{FT Island/AOA} The End of Our Story
Genre: romance, angst
Pairing: Choa/Jaejin, Jaejin/Mina
Word count: 2k+
Rating: G
Summary:The feelings I’ve hidden still remain as a painful secret memory
☂
Jaejin was always the top student of his class. Choa never even had the chance to become an honor student.
Jaejin had his own fan club and was even flocked about by all the girls in their campus. Choa only wished for someone, anyone to notice her.
Jaejin has this allergy whenever he’s around dogs. Choa likes dogs, and even had a few of them back when she was a kid.
But no matter how much different they had been, they came to become best friends. Nobody knew the reason why, and if you asked them, they wouldn’t be able to answer too. Maybe because they just… cicked.
But that click wasn’t enough. Because Choa liked Jaejin. And Jaejin doesn’t seem like he’s the least bit interested.
☂
Eight years after high school, and she still likes him. “I couldn’t help it if wherever I look, all I see is him! It’s not like it’s easy to fall out of love!” She argued with herself. “Yes, but it’s been four years! Does it even matter? It’s been a long time already; he might have already forgotten about you!”, her nagging sense pointed out. She squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her temple as she took a sip of her milk tea. “Arguing with yourself is never the best idea, after all”, she thought as she sighed in deep resignation. She wanted to slam her head face-first into the table for being ever-so-stupid, but luckily, she was able to stop herself before she tried doing anything rash.
“Choa-ya!” came a call from a familiar voice. She turned her head slowly, a practiced smile on her lips as she tried to construct a conversation that wouldn’t make things feel awkward between the two of them. The ends of her lips started to curve a bit downwards though when she saw that he was with someone else. It was a girl, and they were holding hands.
Okay, this wasn’t part of the plan. She thought. She wasn’t expecting him to bring anyone; he only brought up in an online chat (because yes, she’s that easy to track online) that the two of them should meet up because Jaejin had something important to tell her, and Choa, being the love-struck girl that she was, agreed. There had been no warnings of meeting up with the boy that she had always loved coming to meet her wearing such dashing clothes, looking more handsome than ever while holding hands with a pretty, petite girl that looked as if she was an ulzzang.
But what else could she do? She’d had enough of running away. But she didn’t know that the time that she would choose to make a stand was also the time when she wouldn’t have anything to fight for anymore, too.
☂
To Choa, it has always been Choa and Jaejin and nothing else, co-existing as if they could never live without one another. She couldn’t remember a time when they haven’t been around each other.
To the onlookers, Choa just looked like a clingy friend. A really clingy friend. She didn’t care what the others thought though. But after some time, she was starting to consider things from their perspective.
Because maybe… To Jaejin, their tandem might have never even existed at all.
☂
“We’re getting married in six months.” Jaejin grinned, taking his companion’s hand (who had been introduced as Mina) in his. Choa looked down to see the gold band in both their ring fingers with a gut-wrenching feeling, suspecting a wave of oncoming tears, even though she knew that he was really, genuinely happy, as she could see it in his eyes. She felt as if she had been tricked.
What happened to the “Choa and Jaejin” tandem? What about the two of us?
(What about me?)
“Can you come?” Choa could hear a tearing sound, belatedly realizing that it was the sound of her heart being torn to shreds.
Mina looked up at him with such adoration in her eyes that Choa could feel a familiar stinging sensation in her eyes. She blinked fast before they could come. “And Jaejin here had been pestering me to invite you to become our wedding singer. He’s always talking about you!” She pinched him in the cheek, and he just laughed it off. “He never stops telling me how nice your voice is.” Choa remembered the time when she used to do that to him and he would always brush her off, giving her an annoyed glance, to which she would respond by sticking out her tongue and running away. This time though, it was different. She couldn’t help but feel a huge gap in her chest as if acid had been poured on it because of the difference.
Choa willed herself to smile, despite the cracking sounds she could hear of her mask breaking apart. But she has to hold it in. She has to pretend. “Sure! I’m his best friend; of course I’ll be there! And I’m always willing to offer my services to a wonderful couple like you!”
Mina practically glowed in happiness, clapping her hands together in glee. “Did you hear that, Jinnie-ah? She’s going! I told you she’ll come!”
Choa kept her voice steady, though she wanted to break apart upon hearing her call him with the endearment that she came up with back in the days. “Huh? Will there ever be a reason why I wouldn’t come?” Choa asked with curiousity.
