Finding You Chapter 29
Title: Finding You
Chapters: 29/?
Pairing: HyukHae
Disclaimer: I don’t own them, only the weird plot.
Rating: PG-15
Summary: the smexy and heavy chapter. Stupid summary I know.
Note: This is written from Hyukjae and Donghae’s point of view.
Hyukjae’s P.O.V.
I looked down at Donghae who was lying under me and I got a wicked idea; if Donghae wanted memorable than that’s what he would get.
I leaned down and connected our lips I wanted this kiss to paralyze him so I slid my tongue slowly across his bottom lip asking for access. He gasped slightly parting his lips and I used that to my advantage. I pushed my tongue into his mouth and at a torturously slow pace slid my tongue across the roof of his mouth just behind his teeth.
I could feel him shiver beneath me, and with our bodies pressed so close together I could feel his rapid heart beating in my chest. Our hearts were in sync, beating at the same erratically rapid pace and I pulled away breaking our kiss. Donghae grunted at the loss of contact but I had to do it. How could two hearts beat at the same rhythm?
I looked at the face of the boy under me, his eyes closed with his lips slightly parted panting and a pink tint flushing his cheeks. He looked angelic, like a mere human didn’t have the right to look upon his beauty and my heartbeat increased with just the thought of him being mine.
I wanted to know, needed to know if his heart still matched mine so I sat up still in between his thighs and put one hand on his chest and the other over my own. They were beating as one, matched perfectly and I couldn’t help but think that this little miracle was due to the angel under me.
Donghae’s P.O.V.
I opened my eyes when I felt the pressure of Hyukjae’s hand on my chest over my heart. I felt a little embarrassed but when I looked up at him he also had a hand over his heart and I started to wonder what he was doing. But before I could ask he spoke.
“It’s the same” he said looking into my eyes
‘What?’ I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out, it would seem Hyukjae’s kiss stole my voice.
As if sensing my inner thoughts he repeated “it’s the same” and then he grabbed my hands and replaced them where his used to be “can’t you feel it?”
I didn’t understand what he was saying the only thing I felt was Hyukjae between my legs and the heat radiating off his body. It felt like fire seeping into my soul and burning me alive with its intensity and I knew if I ever lost that fire I would die.
“Can’t you feel it?” he repeated pulling me from my thoughts. He then leaned down and lightly pressed his lips onto mine making my eyes close. I wouldn’t call it a kiss it was more like a lingering of lip brushing lip, but it was better than any kiss we’d shared before if the shiver that shot down my spine had anything to say about it. Every kiss we shared felt better than the last and I silently prayed to god I would never have to experience a day without a kiss from this man.
“Our hearts” he says before applying pressure to our connected lips, it was short to short as he pulls away and plants a kiss on my cheek “are beating” he says and then moves again this time sucking in my earlobe in such a way that has me grasping the sheet underneath me “together” he finishes with his hot breath sending yet another shiver of pleasure down my spine and I have to bite my bottom lip to keep the moan from escaping.
I fail at keeping my wanton moan inside me when Hyukjae licks from the bottom of my ear to the top making me fist the sheets harder. I’ve never felt this way before, I’ve never wanted someone so badly before and it makes me feel embarrassed and scared.
He kisses my neck before pulling away from me to sit in between my thighs again making me grunt out my disapproval.
What was wrong with me? I’ve never acted this way before. When I was with Kibum it was out of insecurity and fear but with Hyukjae it was desire and need. I needed him, I wanted him and that scared the hell out of me.
I couldn’t open my eyes. I couldn’t look at him. I was afraid that if I did I would run away. Even though in the back of my mind it was telling me we’re moving too fast my heart was screaming that this is what I wanted, what I needed, and I was afraid that if I opened my eyes my mind might win.
“Can’t you feel it?” Hyukjae asked again. All I could do was shut my eyes tighter.
“Here” he says prying my hands that were clutching the sheets for dear life off “feel it” and he places one hand on my chest and the other on his.
