapping the floor in an annoyed tick. There's a few moments as the elevator rises up, and opens twice to let passengers in. Kyuhyun's focused on his breathing, so he's not really dangerous anymore, but a little boy huddles close to his mom when he sees the dark-haired male.
Rubbing his eyes, Kyuhyun plans on how to confront this slightly unwanted suitor. Slightly unwanted because it was sorta flattering. Unwanted because Kyuhyun didn't want to deal with this sort of shit. He'd have a relationship when he was good and ready, thank you very much.
Also, he doesn't understand the blond's obvious fascination with him. The flippant gifts and shows of wealth was something he doesn't appreciate. Sure, they could've been taken as sweet, but Kyuhyun was too in over his head. Okay, maybe it was a little biased of him and rude, but - but! He didn't like it.
As soon as he raises his hand to knock on the door labelled 319, in the more nicer halls of the hotel, he freezes. The golden key in his pocket suddenly seems heavier. Slowly, he takes it out and inspects it, the tiny grooves of it's neatly pressed side, the gleaming numbers printed on the side - an elegant whip of 319.
At that moment, he can't help but let out a hysteric snort in place of a chuckle. "This guy is really crazy," he murmurs.
Kyuhyun's eyes flicker up to the door, standing ominous before him, and suddenly the anger and frustration fueling his moments fade for a while, ebbing into his muscles and making him much more calm. He eyes the door critically, as if it was his sworn enemy, and then quietly sets the key on the fuzzy mat before the door, leaving it number side up. As calm as possible, Kyuhyun walks away, through the elevators once more and down to the lobby, and then out into the Shanghai air.
It smells fresher than normal. He wonders if it's always been that way, or if it's just the sudden drain of emotions from his person.
Kyuhyun sighs, forces himself not to think about it, and walks to the curb, waiting to call up another taxi.
/
It's not a bar the next time Donghae corners him, but when he's gotten out from his latest class and is just about to take a lunch break before his next one. Kyuhyun literally bumps into the other man, whose jaw is tight. Holding themselves both steady, Kyuhyun steps back awkwardly.
"You know, I would stop tryin' t' ask ya out if ya ever told me why you never accept."
Oh, so they weren't going to dabble in pleasantries? Kyuhyun tries not to think about how odd it is to hear Donghae speak without the prim and proper tone of Seoul that Kyuhyun himself has. Ironic, considering their respective fields.
Kyuhyun scowls slightly at the thought. "I don't accept because you're not taking this seriously. I'm a liability to you, and maybe worth one night."
Donghae's eyes are suddenly looking straight at him, and he's frowning enough to make lines appear on the corner of his mouth. "Is that all you see yourself as?"
"Wha - "
"A liability and one night?"
Kyuhyun raises a slim eyebrow. "I'm not stupid to kid myself into thinking about what you want or don't want. I've seen too much of - of - "
"Rich people," Donghae finishes, his jaw tensing even further when Kyuhyun doesn't correct him. "So you're ignoring me because I'm rich."
"Well - "
"Because if I have money, obviously I'm some stuck up asshole who's out for a cheap fuck."
At the purely condescending tone in Donghae's voice, Kyuhyun explodes, "Well it's not like you've done much to prove yourself otherwise!" His voice is high and shrill, which it normally shouldn't be, and from the corner of his eyes Kyuhyun sees people looking at them oddly. "So what I don't have a good impression of you? Obviously I don't! I've seen people - rich guys, yes - come into the bar and fuck lives up, okay? Sorry if I don't want that to happen to me!"
Donghae's face is tight. "You understand that you sound really stupid right now. And classist. Fuck." He runs a hand through his hair, which is shining even more blond in the daylight, streaks of honey combing through the strands and - Kyuhyun flushes in anger and steps back again. Donghae' follows. "And I thought I was the rude one."
"Well," Kyuhyun starts, almost speechless. "I only care about myself. Like I said, I don't like people, Mr. Lee."
At this, Donghae's hazel eyes fly up to Kyuhyun's, as if searching for something, and then a smile - no, not a smile, more like a smirk - slides it's way onto his face. "I'm not a person," he says in return, holding his head up high, almost challenging Kyuhyun to refuse him. "After all, I'm a shallow guy, aren't I? So I shouldn't be lumped into those people that you dislike."
Kyuhyun gapes at him.
Donghae has the audacity to push up his unlocked jaw with a finger. "So what do you say, bar boy?"
Stiffening, he replies, "...My name is Kyuhyun."
"No it isn't," Donghae cuts him off swiftly. "You and I aren't people right now."
"What the fuck - !"
"You don't like people, right? Well, bar boy, you're a person too, so that's telling me you don't like yourself." Kyuhyun grits his teeth as Donghae latches on to his wrist and with formidable strength, pulls him along with the blonde to some place. They're walking off campus, and at a rather fast place. "So we're not people right now. You're bar boy. I'm blondie. Good enough?"
"Why do you have the semi-normal name?"
Donghae looks behind him to see that yes, Kyuhyun is actually seriously upset about that. Somehow, he can't see the dark haired male pouting, but thinks that it would be...awfully...adorable if he did. Donghae smiles at him with his signature shark teeth grin. "Because I'm the semi-normal one."
Kyuhyun's snort is so loud and sarcastic that Donghae makes a face.
Donghae's grip is warm and Kyuhyun focuses on it almost obsessively, refusing to look at the man himself or anywhere beside him. He was taken here out of his free will. He doesn't want to be here. He only has one friend, Zhou Mi, and that's all...that's all Kyuhyun ever really needs.
He doesn't like people.
Especially not himself.
It sort of irritates him, kills Kyuhyun to know that Donghae knows, to have someone else other than himself catch on to the fact that Kyuhyun just doesn't loathe people, doesn't loathe everyone around him but -
A rush of warm air hits his face, and Kyuhyun blinks. It's a small place for Italian, which is really odd because Shanghai doesn't have good Italian food, much less Chinese food (okay that was mean) and Donghae takes one look at him before raising an eyebrow and saying, "No good? I thought not either." As if he could read Kyuhyun's mind.
They restaurant hop for a while, coming across every one they can, and maybe - maybe after a while Kyuhyun starts having some sort of fun. Like, it's stupid, yeah, and he should be worried about his classes, but going into each place and then seeing everyone look at them expectantly before walking right back out tickles his fancy. Or some shit. Like - like, oh, he didn't know what it was or is, he just knows that going against everyone's expectations makes him feel nice.
Donghae's hand never leaves his wrist, but Kyuhyun ceases to care.
"I'm late for my next class," Kyuhyun grits out, feeling a pull in his stomach to alert him about his hunger. This idiot took all of his free time! He was hungry, dammit! Donghae's eyes seem to flicker down to his stomach before his hand.
"There's a Korean place nearby, I think." He murmurs softly. "I know the owner. We could go there if you'd like."
"Sounds good," Kyuhyun sighs, catching up to Donghae as the other slows down. Suddenly, they're side by side, and Kyuhyun feels awkward - he stands a good two inches above Donghae, but feels smaller. "So..."
"Should be a block away," Donghae shrugs. "Sorry for draggin' ya around everywhere."
Kyuhyun huffs - doesn't sound very sorry at all, Donghae does.
The blond grins and then tugs on his wrist, which has now become sweaty and warm where Donghae's fingers have clamped around it. Still, Kyuhyun finds it hard to retract his hand anyway. Goddamn.
The Korean place is a small ddeokkbokki place, and Kyuhyun inhales the familiar scent to let an almost blissful smile cross his face. It was very high-end, with high tables instead of low ones and sleek grills, but there was still a touch of traditional flavor that made Kyuhyun like it immediately. They sat down at a table and Kyuhyun opened the menu to see it written in Mandarin and Korean.
He was staring intently at the letters, trying to commit them to memory so he'd know what Korean dishes were called in Chinese, when he heard Donghae chuckle. "You're awfully cute when you're focused."
Kyuhyun's eyes shoot up for a second to see the blonde's large grin, and Kyuhyun wants to sort of hit him because no one can be that smugly happy. "I'm trying to memorize the names," he murmurs, shoving the menu closer to his face so Donghae won't see him.
He hears the blonde laugh anyway, and when one of the waiters come over to take their order, they reply to him in Korean, giving the waiter a pleasant surprise. Donghae shrugs off his jacket to reveal a finely made cotton shirt, blindingly white and matching the small stud in his left ear. Kyuhyun sets down his menu, coughs, and looks away.
"What do ya do when you're not studyin' or workin'?" Donghae asks quietly, hazel eyes trained quite focused on him. "I mean, that's all I see ya do."
Absentmindedly, Kyuhyun notes the use of Donghae's accent, which slips in easily when he's relaxed. He fiddles with his napkin. "Well, usually, I take walks, or read, or write songs."
"Are you just a songwriter or a composer or..."
"Nah," Kyuhyun says softly, so softly that you almost couldn't hear it if you didn't strain your ears, "I'm a singer."
A corner of Donghae's mouth quirks up. "Really?"
"Yeah, really." Kyuhyun begins folding his napkin, matching end to end, side to side. "I used to sing as a kid and it just continued on with me, I guess. Followed me all the way to high school, then college. I got a scholarship to a place here in Shanghai, and since my Chinese was pretty good, I decided..." he trails off here, fixing the sides to a little napkin origami that he's made. "...why not?"
"Hm," Donghae presses his lips together, leans against his hand while it's on the table. "How old are ya, dear sir?"
