how not to celebrate christmas (or the one time minho ate the rest of shinee); onkey
Title: How Not to Celebrate Christmas (or The One Time Minho Ate the Rest of SHINee)
Pairing: Onew/Key
Rating: PG-13
3105 w.
Onew, Key, and Jonghyun (sort of) celebrate Christmas inside the stomach of a whale.
“This is all your fault,” Kibum says. He doesn’t say Jinki’s name, but he assumes it’s already implied that everything is always Jinki’s fault.
Jinki frowns and swings his legs. “I didn’t do anything.”
“Shut up. Whose idea was it to make whale noises in the middle of the sea?” Kibum crosses his arms with a huff. “And don’t rock the crate.”
"I thought it would be fun." Jinki’s heels thud against the wood. The crate buoys dangerously, and water (or what Jinki would call water, had it not been a strange yellowish color with mysterious chunks floating about) splashes up against the sides. Behind them, Jonghyun groans. Jinki pokes him to check if he's awake, but Jonghyun just grumbles and slaps Jinki's finger away.
“I swear to God,” Kibum says, pulling his legs up from over the edge of the crate, “if we fall off this box, I am going to hold your head under the water until you drown.” He scoots his heels back and slides his hands into the space between his calves and thighs. “And I will use your dead body to keep me afloat.”
Jinki's eyes begin to inspect their surroundings. Who would've thought there would be so much light within the stomach of a whale? And so many wooden objects floating around. Once Jinki thinks about it, it's all probably coming from that giant treasure ship near the back of the whale's stomach. Maybe if they float over to it, Jinki can dig around for something sparkly to give to Kibum that would distract him.
He peers over the edge. “I think it’s stomach acid. Maybe it'll eat away the crate.”
“Oh God,” Kibum says loudly. “Can you not?”
“Sorry.” Jinki starts to say something about the strange smell, something between the scent of wood and burnt soup, when there is a loud gurgling noise that reverberates against the filmy stomach walls.
Kibum shrieks and releases his legs, only to latch onto Jinki. The crate rocks again with the weight shift, and Kibum half-sobs into Jinki’s arm.
“I don’t want to die!”
Jinki opens his mouth to say something comforting, but he stops as the walls around them begin to convulse in waves. Pretty waves, he thinks, but he can’t exactly say that to Kibum, who is digging his nails into Jinki's arm in terror. As Jonghyun begins to slide towards them, Jinki scoots back, trying to adjust the weight evenly as the crate starts to rock violently. He wouldn't be surprised if Kibum really did drown him for falling in.
Kibum squeezes his eyes shut. “What are they going to say!” He's shrieking into Jinki’s right ear, and Jinki's not sure he appreciates it. “Kim Kibum, nineteen years old, perishes valiantly inside the stomach of a whale during a rescue mission? I can’t die like this, Jinki! It was supposed to be glorious!”
“Don’t worry. I’m sure no one will find us here.”
As Kibum’s sobs increase in volume, Jinki decides he's really not good at this whole comforting thing. Or rather, the whole comforting Kibum thing. And listening to Kibum sob is starting to make him anxious, and Jinki is twice as bad at comforting other people when he's anxious and in need of comfort himself.
The whale gives one last deafening gurgle, and the water sloshes around against the walls one last time before it ceases abruptly. The frantic bobs of the crate subside, and Jonghyun stops sliding toward them. They're sitting somewhere toward the middle of the crate now, at least a meter away from the edge.
After a minute, Kibum lifts his head. “Is it done?”
“I think so,” Jinki says, sliding his arm around Kibum’s waist.
As if burned, Kibum jerks away and punches Jinki’s arm. “Oh God, this is all your fault! I can’t believe you got us eaten by a whale.”
Jinki sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. Why is his life so difficult? One moment he's lying peacefully in bed dreaming about chicken and Kibum's specialty tea, and the next he's setting out to sea to soothe Kibum's fraught anxiety. One moment he's about to kiss Kibum on the bow of their ship, and the next they're being eaten by a monstrous whale.
“This wasn’t my idea,” he says.
Kibum ignores him and begins tapping his knuckles against the wooden crate in agitation. “Now we’ll never find Taemin! Is that what you wanted?”