“N-Nothing, I just thought that you’d be busy, what with your book coming up and your band’s gigs being in the way.” He scratched his head, and Choa couldn’t help but think that despite the years, he still looked like the 13-year old boy that she had met that one time as he was climbing up a tree in the famous “Lover’s Lane” (as the people from their subdivision called it) just so he could get his kite and almost fell to his death. She had started to believe then, that it was fate. But then again, she might have also been believing in the lies that she fed to herself.
Despite the years, she still loved him. Despite the years, she still loved that boy that smiled cheekily up at her when she asked if he was okay, or if he was hurt anywhere.
Despite the years, she still couldn’t open her mouth to say anything. Because what else could she do?
It was too late.
(Because their story had ended before it even started)
☂
She didn’t know how their story ended… Or did it really end already? Because for her there had always been that tinge of hope that only needed a single spark to be ignited.
(Except that that spark of hope was also already put out before any flames started spreading)
“Why aren’t you with Mina today?” she asked him as she was tying a ribbon around one of the couple’s wedding invitations. Mina asked her to help with the wedding preparations too, considering that she was Jaejin’s best friend back in middle school until the end of high school (even though they’d been apart for eight years and had no form of communication until only recently), saying that she should partake in the event since she was “a big part of Jaejin’s life”. If Mina just didn’t seem like a nice and caring person and happened to know Choa’s feelings for her fiancee, Choa would have thought that she was doing all of this on purpose to make her heart feel as if it was trampled upon by a million stampeding horses.
She would’ve wanted to say no, (because who the hell wants to help in the wedding preparations of the guy you’ve always love with and a girl you barely even knew?) but being the great masochist/martyr that she is, she said yes.
The paper was smooth, but it felt rough in her hands as if it was made of sandpaper. Thirteen years ago, she had imagined arguing with Jaejin what color and type of paper to use for their wedding invites. Now, she’s folding invitations to Jaejin’s wedding, but to another girl.
Jaejin sighed deeply, plopping down on a chair beside her, putting his cup of coffee on the table. “She’s mad at me because she wants “Growl” as the background music for the wedding march.”
“But that’s not-“Choa started, but Jaejin cut her off, already fully having knowledge of what she was about to say. Just like the old times. (Except that things were different now, and it’s not really like the old times anymore)
“I know, I know. That’s what I told her. But she just won’t listen because it’s her favorite song, and I… I just don’t what to do…”
“Well, you can always dance away to the chorus part as you enter the church. I could even contact EXO for you, and have Suho-ssi as your priest.” Choa suggested. Jaejin looked at her as if she was going crazy, (but indeed, she was going crazy from all that was happening), but then he burst in laughter, and Choa couldn’t help but laugh along too. Jaejin’s laughter was music to her ears that every second of hearing it felt like heaven to her.
The laughter faded, along with Choa’s smile. She turned her head to face him, trying to sound as if she was simply curious. But she couldn’t hide the hurt look in her eyes. (He didn’t seem to notice it, anyway. “Do you love her?”
There was a pause. If she hadn’t known him, she would’ve taken it as if he was unsure of himself. But no, she did know him. She had for more than a number of years that would surpass the number of fingers that she had, and she knew that he was only thinking of a way to break it down to her. But Jaejin wasn’t good with words-he never has been. That, she knew. So only a simple nod and a “Yes” was the reply that came.
She smiled, though it contrasted what she felt by tenfold. “Then tell her.” She stood up and dusted off her pants before holding out her hand to him. “C’mon, before it’s too late.”
(Like how it’s too late for you and me)
☂
She felt something cold being pressed by her cheek and wasn’t able to stop a yelp. The hand shook as laughter resonated in her eardrums, and she looked up to meet a water bottle right in front of her face held by an appeased-looking Jaejin who was looking down at her, eyes twinkling brighter than any star she had ever seen. “You still okay?” When she didn’t reply, he sat beside her and attempted to hand her the water bottle once more. “You looked like you could use a drink.”
An image of the couple as they exchanged their vows and shared a kiss earlier flashed through her mind briefly, leaving traces of pain in its wake. She shook her head, muttering a “No, I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?” she could hear the uncertainty in his voice, as if it wasn’t the only question that he wanted to ask. “You sound unusually quiet.”
