Might as well ask heaven what it sees.
I tend to keep smaller posts out in the open and not behind cuts because I can flock about readers hopefully with an initial catch phrase not using the words "Damn it!!!" or "anal" because that is just too easy with you pessimists and perverts. ;) I'm hiding this one behind a cut because lots of people really aren't going to have an interest in what I'm going to write and/or figure the subject matter in poor taste. "SEX." Yes, but not sex in general just my sex life. Now, I know many of you thinking that a post on sex is going to involve glaswegian_took and that is very perceptive of you and your prolly figuring that airing our activities behind closed doors is going to earn me one hell of a bitchslap once I get home. I can surprisingly report she is a bit curious what I have to write about it and even moreso that I do it in public forum. I think there is a bit of vocal exhibitionism involved in doing that, but what can I say "we're weird."
Believe me I can take this post in a direction that will likely get me in a hell of alot of trouble so I'm playing with fire by not just laughing off her curiousities and playing it off as a joke. Who the hell knows perhaps she was joking and I'm taking it literally. If that is the case I will not likely return to you my friends looking much like I did last time you saw me. My beating will likely be a great subject for future posts. We'll start in place that will work to create a background from where I'm coming from now. I have changed the names of people to protect the innocent, but hell most of them are guilty as hell of one thing or another. Enjoy.
The year was 1999. Blair Witch Project was a blockbuster smash. Mandala stepped down as the first black president in South Africa. The world awaited the Y2K bug and I lost my virginity. With all due respect to the one who claimed the prize the experience wasn't that great. The only thing I was more disappointed by that year was the release of "The Phantom Menace." Part of me wondered if it was just the unfamiliarity or the fact that my unexperienced ass didn't know what to do or expect. To this day there are no clear answers. For the sake of painting a picture we will refer to number 1 here as ummm ..."Julia Childs." Try not to confuse the name with the famous celebrity chef. ;) So anyway after what seemed to be by first step into a career of debachery, I found out Julia was sleeping with several other people. Ouch, I really liked her also. Still trying to prove my interest and commitment to turn this "one night stand" into a relationship I endured all sorts of stupid shit. Once involving me sleeping in the floor whilst she was in the room opposite of my own "sleeping" with some other guy ...and his girlfriend. Damn you Julia. Damn you!!! We are kewl now though. :) You always remember number 1 and it seems that many I know have a similiar story.
Numbers 2 and 3 made it into the list because they were just cute. Of course being cute affords one many opportunities to have sex with dumbasses like me so I was disposed of much to my indifference. I was becoming very good at detaching feelings from the activities and seemed destined to a future of casual sex. Until number 4 who we will call "Bea Arthur." That name is picked at random. To be honest initially I didn't care about Bea and I was just continuing my budding career of masterbating with people. The oddest thing came out of that encounter though ...a relationship. Oh, I'd also like to note that this happened ontr1ckgn0s1s 's bed. Sorry dude. We lasted a year it was beautiful. Than it was ugly. Real UGLY. She wound up cheating on me and decided to seek refuge in the rave scene as I was getting constant reports of her adventures in "recovery sex." Damn you Bea. Damn you!!! We are kewl now though. :) You always remember the first relationship/ sex partner.
This is where things get "fun." Numbers 5, 6, 8, 9, and 10 made it to the list because they were cute. 7? Well, I was just geeked out of my mind. With the exception of 7 I was atleast "dating" the person sometimes it was however brief. Let's speed things along I feel I am losing you. So 11 marriage despite being about 2 years of my life there is little to touch on here. We'll call her "Bitch" here just to protect the integrity of her character. Started good got bad and than it got indifferent and that is worse than bad. "Bitch" later found "Bastard" and thus the marriage unreveled. Another infidelity. There were lots in between this time and the numbers splayed prior, but this is the abridged version. I left the relationship with a fat ass and no clue with what to do with my life. Until number 12. She was full of life and charisma. She pulled me out of the shit washed me off and renewed my faith in the human race, but damn was she geeked out on substances the entire time. One of the few girlfriends that didn't wind up cheating on me she sticks out as a positive figure. Eventually her drug problems became too much for me so I left. 13? Damn, I'm really sorry about that. Number 12 tried to raise the dead relationship and I went back because of emotional hang ups. Your doing well now it seems. 14 was a 2 year relationship, (we'll call her "Marsha Brady") but we broke up after our initial 3 months. We stayed broke up for about 3-4 months and a number 15 snuck in there as I heard Marsha had since moved on with her life. We got back together and continued the mistake that was our relationship until the summer of last year.
And then we bring ourselves to the current and the past compared to it, but I'm breaking this post into sextions. ;)
Sextion 2 coming soon.