"Twenty one," he replies. "Last year in college."
"Twenty three," Donghae grins crookedly. Once again, Kyuhyun's hit by the feeling of something being very, very wrong in that smile. "Guess that means you have t' call me hyung, don'tcha?"
"Who's calling who hyung?" Kyuhyun snaps back. "Donghae-ssi?"
Donghae snorts. "That ain't fair. I'd say we're past the formalities, wouldn't ya say, Kyuhyunnie?"
Kyuhyun gives him a potent glare that would've melted a lesser man in his spot. Thankfully, Donghae just found it endearing. He was beginning to find a lot of things endearing about Kyuhyun.
Their food came in a second later, and while Kyuhyun split apart his chopsticks and began to eat almost ravenously, Donghae preferred to go at a slower pace, eating in small bites. For a while, this continued until Donghae cleared his throat. Kyuhyun came up for air, sauce staining the side of his mouth. "Don'tcha want to breathe between bites?"
"I can breathe later," Kyuhyun retorts. "Besides, I haven't tasted ddeokkbokki this good since my mom's." To make a statement, he shoves another rice cake in his mouth. Donghae fights the urge to chuckle at his pillowy cheek.
Kyuhyun has really nice skin. Clear, with a mole underneath his right eye, and pale - the kind of pale you'd expect from a person who works at night. There were, however, the telltale signs of purple bruising underneath his eyes, clashing wildly against his wan tone.
It'd be easy to make a mark on that skin. Like a hickey, swelling up underneath his mouth -
Donghae shoves another rice cake in his mouth, unwilling to finish that thought. Kyuhyun glances at him with a look that said, now-you're-doing-it-so-where-are-you-to-judge-hypocrite. Donghae forces himself to swallow.
"I thought that maybe music'd be ya major," Donghae contemplates out loud. "When ya told me off a few days ago, I figured. Am I wrong?"
"No, you'd be right. I'm studying Modern Music. Dunno what that entails, really, but it had a ton of music classes and I was more than happy to oblige." Kyuhyun wipes the corner of his mouth with a napkin, and moves his bangs away from his face. "There's not as much singing as I'd like there to be, though."
"Why do you continue with it, then? What'll you do after you graduate?" There's a curious, questioning tone in the blonde's voice, so Kyuhyun tries to keep the snark out of his tone.
"The music industry is hard. Trying to get a label to notice me or my music would be even harder. If I can't manage to make it into that world, well..." he becomes quiet for a moment, before saying, "I suppose I would go on to be a songwriter or music teacher. It'd be second best, but it would still be satisfying."
The quiet spreads between them longer, until the food becomes smaller and smaller between them. Kyuhyun checks his watch to see that nearly two hours has passed and his second class is half over. He looks up at Donghae. "What about you?"
"Hm?" The corporate jerks, as if shocked out of a reverie.
"I said, what about you? I've just been talking about myself so far. What do you do for fun, mister high-and-mighty?"
Donghae gives something that's between a smile and a smirk. "It's alright. I like hearin' ya talk."
Pursing his lips, the dark-haired male continues, "No. Talk."
"Hm? 'Bout what?"
"I don't know? Favorite color? Show? How come a Korean businessman is in Shanghai?"
Donghae seems to freeze for a second, and Kyuhyun feels cold spread down toward his feet at the look that binds the blond in time. Then, his shoulders relax. "I didn't have much time for shows, but I guess any historical drama would've done fine. Favorite color..." his eyes lock onto Kyuhyun's. "Red, most definitely. And I'm here because of my best friend's wedding. Other than that, I have a few business associates to talk to and appearances to make."
For whatever reply Donghae expects to his amused wording, it definitely isn't Kyuhyun raising an eyebrow at him - which, Donghae learns, the other boy does a lot. "You're doing it again."
Donghae looks affronted. "Doing what?"
"Changing accents." Taking a sip of water, Kyuhyun clears his dry throat. "First you've got that - that - that accent from like, I dunno. Gwangju or something, I'm not sure, but then you sound like a CEO from Seoul in another minute. It's...disconcerting. I don't like it much, sorry. It's better if you stuck to one."
Kyuhyun can't help but feeling pleased with himself. The blond is staring at him in utter surprise, like he can't believe what he's hearing. It gives Kyuhyun some satisfaction to know that he had taken the other man off guard. He doesn't know why, exactly, but he does, and Kyuhyun isn't one to reject a feeling of accomplishment when it came rarely.
"Well," Donghae says faintly, "Which one do you like better?"
Blink. "Excuse me?"
"I said," Donghae leaned in, holding the weight of his head on one hand, "Which one do ya like better?"
Kyuhyun opens his mouth, and then closes it. Without thinking, he blurts, "Gwangju."
A rough chuckle, still laced with tones of bafflement. "Really? I'd expect Seoul, seeing as how you have a Seoul one yourself..."
"Well," Kyuhyun flusters, "I-It's charming."
Donghae's face takes on a predatory grin. "Charmin', ya say?"
"...no."
Snorting, Donghae leans back in his chair, seemingly satisfied. "The redness 'cross ya face says somethin' different, love."
Kyuhyun cursed himself to all nine hells in his head. "Don't call me that."
"Bickerin'? Yeah, I can take that. Bickerin's pretty cute."
"Stop that!"
"Can I take ya out on a date on Saturday?" Donghae said suddenly, looking at Kyuhyun with those wide, hazel eyes of his, so earnest that Kyuhyun opens his mouth only to freeze -
A sweet, stringing sound, loft and just as earnest as the man before him flashes through his mind and Kyuhyun shuts his mouth close. He doesn't say anything, but Donghae takes in his stiff muscles and frowns when he says, "I'll pick ya up at eight."
/
Saturday is the day Kyuhyun gets the most tips.
Which makes no sense for Kyuhyun to be standing at the front of his door, waiting for someone - or something - he wasn't sure he was ready to handle. At first, he had made a decision to ignore the blond completely and go to work, the idea of extra money tempting him to put on his uniform enough until he saw his own face, younger, in a picture frame. Beside him in that picture was Ahra, her smile so blindingly white and sharp that he finds himself throwing off his ratty shirt and wearing a slightly nicer flannel shirt. He looks like an idiot.
It was also pretty hot, despite it being in the deadset of cold, and Kyuhyun sighs. The landlady was probably putting the heat all at once again. He rolls up his sleeves and opens a button or two, running a hand through his damp hair. Unfortunately, it stays that way. He tries to pat it down, but then it looks terribly flat.
Which leads to the question - why is he obsessing over how he looks anyway?
It's the stupid D-word. Date. Kyuhyun hasn't had a date in years; well, only one. The last guy was someone Zhou Mi had tried to set him up with, and the man was a complete mess. So yeah, Kyuhyun's rusty in the dating game. And besides, he doesn't really now yet if this is all consensual.
Because he's pretty sure he didn't say yes.
You thought it, a corner of his mind whispers traitorously. For all your thorns and walls, you still liked it, didn't you?
He...liked, likes, Donghae's company.
(Well, not his actual company, his - his presence, so to say, um, not the actual corporation itself, because Kyuhyun's pretty sure he has no idea what Lee Corps do and - )
A doorbell rings, and Kyuhyun sighs before slipping his wallet into his back pocket, along with his phone and keys into his front ones. He fiddles with the collar of his shirt before opening the door. Donghae stands there in a suit and tie, looking professionally handsome, and Kyuhyun can't help but notice that his hair's combed nicely and he's not wearing studs in his ears anymore.
Kyuhyun takes the moment to look over Donghae, and so he doesn't know of the other man's eyes flickering to the hollow of his throat before reaching up to meet Kyuhyun's dark eyes. He smiles pleasantly. "You look great."
With a snort, Kyuhyun closes the door behind him. "Don't lie. I look like a country bumpkin."
"So says the city boy," teases Donghae. "If anything, I should be wearing the flannel shirts. But I've got to say, you do look nice."
"Depends on what your definition of nice is."
Donghae doesn't agree no disagree with him, insteads leads them outside to a sleek black car. It looks top of the line, with darkly tinted windows - aren't those illegal wait - and gleaming finish, chrome tires wiped to spotlessness.
It makes Kyuhyun uncomfortable.
He retracts his hand from Donghae's grip. "Actually, I think I might - "
"I'm not ashamed to be seen with ya." Kyuhyun stops. "Stop fuckin' thinkin' for me. I'm a big boy, and I know what I'm doin'. And what I know is that I'm havin' a nice dinner with ya."
Kyuhyun comes to a chilling realization that Donghae is different.
The man from before was gone, somehow long gone, or maybe hidden in the layers of dark night. Donghae's hair doesn't gleam with those honey streaks anymore, but they're a washed out orange. His eyes are somehow calculating and cold, but when they turn to Kyuhyun, it's almost like he's transformed it into something curious. Nothing but fascination.
And it's not the man from earlier, with his crooked white smile and persuading hazel eyes.
"...Alright," Kyuhyun answers lightly, following the man into the car.
Donghae drives for about half an hour, which is spent mostly in idle chatter between work and life. Kyuhyun doesn't learn much about Donghae, but he does ending up giving a lot of himself away. His parent's disowning, his sister's problems, his own stiff reversal into Chinese culture.
"Hm," is what Donghae always says, but never pries. Kyuhyun thanks god.
