Finding You Chapter 33
Title: Finding You
Chapters: 33/?
Pairing: HyukHae
Disclaimer: I don’t own them, only the weird plot.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Donghae’s self-loathing and Kibum’s decision
Note: This is written from Donghae, Kibum and Hyukjae’s point of view.
Donghae’s P.O.V.
I woke up surrounded by darkness, I had covered myself in sheets and comforters last night hoping it would keep the pain out of my heart. It hadn’t.
Why was I such a bad person? In my eagerness to appease Hyukjae’s guilt-that he wasn’t even admitting he had-I had blatantly forgotten about Kibum’s feelings. I had made out in Kibum’s bed; I was even willing to let it go farther than the heated make out session. If it wasn’t for Hyukjae’s restraint I would have had sex on Kibum’s bed. What kind of person does that? What kind of person was I? I was bad person.
I had to get out of bed, I had missed school yesterday and I knew if my mother found out I missed 2 days in a row she would start to worry. So I unburied myself from the covers and dragged my reluctant body to the bathroom. Once inside I stripped down to nothing and looked at myself in the mirror. My face seemed unrecognizable. I smiled at the mask that would help fool the people I loved.
“You’re a bad person” I said to myself as I climbed in the shower turning on the water hoping it would wash away my guilt but knowing it wouldn’t.
Kibum’s P.O.V.
I leaned against the bathroom door, closing my eyes when I heard Donghae speak. “You’re a bad person” he had said. I forced the tears down. Donghae was not a bad person, I was.
Donghae had moved on, there was nothing wrong with that. Donghae had fallen in love; there was nothing wrong with that. Donghae made out-I’m guessing it didn’t go further than that-in my bed, and as much as it hurt to picture, there was nothing wrong with that. The only thing that was wrong was Donghae thinking he was a bad person.
I had left. I had ripped Donghae’s heart out. I had refused to answer his calls. I had refused to call him back. If anything I was the bad person, not Donghae. Donghae was everything that was good but Donghae was easy to damage and I had damaged him. I was bad.
At that moment I knew with all the absolute truth the universe held, I wasn’t made for Donghae. Donghae was made for someone better, someone less damaged, someone who could fix Donghae. Donghae was made for Hyukjae.
I smiled, a genuine smile “I’ll give up so he can fix your heart” I said to the universe. It felt good to say and I felt a tiny piece of my heart get put back together. With a tear falling onto my cheek I walked back to my room with a new found confidence that I had made the right choice.
Donghae’s P.O.V.
I let the water run over my body, feeling the heat externally but internally I felt cold. I closed my eyes, leaning my head against the cold tile and sighed. When I opened my eyes I was no longer standing in a shower, but in a field. I was still getting wet because of the rain but at least I was wearing cloths I thought when that familiar older looking version of myself popped out of nowhere.
“Is this what you meant by it hurting?” I asked pointing to my heart. He smiled sadly and shook his head ‘no’
We stood in the rain for countless minutes letting the rain pelt us from seemingly every direction.
“Let’s dance” he said breaking the silence. I frowned “In the rain?” I asked “Why not?” he rebutted taking my hand and spinning me. I smiled “Why not. It could be like practice for the prom” I said happily he just smiled sadly and said “Sure” before turning us around.
We danced in the rain for a minute before I spoke “This is weird” I admitted “It’s like I’m dancing in a mirror or something” I couldn’t explain it but it didn’t feel right.
“Would it be better if I looked like this?” he said and in a blink of an eye he looked like Hyukjae, sort of. He was younger that the Hyukjae I loved, he was around my age. I smiled “You always get the age wrong” I said bringing my hand up to touch his cheek.
“I can’t get everything right” he said, his voice now matching Hyukjae’s. My heart felt a little better just being able to see Hyukjae, even if it wasn’t the real Hyukjae. “Better?” he asked, I nodded my head before I buried my face into his chest, he smelt faintly of strawberries, it was more like a memory of a smell rather than an actual smell.
We swayed back and forth in the rain until I closed my eyes and the water felt different. When I opened my eyes I was back in my shower with my head leaning again the wall instead of the fake Hyukjae’s chest. I sighed and turned off the water, coming back to reality meant the heartbreak came back.
I stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around my body as if it were a shield that could protect me from the undoubtedly sad Kibum. I sighed for a second time before I stepped out of the bathroom to find a happy Kibum walking towards me.
“Done?” he asked pointing towards the bathroom door. He had a smile on his face and he didn’t seem to be faking it. I was very confused.
“Uhh…Yes?” I said uncertainly. He laughed at me before entering the bathroom and closing the door. I don’t know how long I was standing there but I finally moved when I heard him start his shower.
Wasn’t he upset? He was upset last night so what happened? I walked to my room to get dressed and think about the change in Kibum. I must have been really engrossed in my thoughts because the next thing I heard was the ringing of the door bell. When I realized I hadn’t gotten dressed yet I quickly found my uniform and put it on as fast as I could.
Kibum’s P.O.V.
