Mending Broken Wings
Title: Mending Broken Wings
Author:xjekkix
Word Count: 1622 words
Summary: The rehab days
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: This is not real. But I warn you, it may make you want to hug Lindsay.
She gets the phone call early one morning.
"We convinced Lindsay to check in to rehab," Dina says. "She keeps asking for you. I just thought you'd want to know."
It's hard but she waits a few days before visiting. For one, she needs time to erase thoughts of who the girl was the last time she saw her. And she knows changes aren't made over night. She tells herself it's for the best to give her some time to settle down before she upsets anything.
The rehab centre is a lot like a resort. A swimming pool, lush trees, and a ton of people. She thinks Lindsay would fit in well, probably lying out by the pool whenever given the chance.
But as she sits and waits for the receptionist to track the girl down, she doesn't see her by the pool, or in the water; not even walking around outside chain smoking cigarettes as she's been known to do.
Her heart breaks so immensely that she can almost hear it tearing. The usually vivacious and outgoing redhead looks like a shadow of her former self. Dark circles loom beneath her eyes, her arms are wrapped tightly around her shoulders. She looks exhausted, like all of her late-nights have managed to catch up to her all at once.
Samantha reaches out to touch her gently on the arm but she flinches back. Her arms are covered by a purple sweater - one she borrowed from the DJ one night and never gave back.
"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner," she says, her voice scared. "I just- I just wanted to wait until you were feeling a bit better before I came to visit."
Lindsay rolls her eyes and lights up a cigarette, walking along the grounds ahead of Samantha. "Well, isn't that nice of you," she says cuttingly. "Did my mom send you?"
Samantha stuffs her hands deep into her pockets, still having to resist the urge just to reach out and grab the girl. She wants to pick up all the little pieces and put her back together - build her up to be the girl she first met.
"No, she just told me where I could find you. Is that okay?"
"I guess. No one else has been here except my dad," Lindsay says, her voice finally lowering. Instead of anger now, Samantha sees sadness, disappointment.
"Well, I'll come visit whenever you want. Just call." Samantha's hands wiggle in her pockets, fighting still to stay put. She just wants to pick the girl up and hold her in her arms, take her away from this place and all the anguish it's causing her.
"Can't. I'm not supposed to have a phone."
"What about e-mail? Do you have a computer?"
"Yeah, I can use it once in awhile. I want you to come see me everyday," Lindsay says, finally looking Samantha directly in the eye, her face looking broken and needy.
"Okay."
"Okay, you will?"
"Of course I will." She tries once again to reach out and squeeze the girl's arm, but doesn't get the chance before the fragile girl jumps at her and falls apart in her arms.
For awhile they just sit on a swinging bench outside, Samantha rocking the girl back and forth soothingly while she cries. She wishes she could fix this.
"I'm sorry, but I have to go. I'm working tonight."
"No, no, please stay. I hate being here alone at night." The girl's voice shakes and she looks terrified, like there might be monsters under her bed.
"I can't. But I'll be back first thing tomorrow morning. Send me an e-mail if you get too lonely." The end of her mouth turns up in a feeble attempt to smile when all she wants to do is cry with the girl.
Lindsay holds tightly to her arm as she tries to walk away, her grip strong. She doesn't want to let go but finally does. "Samantha, I love you."
"I know, babe. I love you too." She walks away, wanting to turn around and make sure the girl is okay but knows if she does that she'll never leave this place.
She can't concentrate at work. It's the worst response she's ever received from the crowd and it's for due reason. She almost announces to the crowd the meaning of her shoddy performance. "I'm in love with a girl," she'd say to them. "And there's nothing I can do but watch her self-destruct."
That night she drives home as quickly as she can without breaking any laws, wanting nothing more than to be back in the comfort of her home. She speeds through a shower, crawls into bed with Caddy and brings along her laptop.
She's shocked to see her inbox full. A few junk messages and forwards from friends, but majority of the messages are from Lindsay.