Donghae takes him to a fancy restaurant, like Kyuhyun expected. He gets out of the car to walk toward Donghae's side, and smooths down the back of his neck. Donghae takes his arm and holds it in his grip, links of his watch clinking slightly with the movement. His hands are actually really nice, Kyuhyun notices, with a firm grip and steady fingers, sharp lines, and volatile wrist...why is he thinking about Donghae's wrist?
"I'd like to take out," the man asks as soon as he enters the restaurant at the maitre'd, flashing him a grin. "Just give an order to the chef and put it on my tab."
Kyuhyun remembers scrawling down something on his forearm about 'Lee Donghae's tab'. He wonders if anyone here experiences the same frustration.
To his surprise, the maitre'd takes this all in stride, flashing them a pleasant smile. He bows. "Of course, Mr. Lee. Please give me a second." Kyuhyun quite likes the lilt of his voice; it's soft and slightly foreign. The maitre'd is also rather young, with chubby cheeks and copper hair, flashing them a smile before heading off in a random direction.
They stand near the doorway, but no one else is coming in to the restaurant, so Kyuhyun supposes it's okay. He feels rather out of place in his slacks and sneakers, flannel t-shirt and bed hair as opposed to everyone else's prim attire. A flush goes up his face and he sneaks behind Donghae rather quietly, as if the man was a human shield. Instead, he focuses on counting the marks on a painting composed of lines and circles nearby.
"Henry's a nice kid," says Donghae to him amiably, hand on his arm tugging so that the dark-haired male is standing by his side. "Fresh out of finishing school and a little too bouncy for the job, but what's life without a little enthusiasm?"
"He looks peppy," Kyuhyun mutters. Then, he frowns. "You're not - "
"With the accent, I know," Donghae finishes. "Say, Kyuhyunnie, if you like tonight, would you be in an agreeing mood to sing a song for me?"
The request is so sudden that Kyuhyun doesn't know how to respond. Henry comes back instead for them, giving them another dimpled grin. "The chef knows just what you like, sir. He's preparing two of your usual."
"Thank you, Henry," Donghae replies, and Kyuhyun swallows at Donghae's Mandarin. Yes, his Korean is nice, but Mandarin is a whole different story. Chinese is a language of poetry and tongue twists, and every sound intrigues Kyuhyun to no end. He appreciates a person who takes care of their speech.
Appreciates it enough for it to become attraction.
Kyuhyun lets out a long breath.
He doesn't know how long he stands there, suddenly thrown back in his revelation. Donghae has a small bag in his hands, and still pulls Kyuhyun out with the same easy tug as always, as if he's slowly waking him out of a dream.
/
It's a projector movie.
Donghae takes him to the roof of his building, apparently, giving Kyuhyun no time to put faces to names passing him by on the elevator, all of whom pretend Donghae isn't there, as if he isn't their boss. Maybe they don't notice. Something about the Lee Corps building is strangely hollow, like a shadow, like a replaying memory. Sort of like Donghae's hotel room.
Kyuhyun wonders if that's what happens to everything Donghae touches, and then looks at their hands, at Donghae's rough palm.
There's a blanket already spread on the roof, and it has a marvelous view of the skyline. All Kyuhyun can see, though, is the beginning of a black and white old film, sometimes skipping, all the while charming in it's antiquity.
"What movie is it?" whispers Kyuhyun, for some reason feeling meek.
"Breakfast at Tiffany's," replies Donghae. "Everyone loves Audrey Hepburn."
Kyuhyun laughs. "I've no idea who the hell that is."
"Well," Donghae begins to take off his watch and set it in his pocket, shifting the bag of take out restaurant food towards Kyuhyun and shedding his blazer. "You will soon, won't ya?"
Charming, Kyuhyun thinks. Donghae's charming.
The movie is great, he has to admit, and Kyuhyun favors the characters almost immediately, finding something akin to the character's on the screen. Somewhere in the midst of the movie and food, Donghae's arm wraps around his shoulders and Kyuhyun snorts - actually laughs out loud - at the geeky move.
Afterward, when the wind is blowing nicely and their food is turning cold, Donghae murmurs, "It's Mokpo."
"Hm?" Kyuhyun turns toward the primly dressed man.
"My accent," Donghae laughs. "I'm from Mokpo, not Gwangju. That was pretty close, though." A hand grazes over the skin of Kyuhyun's left bicep. He wants to slap it off, say that he's not interested in the other being handsy, but it's a lulling movement, not meant to be sensual.
"You're an odd man, Lee Donghae," Kyuhyun mutters. "You know that?"
And for the first time, Kyuhyun sees Donghae smile.
It's a little quirk of his mouth on one side, and shows a small dimple - oh Jesus he was weak for dimples - but his eyes are surprisingly bare. Hazel, wide, encompassing...but bare. Not empty per se, just...without reservation.
Odd man indeed.
"You know you're nicer than you let on, right?" Donghae breathes. He smells good, like spicy cologne. "Which just makes for the question: what do ya want, Kyuhyunnie?"
"What do I want," Kyuhyun repeats, inexplicably drawn to this man, inexplicably in over his head. "What...do I want?"
"Yeah." Donghae's mouth is really close. "Why do ya think what you want don't matter, in the face of all the other people in t' world?" Kyuhyun doesn't answer, his mouth refusing to work, his eyes stuck in Donghae's irises. Something cold drops into his stomach. "Why do ya hate yourself?"
Kyuhyun doesn't know. When Donghae kisses him, it tastes like coffee and whiskey and the sweet tang of memories left to be buried.
/
"Who are you?"
Kyuhyun asks this to Donghae in the midst of silken white sheets, tracing the lines of the man's arms beneath the comforter. Donghae's half asleep, probably, his blonde hair ruined from all the tugging Kyuhyun's done in the past hour or so. Kyuhyun pulls the blanket up until it covers his shoulders, and Donghae's hands make their way through his hair.
Donghae presses his lips towards Kyuhyun's own, heated but surprisingly chaste. "My name is Lee Donghae."
"Yeah," Kyuhyun rolls his eyes, ignoring the effort it takes to shuffle himself closer to Donghae's body heat. "But who are you? The you this night was different from a few nights ago."
For a while, Donghae's quiet. Then, he says, "I used to be the guy that fell in love with my best friend." His breath is warm on Kyuhyun's forehead. A pang of something - something - filters through the dark-haired male's body. "And then my best friend married someone else."
A memory. Flashes of a drunk Donghae, so anguished, so alone in his marble kingdom, where no one could hear him behind his castle walls. Alone for one night, seeking comfort in another.
"Oh," Kyuhyun says.
"No, not oh," Donghae disagrees, rolling on top of Kyuhyun and pressing butterfly kisses down the other's throat. "I used to be that guy."
Kyuhyun swallows now, hands moving up to graze the side of Donghae's face, surprisingly curious, expectantly sharp. "Who are you now, then?"
"I'm a country bumpkin in an Armani suit," the blonde says quietly. "I'm the idiot that's going t' fall in love with a man who doesn't love himself."
Donghae presses more kisses against the column of Kyuhyun's throat. Kyuhyun opens his mouth to say something, anything at all, to express the tightening in his chest or the hot heat behind his eyes, but instead he sighs.
Then, when Donghae drops gently next to him in bed, Kyuhyun presses their foreheads together and sings a little lullaby, repeating it over and over as he stares into the color of Donghae's eyes, same color as the darkening sky.
Eventually, they close, but Kyuhyun doesn't stop singing. Not when he feels like it's all he has left.
And Donghae. He still has Donghae.
/
"You okay, Guixian?" Zhou Mi asks him, gently putting a hand on his shoulder. "You look tired nowadays."
Kyuhyun gives him a weary smile. "Do I?"
"Yeah," Zhou Mi continues, flicking him on the forehead, "But you also look like the world's finally tipped rightside up too."
/
Kyuhyun visits him again, in his sweetly lonely hotel room, the key already golden in his hands. Donghae grabs hold of his shoulders and peers at him before kissing him hard and long and desperate, making whimpering noises against his mouth.
After a while, after his breath returns to his lungs, Kyuhyun holds him in his arms and murmurs softly, murmurs quietly as Donghae breaks down and cries, choked sobs running through the empty space. Kyuhyun keeps murmuring, keeps his senseless babble while Donghae breaks, cracks just the tiniest bit on that night and Kyuhyun wonders why he's never seen these cracks before.
In the morning, Donghae is fine, but Kyuhyun knows better.
Shoving a cup of coffee toward the other man's side, Kyuhyun mutely takes a sip of his own.
"I'm not going to ask," he says softly, at first.
"I want to tell ya," croaks Donghae. "One day, but not now. Not when I have ya. Don't think I can stand if ya run away just as soon as ya figure out how fucked up I am."
Kyuhyun takes another sip of his coffee, and then quietly says, "Nah, you're just a country bumpkin in an Armani suit that fell in love with the wrong guy."
At this, Donghae laughs, a bitter and repressed laugh, but Kyuhyun likes the sound of it. Likes the taste of real earth beneath those tones. Kyuhyun also thinks that this relationship is bad, very bad, for the both of them too fast to fall as deep as they had. With no reason why, even. There's not even their banter, anymore, but a silence that threatens to swallow them whole.
"Not wrong," Donghae tells him after a while, when his eyes are easy once more, not the dark, endless depths they were the night before. "Never wrong. Not once."
/
"Come back to Korea with me," Donghae murmurs one night, after many nights, after two months. His mouth presses more kisses at the base of Kyuhyun's neck.