Jinki wants to say something like, Yes, that’s exactly what I wanted. I was secretly planning to get eaten by a whale so that I could hear you complain to me hours on end and then die without ever getting to kiss you- He clears his throat and says instead, "Sorry. I'm sure he's fine though."
"And what about Jonghyun!" Kibum flails his arms. "What if he never wakes up?"
Jinki glances over his shoulder at Jonghyun, who's lying on his back in the middle of the crate with his eyes covered by the back of his arm. Jonghyun is an enabler, Jinki thinks. It's all his fault. Had he not encouraged Kibum to set out to sea, Jinki could have been curled up in his warm bed.
Jonghyun shifts, and Jinki sees him lift his arm just enough to peer at them through narrowed eyes. His arm falls to his side, and his eyes start blinking in that tell-tale way that indicates he is contemplating falling back to sleep. Jinki tilts his head, watching Jonghyun shift into awareness, and debates whether or not to tell Kibum.
"I'm awake," Jonghyun says eventually, covering his yawn with the back of his hand.
Kibum makes a strangled noise and whips around. "Oh my God, you're alive."
“Yes, I'm alive," Jonghyun groans, sitting up. "Your anxiety voice would wake the dead. Don't you ever shut up?”
Kibum's expression morphs from worry to anger, and he throws a messy punch at Jonghyun, who instinctively dodges it. “You ass! How dare you worry me like that!”
"Where are we anyway?" Jonghyun asks. An expert at changing subjects, Jinki notes. He wishes he could wave Kibum off like Jonghyun does.
"Inside a whale, courtesy of Jinki," Kibum snaps. He covers his face with his hands and shakes his head. "We are going to die inside a whale. Why is my life like this?"
“We should give him a name,” Jinki says suddenly, tapping his fingers against the crate. “I mean, he should at least have a name if we're going to die inside him. Or, I mean, if we ever get out, for the memories?" When he is met with blank stares, he clears his throat and offers, "Moby Dick?”
Kibum straightens up and glares at Jinki, who withers appropriately under his stare. With a snort, Kibum crosses his arms. “What are you, retarded? That's a horrible name. Where in the world did you get it?”
“It’s from a book," Jinki replies, scratching the back of his head. “A book about a whale.”
Kibum’s cheeks flush, and he visibly deflates. “I. Well.” He shoves Jinki away from him and turns away with a huff. "Shut up. This is all your fault."
“I like Minho,” Jonghyun says as he flops down onto his back. “Let’s name him Minho.”
They pause for a moment, and Kibum taps his finger against his chin thoughtfully. "Minho is kind of nice. Regal, almost. Alright, we will go with Minho." He half-smiles and calls, "Alright, Minho? We gave you a name, so please don't digest us."
Despite his suggestion being shot down, Jinki is kind of happy that Kibum's sort of happy. Or at least, not screeching at Jinki for getting them there in the first place. And that is a step up in Jinki's book.
Minho groans at them in response, his stomach beginning to gurgle once more. Jinki thinks it sounds sort of like approval, but judging from Jonghyun's soft moan and Kibum's shriek, he's the only one.
“It’s all my fault!” Kibum cries, reaching out for Jinki's arm once more.
“It’s about time,” Jonghyun says. He sits up and makes a show of crossing his arms. “Well. Go on.”
Kibum turns his face into the ball of Jinki's shoulder. “I’ll admit it. I was just worried about him, okay? He’s been gone for a day now.” He looks up at them with sad eyes. “Do you know how long that is? A full twenty-four hours! He could be at the bottom of the sea for all we know!”
Jinki sighs again. Dealing with Kibum was beginning to tire him. “Taemin’s a big boy, Kibum. I’m sure he’s alright.”
Kibum sniffles and continues loudly, trying to drown out the moans of Minho's stomach, “My poor Taeminnie. All alone at the bottom of the ocean. He can't take care of himself down there, you know. He needs me.”
"I'm pretty sure he'd be dead," Jonghyun mutters. Kibum lifts his head to glare at him. "I mean, Taemin's a fighter. He's totally alright. Remember that time he burned down that bridge trying to escape those crazy villagers in Peru? That was quick thinking there."