That’s when I felt it the doki doki doki of our hearts beating in synch. When mine sped up so would his, when his slowed down so would mine. It should have been impossible, yet here it was the proof under my palms. Two hearts beating to one rhythm.
It was illogical.
It was perfect.
It was……us.
I opened my eyes after a realization gasp escaped my mouth. Our synchronized hearts giving me the courage to look at the man I loved, the man who owned my soul “I feel it” I say.
That was all it took. Hyukjae leans back down and seals our lips. I bring my arms up to wrap around his neck wanting him closer, needing him closer and I feel Hyukjae’s hands ghosting over my sides sending waves of blissful fire that burnt down to my core.
I feel Hyukjae’s hand stop at the hem of my shirt lingering there as if he was deciding something.
I don’t even have time to contemplate what he was thinking because the next thing I feel is his warm fingers slowly trailing here way up my stomach.
I had thought his hand touching my side was pleasurable but this was a new form of intense. The bare skin on skin contact had my mind in a frenzy and I moaned into his kiss allowing him to insert his tongue into my mouth. As his tongue roamed my mouth his hand found its way to my nipple, he dragged his fingernail across the bud slowly and I arched my back needing to feel more of him pressed against me.
He removed his tongue from my mouth and pulled away for air “I love you” he said breathlessly.
I wanted to reply but any words I wished to articulate were lost in a moan as Hyukjae’s lips came crashing back onto mine, our tongues dancing inside my mouth, pushing and caressing each other every time they connected. If a kiss could kill then I had no chance of living.
I couldn’t control my body’s reaction to Hyukjae’s touches. Every time his finger touched my skin I felt a burning and as his hands were roaming the inside of my shirt I had become an incoherent mess on the bed, my fingers gripping his shirt wanting nothing more than to rip away the offending material.
I clutched the material and pulled it up letting my hand feel the smooth skin of his back. At that time Hyukjae moved his mouth to my neck and lightly bit the skin where the neck meets shoulder, shocked I dug my fingernails into his skin. He sucked harder on my neck before biting down again with more force and I let out a moan when I felt the heat of his mouth on my skin.
Hyukjae went back to my mouth plunging his tongue into my eager cavern. I loved his taste. I loved his touch. I loved everything about him and what he was doing. I was so engrossed in his kiss I failed to notice Hyukjae’s hands slip out of my shirt and onto my hips. I felt his light squeeze on my hips before his hands ran up my side taking my shirt with them.
He broke the kiss when the shirt could not go up any further and I lifted myself up a bit and moved my arms so he could remove it the rest of the way. If my mind wasn’t in such a haze I might have been embarrassed by the fact I was half naked under Hyukjae.
He went back to kissing me and I lost any inkling of embarrassment I might have felt. His hands roamed my naked torso sending waves of fire down my body, burning me in ecstasy. I cursed myself when I pulled away for the need of air.
He moved to my earlobe sucking it in and lightly biting it before trailing light kisses down my neck. I stopped myself giggling from the tickling sensation by biting my lower lip. I bit down a little too hard when Hyukjae’s kisses moved down to my nipple. When he sucked the pink nub in and let his tongue slowly circle it I let out a moan that was a little too loud. I didn’t have any time to feel embarrassed because he bit down making me arch my back and moan again.
His hand played with one while his mouth worked on the other. I couldn’t tell you which one was where because my mind was fogged with want. There was no left, there was no right. There was only Hyukjae. There was only Hyukjae and the burning his touches caused me.
Once he was finished with his ministration he continued to kiss down my stomach, biting or licking when he felt it necessary. He continued his trail down until he reached my belly button, letting his tongue dip into it. I moaned and gripped the sheets at his actions. I had never felt such pleasure before.
Hyukjae’s P.O.V.
I knew I should stop, that this wasn’t right. I hadn’t meant to take it this far but the moans coming from Donghae’s mouth at just the slightest touches from me had broken my resolve. I couldn’t control myself. Donghae’s moans were like a drug, and I was addicted.