"Mmm," the younger responds, but his heart sinks.
/
"There's nothing for you here," Heechul tells him harshly, "Go." Kyuhyun can't help but think that his voice is choked up as Heechul leaves, his eyes strangely sorrowful.
"Keep in touch," Zhou Mi says flippantly. "You'll come back eventually, love. They always do." That sounds like a welcome to a drop down the rabbit hole, but unknown to Zhou Mi, Kyuhyun's already free falling.
"You're always welcome," Han Geng replies simply to him, but Kyuhyun can tell from his eyes that it's much more than just simple.
And yet, when Kyuhyun looks at himself in the mirror, it's his own mouth that tells him, "Don't go."
/
He graduates in May, on a hot day where the sun shines and it's too much too much too much for spring. He sees a flash of orange-blond hair in the crowd and sighs, before getting pulled into a hug by his sister. She visits, she always visits, but she never stays.
Kyuhyun wonders if he's like that too. Always visiting, always stopping by, but never staying.
What do you want, Kyuhyun? someone had asked him, long ago. What do you want?
Donghae's eyes meet him from across the horizon, and Kyuhyun likes to think that maybe it's not just about what he wants, it's about what he needs.
"Okay," he whispers in Donghae's ear as the other man reaches arms around him to hug him in congratulations. "I'll fly with you."
Kyuhyun just hopes dearly that he doesn't fall.
/
Donghae never tells Kyuhyun I love you outright, never those three words by themselves, but Kyuhyun can read it in the man's eyes as they shift from day to night. Kyuhyun is never one to talk about his feelings in the open, but Donghae can hear his words, a small whisper in the songs that Kyuhyun sings, an ever thrumming melody beneath their shared pulse.
~17,960K, kyuhae, sj-reel entry for pride and prejudice.
a/n: did you know there's a huge possibility that there might be a sequel to this ugh i don't even but here you go part two enjoy!
<- part I
"So what you're saying," Zhou Mi starts out slowly, "is that he just came, had a glass of fancy water, stayed for hours, and left."
Kyuhyun hums, taking a long sip of his orange juice. No alcohol for him. "Basically."
Zhou Mi sighs tragically. "Man is head over heels."
"Not his type."
At this, Zhou Mi clicks his teeth in disapproval. "Like I said, Guixian. You're everyone's type."
Kyuhyun eyes him from the rim of his cup, doe eyes perfectly steady, sharp eyebrow raised. "Even yours?"
Zhou Mi gives a little grin in response, but Kyuhyun can't help but think there's something so defeated in there, in that husk of a man.
/
Donghae doesn't come back for three days.
Thank god.
Kyuhyun doesn't know exactly why he's counted them.
A familiar face he isn't really expecting to see is Lee Hyukjae's, however. The man seems more tired than before, and comes to order a drink just to place his hands around the cold cup and feel the coolness of it. It gets Kyuhyun a little annoyed. He doesn't make these drinks so people can feel them, for god's sake, he makes them so they'll get drunk and order more.
All things considering though, he supposed seven was a bit too early to get shit-faced.
Once again, Kyuhyun sees Hyukjae sitting at his bar, which really wasn't a bar at the moment - more like an ordering station. The only action that was going on there was the passing of waiters into the kitchen from the not yet opened club.
"Enjoying yourself?" he asks wryly, unable to take the man's constant silence any longer. He's always looking down at the table's surface, like he's trying to memorize it, and his stance is like a kicked puppy. Sorta irritating.
Hyukjae looks up a bit. His drink isn't even alcoholic, but he's only taken a bit of it. "Not really," he answers honestly. "In fact, I feel all sorts of awful."
It isn't in Kyuhyun's nature to be pushy or even curious about other people's lives, but Hyukjae's sordid little faces make him feel bad. God knows why. Maybe he still has a heart somewhere.
He twists the side of his waiter's apron, the same he uses during night hours. He should be out back, sleeping right now. "Wanna talk about it?"
Hyukjae looks up at him, and Kyuhyun's suddenly hit with the feeling of wanting to slap himself.
He prepares to turn away when the man silently says, "He's always been so out there."
Pausing, Kyuhyun gives Hyukjae an awkward glance, saying something along the lines of oh-god-I'm-so-sorry-I-offered-to-listen-but-you'd- be-nicer-if-you-let-me-go but it doesn't quite sink in. Hyukjae's still staring at the drops of condensation on his glass, after all. What a waste of effort on a good face, Kyuhyun sulks.
"I know I'm not the only guy he's had a relationship - and I'm saying relationship really lightly - with before, but I thought I meant a lot to him, as much as he does to me. And he does. He always says he does, so I'm just feeling shitty and insecure for no good reason, right? But Sungmin's just so out there and - and confident - and honestly, I'm not sure if I should be the guy he's spending his life with."
Oh jesus, Kyuhyun moans in his head. The pangs are gone. He's definitely not guilty. Fuck any obligations that came with that 2,000 yuan.
But it is, in fact, Kyuhyun's fault that he offered to talk, so he's not gonna back out of this so easily. Despite relationships not being his number one forte. Fuck that, who the hell talks to people anyway?
He clears his throat. "Then break up with him."
Hyukjae's head snaps up, eyes wide. "W-what?"
"You're second-guessing yourself, right?" Kyuhyun shrugs. "I mean, if you don't give that much faith into this thing you've got, then just cut it off. Not like it's worth it if you're always telling yourself that kind of crap."
"But - " the other's face is ashen. "But I don't want to - "
"So you're fine with marrying him, yeah?"
"Yeah, but - "
"And he said yes to you, right?"
"Well, yes - "
"Then I don't see your problem." Kyuhyun yawns slightly. "I mean, okay, do you have bachelor jitters or something? Not gonna be on the market is making you itch badly? No? If not, I don't really see the problem. Seems to me you're just overcomplicating the whole damn thing."
Hyukjae's mouth stays open for a while, and then he closes it. He opens it again to say something, but the words seem to lose him.
"He loves you, you love him, all that sappy shit and whatever. That's all. Jesus, people these days."
A flush takes up Hyukjae's face, but his eyes are wide like he's had some epiphany. It makes Kyuhyun sort of - sort of uncomfortable. Sort of. Doesn't mean to say he doesn't like that amazed look on other people's face. A guy's ego needs stroking once in awhile.
"Thanks," the other man finally breathes out. "I guess - I guess I needed that." Tension floods out of his shoulders. He takes a quiet sip of his drink. "I really am stupid sometimes."
"Aren't we all," Kyuhyun drawls, and completely misses the growingly fond smile on Hyukjae's face.
/
That night, while Hyukjae is leaving, Donghae passes by him through the door. Something passes between them in a short, unsaid moment. Donghae turns his head and Hyukjae continues out the door, his eyes deep in concentration.
Donghae doesn't frequent bars.
He turns around on a whim and enters the almost empty nightclub, just in time to see the lights dim for it's nightly customers and to see Donghae claim a seat in the same bar he had sat in before.
Huh.
/
"You don't talk a lot," Donghae comments, playing around with a napkin.
"You talk too much," Kyuhyun snipes back in return. He shakes a few bottles of what he's come to think of as the regular - the drinks that everyone wants, the basic go-to's when one's unsure of how to start the drinking descent. It's not a pretty picture.
Donghae hums.
It's sort of nice, if it wasn't out of tune. Finally, Kyuhyun snaps and says, "You're doing it all wrong."
A blonde eyebrow is raised. "What, folding napkins? Didn't know this was a five-star place I needed to - "
"Not the fucking napkins," Kyuhyun all but screeches. "The tone."
At Donghae's confused blink, he continues, "Your singing, humming, whatever. You're doing it all wrong."
"How do you even know what song I'm singing? For all you know, it can be some random little thing that I decided to make up on the spot."
"Is not," the brunette grumbles, running a hand through his hair. "It's Tears of Polaris. I know that song by heart. It's an amazing song and you're not doing yourself - or me - any favors by ruining it."
Donghae's eyes are amused. He's not taking this seriously. "I doubt humming a little out of tune can ruin a song."
"Doubt?" Scoffing, Kyuhyun points a slender finger at him. "You don't know songs, do you? Songs have a beat, a melody, and a tone. A certain key to be sung in. A sheet to follow. Everything is meticulous and it's fucking rude to just - just ruin all that hard work that's put into a song by humming it a little differently. Like it's suddenly not good enough for you, is it?"
"I don't recall ever saying that," At this time, Donghae crosses his arms and leans forward. He looks interested, but a little insulted too. Kyuhyun focuses on the insulting. "All I said is that humming it out of tune can't ruin a song. And besides, shouldn't music be all about free spirit? Not being mindless followers of notes on a paper?"
"It's refined," Kyuhyun stresses. "Music is equal parts spirit and emotion, but too much of it can overwhelm and too little of it can leave a lot to be desired. It's hard to find that balance of emotion when you're singing or composing, and that's what the music notes are for, they're for compacting all those highs and lows into a single composition. And yes, that takes effort and skill and pure talent that a lot of people just skip over, like you. Humming out of tune can ruin a song."
For a long time, Donghae just stares at him, and Kyuhyun shifts uncomfortably. He lowers his eyes to the glossy bar table, and silently curses himself for cleaning it so well. If only it was dirty, he can press his mouth close and pretend to wipe away his troubles. And the table. Of course.