Jinki can see it now: the way Taemin dashed across the bridge on his stick thin legs, torch in one hand and golden chalice in the other. He remembers looking back as Taemin stopped suddenly and lowered his arm to let the crimson flames lick at the old wooden planks. It had ignited quickly, burning the frayed rope, and the smoke that had risen had obscured the villagers on the other side with its misty gray haze.
"Hey," Jinki says suddenly. "Fire."
"What?" Kibum pulls away to stare at Jinki's face warily. Jinki's pretty sure his expression has something to do with the idea of Jinki and fire. Together. Burning things. The thought terrifies Jinki himself.
"Maybe if we start a fire, we can irritate Minho's stomach, and he'll throw us up." Jinki quails under Kibum's gaze. "Or something."
"That's the smartest thing you've said all day," Kibum says at the exact moment Jonghyun says, "Absolutely not."
They turn to stare at each other, and Jinki is immensely thankful their ire is not aimed at him. Being the target of Kibum's fury is more than enough for him, let alone having to face both of them simultaneously.
Narrowing his eyes, Kibum tightens his grip on Jinki's arm. "Why not?"
"It's mean," Jonghyun tells him. "I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate your stomach being lit on fire, now would you?"
With a scoff, Kibum jabs his index finger at Jonghyun accusingly. "What are you now, a whale activist? He ate us!"
"Well, that doesn't mean we should try to burn him alive! He was probably just really hungry!"
"Whatever, it'll be like bad indigestion or something." Kibum turns and points at Jinki. "Jinki, do you have a lighter?"
"Um." As a matter of fact, Jinki does have a lighter, but he's debating which is worse: an angry Kibum or an angry Jonghyun. His life is so hard.
"No, we are not lighting a fire inside Minho, ok."
"Ugh, fine," Kibum snaps, beckoning Jonghyun with two fingers. "We'll just spend the rest of our lives in here. That is, if he doesn't kill us first."
As he crawls over to Kibum, Jonghyun says, "Whatever, this is all your fault anyway. You ruined Christmas." He curls up at Kibum's feet, tucking his head into Kibum's lap. Jinki stares at them, marveling at their problem-solving skills. Why couldn't he resolve things as easily as they did?
Minho groans in response, and as if he's opened the floodgates, Kibum explodes, “I didn’t mean to ruin Christmas! God, and now we’re stuck inside a whale, and, you know, I just want to say I’m sorry that it’s all my fault that we’re going to die! And Jinki, I really wasn’t going to make you chicken, because I really don’t even know how, and, Jonghyun, I read the lyrics you scribbled in that notebook that you hide under your bed, and I lied about that box in the freezer!” Kibum squeezes his eyes shut and clenches his fists. “I said it was fish because I know you hate fish, and I was secretly hiding my melon bars in there!”
“You weren’t going to make me chicken?” Jinki asks, frowning.
Jonghyun nudges Jinki with an elbow. “I say we push him overboard.” He pauses and looks up at Kibum's face. “Hey, wait. What lyrics?”
Eyes still shut, Kibum waves one hand in the air. “Those ones about some girl named Juliet or something.” He opens one eye and focuses it on Jonghyun. “By the way, it’s kind of creepy that you want to give her your soul or whatever. Just saying.”
The rumbling becomes louder. Ironically, Jinki’s stomach rumbles at the same time, and Kibum shoots it an offended look. Jinki holds up his hands in a gesture of innocence, and Kibum suddenly deflates.
"I'm sorry I ruined Christmas."
Jinki cringes. A sad, dejected Kibum is worse than a shrieking Kibum, and it's mostly because Jinki still isn't sure how to fix it. “We can still celebrate it,” he says, looking to Jonghyun for support.
Jonghyun rolls his eyes and stares at the roof of Minho's stomach. After a moment, he makes a satisfied noise and points up. “See that weird triangular ridge up there?” They all look up.
“What’s your point?” Kibum ask miserably.
Jinki make a strange noise of realization and tosses Jonghyun a thumbs-up. “It looks like a Christmas tree,” Jinki says. “And if you squint your eyes, that strange brown spot looks almost like the star at the top.” He smiles at Kibum. “And over there,” he says, pointing to a strange pod-like protrusion. “That looks kind of like a mushroom, so it’s like Taemin when he had that cute little mushroom head, you remember?”
Kibum nods and turns his face into Jinki’s neck, tucking his right hand into Jinki's lap.