The first few are cryptic, don't make any sense at all. As they progress, they become more like confessions. "I've never loved another woman but I love you," says one. 'Without you I'd die," says another.
She knows many of the messages are exaggerated by Lindsay's clouded judgement and overpowering loneliness, but her heart continues to break for the girl.
Samantha writes back. "That'll never happen because I'm not going anywhere. See you tomorrow." She signs it 'xo SR' and slams her laptop shut, angry at herself for not helping the girl sooner, before she spiraled so ultimately out of control.
Her whole body shakes in sobs until she finally falls asleep, her tongue salty from tears.
She wakes up the next morning to a few more cryptic mid-night e-mails, the girl confessing her love each time. It baffles her. She's been chasing the girl for months, never really getting anywhere and suddenly feelings are flowing just like water. She hopes it's not just the neediness talking.
After getting dressed, she jumps in the car. She knows there is plenty of other things she should be doing but there's nowhere else she would rather be than by Lindsay's side - she feels a certain responsibility to her now.
Immediately they embrace and don't separate for some time. Few words are exchanged because nothing is different than it was yesterday. The girl still looks like she hasn't slept in days and she still wears the same clothes as the day before.
"Can I bring you anything?" Samantha asks. "Food? Clothes? Can you listen to CDs here?"
Lindsay shrugs, her eyes glazed over. She doesn't respond, but gets up and walks out into the large and brilliantly green back yard of the centre.
"I'll throw some songs on an iPod for you to listen to. I know just what you need," Samantha says, smiling as she follows close behind.
Lindsay stops silently and sits on the grass cross-legged. "Sit," she says. And so Samantha does.
"I got your e-mails," she says, reaching to take the girl's hand in hers.
"I want to marry you," Lindsay says quickly, unexpectedly.
"What?"
"I want to marry you. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else."
Samantha knows the girl's ramblings are the result of withdrawal and too much time alone to think. But she nods, and continues to hold the girl's hand.
Lindsay tells her it's only a few more weeks until she can start earning day passes to leave the premises for a short time to integrate herself back into society.
"That's great. Are you going to go visit your parents?" Samantha asks.
"No, I want to buy you dinner. Dinner and whatever else you want. Because you deserve it." Samantha smiles and blushes.
"You don't have to buy me anything but dinner sounds great. Where would you like to go?" Lindsay spouts off a list of all her favourite restaurants and the things she likes most on their menus.
"Can I ask you a question?" Lindsay says, her voice full of the curiosity of a young child. Samantha nods in agreement. "How long have you loved me?"
Samantha chuckles and takes a moment to think before answering. "Since I met you, I guess."
Lindsay keeps her eyes on the ground, running her fingers through the cool grass. She looks at Samantha for a quick second and then back at the grass. "I think you should go," she says, her voice impatient.
Samantha's confused and hopes she hasn't said the wrong thing. She doesn't argue with the girl and simply agrees, leaning to kiss her on the cheek before getting up and walking out, shoulders slouched.
She doesn't receive an e-mail from Lindsay for a few days and therefore doesn't visit though it kills her not to know how the girl is doing. Remember you're doing this for her sake and not for yours, she reminds herself.
It's several days still before her phone rings, an unknown number appearing on the screen.
"Hello?" she says, curiously.
"Hey, it's me," Lindsay's grainy voice says calmly through the speaker.
"Hey, you've got a phone?"
"It's one of my new privileges. I've got permission to go out tomorrow. Are we still on for dinner?"
Samantha feels guilty for wanting to say no. She's not sure she can take a repeat of their last visit but more than that, can't stand to see the girl hurt and so she agrees.
"Perfect. I can't wait to see you."
Samantha is nervous immediately, wondering what it will be like to once again see the girl outside the confines of the rehab centre. She paces the floors for hours, trying to imagine how it'll all go down. This causes such a headache that she forces herself into bed earlier than usual, half anticipating and half dreading the next day.
To be honest, I'm not sure where this came from. I had every intention of working on Future's part 6 when I woke up but I had this idea stuck in my head. But, as promised, part 6 will still make an appearance later today.