"I think that's the most you've ever said to me," Donghae says, amused. "Okay then, how is Tears of Polaris supposed to sound?"
Kyuhyun looks at him for barely a second, dark eyes lit by the lights taking in, and opens his mouth as soon as the speakers blare out a skippy note of pop music.
Shaking slightly for no apparent reason, Kyuhyun closes his mouth. The song bubbling in the back of his throat slowly dies, withering, until he can't feel it rising like a crescendo in him.
"Pity," Donghae murmurs, and then fixes his cuffs. To Kyuhyun, he says, "What do you say to dinner on Friday?"
/
Kyuhyun refuses. Obviously.
He's sort of rattled and it's completely unfair that Donghae asks him when he's most shaken. He wants to believe that it's planned, that it was meant to happen this way, that Donghae had always - always meant to catch him off guard but - how did he know about the music there's no way - and so Kyuhyun stutters out flimsy excuses to why he can't go.
He hates the man. Kyuhyun thinks he really does.
Afterward, Donghae orders a quick drink - dry, strong - downs it one go, and leaves without looking slightly ruffled or rejected in the slightest.
Oh yeah. Kyuhyun hates him.
/
He doesn't tell Zhou Mi what's happened for obvious reasons. He thinks Zhou Mi knows anyway, or at least suspects something, because when Kyuhyun looks over his shoulder Zhou Mi is always a few steps away, eyebrows raised. It causes a miserable scowl to place itself on Kyuhyun's face.
Donghae doesn't come back for two more days. On the second, Hyukjae comes in again. He looks around the place fondly, and then sits on the bar stool that he had a few days ago.
Kyuhyun lets out a puff of air. "If I'm not mistaken, I'd say that you're ignoring your own wedding, Mr. Lee."
"Hyukjae," the man prods, smiling ruefully. "Mr. Lee is for my business associates. And, well, can you blame me? This was where I met Sungmin for the first time. It holds a dear place in my heart."
Kyuhyun glances up at him through his eyelashes. Curious. "Oh?"
"Yeah," Hyukjae's mouth pulls up into a little smile, and Kyuhyun thinks about how this man looks so different - so out of place here. He's the type to be a college professor or a CEO in fancy dinner parties at four star restaurants, holding a room in a five star building - brief flashes of a forehead gleaming with sweat and warmth in a cold place - than here in a shabby pub. Diner. Thing. "Sungmin used to work here. I think he was an entertainer."
Which is, suffice to say, code word for stripper.
Okay, Kyuhyun thinks, he shouldn't be that mean. Zhou Mi dances too.
"Hmm," Kyuhyun mumbles, not particularly interested, and not really satisfied with the answer either. "Heard he used to get around."
Hyukjae visibly freezes before relaxing. Well. It was nice to see that he knew, at least.
"You've met Sungmin before?"
"I've met the people who've worked with Sungmin before," Kyuhyun comments, and suddenly a defiant idea begins to bloom at the edge of his mind. A completely stupid idea. His heart begins thudding loudly in his chest.
"Sungmin and I," begins Hyukjae, shuffling uncomfortably, "Didn't meet in your atypical manner. In fact, I know for sure that when he was with me, he was going behind someone's back. And it was - it was completely wrong of me to do so but - but..."
A silence covers them both, and Kyuhyun is glad for the bounding bass above.
"It's alright," he shrugs. "I don't judge." Heechul, his mind supplies helpfully, darkly, and Kyuhyun barely manages to hold back a frown. "Besides, he chose you, didn't he?"
For a while, Hyukjae doesn't say anything. Kyuhyun thinks he's done something wrong or said something out of line, but he reminds himself that Hyukjae was the one to give up all this information. It wasn't his fault that he listened. Finally, the man says with a quiet exhale and a smile, "Yeah. Yeah, he did."
Kyuhyun begins humming a song underneath his breath.
"I've noticed that," Pushing away a lock of his hair, Hyukjae gives him a trying quirk of the lips. "I've noticed - that ah, Donghae comes here often. To your bar."
Flickering his eyes up toward the man at the mention of Donghae's name, Kyuhyun stops humming. "Oh. Yes, he does come over often. Why?"
Hyukjae doesn't reply right away, and Kyuhyun is beginning to think that the man has a serious delaying problem. As Kyuhyun stares at him with a decidedly blank look, Hyukjae laughs, hands curling around a half-finished glass. "No reason," he says with a pressed grin, knowing something that Kyuhyun does not. "No reason at all."
/
Donghae returns the night right after.
He doesn't give enough to blink, or breathe before bounding up steps at a time to get to Kyuhyun. His fists are clenched, like he's angry, but underneath the lines of his leather jacket Kyuhyun can tell he's tense.
He doesn't know that he's tense either, until the blond smiles at him again, that shark toothed smile. He opens his palm in front of Kyuhyun and raises an eyebrow. "Would'ja mind goin' out to dinner?"
Definitely not Seoul accent. Somewhere south. Warm. He doesn't expect it, but he supposed Donghae could've been from a small village, with his crookedly ruined smile and tanned skin. There's a golden key in his hand.
"Dinner," Kyuhyun repeats. "No."
Donghae tilts his head to the side, as if confused, but Kyuhyun can see royal fury building. "Why not?"
"Why?"
A shrug is all he receives in response.
"Well if you're not sure why you want to take me out," Kyuhyun starts, twisting the end of his towel in the way he only does when he's unnerved, "Then I guess you don't deserve to."
Donghae's eyes follow him for a while, and Kyuhyun can imagine a trail of fire beneath his steps, waiting to engulf him whole.
/
"You should give him a chance," Zhou Mi says, frowning prettily, "He's going through all this rejection for you, Guixian."
"They're not worth the time," Heechul grumbles out hoarsely, his eyes turning more and more tired with each stifling second.
"You need sleep and a clear mind," Han Geng says as he pushes Kyuhyun's bangs back, soothing his cooling forehead. "Who knows what you want, Guixian?"
Who knows what I want? Kyuhyun thinks to himself. Who knows?
/
Donghae sends flowers the next day. They're firetruck red roses, and Kyuhyun describes them as 'firetruck' because saying 'blood red' makes him feel a bit silly and that's the shade of his face when Han Geng raises a questioning eyebrow at the awfully large bouquet in his hands.
Day after that, it's a box of gourmet chocolates, handed over by a professional looking man in a suit with slicked back gray hair and flint gray eyes. He bows to Kyuhyun, who stands in distress, and doesn't leave - even when Kyuhyun shrieks - yes shrieks - at him.
Day after that, There's a note taped to his front door, with a golden key swinging at him tauntingly. Kyuhyun sees red.
He grabs the key straight off his door, and takes a taxi all the way to the hotel, stewing quietly in his fury enough for the taxicab driver to squeak away with a quarter less of the actual payment.
Kyuhyun stomps past the doorman - who throws him quite the scared look - and to the receptionist, barely snarling, "May I know Lee Donghae's room number?"
"Uh - uh - we were t-told not to - "
"His room number, madam. Please."
The darkened tint of Kyuhyun's words do not go unheeded, and the woman squeaks. She handed points to the elevator and stutters out, "319, sir." Kyuhyun gives her a stiff nod and smile, feeling it stretch the corners of his mouth artificially, and practically stomps the way to the elevator. The man that stood waiting beforehand seems to almost sweat. The dark-haired man beside him doesn't look like much of a threat - in fact, he looks almost sweet, like a flirty college student, but the aura off him is murderous, and his eyes are enough to convince someone of his less-than-innocent thoughts.
The elevator opens a few moments after, but the man chooses to go use the stairs instead when he sees the empty metal room.
Kyuhyun punches in the third floor, and waits, crossing his arms and tapping the floor in an annoyed tick. There's a few moments as the elevator rises up, and opens twice to let passengers in. Kyuhyun's focused on his breathing, so he's not really dangerous anymore, but a little boy huddles close to his mom when he sees the dark-haired male.
Rubbing his eyes, Kyuhyun plans on how to confront this slightly unwanted suitor. Slightly unwanted because it was sorta flattering. Unwanted because Kyuhyun didn't want to deal with this sort of shit. He'd have a relationship when he was good and ready, thank you very much.
Also, he doesn't understand the blond's obvious fascination with him. The flippant gifts and shows of wealth was something he doesn't appreciate. Sure, they could've been taken as sweet, but Kyuhyun was too in over his head. Okay, maybe it was a little biased of him and rude, but - but! He didn't like it.
As soon as he raises his hand to knock on the door labelled 319, in the more nicer halls of the hotel, he freezes. The golden key in his pocket suddenly seems heavier. Slowly, he takes it out and inspects it, the tiny grooves of it's neatly pressed side, the gleaming numbers printed on the side - an elegant whip of 319.
At that moment, he can't help but let out a hysteric snort in place of a chuckle. "This guy is really crazy," he murmurs.
Kyuhyun's eyes flicker up to the door, standing ominous before him, and suddenly the anger and frustration fueling his moments fade for a while, ebbing into his muscles and making him much more calm. He eyes the door critically, as if it was his sworn enemy, and then quietly sets the key on the fuzzy mat before the door, leaving it number side up. As calm as possible, Kyuhyun walks away, through the elevators once more and down to the lobby, and then out into the Shanghai air.
It smells fresher than normal. He wonders if it's always been that way, or if it's just the sudden drain of emotions from his person.