Clearing his throat, Jonghyun shifts and adds, “I’m sure Taemin’s okay, Kibum-ah. He’s a fighter.”
“I’m sorry I ruined Christmas.” With a big sigh, Kibum turns his head and begins to trace designs on Jinki's thigh.
“It’s not so bad, right, Jonghyun?”
Jonghyun shakes his head but says, “Yeah, at least we’re together.”
“Do you really think Taemin’s okay?”
“Why do you ask, hyung?”
Kibum’s head whips around fast enough to induce whiplash. As Jonghyun scrambles to sit up, Kibum launches himself toward the edge of their massive crate and stares incredulously at Taemin, who is floating toward them on a plank with his hands tucked into his lap.
“Taeminnie!” Kibum shrieks. “You’re alive!” He makes some sort of flailing motion with his arms, and Jinki grabs onto the back of his hood in case Kibum accidentally falls in the water.
“Hi, hyung-deul!” Taemin beams at them, waving frantically. “What are you doing here?”
Jonghyun looks at the stomach fluid in distaste before dipping his hands into the water and paddling toward Taemin. Kibum starts to cry in what Jinki hopes is happiness.
“We came to look for you,” Jinki says, when it is apparent that Kibum is too busy sobbing to answer.
Taemin tilts his head, and Jinki resists the urge to coo at him in delight. “What are you doing inside a whale then?”
Jonghyun pauses and stares at him. “Aren’t you in here too?”
“Yes, but I was whale watching!” As their crate bumps up against Taemin's plank, Taemin looks away sheepishly. “I think this whale liked me a little too much because he ate me.”
Kibum sobs, reaching over to drag Taemin onto their crate. He cradles Taemin, who looks extremely embarrassed, against his chest. Jonghyun shakes his hands with a look of disgust before slowing wiping them on his thighs.
"We named him Minho," Jinki says awkwardly. Taemin peeks up at him from within the cage of Kibum's arms. "The whale, I mean. His name is Minho."
"Oh. That's a nice name." Taemin wiggles. "Um, hyung? Can you let me go?"
Hesitantly, Kibum loosens his grip. He squishes Taemin's face in his hands one last time before letting him go. "Okay, I'm ready to die now. As long as Taemin's here."
Jinki turns away, trying to hide his sudden disappointment. It shouldn't have come as a surprise; Jinki already knew who was more important to Kibum. Still, he can't help feeling a bit left out. Jinki was the one who commandeered a ship for them to set out to sea. And when Minho swallowed them, Jinki was the one who pulled Kibum out of the water to safety. He should get a little credit, shouldn't he?
Out of his peripheral vision, he sees Jonghyun pat Taemin on the head and give him a quick hug. Kibum slides back to his place beside Jinki, their thighs pressed together.
“Merry Christmas,” Kibum says sheepishly. He turns his head and quickly kisses Jinki’s cheek before whipping back around to stare at the water. “Thanks for letting me scream at you in hysteria. And stuff.” His fingers crawl like spiders across the expanse of Jinki’s forearm.
Jinki ducks his head, trying to hide his smile as Kibum intertwines their fingers. The water is still sloshing against the sides of their crate. Minho is grumbling in something that sounds like anger, almost muffling the sounds of Jonghyun and Taemin and their sudden debate on the merits of fishing inside his stomach. It's really nothing like what Christmas is supposed to be.
Jinki thinks, had they been home, he probably would have liked to sit down and open his present from Kibum, maybe bundle himself into a blanket and watch Kibum open Jinki's present to him, maybe sit at the table and drink Kibum's specialty tea while sharing a sweet potato. Maybe they would have put up a tree, and Jinki would decorate Kibum in sparkly red tinsel and smile as Kibum twirled around trying to unwrap himself. Maybe Kibum would smile down at him as he put the star on the top of the tree. Maybe they would kiss under the mistletoe, Jinki's hand slipped between fabric and skin, Kibum's soft lips pressed against his.
Jinki nudges Kibum, who is biting his lip and looking away. When Kibum turns to look at him, Jinki leans forward and kisses him with a smile. Kibum's lips are just as soft as he'd imagined, and Jinki can feel the way Kibum is smiling at him even as they are pressed together.
“Merry Christmas,” he whispers.
