i wish i could explain myself the words escape me... its too late to save me... its too late...

[xintheshadows]

I don't remember anything that happened last week therefore its just not important.

Yesterday sucked, there were a few reasons why it did, but it wasnt that bad... but just there wasn't anything good about it.

Today was blah too. I didn't have first or second period because of a play. Then Chemistry we took a test and what not. Band we played.

Comments

[wongthis_quani]

i know we dont know each other so this may not mean much to you but i know how you feel. i get that feeling a lot and i think its from getting lost in the shuffle of school and commitments and freinds and a serious boyfreind. and i know what you mean abot picking yourself up just to fall again. i love rob more than anything in the world but sometimes thats how i feel, that im just setting myself up to look happy for everyone just to have to deal with disappointments again. and a lot of times i feel lost and i dont want to care about anyone else, even though it feels selfish at the time. just hang in there though and dont give up cuz it may not seem like it and it takes an eternity when youre going through it but eventually it all passes and you can just move on.
p.s. i think kenwood in itself brings people down

[xintheshadows]

You're melissa right? rob's girlfriend? =](yah and i figured that out before the icon lol) i know who you are we just dont know each other personally but hi. But no it really does mean a lot to me just to know that i'm not alone out there. I mean part of the reason is that i have depression and i have for about 4 years now and just it seems let every day is another bad one... then ill have one good one and a month of bad ones to follow. I always try to keep a smile on my face at school to try and just hide everything even when inside i'm falling apart, and the days that i let it show, people always "care" but i know that most of them just want to know what is going on and could care less. I mean i love Ryan with all of my heart, and i don't see him everyday since we go to different schools and can't drive yet and what not... and i feel like i push him away every time i have a mood swing and when i feel like i dont care about him. And that hurts me so bad. Luckily ive been blessed with a guy that understands EVERYTHING, and we've never

[wongthis_quani]

im here too if u wanna talk... or anything really..
haha yes im robs girlfreind and yay! you figured it out w/o my corny icon!
rob thinks i have some form of clinical depression cuz what youre describing sounds a lot like how i feel. i cannot wait to get out of kenwood. i hate that place more than my GYN. i know what you mean about picking yourself up ot be shattered, i go through that a lot and sometimes i wonder why bother if i know where ill end up again?
but thats really awesome that ryan is so understanding and that altho you may not be as strong as you were 2 years ago, the two of you still are. its ok to be selfish and not care sometimes cuz you need attention too.
im glad it helped for me to comment, i know it helps to know youre not alone cuz for the longest time i felt like i was.
imma add u to my freinds too.
even tho i cant spell friends.

[xintheshadows]

thanks a lot for being there. It really does help to know that i'm not the only one out that is feeling this way... not many people really understand. And even if they do, they don't want to be burdened by it

[mestbabe101]

aww sweety i think its something in the air b/c i feel the same about certain people and it could be because its the end of the school year and ppl get crabby being around the same assholes for so long heh... especially, "I've been saying things that i don't mean and then when someone is there for me i push them away and don't listen." I do that .. and its not intentional. Just think only a few more weeks!!!

[xintheshadows]

yah. I can't wait for everything to just go away and stay away, and i can't wait to get away from everyone at kenwood and go south where i love to be. But just like with Ryan... i've pushed him away a lot over the past month... and the closer he tries to pull me, the more i push him away... and just he's so sweet and understanding and it makes me feel horrible when i look back on it.

[mestbabe101]

yeah. aww.. i think he understands thou, hes pretty perceptive lol and you guys are so cute hehe

[xintheshadows]

yah i know he understands =] and thats the best part of it. Aww thanks =]

<333

[lilbabycakez23]

awwe aubbie! i hate it when ur like this because ur like the person who deserves this least. and i really meann it. ur not a bitch u dont lie u dont do like nething bad to deserve feeling like that. and i really hope that u start feeling better SOON! you know that i will always be here for you no matter whatever happens, and even if u act lk u dont care ill understand because we all have bad days but with u its longer so i cant say ive been there but i can imagine and thatd suck. youve helped me with so many problems and told me straight up the truth even if i didnt wanna hear it. and i love u for that. & i wanna help u the way u helped me if its possible, so if u ever wanna talk or anything im right here for you. we should hang out soon. and have fun and u can forget about stuff and be a fizz. lol well i love you chick!!

<333333333333 krisitin

Re: <333

[xintheshadows]

thanks Kris that means a lot. I miss you soooooo freaking much that it isnt funny. We need to get together... things have been hectic lately but should start slowing down at the end of may finally, thank god. we need a fcr. love you <33