Kyuhyun sighs, forces himself not to think about it, and walks to the curb, waiting to call up another taxi.
/
It's not a bar the next time Donghae corners him, but when he's gotten out from his latest class and is just about to take a lunch break before his next one. Kyuhyun literally bumps into the other man, whose jaw is tight. Holding themselves both steady, Kyuhyun steps back awkwardly.
"You know, I would stop tryin' t' ask ya out if ya ever told me why you never accept."
Oh, so they weren't going to dabble in pleasantries? Kyuhyun tries not to think about how odd it is to hear Donghae speak without the prim and proper tone of Seoul that Kyuhyun himself has. Ironic, considering their respective fields.
Kyuhyun scowls slightly at the thought. "I don't accept because you're not taking this seriously. I'm a liability to you, and maybe worth one night."
Donghae's eyes are suddenly looking straight at him, and he's frowning enough to make lines appear on the corner of his mouth. "Is that all you see yourself as?"
"Wha - "
"A liability and one night?"
Kyuhyun raises a slim eyebrow. "I'm not stupid to kid myself into thinking about what you want or don't want. I've seen too much of - of - "
"Rich people," Donghae finishes, his jaw tensing even further when Kyuhyun doesn't correct him. "So you're ignoring me because I'm rich."
"Well - "
"Because if I have money, obviously I'm some stuck up asshole who's out for a cheap fuck."
At the purely condescending tone in Donghae's voice, Kyuhyun explodes, "Well it's not like you've done much to prove yourself otherwise!" His voice is high and shrill, which it normally shouldn't be, and from the corner of his eyes Kyuhyun sees people looking at them oddly. "So what I don't have a good impression of you? Obviously I don't! I've seen people - rich guys, yes - come into the bar and fuck lives up, okay? Sorry if I don't want that to happen to me!"
Donghae's face is tight. "You understand that you sound really stupid right now. And classist. Fuck." He runs a hand through his hair, which is shining even more blond in the daylight, streaks of honey combing through the strands and - Kyuhyun flushes in anger and steps back again. Donghae' follows. "And I thought I was the rude one."
"Well," Kyuhyun starts, almost speechless. "I only care about myself. Like I said, I don't like people, Mr. Lee."
At this, Donghae's hazel eyes fly up to Kyuhyun's, as if searching for something, and then a smile - no, not a smile, more like a smirk - slides it's way onto his face. "I'm not a person," he says in return, holding his head up high, almost challenging Kyuhyun to refuse him. "After all, I'm a shallow guy, aren't I? So I shouldn't be lumped into those people that you dislike."
Kyuhyun gapes at him.
Donghae has the audacity to push up his unlocked jaw with a finger. "So what do you say, bar boy?"
Stiffening, he replies, "...My name is Kyuhyun."
"No it isn't," Donghae cuts him off swiftly. "You and I aren't people right now."
"What the fuck - !"
"You don't like people, right? Well, bar boy, you're a person too, so that's telling me you don't like yourself." Kyuhyun grits his teeth as Donghae latches on to his wrist and with formidable strength, pulls him along with the blonde to some place. They're walking off campus, and at a rather fast place. "So we're not people right now. You're bar boy. I'm blondie. Good enough?"
"Why do you have the semi-normal name?"
Donghae looks behind him to see that yes, Kyuhyun is actually seriously upset about that. Somehow, he can't see the dark haired male pouting, but thinks that it would be...awfully...adorable if he did. Donghae smiles at him with his signature shark teeth grin. "Because I'm the semi-normal one."
Kyuhyun's snort is so loud and sarcastic that Donghae makes a face.
Donghae's grip is warm and Kyuhyun focuses on it almost obsessively, refusing to look at the man himself or anywhere beside him. He was taken here out of his free will. He doesn't want to be here. He only has one friend, Zhou Mi, and that's all...that's all Kyuhyun ever really needs.
He doesn't like people.
Especially not himself.
It sort of irritates him, kills Kyuhyun to know that Donghae knows, to have someone else other than himself catch on to the fact that Kyuhyun just doesn't loathe people, doesn't loathe everyone around him but -
A rush of warm air hits his face, and Kyuhyun blinks. It's a small place for Italian, which is really odd because Shanghai doesn't have good Italian food, much less Chinese food (okay that was mean) and Donghae takes one look at him before raising an eyebrow and saying, "No good? I thought not either." As if he could read Kyuhyun's mind.
They restaurant hop for a while, coming across every one they can, and maybe - maybe after a while Kyuhyun starts having some sort of fun. Like, it's stupid, yeah, and he should be worried about his classes, but going into each place and then seeing everyone look at them expectantly before walking right back out tickles his fancy. Or some shit. Like - like, oh, he didn't know what it was or is, he just knows that going against everyone's expectations makes him feel nice.
Donghae's hand never leaves his wrist, but Kyuhyun ceases to care.
"I'm late for my next class," Kyuhyun grits out, feeling a pull in his stomach to alert him about his hunger. This idiot took all of his free time! He was hungry, dammit! Donghae's eyes seem to flicker down to his stomach before his hand.
"There's a Korean place nearby, I think." He murmurs softly. "I know the owner. We could go there if you'd like."
"Sounds good," Kyuhyun sighs, catching up to Donghae as the other slows down. Suddenly, they're side by side, and Kyuhyun feels awkward - he stands a good two inches above Donghae, but feels smaller. "So..."
"Should be a block away," Donghae shrugs. "Sorry for draggin' ya around everywhere."
Kyuhyun huffs - doesn't sound very sorry at all, Donghae does.
The blond grins and then tugs on his wrist, which has now become sweaty and warm where Donghae's fingers have clamped around it. Still, Kyuhyun finds it hard to retract his hand anyway. Goddamn.
The Korean place is a small ddeokkbokki place, and Kyuhyun inhales the familiar scent to let an almost blissful smile cross his face. It was very high-end, with high tables instead of low ones and sleek grills, but there was still a touch of traditional flavor that made Kyuhyun like it immediately. They sat down at a table and Kyuhyun opened the menu to see it written in Mandarin and Korean.
He was staring intently at the letters, trying to commit them to memory so he'd know what Korean dishes were called in Chinese, when he heard Donghae chuckle. "You're awfully cute when you're focused."
Kyuhyun's eyes shoot up for a second to see the blonde's large grin, and Kyuhyun wants to sort of hit him because no one can be that smugly happy. "I'm trying to memorize the names," he murmurs, shoving the menu closer to his face so Donghae won't see him.
He hears the blonde laugh anyway, and when one of the waiters come over to take their order, they reply to him in Korean, giving the waiter a pleasant surprise. Donghae shrugs off his jacket to reveal a finely made cotton shirt, blindingly white and matching the small stud in his left ear. Kyuhyun sets down his menu, coughs, and looks away.
"What do ya do when you're not studyin' or workin'?" Donghae asks quietly, hazel eyes trained quite focused on him. "I mean, that's all I see ya do."
Absentmindedly, Kyuhyun notes the use of Donghae's accent, which slips in easily when he's relaxed. He fiddles with his napkin. "Well, usually, I take walks, or read, or write songs."
"Are you just a songwriter or a composer or..."
"Nah," Kyuhyun says softly, so softly that you almost couldn't hear it if you didn't strain your ears, "I'm a singer."
A corner of Donghae's mouth quirks up. "Really?"
"Yeah, really." Kyuhyun begins folding his napkin, matching end to end, side to side. "I used to sing as a kid and it just continued on with me, I guess. Followed me all the way to high school, then college. I got a scholarship to a place here in Shanghai, and since my Chinese was pretty good, I decided..." he trails off here, fixing the sides to a little napkin origami that he's made. "...why not?"
"Hm," Donghae presses his lips together, leans against his hand while it's on the table. "How old are ya, dear sir?"
"Twenty one," he replies. "Last year in college."
"Twenty three," Donghae grins crookedly. Once again, Kyuhyun's hit by the feeling of something being very, very wrong in that smile. "Guess that means you have t' call me hyung, don'tcha?"
"Who's calling who hyung?" Kyuhyun snaps back. "Donghae-ssi?"
Donghae snorts. "That ain't fair. I'd say we're past the formalities, wouldn't ya say, Kyuhyunnie?"
Kyuhyun gives him a potent glare that would've melted a lesser man in his spot. Thankfully, Donghae just found it endearing. He was beginning to find a lot of things endearing about Kyuhyun.
Their food came in a second later, and while Kyuhyun split apart his chopsticks and began to eat almost ravenously, Donghae preferred to go at a slower pace, eating in small bites. For a while, this continued until Donghae cleared his throat. Kyuhyun came up for air, sauce staining the side of his mouth. "Don'tcha want to breathe between bites?"
"I can breathe later," Kyuhyun retorts. "Besides, I haven't tasted ddeokkbokki this good since my mom's." To make a statement, he shoves another rice cake in his mouth. Donghae fights the urge to chuckle at his pillowy cheek.
Kyuhyun has really nice skin. Clear, with a mole underneath his right eye, and pale - the kind of pale you'd expect from a person who works at night. There were, however, the telltale signs of purple bruising underneath his eyes, clashing wildly against his wan tone.
It'd be easy to make a mark on that skin. Like a hickey, swelling up underneath his mouth -
Donghae shoves another rice cake in his mouth, unwilling to finish that thought. Kyuhyun glances at him with a look that said, now-you're-doing-it-so-where-are-you-to-judge-hypocrite. Donghae forces himself to swallow.