Kibum pulls away to smile at him shyly, squeezing his hand. “Yeah, Merry Christmas.”
Pairing: Onew/Key
Rating: PG-13
3105 w.
Onew, Key, and Jonghyun (sort of) celebrate Christmas inside the stomach of a whale.
“This is all your fault,” Kibum says. He doesn’t say Jinki’s name, but he assumes it’s already implied that everything is always Jinki’s fault.
Jinki frowns and swings his legs. “I didn’t do anything.”
“Shut up. Whose idea was it to make whale noises in the middle of the sea?” Kibum crosses his arms with a huff. “And don’t rock the crate.”
"I thought it would be fun." Jinki’s heels thud against the wood. The crate buoys dangerously, and water (or what Jinki would call water, had it not been a strange yellowish color with mysterious chunks floating about) splashes up against the sides. Behind them, Jonghyun groans. Jinki pokes him to check if he's awake, but Jonghyun just grumbles and slaps Jinki's finger away.
“I swear to God,” Kibum says, pulling his legs up from over the edge of the crate, “if we fall off this box, I am going to hold your head under the water until you drown.” He scoots his heels back and slides his hands into the space between his calves and thighs. “And I will use your dead body to keep me afloat.”
Jinki's eyes begin to inspect their surroundings. Who would've thought there would be so much light within the stomach of a whale? And so many wooden objects floating around. Once Jinki thinks about it, it's all probably coming from that giant treasure ship near the back of the whale's stomach. Maybe if they float over to it, Jinki can dig around for something sparkly to give to Kibum that would distract him.
He peers over the edge. “I think it’s stomach acid. Maybe it'll eat away the crate.”
“Oh God,” Kibum says loudly. “Can you not?”
“Sorry.” Jinki starts to say something about the strange smell, something between the scent of wood and burnt soup, when there is a loud gurgling noise that reverberates against the filmy stomach walls.
Kibum shrieks and releases his legs, only to latch onto Jinki. The crate rocks again with the weight shift, and Kibum half-sobs into Jinki’s arm.
“I don’t want to die!”
Jinki opens his mouth to say something comforting, but he stops as the walls around them begin to convulse in waves. Pretty waves, he thinks, but he can’t exactly say that to Kibum, who is digging his nails into Jinki's arm in terror. As Jonghyun begins to slide towards them, Jinki scoots back, trying to adjust the weight evenly as the crate starts to rock violently. He wouldn't be surprised if Kibum really did drown him for falling in.
Kibum squeezes his eyes shut. “What are they going to say!” He's shrieking into Jinki’s right ear, and Jinki's not sure he appreciates it. “Kim Kibum, nineteen years old, perishes valiantly inside the stomach of a whale during a rescue mission? I can’t die like this, Jinki! It was supposed to be glorious!”
“Don’t worry. I’m sure no one will find us here.”
As Kibum’s sobs increase in volume, Jinki decides he's really not good at this whole comforting thing. Or rather, the whole comforting Kibum thing. And listening to Kibum sob is starting to make him anxious, and Jinki is twice as bad at comforting other people when he's anxious and in need of comfort himself.
The whale gives one last deafening gurgle, and the water sloshes around against the walls one last time before it ceases abruptly. The frantic bobs of the crate subside, and Jonghyun stops sliding toward them. They're sitting somewhere toward the middle of the crate now, at least a meter away from the edge.
After a minute, Kibum lifts his head. “Is it done?”
“I think so,” Jinki says, sliding his arm around Kibum’s waist.
As if burned, Kibum jerks away and punches Jinki’s arm. “Oh God, this is all your fault! I can’t believe you got us eaten by a whale.”
Jinki sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. Why is his life so difficult? One moment he's lying peacefully in bed dreaming about chicken and Kibum's specialty tea, and the next he's setting out to sea to soothe Kibum's fraught anxiety. One moment he's about to kiss Kibum on the bow of their ship, and the next they're being eaten by a monstrous whale.
“This wasn’t my idea,” he says.
Kibum ignores him and begins tapping his knuckles against the wooden crate in agitation. “Now we’ll never find Taemin! Is that what you wanted?”
Jinki wants to say something like, Yes, that’s exactly what I wanted. I was secretly planning to get eaten by a whale so that I could hear you complain to me hours on end and then die without ever getting to kiss you- He clears his throat and says instead, "Sorry. I'm sure he's fine though."
