I'm a traitor, I know.
ok, so I thought I needed a change. I made a new journal over at blogspot and posted there for a few days, but now I miss my LJ.
I've copied and pasted the entries if you are interested:
Hello. My name is Rebekah and I'm 19 years old. I'm currently enrolled in university, but I have no idea what I want to major in. So far, college for me has been a learning experience then just prep for some future career. Not that I don't sometimes just want to get a job, get married and start the whole family thing. I know I know, I'm only 19 and when I actually think about it, I really don't want to have a family of my own just yet, I'm just saying it will be nice when the time comes I guess. I'm vegan and have been since last November. I decided to be vegetarian one fateful camping trip when I was 13. We had spent the day getting camp set up and swimming in the lake, and the grownups had caught some clams (I think they were clams..). When dinner time rolled around, we all huddled around and the clams were set on the grill over the fire. Things were all warm and cheerful until I hear this sizzling sound. Surprised, I looked down and see the the clam shell start to open and the clam rising up and falling out of the shell. I was horrified! Completely shocked I decided then and there to stop eating animals.
Unfortunately, I'm going to have to continue this entry later because bio test is calling my name
So I know I am supposed to be working on my introduction right now, but something terrible has happened.
Okay, well yesterday when I was driving to work my mom called and told me grandpa was in the hospital and they didn't think he was gonna last the night. I got to work and didn't realize how upset I was until some one asked how I was. I couldn't speak. I couldn't tell anyone what happened. I physically couldn't get myself to say it. Toby, usually cocky-leading-toward-asshole didn't ask me how I was. He just asked me if I needed a hug. All my co-workers was really kind to me. I just couldn't speak without starting to cry. Eventually I just went in the bathroom and called my mom to ask if I should come down to the hospital. Jaymie, my manager, came in and told me to come in the office. I wrote down the directions and drove down. Bret stayed to cover my shift. Right before I left I told everyone what was going on and everyone said I could call them if I wanted to talk.
I appreciated the thought so much.
But talk? Talk about it? I could barely even speak at all.
I drove an hour to the hospital and went in. I only got to see him for about a minute before he fell asleep. I talked to the rest of the family for a little while and I did help me finally calm down.
I stopped for some lunch and drove back to bellingham. I had to study for that bio test still but I just couldn't focus. I just watched TV for hours. It was probably kind of pathetic. I woke up late this morning and started studying for my test. I walked passed the house I'm hoping to move in to and made my way to Communications. Then the test, which I most likely failed. After that I went to the library to get some books to write my team speech. I walked home and started working on my speech. Then I got a second call from my mother. She asked if my aunt and uncle had stopped by, since they are the closest family to me while I'm in school. They hadn't, and then the bomb was dropped. Grandpa died this morning.
I'm just so glad I got a chance to see him one last time yesterday.
I drove to work to see if I could find some one to cover my shift on Thursday - Grandpa's memorial ceremony. I thought I'd pulled myself together but when I got there and tried to tell my managers what I needed. When I actually could speak my voice was so high and broken. I just couldn't say it right.
I guess I'm hoping if I don't say it, it won't actually be true.
On the way out Mark gave me a hug and asked if I wanted his number to talk.
Talk.
hah.
Today I've felt a lot better about grandpa's death. Not good per se, but better at least. I'm trying to stay positive, let myself feel sad when I need to, but not dwell on it. His memorial service is on Thursday, and I do need to go on living my life. I want to celebrate the fact that I am alive and there are people who care about me and a family who loves me.
I've decided to start making a list of things I want to accomplish by the time I turn 20 and this is what I've come up with so far:
1. pick a major
2. lose 15 lbs
3. crowd surf
4. read a book for pleasure each month (more in the summer)
5. find a boyfriend
6. run an 8 minute mile
I'm sure I'll add more as time rolls on and hopefully be able to cross some things off.
I had to work tonight and it was sooo slow. I was the only one still on by 7:30. Bill stopped by around 9pm because he was bored and looking for something to do. Haha what a dork. He's so cute though. I still want to get to know him better. He heard that Stefan, who works in the dishroom, asked me on a date. He asked me if anything was going on there... I told him no, that we'd only talked a few times and I said I'd hang out with him. He said he thought it was a good idea... I wonder if Jackie told him I had a crush on him?
Anyway, he invited me to go to the Slowpitch with him, Toby, Dan, and whoever else once everyone got off work. I told him to give me a call if they were gonna do something. I wish I would have said "I'll call you after I get my homework done" so it would be on my terms and I could call him now and maybe hang out with him one on one. Oh well if it's gonna happen, it'll happen. The other guys shouldn't even be off work yet so there's still a chance.
Wish me luck, nobody who reads this.
anyway, I'm back and promise to be more diligent, and if nothing interesting is going on in my life, i'll just make something up.
I spent an hour reading The Food Revolution by John Robbins. I'm hoping to read it quickly enough to give it to my dad when I go home this weekend. Since my grandpa died I've done a lot more thinking about health, especially of my dad because I know he has high cholesterol.
I've decided to take up bikram yoga officially and try to do it as much as possible. It's kind of expensice -- $89 a month. But I really think its worth it, besides I can just use tip money and I'd probably just spend the money on food anyway. Win-win?
I've set a goal for myself to lose 12lbs by the end of June. I've thought of a way to remind myself of my goal without everyone else knowing. I just write all the numbers necessary in a single line. So for me, my goal is: by 6/30 to weigh 1/28 so I write 630128. If anyone asks, I'll just tell them its an account number or password or something.
I'm trying to eat less fat and more fiber, which isn't too difficult, I just need to learn how to cook more things so I don't make the same thing over and over until I get bored and start adding junk.