"I thought that maybe music'd be ya major," Donghae contemplates out loud. "When ya told me off a few days ago, I figured. Am I wrong?"
"No, you'd be right. I'm studying Modern Music. Dunno what that entails, really, but it had a ton of music classes and I was more than happy to oblige." Kyuhyun wipes the corner of his mouth with a napkin, and moves his bangs away from his face. "There's not as much singing as I'd like there to be, though."
"Why do you continue with it, then? What'll you do after you graduate?" There's a curious, questioning tone in the blonde's voice, so Kyuhyun tries to keep the snark out of his tone.
"The music industry is hard. Trying to get a label to notice me or my music would be even harder. If I can't manage to make it into that world, well..." he becomes quiet for a moment, before saying, "I suppose I would go on to be a songwriter or music teacher. It'd be second best, but it would still be satisfying."
The quiet spreads between them longer, until the food becomes smaller and smaller between them. Kyuhyun checks his watch to see that nearly two hours has passed and his second class is half over. He looks up at Donghae. "What about you?"
"Hm?" The corporate jerks, as if shocked out of a reverie.
"I said, what about you? I've just been talking about myself so far. What do you do for fun, mister high-and-mighty?"
Donghae gives something that's between a smile and a smirk. "It's alright. I like hearin' ya talk."
Pursing his lips, the dark-haired male continues, "No. Talk."
"Hm? 'Bout what?"
"I don't know? Favorite color? Show? How come a Korean businessman is in Shanghai?"
Donghae seems to freeze for a second, and Kyuhyun feels cold spread down toward his feet at the look that binds the blond in time. Then, his shoulders relax. "I didn't have much time for shows, but I guess any historical drama would've done fine. Favorite color..." his eyes lock onto Kyuhyun's. "Red, most definitely. And I'm here because of my best friend's wedding. Other than that, I have a few business associates to talk to and appearances to make."
For whatever reply Donghae expects to his amused wording, it definitely isn't Kyuhyun raising an eyebrow at him - which, Donghae learns, the other boy does a lot. "You're doing it again."
Donghae looks affronted. "Doing what?"
"Changing accents." Taking a sip of water, Kyuhyun clears his dry throat. "First you've got that - that - that accent from like, I dunno. Gwangju or something, I'm not sure, but then you sound like a CEO from Seoul in another minute. It's...disconcerting. I don't like it much, sorry. It's better if you stuck to one."
Kyuhyun can't help but feeling pleased with himself. The blond is staring at him in utter surprise, like he can't believe what he's hearing. It gives Kyuhyun some satisfaction to know that he had taken the other man off guard. He doesn't know why, exactly, but he does, and Kyuhyun isn't one to reject a feeling of accomplishment when it came rarely.
"Well," Donghae says faintly, "Which one do you like better?"
Blink. "Excuse me?"
"I said," Donghae leaned in, holding the weight of his head on one hand, "Which one do ya like better?"
Kyuhyun opens his mouth, and then closes it. Without thinking, he blurts, "Gwangju."
A rough chuckle, still laced with tones of bafflement. "Really? I'd expect Seoul, seeing as how you have a Seoul one yourself..."
"Well," Kyuhyun flusters, "I-It's charming."
Donghae's face takes on a predatory grin. "Charmin', ya say?"
"...no."
Snorting, Donghae leans back in his chair, seemingly satisfied. "The redness 'cross ya face says somethin' different, love."
Kyuhyun cursed himself to all nine hells in his head. "Don't call me that."
"Bickerin'? Yeah, I can take that. Bickerin's pretty cute."
"Stop that!"
"Can I take ya out on a date on Saturday?" Donghae said suddenly, looking at Kyuhyun with those wide, hazel eyes of his, so earnest that Kyuhyun opens his mouth only to freeze -
A sweet, stringing sound, loft and just as earnest as the man before him flashes through his mind and Kyuhyun shuts his mouth close. He doesn't say anything, but Donghae takes in his stiff muscles and frowns when he says, "I'll pick ya up at eight."
/
Saturday is the day Kyuhyun gets the most tips.
Which makes no sense for Kyuhyun to be standing at the front of his door, waiting for someone - or something - he wasn't sure he was ready to handle. At first, he had made a decision to ignore the blond completely and go to work, the idea of extra money tempting him to put on his uniform enough until he saw his own face, younger, in a picture frame. Beside him in that picture was Ahra, her smile so blindingly white and sharp that he finds himself throwing off his ratty shirt and wearing a slightly nicer flannel shirt. He looks like an idiot.
It was also pretty hot, despite it being in the deadset of cold, and Kyuhyun sighs. The landlady was probably putting the heat all at once again. He rolls up his sleeves and opens a button or two, running a hand through his damp hair. Unfortunately, it stays that way. He tries to pat it down, but then it looks terribly flat.
Which leads to the question - why is he obsessing over how he looks anyway?
It's the stupid D-word. Date. Kyuhyun hasn't had a date in years; well, only one. The last guy was someone Zhou Mi had tried to set him up with, and the man was a complete mess. So yeah, Kyuhyun's rusty in the dating game. And besides, he doesn't really now yet if this is all consensual.
Because he's pretty sure he didn't say yes.
You thought it, a corner of his mind whispers traitorously. For all your thorns and walls, you still liked it, didn't you?
He...liked, likes, Donghae's company.
(Well, not his actual company, his - his presence, so to say, um, not the actual corporation itself, because Kyuhyun's pretty sure he has no idea what Lee Corps do and - )
A doorbell rings, and Kyuhyun sighs before slipping his wallet into his back pocket, along with his phone and keys into his front ones. He fiddles with the collar of his shirt before opening the door. Donghae stands there in a suit and tie, looking professionally handsome, and Kyuhyun can't help but notice that his hair's combed nicely and he's not wearing studs in his ears anymore.
Kyuhyun takes the moment to look over Donghae, and so he doesn't know of the other man's eyes flickering to the hollow of his throat before reaching up to meet Kyuhyun's dark eyes. He smiles pleasantly. "You look great."
With a snort, Kyuhyun closes the door behind him. "Don't lie. I look like a country bumpkin."
"So says the city boy," teases Donghae. "If anything, I should be wearing the flannel shirts. But I've got to say, you do look nice."
"Depends on what your definition of nice is."
Donghae doesn't agree no disagree with him, insteads leads them outside to a sleek black car. It looks top of the line, with darkly tinted windows - aren't those illegal wait - and gleaming finish, chrome tires wiped to spotlessness.
It makes Kyuhyun uncomfortable.
He retracts his hand from Donghae's grip. "Actually, I think I might - "
"I'm not ashamed to be seen with ya." Kyuhyun stops. "Stop fuckin' thinkin' for me. I'm a big boy, and I know what I'm doin'. And what I know is that I'm havin' a nice dinner with ya."
Kyuhyun comes to a chilling realization that Donghae is different.
The man from before was gone, somehow long gone, or maybe hidden in the layers of dark night. Donghae's hair doesn't gleam with those honey streaks anymore, but they're a washed out orange. His eyes are somehow calculating and cold, but when they turn to Kyuhyun, it's almost like he's transformed it into something curious. Nothing but fascination.
And it's not the man from earlier, with his crooked white smile and persuading hazel eyes.
"...Alright," Kyuhyun answers lightly, following the man into the car.
Donghae drives for about half an hour, which is spent mostly in idle chatter between work and life. Kyuhyun doesn't learn much about Donghae, but he does ending up giving a lot of himself away. His parent's disowning, his sister's problems, his own stiff reversal into Chinese culture.
"Hm," is what Donghae always says, but never pries. Kyuhyun thanks god.
Donghae takes him to a fancy restaurant, like Kyuhyun expected. He gets out of the car to walk toward Donghae's side, and smooths down the back of his neck. Donghae takes his arm and holds it in his grip, links of his watch clinking slightly with the movement. His hands are actually really nice, Kyuhyun notices, with a firm grip and steady fingers, sharp lines, and volatile wrist...why is he thinking about Donghae's wrist?
"I'd like to take out," the man asks as soon as he enters the restaurant at the maitre'd, flashing him a grin. "Just give an order to the chef and put it on my tab."
Kyuhyun remembers scrawling down something on his forearm about 'Lee Donghae's tab'. He wonders if anyone here experiences the same frustration.
To his surprise, the maitre'd takes this all in stride, flashing them a pleasant smile. He bows. "Of course, Mr. Lee. Please give me a second." Kyuhyun quite likes the lilt of his voice; it's soft and slightly foreign. The maitre'd is also rather young, with chubby cheeks and copper hair, flashing them a smile before heading off in a random direction.
They stand near the doorway, but no one else is coming in to the restaurant, so Kyuhyun supposes it's okay. He feels rather out of place in his slacks and sneakers, flannel t-shirt and bed hair as opposed to everyone else's prim attire. A flush goes up his face and he sneaks behind Donghae rather quietly, as if the man was a human shield. Instead, he focuses on counting the marks on a painting composed of lines and circles nearby.
"Henry's a nice kid," says Donghae to him amiably, hand on his arm tugging so that the dark-haired male is standing by his side. "Fresh out of finishing school and a little too bouncy for the job, but what's life without a little enthusiasm?"
"He looks peppy," Kyuhyun mutters. Then, he frowns. "You're not - "
"With the accent, I know," Donghae finishes. "Say, Kyuhyunnie, if you like tonight, would you be in an agreeing mood to sing a song for me?"