I licked around his navel tasting the sweet saltiness of his skin and he moaned again arching his back when I lightly bit the skin above his bellybutton.
I shifted my eyes to look up at him wanting to see the expression on his face. There were no words to express how he looked. His back arched as his hands grasped the sheet, his head shifted to the side while his eyes were lightly shut and he was biting his lip trying to suppress the moans that were escaping his lips.
I plunge my tongue back into his navel and then bite down again loving how he arched whenever my teeth connected to his skin. I started to kiss his abdomen again, trailing light kisses down lower until I reached the tip of his denim jeans.
They were a warning, a barrier. ‘Do not proceed’ they were saying. I let my lips lightly caress his skin as I debated in my head if this really was a good idea.
The rational side of me said ‘no’ he was too young and we haven’t even been going out a month, his ex-boyfriend just showed up and I would have to be blind not to see the cracks in his heart as the pain tried to escape. Even though he was trying to cover it, even though for some reason I meant more to him than that pain it was still there. This was not a good idea.
I closed my eyes and tried to will away the lust that was lingering in my blood, tried to fight the arousal, the want, the need.
Donghae’s P.O.V.
I couldn’t hold in the moans or the embarrassing way my body ached for him. I had no coherent thoughts. I had no need to know the time or worry about people walking in. My mind was filled with nothing but Hyukjae, cared about nothing except Hyukjae. There was no pain when he touched me, no regret, no sadness. There was only him. I didn’t know where this was going. I didn’t care were these was going. Nothing mattered, only Hyukjae and how I felt about him.
Right when I was willing to let him take anything he wanted from me I felt him stop his movements. He was no longer kissing my stomach, no longer sending my mind over the edge.
My mind started to clear and my body came down to a light burn instead of the blazing fire it was before. But why had he stopped? Didn’t he want this? Didn’t he want me?
When I asked him to stay with me, to love me he hadn’t run away. He had stayed. He had said he loved me. Was I really so unlovable that he would leave me like Kibum had left me? No, not like Kibum. Even though Kibum and I had sex and I felt numb when he left this would be worse. I wouldn’t survive if Hyukjae left. Maybe I should be glad he stopped before we consummated because maybe he didn’t want to hurt me like that. And I knew for a fact that if Hyukjae left like Kibum had there would be no way I could get out of bed, no way to breathe, no way to live.
I couldn’t stop the tears. My body had gone from such pleasure to such pain so quickly. I blinked quickly hoping it could dispel the feelings that were building inside of me. But the fear of rejection couldn’t be willed away-no matter how hard I tried-and my body started to shake with the knowledge of the pain that was to come.
Hyukjae’s P.O.V.
I had my eyes tightly shut as I tried to push away my desire. I loved Donghae and I desperately wanted to take this to where it was heading but there was something I wanted more. I wanted this moment, this action that would change us forever to be just for us. I wanted there to be no one else in his heart but me, I wanted there to be no pain in Donghae’s heart when he decided to give himself to me completely.
I felt it under my lips at first, the soft shaking under me and I furrowed my brow trying to place the feeling. Then it intensified, Donghae’s whole body shook violently causing the bed to move with him and my eyes snapped open.
The sight that greeted me when I raised my head to look at Donghae broke my heart in a way nothing else ever could.
Donghae was crying with such ferocity that it shook his entire body. His face was contorted in anguish.
He turned his face away when our eyes connected. It was as if I was the one who brought about his suffering, like I was damning him to this torment and I pulled away. As soon as my body wasn’t touching him any longer he curled up into a ball on the bed. He looked like a lost child, like even the slightest movement would make him crumble. My heart clinched in my chest. Had I made him feel this way? Did I go too far? I would never force him into something he wasn’t ready for.
I wanted to leave; I wanted to give him his space. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable but as I looked down at him clutching himself tight trying to disappear into the bed I knew I couldn’t leave. He was so broken, so frail and I had to fix it.