Author:xjekkix
Word Count: 1622 words
Summary: The rehab days
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: This is not real. But I warn you, it may make you want to hug Lindsay.
She gets the phone call early one morning.
"We convinced Lindsay to check in to rehab," Dina says. "She keeps asking for you. I just thought you'd want to know."
It's hard but she waits a few days before visiting. For one, she needs time to erase thoughts of who the girl was the last time she saw her. And she knows changes aren't made over night. She tells herself it's for the best to give her some time to settle down before she upsets anything.
The rehab centre is a lot like a resort. A swimming pool, lush trees, and a ton of people. She thinks Lindsay would fit in well, probably lying out by the pool whenever given the chance.
But as she sits and waits for the receptionist to track the girl down, she doesn't see her by the pool, or in the water; not even walking around outside chain smoking cigarettes as she's been known to do.
Her heart breaks so immensely that she can almost hear it tearing. The usually vivacious and outgoing redhead looks like a shadow of her former self. Dark circles loom beneath her eyes, her arms are wrapped tightly around her shoulders. She looks exhausted, like all of her late-nights have managed to catch up to her all at once.
Samantha reaches out to touch her gently on the arm but she flinches back. Her arms are covered by a purple sweater - one she borrowed from the DJ one night and never gave back.
"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner," she says, her voice scared. "I just- I just wanted to wait until you were feeling a bit better before I came to visit."
Lindsay rolls her eyes and lights up a cigarette, walking along the grounds ahead of Samantha. "Well, isn't that nice of you," she says cuttingly. "Did my mom send you?"
Samantha stuffs her hands deep into her pockets, still having to resist the urge just to reach out and grab the girl. She wants to pick up all the little pieces and put her back together - build her up to be the girl she first met.
"No, she just told me where I could find you. Is that okay?"
"I guess. No one else has been here except my dad," Lindsay says, her voice finally lowering. Instead of anger now, Samantha sees sadness, disappointment.
"Well, I'll come visit whenever you want. Just call." Samantha's hands wiggle in her pockets, fighting still to stay put. She just wants to pick the girl up and hold her in her arms, take her away from this place and all the anguish it's causing her.
"Can't. I'm not supposed to have a phone."
"What about e-mail? Do you have a computer?"
"Yeah, I can use it once in awhile. I want you to come see me everyday," Lindsay says, finally looking Samantha directly in the eye, her face looking broken and needy.
"Okay."
"Okay, you will?"
"Of course I will." She tries once again to reach out and squeeze the girl's arm, but doesn't get the chance before the fragile girl jumps at her and falls apart in her arms.
For awhile they just sit on a swinging bench outside, Samantha rocking the girl back and forth soothingly while she cries. She wishes she could fix this.
"I'm sorry, but I have to go. I'm working tonight."
"No, no, please stay. I hate being here alone at night." The girl's voice shakes and she looks terrified, like there might be monsters under her bed.
"I can't. But I'll be back first thing tomorrow morning. Send me an e-mail if you get too lonely." The end of her mouth turns up in a feeble attempt to smile when all she wants to do is cry with the girl.
Lindsay holds tightly to her arm as she tries to walk away, her grip strong. She doesn't want to let go but finally does. "Samantha, I love you."
"I know, babe. I love you too." She walks away, wanting to turn around and make sure the girl is okay but knows if she does that she'll never leave this place.
She can't concentrate at work. It's the worst response she's ever received from the crowd and it's for due reason. She almost announces to the crowd the meaning of her shoddy performance. "I'm in love with a girl," she'd say to them. "And there's nothing I can do but watch her self-destruct."
That night she drives home as quickly as she can without breaking any laws, wanting nothing more than to be back in the comfort of her home. She speeds through a shower, crawls into bed with Caddy and brings along her laptop.
She's shocked to see her inbox full. A few junk messages and forwards from friends, but majority of the messages are from Lindsay.
The first few are cryptic, don't make any sense at all. As they progress, they become more like confessions. "I've never loved another woman but I love you," says one. 'Without you I'd die," says another.