The request is so sudden that Kyuhyun doesn't know how to respond. Henry comes back instead for them, giving them another dimpled grin. "The chef knows just what you like, sir. He's preparing two of your usual."
"Thank you, Henry," Donghae replies, and Kyuhyun swallows at Donghae's Mandarin. Yes, his Korean is nice, but Mandarin is a whole different story. Chinese is a language of poetry and tongue twists, and every sound intrigues Kyuhyun to no end. He appreciates a person who takes care of their speech.
Appreciates it enough for it to become attraction.
Kyuhyun lets out a long breath.
He doesn't know how long he stands there, suddenly thrown back in his revelation. Donghae has a small bag in his hands, and still pulls Kyuhyun out with the same easy tug as always, as if he's slowly waking him out of a dream.
/
It's a projector movie.
Donghae takes him to the roof of his building, apparently, giving Kyuhyun no time to put faces to names passing him by on the elevator, all of whom pretend Donghae isn't there, as if he isn't their boss. Maybe they don't notice. Something about the Lee Corps building is strangely hollow, like a shadow, like a replaying memory. Sort of like Donghae's hotel room.
Kyuhyun wonders if that's what happens to everything Donghae touches, and then looks at their hands, at Donghae's rough palm.
There's a blanket already spread on the roof, and it has a marvelous view of the skyline. All Kyuhyun can see, though, is the beginning of a black and white old film, sometimes skipping, all the while charming in it's antiquity.
"What movie is it?" whispers Kyuhyun, for some reason feeling meek.
"Breakfast at Tiffany's," replies Donghae. "Everyone loves Audrey Hepburn."
Kyuhyun laughs. "I've no idea who the hell that is."
"Well," Donghae begins to take off his watch and set it in his pocket, shifting the bag of take out restaurant food towards Kyuhyun and shedding his blazer. "You will soon, won't ya?"
Charming, Kyuhyun thinks. Donghae's charming.
The movie is great, he has to admit, and Kyuhyun favors the characters almost immediately, finding something akin to the character's on the screen. Somewhere in the midst of the movie and food, Donghae's arm wraps around his shoulders and Kyuhyun snorts - actually laughs out loud - at the geeky move.
Afterward, when the wind is blowing nicely and their food is turning cold, Donghae murmurs, "It's Mokpo."
"Hm?" Kyuhyun turns toward the primly dressed man.
"My accent," Donghae laughs. "I'm from Mokpo, not Gwangju. That was pretty close, though." A hand grazes over the skin of Kyuhyun's left bicep. He wants to slap it off, say that he's not interested in the other being handsy, but it's a lulling movement, not meant to be sensual.
"You're an odd man, Lee Donghae," Kyuhyun mutters. "You know that?"
And for the first time, Kyuhyun sees Donghae smile.
It's a little quirk of his mouth on one side, and shows a small dimple - oh Jesus he was weak for dimples - but his eyes are surprisingly bare. Hazel, wide, encompassing...but bare. Not empty per se, just...without reservation.
Odd man indeed.
"You know you're nicer than you let on, right?" Donghae breathes. He smells good, like spicy cologne. "Which just makes for the question: what do ya want, Kyuhyunnie?"
"What do I want," Kyuhyun repeats, inexplicably drawn to this man, inexplicably in over his head. "What...do I want?"
"Yeah." Donghae's mouth is really close. "Why do ya think what you want don't matter, in the face of all the other people in t' world?" Kyuhyun doesn't answer, his mouth refusing to work, his eyes stuck in Donghae's irises. Something cold drops into his stomach. "Why do ya hate yourself?"
Kyuhyun doesn't know. When Donghae kisses him, it tastes like coffee and whiskey and the sweet tang of memories left to be buried.
/
"Who are you?"
Kyuhyun asks this to Donghae in the midst of silken white sheets, tracing the lines of the man's arms beneath the comforter. Donghae's half asleep, probably, his blonde hair ruined from all the tugging Kyuhyun's done in the past hour or so. Kyuhyun pulls the blanket up until it covers his shoulders, and Donghae's hands make their way through his hair.
Donghae presses his lips towards Kyuhyun's own, heated but surprisingly chaste. "My name is Lee Donghae."
"Yeah," Kyuhyun rolls his eyes, ignoring the effort it takes to shuffle himself closer to Donghae's body heat. "But who are you? The you this night was different from a few nights ago."
For a while, Donghae's quiet. Then, he says, "I used to be the guy that fell in love with my best friend." His breath is warm on Kyuhyun's forehead. A pang of something - something - filters through the dark-haired male's body. "And then my best friend married someone else."
A memory. Flashes of a drunk Donghae, so anguished, so alone in his marble kingdom, where no one could hear him behind his castle walls. Alone for one night, seeking comfort in another.
"Oh," Kyuhyun says.
"No, not oh," Donghae disagrees, rolling on top of Kyuhyun and pressing butterfly kisses down the other's throat. "I used to be that guy."
Kyuhyun swallows now, hands moving up to graze the side of Donghae's face, surprisingly curious, expectantly sharp. "Who are you now, then?"
"I'm a country bumpkin in an Armani suit," the blonde says quietly. "I'm the idiot that's going t' fall in love with a man who doesn't love himself."
Donghae presses more kisses against the column of Kyuhyun's throat. Kyuhyun opens his mouth to say something, anything at all, to express the tightening in his chest or the hot heat behind his eyes, but instead he sighs.
Then, when Donghae drops gently next to him in bed, Kyuhyun presses their foreheads together and sings a little lullaby, repeating it over and over as he stares into the color of Donghae's eyes, same color as the darkening sky.
Eventually, they close, but Kyuhyun doesn't stop singing. Not when he feels like it's all he has left.
And Donghae. He still has Donghae.
/
"You okay, Guixian?" Zhou Mi asks him, gently putting a hand on his shoulder. "You look tired nowadays."
Kyuhyun gives him a weary smile. "Do I?"
"Yeah," Zhou Mi continues, flicking him on the forehead, "But you also look like the world's finally tipped rightside up too."
/
Kyuhyun visits him again, in his sweetly lonely hotel room, the key already golden in his hands. Donghae grabs hold of his shoulders and peers at him before kissing him hard and long and desperate, making whimpering noises against his mouth.
After a while, after his breath returns to his lungs, Kyuhyun holds him in his arms and murmurs softly, murmurs quietly as Donghae breaks down and cries, choked sobs running through the empty space. Kyuhyun keeps murmuring, keeps his senseless babble while Donghae breaks, cracks just the tiniest bit on that night and Kyuhyun wonders why he's never seen these cracks before.
In the morning, Donghae is fine, but Kyuhyun knows better.
Shoving a cup of coffee toward the other man's side, Kyuhyun mutely takes a sip of his own.
"I'm not going to ask," he says softly, at first.
"I want to tell ya," croaks Donghae. "One day, but not now. Not when I have ya. Don't think I can stand if ya run away just as soon as ya figure out how fucked up I am."
Kyuhyun takes another sip of his coffee, and then quietly says, "Nah, you're just a country bumpkin in an Armani suit that fell in love with the wrong guy."
At this, Donghae laughs, a bitter and repressed laugh, but Kyuhyun likes the sound of it. Likes the taste of real earth beneath those tones. Kyuhyun also thinks that this relationship is bad, very bad, for the both of them too fast to fall as deep as they had. With no reason why, even. There's not even their banter, anymore, but a silence that threatens to swallow them whole.
"Not wrong," Donghae tells him after a while, when his eyes are easy once more, not the dark, endless depths they were the night before. "Never wrong. Not once."
/
"Come back to Korea with me," Donghae murmurs one night, after many nights, after two months. His mouth presses more kisses at the base of Kyuhyun's neck.
"Mmm," the younger responds, but his heart sinks.
/
"There's nothing for you here," Heechul tells him harshly, "Go." Kyuhyun can't help but think that his voice is choked up as Heechul leaves, his eyes strangely sorrowful.
"Keep in touch," Zhou Mi says flippantly. "You'll come back eventually, love. They always do." That sounds like a welcome to a drop down the rabbit hole, but unknown to Zhou Mi, Kyuhyun's already free falling.
"You're always welcome," Han Geng replies simply to him, but Kyuhyun can tell from his eyes that it's much more than just simple.
And yet, when Kyuhyun looks at himself in the mirror, it's his own mouth that tells him, "Don't go."
/
He graduates in May, on a hot day where the sun shines and it's too much too much too much for spring. He sees a flash of orange-blond hair in the crowd and sighs, before getting pulled into a hug by his sister. She visits, she always visits, but she never stays.
Kyuhyun wonders if he's like that too. Always visiting, always stopping by, but never staying.
What do you want, Kyuhyun? someone had asked him, long ago. What do you want?
Donghae's eyes meet him from across the horizon, and Kyuhyun likes to think that maybe it's not just about what he wants, it's about what he needs.
"Okay," he whispers in Donghae's ear as the other man reaches arms around him to hug him in congratulations. "I'll fly with you."
Kyuhyun just hopes dearly that he doesn't fall.
/
Donghae never tells Kyuhyun I love you outright, never those three words by themselves, but Kyuhyun can read it in the man's eyes as they shift from day to night. Kyuhyun is never one to talk about his feelings in the open, but Donghae can hear his words, a small whisper in the songs that Kyuhyun sings, an ever thrumming melody beneath their shared pulse.