“No, because I thought that after all those years, I’ve already forgotten about you. But here you are, coming strolling back up and stepping on my heart once more. You destroyed all the walls I built up around myself throughout the years in an instant, yet why am I hurting even more?” she would’ve wanted to say. “And it just kills me every day, waking up to realize that I still love you, yet knowing that I could never have you, especially now that you’re married.” Her mind was practically screaming, but she kept her mouth shut and simply nodded.
He placed the water bottle between the two of them and stood up, dusting off the non-existent dirt on his slacks. “Well then,” he stood up. “I’m going back in. Do you wanna come with me?” he held out his hand for her to take.
She was tempted to just stand up and pull him into a hug, to tell him all of the words that she had always wanted to tell him. But she didn’t.
Yet for the first time, she shook her head and didn’t take his hand. “I need a bit of fresh air. Singing twenty songs straight is a tiring feat, you know?”
He let his hand slack off and fall to his side, nodding. “Yes, of course. I understand. I’ll be going then.”
Please don’t go… Stay. Just stay here... with me. She wanted to tell him. But the words died on her lips before they could even be formed.
She watched his retreating back, yet to her, it wasn’t a goodbye; just a simple farewell. Because she knew that even though she might erase him from her heart, she will never be able to get him out of her system. It was always Choa and Jaejin, right?
A cold gust of wind greeted her as droplets of rain started to fall from the sky.
In a way, the rain reminded her of Jaejin: of how they used to run together to seek shelter from those icy raindrops; how they would scoop up some rainwater in their hands and flick them at each other; how they used to walk under the rain, with him holding her umbrella as they squeezed together under its protection.
And as she looked up the dark sky filled with the same dimness as her heart, she didn’t bother to wipe away the tears that managed to escape from her eyes. Because that doesn’t change a thing- that wouldn’t change anything.
As Choa smiled bitterly up at the mourning heavens sharing its sympathy with her, she hoped that even though they’re far apart and that he’s already married, he will still remember her: the girl that once upon a time became his best friend.
“I hope that even though a lot of things have changed these past few years, you’ll never forget the memories we once shared.” She whispered to the wind.
(But those words will forever remain unsaid)
Pairing: Choa/Jaejin, Jaejin/Mina
Word count: 2k+
Rating: G
Summary:The feelings I’ve hidden still remain as a painful secret memory
☂
Jaejin was always the top student of his class. Choa never even had the chance to become an honor student.
Jaejin had his own fan club and was even flocked about by all the girls in their campus. Choa only wished for someone, anyone to notice her.
Jaejin has this allergy whenever he’s around dogs. Choa likes dogs, and even had a few of them back when she was a kid.
But no matter how much different they had been, they came to become best friends. Nobody knew the reason why, and if you asked them, they wouldn’t be able to answer too. Maybe because they just… cicked.
But that click wasn’t enough. Because Choa liked Jaejin. And Jaejin doesn’t seem like he’s the least bit interested.
☂
Eight years after high school, and she still likes him. “I couldn’t help it if wherever I look, all I see is him! It’s not like it’s easy to fall out of love!” She argued with herself. “Yes, but it’s been four years! Does it even matter? It’s been a long time already; he might have already forgotten about you!”, her nagging sense pointed out. She squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her temple as she took a sip of her milk tea. “Arguing with yourself is never the best idea, after all”, she thought as she sighed in deep resignation. She wanted to slam her head face-first into the table for being ever-so-stupid, but luckily, she was able to stop herself before she tried doing anything rash.
“Choa-ya!” came a call from a familiar voice. She turned her head slowly, a practiced smile on her lips as she tried to construct a conversation that wouldn’t make things feel awkward between the two of them. The ends of her lips started to curve a bit downwards though when she saw that he was with someone else. It was a girl, and they were holding hands.
Okay, this wasn’t part of the plan. She thought. She wasn’t expecting him to bring anyone; he only brought up in an online chat (because yes, she’s that easy to track online) that the two of them should meet up because Jaejin had something important to tell her, and Choa, being the love-struck girl that she was, agreed. There had been no warnings of meeting up with the boy that she had always loved coming to meet her wearing such dashing clothes, looking more handsome than ever while holding hands with a pretty, petite girl that looked as if she was an ulzzang.