"And what about Jonghyun!" Kibum flails his arms. "What if he never wakes up?"
Jinki glances over his shoulder at Jonghyun, who's lying on his back in the middle of the crate with his eyes covered by the back of his arm. Jonghyun is an enabler, Jinki thinks. It's all his fault. Had he not encouraged Kibum to set out to sea, Jinki could have been curled up in his warm bed.
Jonghyun shifts, and Jinki sees him lift his arm just enough to peer at them through narrowed eyes. His arm falls to his side, and his eyes start blinking in that tell-tale way that indicates he is contemplating falling back to sleep. Jinki tilts his head, watching Jonghyun shift into awareness, and debates whether or not to tell Kibum.
"I'm awake," Jonghyun says eventually, covering his yawn with the back of his hand.
Kibum makes a strangled noise and whips around. "Oh my God, you're alive."
“Yes, I'm alive," Jonghyun groans, sitting up. "Your anxiety voice would wake the dead. Don't you ever shut up?”
Kibum's expression morphs from worry to anger, and he throws a messy punch at Jonghyun, who instinctively dodges it. “You ass! How dare you worry me like that!”
"Where are we anyway?" Jonghyun asks. An expert at changing subjects, Jinki notes. He wishes he could wave Kibum off like Jonghyun does.
"Inside a whale, courtesy of Jinki," Kibum snaps. He covers his face with his hands and shakes his head. "We are going to die inside a whale. Why is my life like this?"
“We should give him a name,” Jinki says suddenly, tapping his fingers against the crate. “I mean, he should at least have a name if we're going to die inside him. Or, I mean, if we ever get out, for the memories?" When he is met with blank stares, he clears his throat and offers, "Moby Dick?”
Kibum straightens up and glares at Jinki, who withers appropriately under his stare. With a snort, Kibum crosses his arms. “What are you, retarded? That's a horrible name. Where in the world did you get it?”
“It’s from a book," Jinki replies, scratching the back of his head. “A book about a whale.”
Kibum’s cheeks flush, and he visibly deflates. “I. Well.” He shoves Jinki away from him and turns away with a huff. "Shut up. This is all your fault."
“I like Minho,” Jonghyun says as he flops down onto his back. “Let’s name him Minho.”
They pause for a moment, and Kibum taps his finger against his chin thoughtfully. "Minho is kind of nice. Regal, almost. Alright, we will go with Minho." He half-smiles and calls, "Alright, Minho? We gave you a name, so please don't digest us."
Despite his suggestion being shot down, Jinki is kind of happy that Kibum's sort of happy. Or at least, not screeching at Jinki for getting them there in the first place. And that is a step up in Jinki's book.
Minho groans at them in response, his stomach beginning to gurgle once more. Jinki thinks it sounds sort of like approval, but judging from Jonghyun's soft moan and Kibum's shriek, he's the only one.
“It’s all my fault!” Kibum cries, reaching out for Jinki's arm once more.
“It’s about time,” Jonghyun says. He sits up and makes a show of crossing his arms. “Well. Go on.”
Kibum turns his face into the ball of Jinki's shoulder. “I’ll admit it. I was just worried about him, okay? He’s been gone for a day now.” He looks up at them with sad eyes. “Do you know how long that is? A full twenty-four hours! He could be at the bottom of the sea for all we know!”
Jinki sighs again. Dealing with Kibum was beginning to tire him. “Taemin’s a big boy, Kibum. I’m sure he’s alright.”
Kibum sniffles and continues loudly, trying to drown out the moans of Minho's stomach, “My poor Taeminnie. All alone at the bottom of the ocean. He can't take care of himself down there, you know. He needs me.”
"I'm pretty sure he'd be dead," Jonghyun mutters. Kibum lifts his head to glare at him. "I mean, Taemin's a fighter. He's totally alright. Remember that time he burned down that bridge trying to escape those crazy villagers in Peru? That was quick thinking there."
Jinki can see it now: the way Taemin dashed across the bridge on his stick thin legs, torch in one hand and golden chalice in the other. He remembers looking back as Taemin stopped suddenly and lowered his arm to let the crimson flames lick at the old wooden planks. It had ignited quickly, burning the frayed rope, and the smoke that had risen had obscured the villagers on the other side with its misty gray haze.
