Naruto: Sasuke x Naruto - Ideal

[xladyseraphx]

Title: Ideal
Rating: PG
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: Uchiha Sasuke x Uzumaki Naruto
Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. *sighs*
Warning(s): shounen-ai, one-shot
Summary: Naruto didn't match the image of Sasuke's ideal.
Notes: Unedited. A cute and fluffy one-shot that had been on my mind for months. Hope you enjoy!
Started: Monday, July 31, 2006
Completed:

Comments

[a_white_rain]

Do you accept constructive criticism?

[xladyseraphx]

Why yes, since it seems like my editor has disappeared to who-knows-where. She probably won't be back for a while...

Try not to be too harsh, ne? *smiles*

[a_white_rain]

First off, adding Japanese like ‘teme’ and ‘dobe’ really takes away from the narrative. Say ‘bastard’ or ‘dead last/idiot’.

Second thing that made me cringe was Sakura. She only showed up to make Naruto look good, in context of understating Sasuke. Last time I checked, Sakura was able to detect his pain and downward spiral before Naruto did. In fact, she knew he’d run away, while Naruto was sure he’s stay.

Finally, I can’t remember one time Sasuke has said ‘hn’ in canon. There’s no reason to add a typical ‘quiet badass’ trait when it goes against characterization. In fact, Sasuke has been known to speak quite freely in canon.

[xladyseraphx]

*grins* Okay! I made changes to the last two things you've said (hopefully it turned out a bit better ^^;;), but my writing style uses Japanese terms when it comes to addressing people. If it isn't what they'll usually say, then I'll use English. If it is then I'll use romaji. ^^;;

I hope that doesn't bother you too much. I did make changes to the other two things, though! ^^ Thanks for your constructive criticism! You weren't as harsh as some people I know >.> but that's a good thing!

[penguin88]

This is such a cute idea - and you walk through it very well. I like the way that you keep both Sasuke and Naruto very in character. The point of this pairing is that they like each other the way that they are and you capture that point brilliantly with this fic. It is nice to see fics where both of the characters remain true to how they are portrayed in the anime and the manga. Thank you for writing such a good fic that emphasizes that idea.