"say it in your mind until you know that the words are right"
I’ve been having a very weird couple of weeks emotionally. I’m not sure where it came from or how it started, but I just suddenly found myself questioning why I am the way I am. It’s not that I’m a bad person - I’d like to believe I’m a fairly decent human being. It’s just that I’m a quiet kind of gal and I’m not outgoing by any stretch of the imagination and I’m fairly independent. I like doing things on my own and having time to myself. I think because of those things I’ve always had a hard time making friends quickly. Sometimes people mistake my quietness as being snobby or anti-social or just plain weird. I know that I must be likable on some level because I do have friends, but it takes time for me to open up to people and I know my personality isn’t immediately captivating to most. I tend to grow on people - like fungus.
The trouble is that a large group of my friends aren’t like that at all. They like going out to bars and clubs, they like having big alcohol fueled parties, they like being wild and crazy and just the complete opposite of what I am on a regular basis. It’s not that I don’t ever do those types of things. It’s just that rarely when I do them do I have that much fun and I think I’ve reached a point where I’ve decided I’m not going to force myself to do those things just because everyone else is.
But this new found decision is causing me anxiety because I worry that if I turn down enough offers to go to this party or that crowded bar or this noisy club that people will just stop asking me to do stuff entirely even if it might actually be something I’d want to do. At the same time, though, I feel relieved by my new decision because it means I don’t feel the need to apologize about who I am. Because who I am is someone that may be a little boring (actually, probably a lot boring), but she’d rather be at home watching movies or reading a book than hanging out at someone’s house with some friends, a lot of strangers and too much alcohol.
This all probably sounds very silly, but it’s just been running through my head a bunch lately. Does my independence and preference to quieter, calmer get-togethers mean forgoing certain friendships? I’d like to hope it doesn’t have to be that way. But I can’t keep making excuses and feeling like I have to say I’m sorry just because I’d rather not do something. I’m tired of apologizing. This is me and this how I am and this is how I prefer to do things. It doesn’t mean I like you any less. In fact, I like you very much which is why we became friends in the first place. So let me be your quieter, less outgoing friend and I hope we can meet somewhere in the middle.
On to more lighthearted fair:
~ I am currently kindling the embers of an obsession with the characters Richard and Kahlan from Legend of the Seeker/the Sword of Truth book series. This is all very silly and not just for the obvious reasons, but because I started watching the TV show last year and yet this obsession is just starting now. I like the show. It’s often cheesy and the acting is downright atrocious at times and it’s not going to win any Emmys (which, in case you hadn’t heard, NPH is hosting those this year, donchaknow. Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Wait...where was I?), but I find it entertaining.
And I’ll tell you what: any day you get to see Craig Horner without his shirt on is a good day indeed. Oh! And any day you get to see Craig Horner with his shirt off wielding a sword in slow motion? Well, that right there is an exceptionally good day.
The reason this is all starting is because I just finished reading the first book in the Sword of Truth series that the TV show is loosely based on and I’m about halfway through the second book. The books have many flaws and I could seriously do without certain parts, but the good appears to outweigh the bad because I’m totally into the story. And this may or may not have everything to do with the fact that my brain has taken the image of Craig Horner and mixed it with Terry Goodkind’s description of Richard in the books and turned him into this completely gorgeous human being that I don’t mind thinking about bunches and bunches. And, since Richard is in love with Kahlan, my brain has allowed her entry as well.
The really sad thing is that this is just the beginning because there are 11 books in the series so far and the TV show has been picked up for a second season. This could go on for years and I don’t think I’m going to mind much.
~ Friday I’m leaving for Memphis to go see my parents. Saturday night we’re going to go see Wicked. I’ve heard nothing but good things about it, so I’m really hoping we have fun. Since my parents are both turning 60 this year (Dad at the end of July and Mom in August), I’ve decided to have a tiny birthday celebration for them since I’ll be there. I got them a gift certificate for a couples massage at a spa by them and at the end of it they’ll be treated to a lovely dinner. I’m assuming it’ll be lovely as it seems to me that after you’ve had an hour and a half massage and are that relaxed any meal offered would taste pretty good. I’m also bringing a dozen assorted Sprinkles cupcakes with me. Even though their cupcakes are often hit or miss I picked all the flavors I like, so hopefully they’ll like them too.
