something is not right.
so i have been feeling really off lately. i cant explain it. aside from that, i have been getting horrible headaches. like i wanna blow my head off headaches. and they always seem to happen on days i have school. which does not make learning easy.
still living at mykes moms house. honestly, it is starting to get to me. amanda, his sister moved in, which is good. we get along really well and she is the only person around here that is REAL. dont get me wrong, i love mykes mom to death. but she is definatly the type of person who will talk a bunch of shit behind your back instead of just coming to you with it. which i HATE. so besides feeling uber uncomfortable most the time, its still a place where i can lay my head at night. and i guess thats all that matters right now, considering i cannot support myself because of having to pay for school.
school is going ok. i am getting all As and one B. B is in spanish, it is freaking hard! but i am sticking with it. my womens study teacher is an african american lesbian and hard core feminist. so basically she thinks the world is against her and is very vocal about it. drives me nuts.
my mom is moving in less than 2 weeks. i still havent gone over there to take pictures. i guess i am prograsinating because this will probably we the first thing i ever lose that actually bothers me. hm.
myke and i are ok. we are both really getting worn down by our schedules. he works 12 hour shifts (opposite of mine) 7 days, then has 7 days off. its really breaking him down but i am proud of him for sticking with it. hes been getting alot of raises and is in really good with all the bosses, so i guess its worth it.
christmas is around the freakin corner and i have NO money to buy anyone anything. i am going to have to get creative here. i already know what i am making my mom, but there are alot of other people on my list and it is going to be difficult. (i am making her a painting of the "serenity prayer")
my friend and her fiance just broke up, and i dont know why but it is really making me think, and worry. i dont know what i would do if myke and i ever broke up. again. lol. we have been together soooo long its more than a relationship, we are family. i dont think i could ever not care about him. the worst part is, its not like someone cheated or they are having major problems. they have just realized that they want different things...and that happens. we have been together for so long, but we are still young and have alot of growing to do. it scares the hell out of me that we could potentially grow into different people that would no longer be good for each other. it happened to my parents. it happens to alot of people. i just dont know how you can move on from loving and caring about someone so much...and i feel so bad because i cant be of much comforting to her because i would be just as heart broken, if not more, if i was in her shoes. i dont know how i would make it through it, so i cant help her make it through it. i am so used to being dr-fucking-phil with my friends and having all the answers...and this one i am at a loss for.
if you are reading this jess, i love you girl and i dont know how but you will make the best of all this crap! i may not know what to do or say but i am here for you girl.
i love myke so much, and i am hoping that if we have made it through the transitions in our life that we have already, we will be able to make it through anything else that life throws at us. but you never know. and that is what fucks with my head. and i never, ever, want either of us to stay in our relationship just because we are comfortable. and i hope if the day ever comes when that is the case, one of us will have the balls to stand up and do something about it.
ugh. i am going to go to bed now. i just needed to vent. i guess i should put this behind a cut so i dont fuck up everyones friends pages. lol.