Anyway, I have to get some homework done now.
I've copied and pasted the entries if you are interested:
Hello. My name is Rebekah and I'm 19 years old. I'm currently enrolled in university, but I have no idea what I want to major in. So far, college for me has been a learning experience then just prep for some future career. Not that I don't sometimes just want to get a job, get married and start the whole family thing. I know I know, I'm only 19 and when I actually think about it, I really don't want to have a family of my own just yet, I'm just saying it will be nice when the time comes I guess. I'm vegan and have been since last November. I decided to be vegetarian one fateful camping trip when I was 13. We had spent the day getting camp set up and swimming in the lake, and the grownups had caught some clams (I think they were clams..). When dinner time rolled around, we all huddled around and the clams were set on the grill over the fire. Things were all warm and cheerful until I hear this sizzling sound. Surprised, I looked down and see the the clam shell start to open and the clam rising up and falling out of the shell. I was horrified! Completely shocked I decided then and there to stop eating animals.
Unfortunately, I'm going to have to continue this entry later because bio test is calling my name
So I know I am supposed to be working on my introduction right now, but something terrible has happened.
Okay, well yesterday when I was driving to work my mom called and told me grandpa was in the hospital and they didn't think he was gonna last the night. I got to work and didn't realize how upset I was until some one asked how I was. I couldn't speak. I couldn't tell anyone what happened. I physically couldn't get myself to say it. Toby, usually cocky-leading-toward-asshole didn't ask me how I was. He just asked me if I needed a hug. All my co-workers was really kind to me. I just couldn't speak without starting to cry. Eventually I just went in the bathroom and called my mom to ask if I should come down to the hospital. Jaymie, my manager, came in and told me to come in the office. I wrote down the directions and drove down. Bret stayed to cover my shift. Right before I left I told everyone what was going on and everyone said I could call them if I wanted to talk.
I appreciated the thought so much.
But talk? Talk about it? I could barely even speak at all.
I drove an hour to the hospital and went in. I only got to see him for about a minute before he fell asleep. I talked to the rest of the family for a little while and I did help me finally calm down.
I stopped for some lunch and drove back to bellingham. I had to study for that bio test still but I just couldn't focus. I just watched TV for hours. It was probably kind of pathetic. I woke up late this morning and started studying for my test. I walked passed the house I'm hoping to move in to and made my way to Communications. Then the test, which I most likely failed. After that I went to the library to get some books to write my team speech. I walked home and started working on my speech. Then I got a second call from my mother. She asked if my aunt and uncle had stopped by, since they are the closest family to me while I'm in school. They hadn't, and then the bomb was dropped. Grandpa died this morning.
I'm just so glad I got a chance to see him one last time yesterday.
I drove to work to see if I could find some one to cover my shift on Thursday - Grandpa's memorial ceremony. I thought I'd pulled myself together but when I got there and tried to tell my managers what I needed. When I actually could speak my voice was so high and broken. I just couldn't say it right.
I guess I'm hoping if I don't say it, it won't actually be true.
On the way out Mark gave me a hug and asked if I wanted his number to talk.
Talk.
hah.
Today I've felt a lot better about grandpa's death. Not good per se, but better at least. I'm trying to stay positive, let myself feel sad when I need to, but not dwell on it. His memorial service is on Thursday, and I do need to go on living my life. I want to celebrate the fact that I am alive and there are people who care about me and a family who loves me.
I've decided to start making a list of things I want to accomplish by the time I turn 20 and this is what I've come up with so far:
1. pick a major
2. lose 15 lbs
3. crowd surf
4. read a book for pleasure each month (more in the summer)
5. find a boyfriend
6. run an 8 minute mile
I'm sure I'll add more as time rolls on and hopefully be able to cross some things off.
I had to work tonight and it was sooo slow. I was the only one still on by 7:30. Bill stopped by around 9pm because he was bored and looking for something to do. Haha what a dork. He's so cute though. I still want to get to know him better. He heard that Stefan, who works in the dishroom, asked me on a date. He asked me if anything was going on there... I told him no, that we'd only talked a few times and I said I'd hang out with him. He said he thought it was a good idea... I wonder if Jackie told him I had a crush on him?
Anyway, he invited me to go to the Slowpitch with him, Toby, Dan, and whoever else once everyone got off work. I told him to give me a call if they were gonna do something. I wish I would have said "I'll call you after I get my homework done" so it would be on my terms and I could call him now and maybe hang out with him one on one. Oh well if it's gonna happen, it'll happen. The other guys shouldn't even be off work yet so there's still a chance.
Wish me luck, nobody who reads this.
anyway, I'm back and promise to be more diligent, and if nothing interesting is going on in my life, i'll just make something up.
I spent an hour reading The Food Revolution by John Robbins. I'm hoping to read it quickly enough to give it to my dad when I go home this weekend. Since my grandpa died I've done a lot more thinking about health, especially of my dad because I know he has high cholesterol.
I've decided to take up bikram yoga officially and try to do it as much as possible. It's kind of expensice -- $89 a month. But I really think its worth it, besides I can just use tip money and I'd probably just spend the money on food anyway. Win-win?
I've set a goal for myself to lose 12lbs by the end of June. I've thought of a way to remind myself of my goal without everyone else knowing. I just write all the numbers necessary in a single line. So for me, my goal is: by 6/30 to weigh 1/28 so I write 630128. If anyone asks, I'll just tell them its an account number or password or something.
I'm trying to eat less fat and more fiber, which isn't too difficult, I just need to learn how to cook more things so I don't make the same thing over and over until I get bored and start adding junk.
Anyway, I have to get some homework done now.