“Hae” I said my voice was so shaky I barely recognized it as my own “I wouldn’t have hurt you”
There was only sadness and the sound of Donghae’s crying in the room. I’m not used to comforting people, I not the person you turn to when you need reassurance and I’ve always accepted that fact but right now I felt like the most worthless human being on the planet.
“I wouldn’t have forced you into anything” I say reaching my hand out to touch his leg but he flinches at the touch like I’d burnt him and I pull my hand away quickly.
“I love you” I try, hoping my words could reach him “I would never hurt you”
He didn’t answer. I wasn’t even sure that he could because he was gasping for air and I felt his trembling body through the bed mattress. His state was bringing my tears to the surface pulling the guilt and self-loathing along with them as they treated to fall. How could I have hurt him so badly?
“I won’t hurt you” I said after some minutes. There was nothing else to say, I was at a loss.
He was still silent but his body was only shaking slightly and his gasps for breath had toned down quite a lot. I was almost convinced that if he wanted me to leave he would be alright.
“Do you want me to leave?” I asked slowly. I didn’t want to scare him, he already looked so broken.
“D-d-d-d-do y-y-y-you w-w-w-want t-t-t-t-t-to?” he asked through ragged breath and he started to shake a little harder. He sounded so lost, so broken, so unfixable.
“Only if you want me to” I say choosing my words carefully I didn’t want to hurt him further.
He drew in a shaky breath, most likely trying to calm himself but it hardly seemed to work “D-d-d-don’t I-I-I-I…” he started but after a minute of silence I realized he wasn’t going to finish his thought.
“Don’t you what?” I asked. I knew I probably shouldn’t be asking right now but I felt that if I knew I might be able to handle the situation better. I might be able to ease some of the pain I had caused.
“L-l-love…” he said. I waited for him to finish, to clarify himself but it never came and I was left to let my mind try to figure out the cryptic message.
I racked my brain trying desperately to figure out the right words that would put Donghae back together but I came up with nothing. Nothing but one simple fact. One fact that would never change.
“I love you” I said
He sucked in a deep breath but didn’t say anything. I had to try something else because my words didn’t seem to be reaching him. He was probably scared of me. He probably felt he couldn’t trust me anymore.
I reached out my hand to him but stopped remembering last time he had flinched “can I touch you?” I asked attentively. I wouldn’t touch him unless he wanted me to.
He didn’t answer but he shook his head slightly so I inhaled before placing my hand on his leg.
“I…How do I fix this?” I asked. I had no idea what to do. All I wanted was to go back before this ‘game’ ever started. Back to when he asked me if I was jealous so I could change my answer so that we wouldn’t be in this situation.
He looked at me then. He eyes red and puffy. His face wet with sadness. His lips red from biting. And I knew what I was; I was the monster that hurt the angel.
“D-d…” he started but then closed his eyes sucking in a big breath. He pulled himself up-eyes still closed-and sat in front of me letting his breath out and then opening his eyes “D-D…” he stuttered again and closed his eyes only to open them seconds later “Don’t leave me” he said. His eyes glimmered with hope and fear asking for reassurance and I had every intention to comply.
“I will never leave you” I said not really understanding the situation. Wasn’t he afraid of me? Not afraid of me leaving.
He gave me a half smile and I didn’t know whether to take it as a good sign or not because his eyes were telling a differed story. They looked like they wanted to trust me, needed to trust me but there was that hint of doubt like if I was lying that would be the only thing that saved him. I had to reassure him, I needed that doubt gone I needed the eyes I loved back.
“I will NEVER leave you” I said again “I love you”
At this he hugged me wrapping his arms around my neck and burying his face into my neck “I love you too” he mumbled into my skin. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer I wanted to smile but his reactions kept playing in my head. It would seem even the littlest actions would make him question my love, but he always fought to keep it. I had to ask.
“How badly did he hurt you?”
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sorry this took so long to post but it was extremely hard to write. i don't know what to say about this.