But what else could she do? She’d had enough of running away. But she didn’t know that the time that she would choose to make a stand was also the time when she wouldn’t have anything to fight for anymore, too.
☂
To Choa, it has always been Choa and Jaejin and nothing else, co-existing as if they could never live without one another. She couldn’t remember a time when they haven’t been around each other.
To the onlookers, Choa just looked like a clingy friend. A really clingy friend. She didn’t care what the others thought though. But after some time, she was starting to consider things from their perspective.
Because maybe… To Jaejin, their tandem might have never even existed at all.
☂
“We’re getting married in six months.” Jaejin grinned, taking his companion’s hand (who had been introduced as Mina) in his. Choa looked down to see the gold band in both their ring fingers with a gut-wrenching feeling, suspecting a wave of oncoming tears, even though she knew that he was really, genuinely happy, as she could see it in his eyes. She felt as if she had been tricked.
What happened to the “Choa and Jaejin” tandem? What about the two of us?
(What about me?)
“Can you come?” Choa could hear a tearing sound, belatedly realizing that it was the sound of her heart being torn to shreds.
Mina looked up at him with such adoration in her eyes that Choa could feel a familiar stinging sensation in her eyes. She blinked fast before they could come. “And Jaejin here had been pestering me to invite you to become our wedding singer. He’s always talking about you!” She pinched him in the cheek, and he just laughed it off. “He never stops telling me how nice your voice is.” Choa remembered the time when she used to do that to him and he would always brush her off, giving her an annoyed glance, to which she would respond by sticking out her tongue and running away. This time though, it was different. She couldn’t help but feel a huge gap in her chest as if acid had been poured on it because of the difference.
Choa willed herself to smile, despite the cracking sounds she could hear of her mask breaking apart. But she has to hold it in. She has to pretend. “Sure! I’m his best friend; of course I’ll be there! And I’m always willing to offer my services to a wonderful couple like you!”
Mina practically glowed in happiness, clapping her hands together in glee. “Did you hear that, Jinnie-ah? She’s going! I told you she’ll come!”
Choa kept her voice steady, though she wanted to break apart upon hearing her call him with the endearment that she came up with back in the days. “Huh? Will there ever be a reason why I wouldn’t come?” Choa asked with curiousity.
“N-Nothing, I just thought that you’d be busy, what with your book coming up and your band’s gigs being in the way.” He scratched his head, and Choa couldn’t help but think that despite the years, he still looked like the 13-year old boy that she had met that one time as he was climbing up a tree in the famous “Lover’s Lane” (as the people from their subdivision called it) just so he could get his kite and almost fell to his death. She had started to believe then, that it was fate. But then again, she might have also been believing in the lies that she fed to herself.
Despite the years, she still loved him. Despite the years, she still loved that boy that smiled cheekily up at her when she asked if he was okay, or if he was hurt anywhere.
Despite the years, she still couldn’t open her mouth to say anything. Because what else could she do?
It was too late.
(Because their story had ended before it even started)
☂
She didn’t know how their story ended… Or did it really end already? Because for her there had always been that tinge of hope that only needed a single spark to be ignited.
(Except that that spark of hope was also already put out before any flames started spreading)
“Why aren’t you with Mina today?” she asked him as she was tying a ribbon around one of the couple’s wedding invitations. Mina asked her to help with the wedding preparations too, considering that she was Jaejin’s best friend back in middle school until the end of high school (even though they’d been apart for eight years and had no form of communication until only recently), saying that she should partake in the event since she was “a big part of Jaejin’s life”. If Mina just didn’t seem like a nice and caring person and happened to know Choa’s feelings for her fiancee, Choa would have thought that she was doing all of this on purpose to make her heart feel as if it was trampled upon by a million stampeding horses.
She would’ve wanted to say no, (because who the hell wants to help in the wedding preparations of the guy you’ve always love with and a girl you barely even knew?) but being the great masochist/martyr that she is, she said yes.
The paper was smooth, but it felt rough in her hands as if it was made of sandpaper. Thirteen years ago, she had imagined arguing with Jaejin what color and type of paper to use for their wedding invites. Now, she’s folding invitations to Jaejin’s wedding, but to another girl.
Jaejin sighed deeply, plopping down on a chair beside her, putting his cup of coffee on the table. “She’s mad at me because she wants “Growl” as the background music for the wedding march.”