"Hey," Jinki says suddenly. "Fire."
"What?" Kibum pulls away to stare at Jinki's face warily. Jinki's pretty sure his expression has something to do with the idea of Jinki and fire. Together. Burning things. The thought terrifies Jinki himself.
"Maybe if we start a fire, we can irritate Minho's stomach, and he'll throw us up." Jinki quails under Kibum's gaze. "Or something."
"That's the smartest thing you've said all day," Kibum says at the exact moment Jonghyun says, "Absolutely not."
They turn to stare at each other, and Jinki is immensely thankful their ire is not aimed at him. Being the target of Kibum's fury is more than enough for him, let alone having to face both of them simultaneously.
Narrowing his eyes, Kibum tightens his grip on Jinki's arm. "Why not?"
"It's mean," Jonghyun tells him. "I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate your stomach being lit on fire, now would you?"
With a scoff, Kibum jabs his index finger at Jonghyun accusingly. "What are you now, a whale activist? He ate us!"
"Well, that doesn't mean we should try to burn him alive! He was probably just really hungry!"
"Whatever, it'll be like bad indigestion or something." Kibum turns and points at Jinki. "Jinki, do you have a lighter?"
"Um." As a matter of fact, Jinki does have a lighter, but he's debating which is worse: an angry Kibum or an angry Jonghyun. His life is so hard.
"No, we are not lighting a fire inside Minho, ok."
"Ugh, fine," Kibum snaps, beckoning Jonghyun with two fingers. "We'll just spend the rest of our lives in here. That is, if he doesn't kill us first."
As he crawls over to Kibum, Jonghyun says, "Whatever, this is all your fault anyway. You ruined Christmas." He curls up at Kibum's feet, tucking his head into Kibum's lap. Jinki stares at them, marveling at their problem-solving skills. Why couldn't he resolve things as easily as they did?
Minho groans in response, and as if he's opened the floodgates, Kibum explodes, “I didn’t mean to ruin Christmas! God, and now we’re stuck inside a whale, and, you know, I just want to say I’m sorry that it’s all my fault that we’re going to die! And Jinki, I really wasn’t going to make you chicken, because I really don’t even know how, and, Jonghyun, I read the lyrics you scribbled in that notebook that you hide under your bed, and I lied about that box in the freezer!” Kibum squeezes his eyes shut and clenches his fists. “I said it was fish because I know you hate fish, and I was secretly hiding my melon bars in there!”
“You weren’t going to make me chicken?” Jinki asks, frowning.
Jonghyun nudges Jinki with an elbow. “I say we push him overboard.” He pauses and looks up at Kibum's face. “Hey, wait. What lyrics?”
Eyes still shut, Kibum waves one hand in the air. “Those ones about some girl named Juliet or something.” He opens one eye and focuses it on Jonghyun. “By the way, it’s kind of creepy that you want to give her your soul or whatever. Just saying.”
The rumbling becomes louder. Ironically, Jinki’s stomach rumbles at the same time, and Kibum shoots it an offended look. Jinki holds up his hands in a gesture of innocence, and Kibum suddenly deflates.
"I'm sorry I ruined Christmas."
Jinki cringes. A sad, dejected Kibum is worse than a shrieking Kibum, and it's mostly because Jinki still isn't sure how to fix it. “We can still celebrate it,” he says, looking to Jonghyun for support.
Jonghyun rolls his eyes and stares at the roof of Minho's stomach. After a moment, he makes a satisfied noise and points up. “See that weird triangular ridge up there?” They all look up.
“What’s your point?” Kibum ask miserably.
Jinki make a strange noise of realization and tosses Jonghyun a thumbs-up. “It looks like a Christmas tree,” Jinki says. “And if you squint your eyes, that strange brown spot looks almost like the star at the top.” He smiles at Kibum. “And over there,” he says, pointing to a strange pod-like protrusion. “That looks kind of like a mushroom, so it’s like Taemin when he had that cute little mushroom head, you remember?”
Kibum nods and turns his face into Jinki’s neck, tucking his right hand into Jinki's lap.
Clearing his throat, Jonghyun shifts and adds, “I’m sure Taemin’s okay, Kibum-ah. He’s a fighter.”