She knows many of the messages are exaggerated by Lindsay's clouded judgement and overpowering loneliness, but her heart continues to break for the girl.
Samantha writes back. "That'll never happen because I'm not going anywhere. See you tomorrow." She signs it 'xo SR' and slams her laptop shut, angry at herself for not helping the girl sooner, before she spiraled so ultimately out of control.
Her whole body shakes in sobs until she finally falls asleep, her tongue salty from tears.
She wakes up the next morning to a few more cryptic mid-night e-mails, the girl confessing her love each time. It baffles her. She's been chasing the girl for months, never really getting anywhere and suddenly feelings are flowing just like water. She hopes it's not just the neediness talking.
After getting dressed, she jumps in the car. She knows there is plenty of other things she should be doing but there's nowhere else she would rather be than by Lindsay's side - she feels a certain responsibility to her now.
Immediately they embrace and don't separate for some time. Few words are exchanged because nothing is different than it was yesterday. The girl still looks like she hasn't slept in days and she still wears the same clothes as the day before.
"Can I bring you anything?" Samantha asks. "Food? Clothes? Can you listen to CDs here?"
Lindsay shrugs, her eyes glazed over. She doesn't respond, but gets up and walks out into the large and brilliantly green back yard of the centre.
"I'll throw some songs on an iPod for you to listen to. I know just what you need," Samantha says, smiling as she follows close behind.
Lindsay stops silently and sits on the grass cross-legged. "Sit," she says. And so Samantha does.
"I got your e-mails," she says, reaching to take the girl's hand in hers.
"I want to marry you," Lindsay says quickly, unexpectedly.
"What?"
"I want to marry you. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else."
Samantha knows the girl's ramblings are the result of withdrawal and too much time alone to think. But she nods, and continues to hold the girl's hand.
Lindsay tells her it's only a few more weeks until she can start earning day passes to leave the premises for a short time to integrate herself back into society.
"That's great. Are you going to go visit your parents?" Samantha asks.
"No, I want to buy you dinner. Dinner and whatever else you want. Because you deserve it." Samantha smiles and blushes.
"You don't have to buy me anything but dinner sounds great. Where would you like to go?" Lindsay spouts off a list of all her favourite restaurants and the things she likes most on their menus.
"Can I ask you a question?" Lindsay says, her voice full of the curiosity of a young child. Samantha nods in agreement. "How long have you loved me?"
Samantha chuckles and takes a moment to think before answering. "Since I met you, I guess."
Lindsay keeps her eyes on the ground, running her fingers through the cool grass. She looks at Samantha for a quick second and then back at the grass. "I think you should go," she says, her voice impatient.
Samantha's confused and hopes she hasn't said the wrong thing. She doesn't argue with the girl and simply agrees, leaning to kiss her on the cheek before getting up and walking out, shoulders slouched.
She doesn't receive an e-mail from Lindsay for a few days and therefore doesn't visit though it kills her not to know how the girl is doing. Remember you're doing this for her sake and not for yours, she reminds herself.
It's several days still before her phone rings, an unknown number appearing on the screen.
"Hello?" she says, curiously.
"Hey, it's me," Lindsay's grainy voice says calmly through the speaker.
"Hey, you've got a phone?"
"It's one of my new privileges. I've got permission to go out tomorrow. Are we still on for dinner?"
Samantha feels guilty for wanting to say no. She's not sure she can take a repeat of their last visit but more than that, can't stand to see the girl hurt and so she agrees.
"Perfect. I can't wait to see you."
Samantha is nervous immediately, wondering what it will be like to once again see the girl outside the confines of the rehab centre. She paces the floors for hours, trying to imagine how it'll all go down. This causes such a headache that she forces herself into bed earlier than usual, half anticipating and half dreading the next day.
To be honest, I'm not sure where this came from. I had every intention of working on Future's part 6 when I woke up but I had this idea stuck in my head. But, as promised, part 6 will still make an appearance later today.