~ Anyone else getting excited about the upcoming HP movie? I usually get a little excited about the movies anyway, but for some reason the previews for this one are making me giddy. Maybe because it’s the penultimate movie (even though I think the final movie’s being split in two) and they’re going to be laying the groundwork for the grand finale. I just hope they don’t mess up Dumbledore’s ending. If I don’t tear up at the end, then I’m going to decide they missed the mark. Because it’s alllll about me.
The trouble is that a large group of my friends aren’t like that at all. They like going out to bars and clubs, they like having big alcohol fueled parties, they like being wild and crazy and just the complete opposite of what I am on a regular basis. It’s not that I don’t ever do those types of things. It’s just that rarely when I do them do I have that much fun and I think I’ve reached a point where I’ve decided I’m not going to force myself to do those things just because everyone else is.
But this new found decision is causing me anxiety because I worry that if I turn down enough offers to go to this party or that crowded bar or this noisy club that people will just stop asking me to do stuff entirely even if it might actually be something I’d want to do. At the same time, though, I feel relieved by my new decision because it means I don’t feel the need to apologize about who I am. Because who I am is someone that may be a little boring (actually, probably a lot boring), but she’d rather be at home watching movies or reading a book than hanging out at someone’s house with some friends, a lot of strangers and too much alcohol.
This all probably sounds very silly, but it’s just been running through my head a bunch lately. Does my independence and preference to quieter, calmer get-togethers mean forgoing certain friendships? I’d like to hope it doesn’t have to be that way. But I can’t keep making excuses and feeling like I have to say I’m sorry just because I’d rather not do something. I’m tired of apologizing. This is me and this how I am and this is how I prefer to do things. It doesn’t mean I like you any less. In fact, I like you very much which is why we became friends in the first place. So let me be your quieter, less outgoing friend and I hope we can meet somewhere in the middle.
On to more lighthearted fair:
~ I am currently kindling the embers of an obsession with the characters Richard and Kahlan from Legend of the Seeker/the Sword of Truth book series. This is all very silly and not just for the obvious reasons, but because I started watching the TV show last year and yet this obsession is just starting now. I like the show. It’s often cheesy and the acting is downright atrocious at times and it’s not going to win any Emmys (which, in case you hadn’t heard, NPH is hosting those this year, donchaknow. Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Wait...where was I?), but I find it entertaining.
And I’ll tell you what: any day you get to see Craig Horner without his shirt on is a good day indeed. Oh! And any day you get to see Craig Horner with his shirt off wielding a sword in slow motion? Well, that right there is an exceptionally good day.
The reason this is all starting is because I just finished reading the first book in the Sword of Truth series that the TV show is loosely based on and I’m about halfway through the second book. The books have many flaws and I could seriously do without certain parts, but the good appears to outweigh the bad because I’m totally into the story. And this may or may not have everything to do with the fact that my brain has taken the image of Craig Horner and mixed it with Terry Goodkind’s description of Richard in the books and turned him into this completely gorgeous human being that I don’t mind thinking about bunches and bunches. And, since Richard is in love with Kahlan, my brain has allowed her entry as well.
The really sad thing is that this is just the beginning because there are 11 books in the series so far and the TV show has been picked up for a second season. This could go on for years and I don’t think I’m going to mind much.
~ Friday I’m leaving for Memphis to go see my parents. Saturday night we’re going to go see Wicked. I’ve heard nothing but good things about it, so I’m really hoping we have fun. Since my parents are both turning 60 this year (Dad at the end of July and Mom in August), I’ve decided to have a tiny birthday celebration for them since I’ll be there. I got them a gift certificate for a couples massage at a spa by them and at the end of it they’ll be treated to a lovely dinner. I’m assuming it’ll be lovely as it seems to me that after you’ve had an hour and a half massage and are that relaxed any meal offered would taste pretty good. I’m also bringing a dozen assorted Sprinkles cupcakes with me. Even though their cupcakes are often hit or miss I picked all the flavors I like, so hopefully they’ll like them too.
~ Anyone else getting excited about the upcoming HP movie? I usually get a little excited about the movies anyway, but for some reason the previews for this one are making me giddy. Maybe because it’s the penultimate movie (even though I think the final movie’s being split in two) and they’re going to be laying the groundwork for the grand finale. I just hope they don’t mess up Dumbledore’s ending. If I don’t tear up at the end, then I’m going to decide they missed the mark. Because it’s alllll about me.