“I’m sorry I ruined Christmas.” With a big sigh, Kibum turns his head and begins to trace designs on Jinki's thigh.
“It’s not so bad, right, Jonghyun?”
Jonghyun shakes his head but says, “Yeah, at least we’re together.”
“Do you really think Taemin’s okay?”
“Why do you ask, hyung?”
Kibum’s head whips around fast enough to induce whiplash. As Jonghyun scrambles to sit up, Kibum launches himself toward the edge of their massive crate and stares incredulously at Taemin, who is floating toward them on a plank with his hands tucked into his lap.
“Taeminnie!” Kibum shrieks. “You’re alive!” He makes some sort of flailing motion with his arms, and Jinki grabs onto the back of his hood in case Kibum accidentally falls in the water.
“Hi, hyung-deul!” Taemin beams at them, waving frantically. “What are you doing here?”
Jonghyun looks at the stomach fluid in distaste before dipping his hands into the water and paddling toward Taemin. Kibum starts to cry in what Jinki hopes is happiness.
“We came to look for you,” Jinki says, when it is apparent that Kibum is too busy sobbing to answer.
Taemin tilts his head, and Jinki resists the urge to coo at him in delight. “What are you doing inside a whale then?”
Jonghyun pauses and stares at him. “Aren’t you in here too?”
“Yes, but I was whale watching!” As their crate bumps up against Taemin's plank, Taemin looks away sheepishly. “I think this whale liked me a little too much because he ate me.”
Kibum sobs, reaching over to drag Taemin onto their crate. He cradles Taemin, who looks extremely embarrassed, against his chest. Jonghyun shakes his hands with a look of disgust before slowing wiping them on his thighs.
"We named him Minho," Jinki says awkwardly. Taemin peeks up at him from within the cage of Kibum's arms. "The whale, I mean. His name is Minho."
"Oh. That's a nice name." Taemin wiggles. "Um, hyung? Can you let me go?"
Hesitantly, Kibum loosens his grip. He squishes Taemin's face in his hands one last time before letting him go. "Okay, I'm ready to die now. As long as Taemin's here."
Jinki turns away, trying to hide his sudden disappointment. It shouldn't have come as a surprise; Jinki already knew who was more important to Kibum. Still, he can't help feeling a bit left out. Jinki was the one who commandeered a ship for them to set out to sea. And when Minho swallowed them, Jinki was the one who pulled Kibum out of the water to safety. He should get a little credit, shouldn't he?
Out of his peripheral vision, he sees Jonghyun pat Taemin on the head and give him a quick hug. Kibum slides back to his place beside Jinki, their thighs pressed together.
“Merry Christmas,” Kibum says sheepishly. He turns his head and quickly kisses Jinki’s cheek before whipping back around to stare at the water. “Thanks for letting me scream at you in hysteria. And stuff.” His fingers crawl like spiders across the expanse of Jinki’s forearm.
Jinki ducks his head, trying to hide his smile as Kibum intertwines their fingers. The water is still sloshing against the sides of their crate. Minho is grumbling in something that sounds like anger, almost muffling the sounds of Jonghyun and Taemin and their sudden debate on the merits of fishing inside his stomach. It's really nothing like what Christmas is supposed to be.
Jinki thinks, had they been home, he probably would have liked to sit down and open his present from Kibum, maybe bundle himself into a blanket and watch Kibum open Jinki's present to him, maybe sit at the table and drink Kibum's specialty tea while sharing a sweet potato. Maybe they would have put up a tree, and Jinki would decorate Kibum in sparkly red tinsel and smile as Kibum twirled around trying to unwrap himself. Maybe Kibum would smile down at him as he put the star on the top of the tree. Maybe they would kiss under the mistletoe, Jinki's hand slipped between fabric and skin, Kibum's soft lips pressed against his.
Jinki nudges Kibum, who is biting his lip and looking away. When Kibum turns to look at him, Jinki leans forward and kisses him with a smile. Kibum's lips are just as soft as he'd imagined, and Jinki can feel the way Kibum is smiling at him even as they are pressed together.
“Merry Christmas,” he whispers.
Kibum pulls away to smile at him shyly, squeezing his hand. “Yeah, Merry Christmas.”