Donghae still hadn’t come out of his room yet, which was weird because that kid was known for his speed dressing. Bet before I could even think of a reason he was up there the door bell rang. I had an idea of who it could be so I walked to the door with a smile on my face. Even though it hurt my heart, I knew it was for the best that those two be together.
When I opened the door I was a little shocked to see not only Hyukjae but two other people as well. I recognized one of them.
“Hi” I said “Donghae’s upstairs, you want to come in?” I asked. They agreed and came in. “You’re in my class right?” I asked the kid who seemed familiar to me as soon as they were standing in the living room.
“Yes, my name is Ryeowook it’s nice to meet you” he said with a bow “and this is my boyfriend Yesung” he said gesturing to the older man standing next to him.
“It’s nice to meet you both” I said with a bow.
“SORRY” Donghae screamed from upstairs and came running down the stairs only to trip and fall on the rug at the end of the stairs. “You came” he said happily to Hyukjae when he was in the living room.
“I told you I would” Hyukjae said with a smile that had Donghae blushing faintly. I smiled at the scene. I had definitely made the right choice giving up trying to get Donghae back. I was so lost in my thoughts I failed to notice four sets of eyes on me.
“What are you smiling at Bummie” Donghae said using the old nickname I hadn’t heard in a year. I smiled bigger.
Donghae’s P.O.V.
I was lost in my own world standing there with Hyukjae until I felt pain in my chest. I had done it again. I had ignored Kibum’s feeling for my own. I sadly pulled away from Hyukjae’s stare to look at Kibum, only to find him staring at me and Hyukjae with a smile on his face.
I was so shocked that I asked what he was smiling at, letting his old nickname slip from my tongue again. Hearing it made him smile bigger and I had to bite my bottom lip to keep myself from running to him and demanding a hug.
“I have a surprise for you” he said before he ran upstairs
“REALLY?” I yelled excitedly
Kibum’s P.O.V.
I ran upstairs ignoring the pain in my heart. I had to let Donghae go and let him know that I was fine with it. When I reached my room I pulled out the two tickets to prom I had purchased yesterday. I felt my chest tighten as I held the tickets in my hand. All the hopes and dreams I had for that night to sweep Donghae off his feet Shifted into pain as I walked out the door holding the tickets behind my back.
With each step I took I willed the pain further down until when I reached the bottom step it was barely noticeable. When I saw Donghae slightly jumping up and down and Hyukjae smiling contently at him the pain suddenly disappeared. I knew I was making the right choice.
“What is it?” Donghae asked clapping his hands together like he always used to do when I told him I had a surprise for him.
“Who said it was a surprise for you?” I teased
“But” Donghae said with a pout on his face and I smile walking up to Hyukjae and handing him the tickets that were behind my back.
“This is for you” I said with a genuine smile ‘I want you and Donghae to be happy’ the smile said and I hopped that he, like Donghae, could read my mind.
Hyukjae’s P.O.V.
I was shocked when Kibum handed me the ‘surprise’ I thought was meant for Donghae. I opened my mouth to say thank you but no words came out. His smile was so warm, so genuine it caught me off guard.
Donghae, Yesung, and Ryeowook walked up to me and looked at what I was holding in my hand. I still had no idea what the gift was because I was too busy gaping at Kibum to look down.
“Ticket’s to prom?” Ryeowook said, making me look down at the 2 tickets in my hands. Kibum had bought us tickets to Prom. But why? Why would he want me to go with Donghae, didn’t he want to take him? Didn’t he still love him?
“Thank you” Donghae whispered to Kibum and I looked up at Donghae. His eyes where shinny, like he was on the verge of tears and I smiled at him before turning towards Kibum “Thank you” I said “This really means a lot to us” it was the truth. Kibum was saying that he approved of our love and nothing made me happier. “Yeah” Donghae agreed
After a minute of Donghae and I staring at Kibum like two village idiots who just discovered indoor plumbing he broke the silence. “Shouldn’t you be going to school?” he asked.
“Yes. Ryeowook can NOT be late” Yesung scolded even though Ryeowook wasn’t even close to being late.
“Yeah lets go” Donghae said and we all grabbed are stuff and headed towards the door. I noticed Kibum wasn’t fallowing us so I turned around and looked at him “Aren’t you coming Kibum?” I asked. He just looked at me in shock, so too did Donghae, they probably hadn’t expected me to ask Kibum to come along.
“Uhh…sure” Kibum stuttered and grabbed his stuff.
We walked to school and the trip was oddly un-awkward, light banter went on between all of us and I hoped that maybe one day we all could be friends.
****
I wasn’t planning on writing this today but I got really happy when I got home from class and found out that my SKKS DVD was there :D I’ve been waiting forever for it to arrive :D so after I jumped around my house and bribed my roommate with homemade Gyoza (she’s from Japan so this works really well when I want her to do things with me XD) I decided to share my happiness and write a new chapter. So here it is…I hope you like it, and I hope it was a little sad (it’s hard to write sad things when you are super happy) if it is a fail I apologize. Thank you for reading <3
I left lots of spots for people and if i missed someone feel free to beat me...i probably shouldn't be doing spots while watching Sungkyunkwan Scandal because i keep getting distracted <3 i love you all :D