“But that’s not-“Choa started, but Jaejin cut her off, already fully having knowledge of what she was about to say. Just like the old times. (Except that things were different now, and it’s not really like the old times anymore)
“I know, I know. That’s what I told her. But she just won’t listen because it’s her favorite song, and I… I just don’t what to do…”
“Well, you can always dance away to the chorus part as you enter the church. I could even contact EXO for you, and have Suho-ssi as your priest.” Choa suggested. Jaejin looked at her as if she was going crazy, (but indeed, she was going crazy from all that was happening), but then he burst in laughter, and Choa couldn’t help but laugh along too. Jaejin’s laughter was music to her ears that every second of hearing it felt like heaven to her.
The laughter faded, along with Choa’s smile. She turned her head to face him, trying to sound as if she was simply curious. But she couldn’t hide the hurt look in her eyes. (He didn’t seem to notice it, anyway. “Do you love her?”
There was a pause. If she hadn’t known him, she would’ve taken it as if he was unsure of himself. But no, she did know him. She had for more than a number of years that would surpass the number of fingers that she had, and she knew that he was only thinking of a way to break it down to her. But Jaejin wasn’t good with words-he never has been. That, she knew. So only a simple nod and a “Yes” was the reply that came.
She smiled, though it contrasted what she felt by tenfold. “Then tell her.” She stood up and dusted off her pants before holding out her hand to him. “C’mon, before it’s too late.”
(Like how it’s too late for you and me)
☂
She felt something cold being pressed by her cheek and wasn’t able to stop a yelp. The hand shook as laughter resonated in her eardrums, and she looked up to meet a water bottle right in front of her face held by an appeased-looking Jaejin who was looking down at her, eyes twinkling brighter than any star she had ever seen. “You still okay?” When she didn’t reply, he sat beside her and attempted to hand her the water bottle once more. “You looked like you could use a drink.”
An image of the couple as they exchanged their vows and shared a kiss earlier flashed through her mind briefly, leaving traces of pain in its wake. She shook her head, muttering a “No, I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?” she could hear the uncertainty in his voice, as if it wasn’t the only question that he wanted to ask. “You sound unusually quiet.”
“No, because I thought that after all those years, I’ve already forgotten about you. But here you are, coming strolling back up and stepping on my heart once more. You destroyed all the walls I built up around myself throughout the years in an instant, yet why am I hurting even more?” she would’ve wanted to say. “And it just kills me every day, waking up to realize that I still love you, yet knowing that I could never have you, especially now that you’re married.” Her mind was practically screaming, but she kept her mouth shut and simply nodded.
He placed the water bottle between the two of them and stood up, dusting off the non-existent dirt on his slacks. “Well then,” he stood up. “I’m going back in. Do you wanna come with me?” he held out his hand for her to take.
She was tempted to just stand up and pull him into a hug, to tell him all of the words that she had always wanted to tell him. But she didn’t.
Yet for the first time, she shook her head and didn’t take his hand. “I need a bit of fresh air. Singing twenty songs straight is a tiring feat, you know?”
He let his hand slack off and fall to his side, nodding. “Yes, of course. I understand. I’ll be going then.”
Please don’t go… Stay. Just stay here... with me. She wanted to tell him. But the words died on her lips before they could even be formed.
She watched his retreating back, yet to her, it wasn’t a goodbye; just a simple farewell. Because she knew that even though she might erase him from her heart, she will never be able to get him out of her system. It was always Choa and Jaejin, right?
A cold gust of wind greeted her as droplets of rain started to fall from the sky.
In a way, the rain reminded her of Jaejin: of how they used to run together to seek shelter from those icy raindrops; how they would scoop up some rainwater in their hands and flick them at each other; how they used to walk under the rain, with him holding her umbrella as they squeezed together under its protection.
And as she looked up the dark sky filled with the same dimness as her heart, she didn’t bother to wipe away the tears that managed to escape from her eyes. Because that doesn’t change a thing- that wouldn’t change anything.
As Choa smiled bitterly up at the mourning heavens sharing its sympathy with her, she hoped that even though they’re far apart and that he’s already married, he will still remember her: the girl that once upon a time became his best friend.
“I hope that even though a lot of things have changed these past few years, you’ll never forget the memories we once shared.” She whispered to the wind.
(But those words will forever remain unsaid)