Tired...
150321 - Saturday (Two days before Spring Break ends-- 10:34AM)
I didn’t get around to sleeping until 4AM because unpleasant feelings and I was forcefully woken up at 9:30AM by Mother. I’m so exhausted and tired. I don’t even have the energy to get angry. Of course, I did feel a minuscule of anger at seeing how my brothers were still asleep but I shoved it away. It wasn’t worth my time and energy in the least. I crawled out to the bathroom and sat on the tiny stool inside for close to 15+ minutes just dozing off then crawled out to sit on the carpet in my room for another 15 minutes or so, staring off into the distance to something I couldn’t see. I eventually got around to dragging myself out and sitting myself down in my desk chair after pulling on the new soft stretchy sky-blue sweater I bought this week and playing my “Soft 동방신기” playlist on my phone. I spent the next half hour just reading fanfiction and feeling listless in general. Then Mother began to blabber again because I looked, in short, incredibly bitchy. I’m not. I’m just tired and want to be left alone. I don’t have the energy to get angry at you. I don't even want to talk. I just want to sit in silence.
I don’t understand why she feels the need to “lecture” me so often. Is it enjoyable? Is it empowering in some way? She can clearly tell I’m not listening either because I had earphones in and now headphones that’s blasting music loud enough that I’m pretty sure anyone can hear what I’m listening to (“My High is Epik” playlist).
As I’m typing this, it seems like my vision’s getting blurry. I’m not blinking as often as I probably should be. I’m just staring. Staring and staring and staring into the whiteness of this page. Goodness, I know I sound absolutely mental but I’m not. I’m just tired. So, so very tired.
I didn’t get around to sleeping until 4AM because unpleasant feelings and I was forcefully woken up at 9:30AM by Mother. I’m so exhausted and tired. I don’t even have the energy to get angry. Of course, I did feel a minuscule of anger at seeing how my brothers were still asleep but I shoved it away. It wasn’t worth my time and energy in the least. I crawled out to the bathroom and sat on the tiny stool inside for close to 15+ minutes just dozing off then crawled out to sit on the carpet in my room for another 15 minutes or so, staring off into the distance to something I couldn’t see. I eventually got around to dragging myself out and sitting myself down in my desk chair after pulling on the new soft stretchy sky-blue sweater I bought this week and playing my “Soft 동방신기” playlist on my phone. I spent the next half hour just reading fanfiction and feeling listless in general. Then Mother began to blabber again because I looked, in short, incredibly bitchy. I’m not. I’m just tired and want to be left alone. I don’t have the energy to get angry at you. I don't even want to talk. I just want to sit in silence.
I don’t understand why she feels the need to “lecture” me so often. Is it enjoyable? Is it empowering in some way? She can clearly tell I’m not listening either because I had earphones in and now headphones that’s blasting music loud enough that I’m pretty sure anyone can hear what I’m listening to (“My High is Epik” playlist).
As I’m typing this, it seems like my vision’s getting blurry. I’m not blinking as often as I probably should be. I’m just staring. Staring and staring and staring into the whiteness of this page. Goodness, I know I sound absolutely mental but I’m not. I’m just tired. So, so very tired.